Not so serious boyfriend

February 13, 2013

Explanation or just cut off? It's been a year, but I have known him for 10- so despite the lack of it working out- I feel I should convey what I want, but not give him an option to change. Just let him know that he's not for me.

What do you think?

He was totally disrespecting you! He's a jerk. Move way on and find someone who will be happy and proud to have you as his gf.

February 13, 2013

I have been in this type of "relationship" before too. Kept secret for well over a year, for no good reason. It is ego-crushing to be held away for so long, and completely unacceptable. You try to convince yourself that a title doesn't really matter, that not meeting friend 'X' or family member 'Y' doesn't reflect his feelings towards you. But it absolutely does, your "gut" knows it, and you will never regain your self esteem until you dump his pathetic behind.

As for whether or not you should confront him, that depends on whether or not it will help you. He doesn't deserve any explanation; after all, he isn't even your boyfriend! But if it helps you, go for it. One warning, though; your hurt will almost never be satisfied by trying to make him feel your pain. He can't feel as bad about this as you do, because he's nowhere near as invested as you are. So I'd recommend a quick "You really don't deserve me" conversation, and cut off all communication (as you were talking about, block his number & FB profile). Good luck, sounds like you're on the path to doing the smart thing.

February 13, 2013

If you are having trouble with all this, and you start to quiet miss him, post in the "breaking up" section, or the " coping" section...

Just do it. Don't have any type of "talk" with him, besides saying " look, we want different things, I think we should both find people more suitable"

... Not even a "bye".

It is very hard for a guy to find a girl that he truly has deep feelings towards. Especially an unfeeling creep like this guy..

I mean, the kind, decent guys tend to not keep side options around them.

Perceptive, loving men, who respect other peoples feelings, KNOW when a girl is into them, and when they are stringing some poor girl along.

They KNOW when a girl likes them a bit too much to just be an option.

Take comfort in the fact that plenty of awesome, attractive women get treated ike this every day.

They are simply with men who do not have a strong level of love or feeling towards them, and can do evil things to them (for instance, cheating and lying and stringlinng them alone in a half baked relationship)

My good friend who is a model knows all about it! She is a great girl, clever, super attractive, pleasant personality.....

Guys all want her as their girlfriend, without bothering to see if he developes strong "feeings".

They hang out, go on dates, and he is not too phased about weather or not true, strong feelings occur, because he likes being around her well enough, and she is well... His "dreal girl".

....They cheated, lied, and were complete @ssholes to her.

DO NOT feel bad! Even the most beautiful, accomplished women will not get every guy to fall in love with them!

.....This d*ck head of yours (soon to be ex dickhead:laugh:) may fall for a girl who is not as pretty as you. It is just feelings - they are there or their not.

........WOW I feel SO sorry for the girl this guy does fall for, she is with a pretty mean person!

As I said: NICE people do not just treat women they are not into like sh*t!

Genuinely nice men treat others with respect!

February 13, 2013

I would be horrified if I found out my boyfriend treated women like sh*t.

So yeah, just feel sorry for the poor girl who he wants to be with.

Do you want your next boyfriend to be a guy who is not nice to the girls he doesn't like, and is only nice to those he really cares about?

February 17, 2013

I have been in this type of "relationship" before too. Kept secret for well over a year, for no good reason. It is ego-crushing to be held away for so long, and completely unacceptable. You try to convince yourself that a title doesn't really matter, that not meeting friend 'X' or family member 'Y' doesn't reflect his feelings towards you. But it absolutely does, your "gut" knows it, and you will never regain your self esteem until you dump his pathetic behind.

As for whether or not you should confront him, that depends on whether or not it will help you. He doesn't deserve any explanation; after all, he isn't even your boyfriend! But if it helps you, go for it. One warning, though; your hurt will almost never be satisfied by trying to make him feel your pain. He can't feel as bad about this as you do, because he's nowhere near as invested as you are. So I'd recommend a quick "You really don't deserve me" conversation, and cut off all communication (as you were talking about, block his number & FB profile). Good luck, sounds like you're on the path to doing the smart thing.

Beautifully put, thank you... I have yet to cut ties... I like to keep "waiting to see what happens."

But nothing... in fact- he is at his best friends birthday party tonight as I am home suffering with bronchitis. Was I invited to this party???? NO.

He's been checking via text all night but people who love me have been calling and asking me if I really need anything. I get a text from him, "you okay?"

I deserve someone who will invite me places, and if I am sick stay home and take care of me. I am just getting more and more mad.

I need to make room for my real true love and he's in my way.

February 17, 2013

Hmmm,so he told you after the break up like let's
Consider me your bf. So he dont want to.but cause you
force him somehow he choosr to play along.

