MissLY Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm super curious as to how the male mind works So given that the male to female ratio is 3:1 or 4:1 in most cities, lets face it, most men have a lot of options when it comes to women. So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? AND……..I have another question but I don't want to start a whole different thread. What makes men want to ONLY sleep with a girl (besides hot looks) versus wanting to sleep with a girl but consider a relationship with her as well?
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hotness. Looks. Appearances. #2. Because shes more attractive Between a pretty girl with an awesome personality and a beautiful girl with a decent personality....men will go for the second. As long as the girl doesnt have an atrocious personality, men will almost always go for the better looking one. Ive had sooo many men say they dont do this, yet their dating choices say otherwise. Irony
normal person Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I think your facts might be a little off. I see you're from Los Angeles where there is an excess of guys, however in the NYC metro area there are ~200,000+ more single girls than guys. A 3:1 girls/guys ratio seems excessive. I'm familiar with both and I can say each city has it's scales tilted in one gender's favor. The struggles of the NYC girls on here are pretty well documented, hah. So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? It comes down to personality, really. If a girl has an "awesome" one, then good for her, but it can be awesome and still not compatible with mine (assuming mine's awesome too, hah). I know great girls with awesome attributes but I know we probably wouldn't work together as a couple because there are still idiosyncrasies and preferences on both ends of the table. I see personalities to be more like puzzle pieces -- you need to find the one fits yours and that can tolerate, understand (and maybe even like) all your quirks and vice versa. Simply searching for the "best" one might not be the answer. So really it's a personal thing, if it's girl #1 and #2 as you described, I want whichever one has my sense of humor, my values, my sense of reason, my outlook, shares a few of my interests but can teach my about the stuff she likes, etc. I prefer the one who's more apt to understand me rather than the one who looks the best on paper.
yongyong Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You can't define attractiveness. Let's say they are both equally attractive with different style. What makes you prefer one to another? Think about getting a dog. For one breed, you just one to hug her, smell her, play with her paw, rub her with your face etc. For another breed, you just think eh she is cute. that's the difference. you just fit in their type. It's the same for women when they see a guy I believe. Guys will only sleep with a girl if she is too slutty looking, below his league for looks, doesn't have anything in common and doesn't feel personal affection. It's the same as above. you just know it when you see her. I can tell everything about her when I just see her. (eg: 'hm she looks like a slut, I can't be serious with her' but what if she is a good girl? It doesn't matter she looks like a slut to me anyways) Look at how you define guys. women do the same. You like the guy and he has some interest you don't know. you would be willing to try with him right? the person comes first.. you are not attracted to the guy and he has the same interest. do you force yourself to like him just because he has the same interest? I don't think so.....that's just friends...
suladas Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I have never had casual sex, but for me a women who has many ONS is only ONS material to me. Also big party ones, stuff like that that doesn't matter about a ONS that wouldn't work for a relationship. The only thing that matters for sex is looks and maybe a tiny bit of personality so it's completely different. As for dating everyone has different tastes for looks and personality. For me I do have a standard for looks I won't go below (really not that high) and above that personality is more important. Things like priorities and ambition play a huge part in dating selection to.
Fatdrifter Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hotness. Looks. Appearances. #2. Because shes more attractive Between a pretty girl with an awesome personality and a beautiful girl with a decent personality....men will go for the second. As long as the girl doesnt have an atrocious personality, men will almost always go for the better looking one. Ive had sooo many men say they dont do this, yet their dating choices say otherwise. Irony For me it's which girl accepts me more in terms of my likes.
