ForeverGuilt Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It was a week ago yesterday that I last exchanged a text. After him telling me he had experienced a nervous breakdown and that when he was with me he thought he could leave, but when he was with her he couldn't. After 8 or more of the same conversations I have tried to remain strong and NC. He has sent me random texts every couple days. Last one was Saturday just saying 'You're funny'. I've ignored it all, but my heart hurts and I just want to stop feeling this loss. A loss of a love I never really had. Seems like a no brainer, but my strength is dwindling. I see people on here who are still hurting after months or years. Really? That is not good news. Advice?
RickFox Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You are getting texts, yes? Block his number first and foremost. Cut off his lines of communication and occupy yourself fully with other things. The pain will take time, you will always feel a bit of something but I promise in time, more time than you realize, it will dwindle. You need to give yourself time to grieve and get angry and upset and more sadness and questioning it all and then, when you finally reach a point of being tired of being tired of it all, you will find it doesn't bother you all that much anymore. Give yourself time, don't expect the healing to happen overnight. 2
SunshineToday Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You need to change your # or block the texts. Healing will start once you really go TOTAL NO CONTACT. You will see. And everyone is different, in a few short weeks you will notice a change in yourself. Good luck.
movingon45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yes, it's tough and it will take time. Usually by 6 months I heard that it will get easier. For me, about a week after the anger stage I was fine, then mixed emotions, up and down. Limited contact then NC. It's been a month of NC and it's really hard!!! One contact and you're back to square one.
Lillyfree Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 exactly 3 months today since it ended! and i feel really good today first couple of weeks were really tough for me. i was physically unwell, wasn't eating, would burst into tears out of the blue, everything was a trigger. it was almost like i was on autopilot. then came thinking about things. i started to go back to what was said and done and there were a fair few 'ah, riiight' moments. so, of course, i got angry... it was at about 2 month mark that i could listen to certain songs and not trigger. i still think of him, but there are no more 'what if's. i don't question my decision to end it anymore. you are still very early in NC, just be good to yourself and take each day, hour, as it comes. it *does* get easier.
stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 1 week is the very, very early stages…it WILL get easier. SO much easier, believe me. That doesn’t mean the hurt stops, but it does fade and seem “further away”. Those people who are still longing and hurting after months or years? I honestly don’t think this is typical for most people. There is some specific reason for it to be so prolonged I think. I’m trying to work out what those reasons are so I can take steps to avoid or minimize them in my own situation too. I do NOT want to still be hung up on my ex in 6 months or a year’s time. No closure – I know that we cannot technically GET closure from our ex and we can only truly acquire it within our own selves, but certain breakups do end in ways that seem to result in a longer grieving and adjustment time, like if it’s sudden, or if you don’t understand why you’ve been left, or if your ex doesn’t tell you what’s going on and all you’re left with is your own tangled thoughts and 50 million questions No change in your daily routines and life in general outside the relationship – this tends to happen most when your relationship was an affair and you’re still with your long term existing partner. Nothing changes on the outside or on the surface, but everything has changed in your mind No change in your thought process or lack of emotional growth following the breakdown of the relationship – if you’re in the above situation of nothing changing in your life on that outside level, then all you have in terms of the options for change is your thoughts and your mind. It is helpful to try to view things objectively, peacefully, calmly and with understanding and wisdom, if possible No one to talk to – I know we come here to vent and express and get some wider perspective, but sometimes people need real life friends to bounce their ideas and thoughts off. If all you have is your own thoughts and theories, you can end up in a very narrow place in your mind. This tends to happen in a normal breakup if you’re a very quiet and private person, and also in an affair relationship breakup because…who can you tell if your whole relationship was kept a secret? No objective perspective for yourself – if you don’t take the attitude that “these things happen” and “not all relationships can last”, and instead, take responsibility for the end of the relationship onto yourself (which is fairly common because if you know nothing of how your ex feels or thinks, all you know is how YOU feel and think), you may feel you “could have, should have”, done something differently and it may have changed the outcome of the situation somehow, and this can hold you back because you’re assigning control to yourself that you simply never had in the first place No release of negative emotions – if you hold onto residual anger, blame or guilt, this can really keep you stuck in a certain post-breakup place that’s pretty unpleasant No faith in happiness for yourself – if you hold onto sorrow and grief because you don’t believe you can ever be happier than you were when you were in your relationship, you will have more issues with being willing to move on towards greater happiness No patience with yourself – take it slowly, as slowly and gradually as you need. It is only detrimental if you push or force yourself to feel things because you feel you SHOULD be feeling however way that you’re not feeling. If you force yourself to block your true feelings or ignore them, and if you force yourself to feel differently to how you really feel, you’re then at risk of imploding, and also at a later stage not being able to reach a better place of happiness because you’ve ignored your real feelings the whole time and haven’t been true to yourself
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