JdK Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'll try to keep this as short as I can.... I have a very long time crush that started in grade 5. She was my first "girlfriend" if you can call it that in grade 5. She wasn't my first crush but has been the only one that has stuck. I know she felt the same at the time and now looking back she was really shy with me and always smiled at me throughout most of high school so I'd say she felt the same. The problem; other than in grade 5 I never told her that I still had this huge crush...I was afraid. I didn't want to get a negative response so then I could hold on to hope in a way. Well, now I'm almost 29 years old and I've never been able to give everything to any other girl...always had my crush in the back of my mind. Always wondering what if I just told her, what could have been? To be quite honest I just thought it would go away in time/age and I could suppress the feelings and not have it have much of an effect on life. I've been with a girl for some time now and everyone is assuming we'll get married (getting the pressure now to get the ring). Well, I don't have that "I want to marry this girl" feeling yet. I've been thinking a lot about why lately and think it's this crush I've held onto for so long. I now feel so guilty. I feel I should have known this all along and haven't given my current girl my full 100% of my heart. The question; should I tell my crush and bring closure? Maybe I just need to get this off my chest? Your thoughts? Thanks! Joe
baRx Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 when was the last time you saw her, or spoke to her? if it's been a while, i think you shouldn't just contact her to tell her that you still have a crush on her or something. that would come off as creepy. you can ask her out for a drink or something casual, to "catch up" then slip it in conversation about how you had a huge crush on her in school but were scared to do anything about it, and gauge her reaction, and if she reacts positively, you can take it from there. i guess, anyway.
pteromom Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Was your crush someone you knew well, as a friend? If so, it may be possible that you really do love her, and you should tell her and see what happens. If not, you have to realize that all your feelings were based on your fantasies of her, and not on reality. You built up this whole fake personality based on what you knew of her, which may not be true. Because you don't know what it is like to be in a relationship with her. She may be nice and sweet and beautiful, but cold in bed. She may be controlling and jealous. She may hate kissing. You simply don't know who she really is. So you have to REALLY think about whether it is worth throwing away your current relationship for a "maybe". Also, think about how well your current relationship is meeting your needs. If you are spending time fantasizing about an imaginary relationship with your crush, what are you fantasizing about that is missing from your current relationship?
Author JdK Posted February 15, 2013 Author Posted February 15, 2013 Thanks a lot for the replies! Some good points baRX: yes, it has been quite some time since we last saw each other but we have kept in touch through Facebook off and on since she moved to Montreal (~8hrs from me). She did tell me recently that she plans on moving back my way in the near future. pteromom: yes, she was someone I knew quite well. She was in my group of friends until first year of high school where I kind of branched off. And I guess I shouldn't say she didn't know about my crush. She doesn't know that my crush never stopped. We were both just so shy it was ridiculous actually. I know for sure, as her friends have told me, that she had the same crush on me from grade 5 until at least grade 10. I was just too young and foolish to realize that I needed to put the shyness aside and step up and make the first move(you tend to think life is sooo long at that age and you have lots of time). My wonder is if a 5-6 year crush fully go away? or just shelved and if the other person comes back and says they still feel the same does it tend to re-light the flame? All rhetorical questions I know I really appreciate your time to read and respond! Thanks again
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