Author MissLY Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I have never had casual sex, but for me a women who has many ONS is only ONS material to me. Also big party ones, stuff like that that doesn't matter about a ONS that wouldn't work for a relationship. The only thing that matters for sex is looks and maybe a tiny bit of personality so it's completely different. As for dating everyone has different tastes for looks and personality. For me I do have a standard for looks I won't go below (really not that high) and above that personality is more important. Things like priorities and ambition play a huge part in dating selection to. What is ONS?
todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You can't define attractiveness. Let's say they are both equally attractive with different style. What makes you prefer one to another? Think about getting a dog. For one breed, you just one to hug her, smell her, play with her paw, rub her with your face etc. For another breed, you just think eh she is cute. that's the difference. you just fit in their type. It's the same for women when they see a guy I believe. Guys will only sleep with a girl if she is too slutty looking, below his league for looks, doesn't have anything in common and doesn't feel personal affection. It's the same as above. you just know it when you see her. I can tell everything about her when I just see her. (eg: 'hm she looks like a slut, I can't be serious with her' but what if she is a good girl? It doesn't matter she looks like a slut to me anyways) Look at how you define guys. women do the same. You like the guy and he has some interest you don't know. you would be willing to try with him right? the person comes first.. you are not attracted to the guy and he has the same interest. do you force yourself to like him just because he has the same interest? I don't think so.....that's just friends... lol i love your dog analogy then you used the word slut and you lost it for me,sigh, i was grinnin like a cheshire cat now i just want to say....you suck.....deb 2
KungFuJoe Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If I had to choose between women who were very similar in qualities, my choice would be VERY simple. - whoever puts out first. that was for pbjbear, btw.
Submisfit Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 What makes a girl choose a particular guy over others? The answers are probably pretty similar. For me, there's a laundry list of things that I find attractive, but if I meet someone who's smart, funny, sarcastic, nice, shares my values (atheist, liberal, activist leanings, pro adoption, yada yada yada,) and ETC, it probably just comes down to chemistry. Sometimes you meet someone and can just talk for hours on end without realizing it, and sometimes you're forcing the conversation along with someone who on paper would be very similar. I think the people saying guys go for whoever is prettiest are just being cynical. Maybe I'm weird, but in the past I've definitely picked a girl who my friends routinely referred to as a "4/10" over a girl who went on to model for suicide girls. Being physically attractive catches my attention, but having the right personality keeps it.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It varies too much from man to man. i.e. A woman can meet the slim standard of beauty and be totally unattractive to most men.
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? Hasn't happened. Who's better on the inside?
animalover Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 For me a woman needs to be smart, love animals, independent, fun, and cute!! That is just the beginning!
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm super curious as to how the male mind works So given that the male to female ratio is 3:1 or 4:1 in most cities, lets face it, most men have a lot of options when it comes to women. So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? AND……..I have another question but I don't want to start a whole different thread. What makes men want to ONLY sleep with a girl (besides hot looks) versus wanting to sleep with a girl but consider a relationship with her as well? Just based on how many of my guy friends operate... the girl that provides the greater challenge tends to illicit the most emotional response. It's about walking that line between hard to get and impossible. Along those lines of thinking... most guys will consider any girl who is 'easy' only good for casual sex.
AverageCat Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 depends on the guy and his personal preferences. "Great personality" is very subjective. I am sure a + would be for you to be more relationship material than the other girl. And I disagree about looks. I think looks matter up to a point.... Lastly, the only way to make someone commit in you is appear to have other options. He's sleeping with 2 girls? Do the same. See other guys. Maybe you'll get more attached to them. If anything your guy seeing that you might "leave for someone else", might make him realize that he doesn't want to lose you at all costs. And maybe eventually commit. Most of the time though, if a guy is already sleeping with 2 girls and attached to both of them, he will just not commit. Why ruin something good for him?
KungFuJoe Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Just based on how many of my guy friends operate... the girl that provides the greater challenge tends to illicit the most emotional response. It's about walking that line between hard to get and impossible. Along those lines of thinking... most guys will consider any girl who is 'easy' only good for casual sex. Gee...so if a girl is REALLY into me, does all the work, makes all the first moves, etc, etc...she's just "easy"? Man...I guess I just kept meeting all these easy women when I was dating. Must have been my luck, I guess. 1
Scarlett5 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well I'm not male, but let's say he's attracted to both, I'd put money on him going for the girl who expresses more of an interest in him and makes him feel needed. Men are very ego driven, and that's not meant as an insult.
