Mrlonelyone Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I think the important thing is Charlie looks and is really truly healthy the way he is now. Signs of health, fitness, intelligence, creativity (all shown outwarldly) are always attractive. Plus having the luck to find a woman who seems to understand that he has issues from the past and is dealing with them doesn't hurt either.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 False Looks arent as important to women Men place more emphasis on looks than women do and are pickier about their partners' looks overall. That is completely delusional. I had 6pak abs all the way through college and the amount of female attention they got was absolutely sick. Women are just as shallow as men.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 That is completely delusional. I had 6pak abs all the way through college and the amount of female attention they got was absolutely sick. Women are just as shallow as men. Yes, especially when the decision is being made on a purely physical sexual basis. At times in high school and college I had six pack abs too. That's why I had sex with a female teacher and a male star football player. Their pretty much universally attractive. As a matter of fact one does not even need to have a six pack. In the USA if your just not overweight or obese then your ahead of about 2/3rd's of the dating pool.
SJC2008 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 False Looks arent as important to women Men place more emphasis on looks than women do and are pickier about their partners' looks overall. Did you know studies show men place looks in the top 3 traits for a woman who he will consider marrying...for women, its in the top 10. Studies show marriages where the wife is more attractive than the husband are rated the most satisfactory by both the husband and wife. A guy needs to have a hotter woman than him to be happy I feel no sympathy for men who bitch about their looks. If you want to look good, fine, do the stuff to make it happen. The things women are attracted to? You can always cultivate those traits. You obviously dont know much about women, women look at things other than looks.A good personality can make up for looks with women. Not with men. How many men do you know that have girlfriends that are below their league looks-wise? I have known two. Nowadays men feel entitled to a woman HOTTER than him, her being on the same level isnt good enough it seems. I see women with men below their looks all the time and these men aint rich or famous either. They have a good personality. Being a woman sucks, because we are valued for nothing more than our looks. Even a woman who takes care of herself in her 40's wont be deemed valuable anymore. We have a set window for our prime and when its over, thats it, its done with. Men dont have that. For women, it doesnt matter how smart, nice, confident we are, or how much $ we make...its all about the looks. I've seen that article too. The "science" behind it is that the guy feels so lucky that he treats her great, basically puts her on a pedestal; Which left me confusing becasue I thought puting women on a pedestal turns them off. I've never gone for hot women, so that means if we crossed paths IRL I wouldn't even bother PJ. I'm a realist, I'm a cute/hansome guy but I'll never be able to date a 7+. And guess what? I don't CARE! All I need is a, funny, cute girl who isn't bigger than me proportionately and we're go flight! You see men with better looking women where you live and I see chunky girls with skinny guys where I live. Looks like we're both screwed!
sid3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 From a fellow ginger: Man you're a good looking dude! Really?.......
yongyong Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Really? did you meet them by the beach or in swimming class? I have a flat abs but don't have six packs. I was working on my abs one day and thought should I work on it hard so that I can impress girls when I take my clothes off on bed?.... Let's say you meet her at a coffee shop, how would you seduce her? That is completely delusional. I had 6pak abs all the way through college and the amount of female attention they got was absolutely sick. Women are just as shallow as men.
ascendotum Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Becuase i dont see whats in the mirrors or pictures. Atleast i didnt see it. the image when i looked in the Mirror was not me. I would see it for a second while Looking. Then as soon as i turned away i mentally Became fat again. At times i look at my girlfriend After we had sex and think im in a dream. when I wake up in the morning she will be gone and Ill be fat again... I was surprised you were kind of glum still even though you had a woman pick you up in the park and are now with another one that guys are sucking up to on her FB page. I may have missed it but how long have you been up around 24%bf mark...most of your life? I know you said you did not have good self esteem for long time, and I guess this would fit in with why you saw yourself as you did in the mirror, and are still a bit cynical. I know some of my over weight mates were down in the dumps over their difficulty when it came to finding women who showed interest in them, but the thing is though it wasn't really a case of no women having much interest in them, but more one of no 'not overweight' woman having any interest in them. I personally don't think the damage to sex appeal for being a male chubster is not to the same extent as it is for a woman. Besides all that congratulations CTG on your bodyfat reduction and getting the pay off for your efforts.
