cocorico Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 As we approached yet another anniversary recently, my partner and I reflected on our R - our M, and before that, our A - and reviewed the highlights, of which there were many. Besides his D, and our subsequent M, our highlights included some wonderful shared experiences where we not only felt fully connected and really affirmed in our love, bit also filled with passion, burning with energy and consumingly engaged with life. For those currently in an A, or those with sufficient distance and authenticity to allow the,selves to reflect on the positives of the A rather than just miring themselves in any negatives, what were the highlights of your A? Did you recognise them as such at the time, or was it only with hindsight you were able to look back on them and mark them out as special? 4
Pierre Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 As we approached yet another anniversary recently, my partner and I reflected on our R - our M, and before that, our A - and reviewed the highlights, of which there were many. Besides his D, and our subsequent M, our highlights included some wonderful shared experiences where we not only felt fully connected and really affirmed in our love, bit also filled with passion, burning with energy and consumingly engaged with life. For those currently in an A, or those with sufficient distance and authenticity to allow the,selves to reflect on the positives of the A rather than just miring themselves in any negatives, what were the highlights of your A? Did you recognise them as such at the time, or was it only with hindsight you were able to look back on them and mark them out as special? Coco: Don't gloat. Not nice! 1
veryhappy Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Why shouldn't she be happy about her marriage? I'm so sick of this attitude that former and current OW should spend their lives self mutilating. Most MM don't leave so OW spells are not that strong, and many marriages get an electrical shock by an A that resuscitates them. An A is a consensual interaction between two adults and it does have happy times. An A resulting in M is such a rare species that the M was obviously done and over. So why the need to shame and vilify her even when she's in a very society accepted R with the man? 3
Author cocorico Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Coco: Don't gloat. Not nice! It's not gloating. It's recognising that As are not only the doom and gloom that dominates so many threads. Many APs have, or have had, some happy times n their As. This thread is a space to allow them to discuss those, if they wish. If others find it offensive, they're free to ignore the thread and read / reply elsewhere. No one is forced to read or post here unless they wish to.
Pierre Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It's not gloating. It's recognising that As are not only the doom and gloom that dominates so many threads. Many APs have, or have had, some happy times n their As. This thread is a space to allow them to discuss those, if they wish. If others find it offensive, they're free to ignore the thread and read / reply elsewhere. No one is forced to read or post here unless they wish to. I agree. Marriages actually end and the spouses find happiness elsewhere. An exit affair is not a bad thing at all. I love your advanced socioeconomic views.
Got it Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 As we approached yet another anniversary recently, my partner and I reflected on our R - our M, and before that, our A - and reviewed the highlights, of which there were many. Besides his D, and our subsequent M, our highlights included some wonderful shared experiences where we not only felt fully connected and really affirmed in our love, bit also filled with passion, burning with energy and consumingly engaged with life. For those currently in an A, or those with sufficient distance and authenticity to allow the,selves to reflect on the positives of the A rather than just miring themselves in any negatives, what were the highlights of your A? Did you recognise them as such at the time, or was it only with hindsight you were able to look back on them and mark them out as special? The absolutely wonderfulness of the man. the SEX , and the conversations. The affair, like all first years, was about the wonderfulness of each person, discovering new unique aspects to them, reveling in the similarities, delighting in the differences, thinking the sun rises and sets on this other person. I love our relationship now, I adore the man and love living with him, love sharing a life with him but there are aspects of the affair that we look back on fondly. His tends to be what he jokingly calls "mistress sex". That is his favorite and very very naughty. I honestly recognized the wonderful times when I was alone. I had alone time, to build my independence, to focus on friends, family and other hobbies, and to still have him as a major piece of my life. It taught me a balance I hadn't learned before.
Silly_Girl Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 There were some fantastic moments, real 'breathe deeply and soak it all in' moments. One January, empty house, we spent the day in bed talking and reading and smooching. At 11pm we decided we'd been too lazy and walked, on frost, along the seafront and kissed under the stars. We were giddy and silly and having the best time with such simple things. That was one of the highlights of the highlights 1
Catplates Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 A wonderful weeks holiday on a very remote island with no phone reception.... idyllic. It spelt the end of the A for both of us. We ended up wanting to be together too much. It is a never to be forgotten time.
jwi71 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I would have thought the highlight of any A was its end - regardless of how it ended. No?