So stop wasting your time.he told you how he see you.
but you keep looking at it as something real.
A men know what he want.
If he wants you he will call you with no doupt his
Gf.

Break up.move on.

I know what I have to do, however, I have this problem with delusional thoughts that something good MIGHT happen... and not to let go. I'll take the bread crumbs.

February 20, 2013

update,

I am an idiot. I wanted to just be honest and tell him how I was feeling but he just found out his friend has terminal cancer. Instead of turning to me he pushed me away like the plague. I don't know how to just let things go.

He made a hurtful comment that death doesn't scare him because he has nothing to live for. How could you say something like that when your friend is going to die and I was right there... trying to care.

If I am not worth living for, he is not worth my soul.

February 20, 2013

Good luck with your next bf. You are pretty nice and deserve a real bf.

February 20, 2013

I just need to move on. I don't know why the only men I have ever loved cannot just realize what I am worth.

February 20, 2013

I just need to move on. I don't know why the only men I have ever loved cannot just realize what I am worth.

The problem is you don't realize what you're worth.

February 20, 2013

The problem is you don't realize what you're worth.

True story! I have a cheerleading squad routing for me. My friends have been so awesome and supporting. They don't understand what my problem is.

Time to take a good evaluation in the mirror and figure this out.

February 20, 2013

Or do I even bother and just find my self worth and move on?

I recommend you do the later. I find it strange that talking to him about this you are worried about sounding crazy. Is this because you think its out of line with being a FWB?

He told you he didn't plan on having a relationship, but will consider being my "boyfriend". He said the later word because it will sound better than saying I will keep you on as a FWB. Discovering your blocked status in his FB world was the smell of coffee you needed.

February 21, 2013

I recommend you do the later. I find it strange that talking to him about this you are worried about sounding crazy. Is this because you think its out of line with being a FWB?

He told you he didn't plan on having a relationship, but will consider being my "boyfriend". He said the later word because it will sound better than saying I will keep you on as a FWB. Discovering your blocked status in his FB world was the smell of coffee you needed.

I just never wanted it to evolve into a FWB. In the beginning it was all about me and being in a relationship. He set that tone, not me. As time passed, I felt stuck in a trap being fed breadcrumbs. Yes, the FB crap is absolutely the kind of thing that I needed to really wake up. What an idiot I am! What an idiot he is!

February 21, 2013

You know, as someone who's been in this kind of situation before - i hate it when i see others go through it.

let me explain something to you: from 2009 until 2012 i was 'involved' with a girl who would do nothing but play games with me, lie to me, string me along, make me feel bad about wanting to know what was going on, call me names, ignore me, hang up on me over nothing, etc etc.

for 3 long years i sat around battling myself. should i end it? maybe there's a chance? maybe it's something i'm doing? maybe she's just a crazy b-tch? maybe this? maybe that? what's the deal? hello? can anyone hear me?

then, i found myself sitting in jail because i got 2 DWI's in a 2 month span, due to the excessive drinking i was doing because i was a wreck over this.

my 'self worth' was a mess. i felt completely useless and unloved. not cared for. thrown away. second-rate.

well, i finally cut ties after i found out she was lying to me again about what's going on with her and some dude and blah blah blah....finally, the questions stopped. the BS stopped. i'm happier than i've ever been, and i no longer have to worry about "what if" or "maybe after some time it'll change"

how does it make you feel to put your hand on a burning stove? hurts, doesn't it? what happens when you do that? you become more careful next time, you tell yourself "holy sh-t that hurt, what kind of idiot would do that again?"

that's how you need to treat situations like these. by you sticking around, waiting to cut the ties because of whatever reason - it's like you're putting your hand back on that stove. stop it. time for a new stove, one that has a big bright temperature gauge that you can see from space.

you need to understand something: it's been over a year for you already, and you're still dealing with this.

it's time to move on. this will NEVER.... let me rephrase that... NEVER, NEVER, EVER become what you want this to be.

get out now, before it's too late.

before it's 3 years later and you're still updating this thread.