runningfar Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) I think you were still very attractive before (I don't know I can tell what someone looks like regardless of weight unless its very extreme) but yeah, you are just ridiculously amazing looking now. (Muscles are awesome!) And even better sound way happier. Kudos. Was very happy to hear you found someone good My good male friend is obese but gets women left and right. He has a very attractive face and most important is the most confident and funny guy I have ever met. He gets approached some but yeah he has to approach more, but it's like, almost always successful... I think there's more to it than body fat. Edited February 13, 2013 by runningfar 1
sweetkiwi Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It may be different for women but when I was at my chubbiest I still got approached a lot. And my ex was so turned on by me. He couldn't keep his hands off my larger boobs, butt, or belly. He would play with my belly rolls forever!!! Rolling them between his fingers. Making it giggle. And he had a six pack Lolll. Here in Italy I am almost at my weight from high school. About 123 pounds. According to my BMI I am overweight though. I have no problem finding men.
Andy_K Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) Congrats on the improvement. I will say though, having a low body fat % only really helps if you've got a good reason to have your top off frequently. I could post topless pics and get plenty of compliments, but the reality is that if I'm out and about wearing a shirt, a jumper or ever a teeshirt which isn't tight enough, nobody's going to suspect I'm in great shape. Which also led me to discover that, when I was online dating, I'd get way better results if I ignored all the 'don't post topless mirror photo' comments and did it anyway. Edited February 13, 2013 by Andy_K
Mr_Flay Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't even know how to measure body fat. I know my weight...vaguely, since the scales in my home have been broken for some time, and that's enough for me.
Imported Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Body fat can be seen on the face, not just when you have your clothes off. Women might not consciously realize, but they will notice. Just don't go so far as to get skull face. You get skull face, veins can be seen on your forehead? Maybe you went a little too far. People that have a strong, agile body move differently as well. Some people see it and realize for what it is, some people just notice it as being attractive, but they don't know why. Not to mention, done right, clothes just looks way better on a lean body.......for men. Women really just need to be not fat.
Terminal-Ice Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It's terribly frustrating but aren't you being harsh towards men? No, she's very right. A lot of single guys aren't looking for a partner, they're looking for a trophy. Online dating especially supports this concept. What's really funny are the guys who say they are looking for an intelligent woman with great personalities to be their life partners, those are usually the guys who won't respond to my messages. I get messages from guys saying that I have a great profile--one even got super excited and tried really hard to get me to go out with him (he's too old and can't have kids, so that just won't do) and I do get some positive messages about my looks, but I think the main reason why a lot of the guys who have great profiles that make them seem like the perfect match for me won't answer my messages is because I don't look like a glamorous, teen Disney star. Don't kid yourself, I present myself *very* well, and I do get attention when I go out, but I'm not that calendar girl that so many guys seem to be holding out for. I mean seriously, why not at least answer my damn messages to see if I really am a possibility. It's only a frickin' date. Now, if a guy who was "in my league" messaged me, hell yeah I'd answer him back--provided he had the right personality. Yes, I bypass the super "good looking" guys if they seem like shallow asses, selfish people, or Mr. No Personality. The reality is that I consider guys who I think I could see myself becoming attracted to, not only those who I find attractive right now. Why? Because, and this is a woman thing, my goal is to find a man who I simply love being with, one who will be fun, one who can converse when it's time, be comfortable when it's not, be adventurous with me, and always treat me with respect (which would be mutual). I have yet to see any guys make that argument for finding women.
BetheButterfly Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If I were obese, my husband would not have even wanted to date me. Now, some people might judge him for that, but I don't. He takes health very seriously and works out in the gym whenever he can. He isn't a hypocrite that expects me to do what he himself doesn't do. Rather, he expects me to do what he does (in working out and eating healthy and losing fat/gaining muscle). When we got married, I promised him that I wouldn't "let myself go." I promised him that I would eat healthy and work out and not "get fat" but instead "tone muscle." I have struggled with weight since puberty. To me, it is helpful that my husband is my "personal trainer" because I have a hard time controlling myself when it comes to chocolate and sweets. He encourages me and thankfully doesn't criticize or mock me. Sad to say, many very beautiful girls are not even considered by many guys because of their weight. One of my friends is gorgeous yet has a high percentage of body fat. Most guys don't consider asking her to be their girlfriend. Many guys place a high importance on not having a high percentage of body fat. In a way, I understand that, cause when I have a higher percentage of body fat, I can't move as well and I get tired easier. I also don't feel as beautiful or sexy. It really helps me personally to lower my body's fat and increase my body's muscle. OP, I am so glad that you feel better about yourself and are practicing healthy habits!!! I personally feel better when I do. I don't get upset that my husband wants me to not have a lot of fat on my body. I know he loves me and cares for me and it's also important for both of us that he is sexually attracted to me. He would not be sexually attracted to me if I were overweight, and that would be very sad for both of us.