OpenBook Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I would have thought the highlight of any A was its end - regardless of how it ended. No? On the contrary. I strongly believe that if married people acted like A partners within their M, it would drastically reduce the infidelity statistics. 5
Silly_Girl Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I would have thought the highlight of any A was its end - regardless of how it ended. No? If that's your highlight then that's fine, that's your answer. For many that won't be the case.
Got it Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I would have thought the highlight of any A was its end - regardless of how it ended. No? Goodness no!
jwi71 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 On the contrary. I strongly believe that if married people acted like A partners within their M, it would drastically reduce the infidelity statistics. You'll get no disagreement from me.
jwi71 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If that's your highlight then that's fine, that's your answer. For many that won't be the case. Goodness no! I'm quoting both you ladies - and clearly my "drive by" post was abysmal at best. Figures though - today NOTHING has gone my way. One of those days I guess. Anyways. What I meant or was trying to say, yet coughed up that drivel, was from what I gather, most people in an A WANT it to end. Stereo-typically to be together. Meaning - would either of you wish to substitute your current R to your former MM for the A that USED to exist? I'm betting not. So...the best was the A's end where you got the R/M you want and deserve. And there are others who are mired in the A wh seek a conclusion - one way or the other - either together with the WS or to "end it" with the WS. I think very few are truly happy in the A with most wanting a decision - one way or the other - ergo, the end of the A is the highlight. I sure hope that makes more sense - although it wouldn't surprise if I just further muddied the waters. Its like Monday all over again I swear. 3
ComingInHot Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 jwi; If it's any consolation... I get what you're saying*
LFH Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I would have thought the highlight of any A was its end - regardless of how it ended. No? Nope. Not really looking forward to how mine's gonna end. Feeling that strongly today and wishing that life would stop kicking me in the teeth for a couple hours. On the contrary. I strongly believe that if married people acted like A partners within their M, it would drastically reduce the infidelity statistics. Oh goodness what a totally valid statement. Such simplicity and so much truth. EACH partner. That includes the one who is considering straying or is straying, if they'd just invest in it, affairs would almost never happen. So much pain all around all because people couldn't be bothered putting in the necessary effort. It's just sad. I sure hope that makes more sense - although it wouldn't surprise if I just further muddied the waters. Its like Monday all over again I swear. I understand what you are saying. For what it's worth the "highlight" of my affair came just recently when he showed me, through means I won't share, exactly how much I mean to him. Truly if I ever questioned based on statements about actions meaning more than words it would be that moment. Our cruise last year was pretty amazing too. Every moment was perfect weather wise, filled with special moments and things that were meaningful for us. I wouldn't trade a second of that.
MissBee Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 There were highlights in the relationship but not in the A itself. I differentiate between the two personally, as it feels more authentic to me. Highlights of the A just make me think about things that were great becauseit was an A. And in that case: nothing. But there certainly were cool aspects of our relationship with each other. 1
Toots Posted February 18, 2013 Posted February 18, 2013 For those currently in an A, or those with sufficient distance and authenticity to allow the,selves to reflect on the positives of the A rather than just miring themselves in any negatives, what were the highlights of your A? Did you recognise them as such at the time, or was it only with hindsight you were able to look back on them and mark them out as special? It was a long time ago, but I remember learning a great deal from him. We had a lot of fun together, and we laughed a lot, and I caught a glimpse of what might be possible for myself. 1
Author cocorico Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 There were highlights in the relationship but not in the A itself. I differentiate between the two personally, as it feels more authentic to me. Highlights of the A just make me think about things that were great becauseit was an A. And in that case: nothing. But there certainly were cool aspects of our relationship with each other. I guess to some, the label matters more than to others. To me, my R was and remains wonderful in all its incarnations, as A, as M, it's still the same R. 1
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