She says she is pregnant and its mine, after having cheated

[gravi1]

I have a rather lengthy question.

I had posted a while ago that I had decided to leave my girlfriend of four years on suspicion of cheating.I also complained that she keeps texting me that she wants me back and that she loves me etc, I was in a state of confussion for a while.

 

Well after much retrospect, I could finaly cope with the fact that I love her and that wether she cheats or not, I cant be with someone who causes me constant worry and frustration and that it was better not to persue finding out what really is going on. There however is another twist to this story.She now actualy came with a confirmed claim that she is four months pregnant. First reaction, it almost gave me a good reason to take her back, and I am not afraid to accept responsibility. But after what she was doing and seeing that I did not have tangible proof, only that her cell was off entire nights and I did not know her whereabouts. I then denied responsibility for her pregnancy out of spite. Also other factors such as the implications of HIV and all the other mixed thoughts.

 

I told her that I would like to get her cellphone records for that period, ofcourse with her permission, as she said she is willing to go the distance to make things right.

 

The cellphone records show that indeed she was communicating with a man, most of the time she was the innitiator, too many texts and calls, and this during the period she is pregnant. Yes I felt a bit lesser again becouse records show that the time she ignored my calls she was talking or texting him. She called him first thing morning and last thing in the evening, what is so heartbreaking is that on the records all my calls go unanswered, she'd rather call him.

 

I however do understand that as a woman she has her rights to fall in love and seek the attention of that man, despite the fact that I am hurt by it. And although I tell myself that its over, I still feel a bit sad that it happened like this. She is unemployed, has no place to stay and I have been providing for her all this time, that is also one of the reasons I feel this way, I do genuinely care for her.

 

I showed her the records, but she still claims that she was just talking to him innocently, which is chicken feed. The records also indicate that for the past three weeks he doesnt talk to her or reply her text despite her many attempts to contact him. I think its becouse he has had his share of fun and also sees that she is pregnant and doesnt want anything to do with her anymore. He has a live in girlfriend with three young kids from information I gathered effortlessly.

 

My problem is should I now say that I left her and leave it at that, altimately it feels asif I am running away from her because of her pregnancy, but I also dont want to stay on and be her spare tyre or comfort zone until the other guy shows up for a nice time one day again.I know she has feelings for him deducting from her calls and texts to him.She says I can deny the unborn child but that she wants my love back.I know she suffers from love lost, and she wants to exchange his attention with mine for the time being.

 

I dont think I can ever trust her again and I suggested we wait the remainder of her pregnancy and do paternity. I also feel not to say anything at all, my philosophy is that even orphans are raised by strangers, why should I deny someone who is claimed to be mine, yet I am confused.

 

What would I do if I was a sensible man?

Edited February 12, 2013 by gravi1

[TaraMaiden]

Wait until birth to determine fatherhood.

if it's yours step up and be responsible to the child, even if you have nothing more to do with the mother, in any form of relationship.

 

If it's not yours, you have no obligation at all. Walk away and let her sort it.