Terminal-Ice Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It *is* important to distinguish the difference between being overweight and being obese. Most of us don't want to be with an obese person, especially if we are trying hard to be healthy and get our weight down (this is me). I would strongly suspect that an obese person does not eat like I do and won't be interested in getting regular exercise. We take on the habits of those we spend the most time with. I would rather be with someone who would encourage and support me to keep eating healthy, and I do need someone to encourage me to get out a lot. It is also important to point out that some completely "perfect" women do "let themselves go," not because they simply let it happen, but because disease processes are quite common and do influence weight, as do medications. The same things can happen to men. I do firmly believe that most men will support their women, but I do remember the case of a woman who gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy so her husband left her. When she got back into shape, he wanted to come back. She turned him away. Good for her. He doesn't deserve her. Look, if love is the ultimate goal, then it is important to allow yourself to truly commit to someone for more reasons than weight. You never know what will happen. 1
BetheButterfly Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It *is* important to distinguish the difference between being overweight and being obese. Most of us don't want to be with an obese person, especially if we are trying hard to be healthy and get our weight down (this is me). I would strongly suspect that an obese person does not eat like I do and won't be interested in getting regular exercise. We take on the habits of those we spend the most time with. I would rather be with someone who would encourage and support me to keep eating healthy, and I do need someone to encourage me to get out a lot. I identify with the boldened parts above. It is also important to point out that some completely "perfect" women do "let themselves go," not because they simply let it happen, but because disease processes are quite common and do influence weight, as do medications. The same things can happen to men. Good point. I do firmly believe that most men will support their women, but I do remember the case of a woman who gained a lot of weight during her pregnancy so her husband left her. When she got back into shape, he wanted to come back. She turned him away. Good for her. He doesn't deserve her. That is sad that he left her. I agree that she made the right decision not to allow him to come back after he abandoned her. Look, if love is the ultimate goal, then it is important to allow yourself to truly commit to someone for more reasons than weight. You never know what will happen. Excellent point
Imported Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Look, if love is the ultimate goal, then it is important to allow yourself to truly commit to someone for more reasons than weight. You never know what will happen. Remember your words. I am sure right now you're thinking , 'they're not jus words...they're how I really feel'. Usually, its just fat people that say people should see beyond the flab and still be attracted. Most people though get the best that they can, which means actually physically attractive with no excuse or they settle.
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I mean seriously, why not at least answer my damn messages to see if I really am a possibility. It's only a frickin' date. That's exactly how I feel about women on OLD.
Miko Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Sorry, accidentally posted this as a reply instead of a new thread.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 No, she's very right. A lot of single guys aren't looking for a partner, they're looking for a trophy. Online dating especially supports this concept. What's really funny are the guys who say they are looking for an intelligent woman with great personalities to be their life partners, those are usually the guys who won't respond to my messages. I get messages from guys saying that I have a great profile--one even got super excited and tried really hard to get me to go out with him (he's too old and can't have kids, so that just won't do) and I do get some positive messages about my looks, but I think the main reason why a lot of the guys who have great profiles that make them seem like the perfect match for me won't answer my messages is because I don't look like a glamorous, teen Disney star. Don't kid yourself, I present myself *very* well, and I do get attention when I go out, but I'm not that calendar girl that so many guys seem to be holding out for. I mean seriously, why not at least answer my damn messages to see if I really am a possibility. It's only a frickin' date. Now, if a guy who was "in my league" messaged me, hell yeah I'd answer him back--provided he had the right personality. Yes, I bypass the super "good looking" guys if they seem like shallow asses, selfish people, or Mr. No Personality. The reality is that I consider guys who I think I could see myself becoming attracted to, not only those who I find attractive right now. Why? Because, and this is a woman thing, my goal is to find a man who I simply love being with, one who will be fun, one who can converse when it's time, be comfortable when it's not, be adventurous with me, and always treat me with respect (which would be mutual). I have yet to see any guys make that argument for finding women. A lot of single guys are also looking for a partner. I've had it up to here with the number of women who don't like guys in general. When I did OLD I'd send out messages based on her entire profile and less than 10 percent responded. I'm not angry at those who didn't respond. They weren't interested and that's that. I bypass the calendar girls for a multitude of reasons by the way. If you haven't seen any guys make that argument you are looking in the wrong places.
