maysapphires Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It's been almost a year after I started my affair, I'm writing this because for the most part this section of the board is about being in the affair, getting over the affair, and the few who have positive outcomes. My story, while not very different from any other affair, is about being somewhere in the middle.. it offers a different prespective, a bit of hope, and a warning of caution. Backround: I've posted on here before, not very much because to be quite honest I wasn't ready for the negative opinions and the shame that came with it. I mostly just read. So a quick synopsis of the past year.. My affair started February of last year with a co worker, who had been married 4 years but with his wife for 17. I have 2 children, he has 4. It started off as an emotional affair and by mid May had become a physical affair. D Day had come just days after the first day we had sex, by the help of his wife's intuition and some rumours that started about our very obvious affection towards each other at work. D day wasn't a surprise for either of us, we knew that it would happen. For the most part he denied, I ignored and she put her head in the sand. Beginning of June we had notified management of our relationship and I met his family (mom aunts cousins), they for the most part know about me already.. and were more accepting than I expected. At this point he's still living at home, still denying our relationship and I'm still ignoring her. By the end of July things had become more serious between us, our relationship was fully known by his wife and he moved out. The next couple months are a blur of bliss, pain, and a test of patience. He had been talking to a divorce lawyer since May but finally filed for divorce by the end of September. This didn't stop him from going back home mid October. His reasoning was of course his children, but after being back for a week he left again and has been living separately ever since. By the end of October custody and child support were established. During the affair I thought that it would be the roughest time of our relationship, and once he left it would get easier. I was wrong. Watching the person you love mourn his life and relationship with someone else is heart wrenching. Watching the person you love give up everything he has worked for to be with you doesn't feel like winning. Knowing there are 4 children suffering from the chaos and change in their life that you were a part of, doesn't make you feel like a good person. I know this isn't over. I know there's a lot we still have to go through before the dust has settled and that there's a chance he may not even get divorced. I know that once it's over he might decide he doesn't want to be with me or vice versa. But I love him and there's no doubt in my mind that he loves me. And for every time I cried and every difficult time we've had, there are so many more amazing moments we've had together. I guess my point is it's hard being in an affair.. sharing someone you love, but some men do leave and if yours does make sure you're ready. Make sure it's something that you honestly really want and something you're willing to fight for... because while it's well worth it, it doesn't get much easier. 1
woinlove Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I went through some things in common, since xMM divorced his W and wanted to be with me. He was working away from home when we first became involved, and he confessed the A when he returned home. So most of the deception was rather short-lived, but still enough deception that eventually made me question his behavior. In the end, as his divorce finalized, I decided he was not the person for me, as I wanted someone I could really trust. Ending things was the right decision for me. xMM didn't change and ended his next committed R with an A too. If MM's deception is an issue for you, it may help if he goes to IC, assuming he wants to change. xMM didn't go to IC, tended to excuse his deception as situational and didn't see a need for more than a change in partners. Your message of being sure of what you want is a good one. For me, until his divorce was final, there was still a lot of drama involved in the situation and that covered up that fact that we were not actually a good match on some things that were important to me. Edited February 12, 2013 by woinlove
thefooloftheyear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Ive said it before, but its worth stating again.... These scenarios always work out better when there is money/wealth involved. In a few cases of the people that I know the MM was able to make a clean, swift break because these folks were wealthy. All are currently still with the AP's and its been a couple of years. Its one thing when the MM can start completely over and still live comfortably as opposed to the the MM that has to start over with crumbs and try to finance two living arrangements... Yes, true love is supposed to survive all obstacles.... TFOY 1
Cali408 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You feel guilty because you're a homewrecker. He is married with 4 kids. He basically is telling his kids, he doesn't want to be with them or their Mom. Be prepared for some children issues down the road. All is tough now, but wait until he really finds out whether it was worth it or not
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