yongyong Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Oh plus you can't define sluts either. A typical party girl might look like a housewife to some guy. As we all know, even strippers get married someday. to some guys, they are a good girl. Every shoe has its pair lol i love your dog analogy then you used the word slut and you lost it for me,sigh, i was grinnin like a cheshire cat now i just want to say....you suck.....deb
bobsmith76 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm super curious as to how the male mind works So given that the male to female ratio is 3:1 or 4:1 in most cities, lets face it, most men have a lot of options when it comes to women. So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? A beautiful woman with little character quickly becomes annoying, so looks are not a good way to determine if you will have a successful relationship with a woman. I don't think this question can be really answered, why does a man choose one woman over another. Every man is different, every woman is different and most of the times even the man himself doesn't know why he prefers one woman to another. In any case, let me try to answer the question anyway, one, (not in any order) which woman is more enthusiastic about me, two, which one laughs at more of my jokes, three, which one do I enjoy talking to more, four, (this only applies to me not to other guys) which one is more interested in my intellectual ideas, five, which one is more likely to cheat. AND……..I have another question but I don't want to start a whole different thread. What makes men want to ONLY sleep with a girl (besides hot looks) versus wanting to sleep with a girl but consider a relationship with her as well? I don't believe in premarital sex so I won't sleep with any woman unless I'm married to her, but let's say I wasn't like that. A woman is good for sex if she looks good and she's not completely annoying. If she's just so shallow and superficial, like Paris Hilton, Anne Nicole Smith, or Pamela Anderson, I don't want to have anything to do with her. A woman is good for marriage, one, if she loves me, two, if I can have decent conversation with her, three, if I don't think she'll cheat, four, if she's moral. 1
TheFinalWord Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I'm super curious as to how the male mind works So given that the male to female ratio is 3:1 or 4:1 in most cities, lets face it, most men have a lot of options when it comes to women. So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? AND……..I have another question but I don't want to start a whole different thread. What makes men want to ONLY sleep with a girl (besides hot looks) versus wanting to sleep with a girl but consider a relationship with her as well? "Personality" encompasses a lot of factors. More often than not, no two girls are going to be identical in personality. I will tell you the things I look for and I have had a situation you described above, twice. 1) Her vision for life. If a man cannot see his vision for life aligning with a woman he will not to invest for the long haul. (women can create this in a man's mind; women have the ability to use a guys visual capacity for more than physical attractiveness) 2) Emotional stability and maturity. Most guys with some dating experience can tell by the way a woman speaks and acts if she is emotionally mature and stable. Guys do not want to deal with a woman that is drama. Let me state it again: if a woman is a "10" in the looks category, but an emotional drama queen, a sane mentally health guy is not going to want a long term relationship with her. I do not care how perfect she looks. Mark my words! 3) Critical, judgmental, needy, argumentative (always has to be right), unforgiving, and/or complainer. No guy wants to deal with a woman with those attributes long-term b/c he knows eventually that critical spirit will turn it's attention on him. 4) Icing on the cake: Motherly skills. Yeah, sue me. But most guys thinking about marriage will look at that. "Can I see this woman as the mother of my children" (if the guy wants kids, again going back to common life vision). Motherly skills can vary based on the guy; most men will use their mom as the comparison (that doesn't mean they want the woman to substitute for their mom). For me, if a girl can cook, that is major bonus points. And it doesn't have to be pro chef, but if you know the guy you're interested in likes steak and potatoes and you cook that meal for him, you have earned major love points. Just sayin' All things being equal, attractiveness is malleable for men. I know some women here do not want to believe it, but it is. If there are two girls and both are basically the same in terms of looks, the guy will begin to find the woman with the more appealing personality more attractive. Edited February 12, 2013 by TheFinalWord 1
sillyanswer Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So let's say you're strongly attracted to 2 different women at the same time: there's girl #1, she's pretty with a great personality and you have lots in common with her. But then there's girl #2, she's also very attractive with an awesome personality and you have stuff in common as well. I'm sure someone has been in a situation like this before, so what makes you eventually pick one girl over the other? Wait, I'm supposed to choose only one of them? Who made up that rule?! Actually I did something similar very recently... I chose the girl who wasn't clingy.
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