suladas Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Seems weird based on your picture you were only 24% BF, I would of guessed quite a bit more based on what i've seen from online calculators. I have no issues with a girl who has extra weight, obese doesn't work though could be the perfect girl but the weight would be enough to be a no. But it would also mean they can't do a lot of things I like to do, so it's more then that. If I see a girl OLD with a bit of extra weight sometimes the decieding factor can be what they have as their hobbies and stuff to get a guess of how active they are. I've always been attracted to girls quite a bit smaller then me, I could never see myself with a girl the same amount overweight as me to be honest. Then again I have always been extremely active, just ate bad so didn't loose the weight, so I would still match up fine with them, in fact even though I was a lot more overweight I was in better shape then my ex who was not overweight at all. A bit of stomach is fine, but anything more not likely. But then again, i've lost about 40lbs since and it's funny I think i'd be almost more open to a bit of extra weight if they are motivated to get rid of it. But i'm sorry, a double chin is just NOT attractive to me. At my very heaviest I had a bit of one and I can't stand looking at those pictures being 60lbs heavier then now.
clia Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Now, if a guy who was "in my league" messaged me, hell yeah I'd answer him back--provided he had the right personality. Yes, I bypass the super "good looking" guys if they seem like shallow asses, selfish people, or Mr. No Personality. The reality is that I consider guys who I think I could see myself becoming attracted to, not only those who I find attractive right now. Why? Because, and this is a woman thing, my goal is to find a man who I simply love being with, one who will be fun, one who can converse when it's time, be comfortable when it's not, be adventurous with me, and always treat me with respect (which would be mutual). So tell me this: You meet a guy who has all of those qualities, but he's 400 lbs. Do you go out on a date with him? You meet a guy who has all of those qualities, but he has a face full of acne. Do you go out on a date with him? You meet a guy who has all of those qualities, but he is 5 feet tall. Do you go on a date with him? You meet a guy who has all of those qualities, but he has a GED, works at McDonald's, doesn't have a car, and lives with his parents. Etc.... I'm guessing you wouldn't, because you wouldn't view those guys as being "in your league." So, why is it okay for you to rank guys as being "in your league," but not okay for guys to do the same thing? We all have preferences of what kind of person we want to date, both from a personality standpoint and from a chemistry/attraction standpoint. I've found that guys prioritize things differently; they are more reliant on the visual/looks. But so what? Who cares? Why complain about something that isn't going to change? I just find it so strange when women get all pissed off about men wanting attractive women. At least that's something that's easy to control. Go to the gym, grow your hair long, dye your hair, wear make-up, wear skirts and high heels, dress cute, be feminine. Hell, if you are thin, you are halfway there with most guys. Much easier than being expected to have a sense of humor, be witty, be a good conversationalist, be tall, plan dates, get advanced degrees, make a lot of money, support a family, fix things around the house, be manly and masculine, etc. (Obviously not all women are looking for these qualities, but a lot of women do. Just examples.) I have yet to see any guys make that argument for finding women. Most guys I know want a woman they love being with, who is fun, who can converse, be comfortable, adventurous, and respectful, so if you aren't meeting any of those types of men, you are looking in the wrong places. That said, men are more visual than women, and they do want someone who they think is attractive/hot/good looking, whatever. So, you can be all of the above, but if you aren't attractive to that guy, you aren't going to get anywhere. I don't see anything wrong with this, though. I wouldn't date a guy I don't find attractive, so I don't see why I would expect a guy who didn't find me attractive to date me. 1
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