Edited February 21, 2013 by baRx

February 22, 2013

You know, as someone who's been in this kind of situation before - i hate it when i see others go through it.

let me explain something to you: from 2009 until 2012 i was 'involved' with a girl who would do nothing but play games with me, lie to me, string me along, make me feel bad about wanting to know what was going on, call me names, ignore me, hang up on me over nothing, etc etc.

for 3 long years i sat around battling myself. should i end it? maybe there's a chance? maybe it's something i'm doing? maybe she's just a crazy b-tch? maybe this? maybe that? what's the deal? hello? can anyone hear me?

then, i found myself sitting in jail because i got 2 DWI's in a 2 month span, due to the excessive drinking i was doing because i was a wreck over this.
my 'self worth' was a mess. i felt completely useless and unloved. not cared for. thrown away. second-rate.

well, i finally cut ties after i found out she was lying to me again about what's going on with her and some dude and blah blah blah....finally, the questions stopped. the BS stopped. i'm happier than i've ever been, and i no longer have to worry about "what if" or "maybe after some time it'll change"

how does it make you feel to put your hand on a burning stove? hurts, doesn't it? what happens when you do that? you become more careful next time, you tell yourself "holy sh-t that hurt, what kind of idiot would do that again?"

that's how you need to treat situations like these. by you sticking around, waiting to cut the ties because of whatever reason - it's like you're putting your hand back on that stove. stop it. time for a new stove, one that has a big bright temperature gauge that you can see from space.

you need to understand something: it's been over a year for you already, and you're still dealing with this.
it's time to move on. this will NEVER.... let me rephrase that... NEVER, NEVER, EVER become what you want this to be.

get out now, before it's too late.

before it's 3 years later and you're still updating this thread.

Can you be any more amazing in your advice? I wait, yes, wait for something to give, for the next holiday, or for this "bad time" to pass. It is always a bad time. I keep burning myself... That is the problem! A normal healthy girl would have dipped on this relationship 8 months ago! I haven't been talking to him at all in the past few days, it feels like detox. I have to move on, but why does myself and others resist so much?

February 22, 2013

I like to keep "waiting to see what happens."

I think this thought process keeps way too many women (and men) in deeply unsatisfying relationships. I feel for you, AM; you couldn't pay me enough to go back to that place. The thing is, you've already seen what happens (for a year now) you just don't want to accept it. Admit it: it's not about expecting to see a change in your relationship; it's about being afraid you aren't worth more.

My ex also had crisis after crisis (like your guy's friend with cancer), and I always felt guilty breaking up during one of those hard times. That makes it tough, but doesn't change what you know you need to do.

February 22, 2013

You're worth more then that, time to move on.

Sounds like the guy wants his cake and to eat it too. Find someone less sketchy/more open. If you're getting more pain then pleasure(unless well.. you're just into that sort of thing..) out of a relationship on a constant basis It's time to move on.

February 22, 2013

I think this thought process keeps way too many women (and men) in deeply unsatisfying relationships. I feel for you, AM; you couldn't pay me enough to go back to that place. The thing is, you've already seen what happens (for a year now) you just don't want to accept it. Admit it: it's not about expecting to see a change in your relationship; it's about being afraid you aren't worth more.

My ex also had crisis after crisis (like your guy's friend with cancer), and I always felt guilty breaking up during one of those hard times. That makes it tough, but doesn't change what you know you need to do.

Right, I mean it does seem like s**t is always rolling downhill but it's not my fault- and I am not even enough of a part of his life for it to be my problem (not that I don't care).

It's not even like I am breaking up with him because do you really break up with an eff buddy? It's just hard to say goodbye good riddens because you want to be there... but he won't let me anyway.

February 22, 2013

You're worth more then that, time to move on.

Sounds like the guy wants his cake and to eat it too. Find someone less sketchy/more open. If you're getting more pain then pleasure(unless well.. you're just into that sort of thing..) out of a relationship on a constant basis It's time to move on.

ha ha! I just want happiness! I want to feel included and wanted! I know, sooooo unreasonable of me!

I understand some people don't want another lodged up their butt holes but a little space is different than hanging out with other girls, being flirty and then lying and saying you're with the "guys" to prevent a fight. OHHHH to prevent a fight? You mean to prevent you game from being blown, ya.

February 25, 2013

Can you be any more amazing in your advice? I wait, yes, wait for something to give, for the next holiday, or for this "bad time" to pass. It is always a bad time. I keep burning myself... That is the problem! A normal healthy girl would have dipped on this relationship 8 months ago! I haven't been talking to him at all in the past few days, it feels like detox. I have to move on, but why does myself and others resist so much?

the key here is to stop the waiting. the more you wait, the more you're going to get wrapped up in this and the longer it's going to be before you realize it's time to step away.

i did my share of waiting, too. like i said, 3 long years. during those 3 years i had multiple bouts of confidence where i'd finally cut things off - then, stupid me would question if it was the right decision, or she'd come back wanting to "fix" things... which never actually got fixed, and i'd just end up in the same stupid situation. the burnt hand again. every single time i talked to her, i was putting my hand on that stove. every time. it got to the point where ice wouldn't heal it anymore... and that's where i think you're at.

i think we resist so much because we want to believe in something. we want to believe that it COULD change or that it will change.

it doesn't.

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