UmbrellaBoy Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) After 12 weeks of No Contact, I broke it today on a friend's advice. A certain news event occurred today which was a pre-agreed upon "signal" with my ex. I was supposed to text him a certain thing if it ever happened. I decided, what the heck, I'd do it, since it finally happened and I felt so tempted recently anyway. Well, my ex jumped at the opportunity and all day was talking my ear off, sending 5 texts for every one of mine, keeping the conversation going even when I tried to be stand-offish or non-commital, asking about my life, going on and on about his. Finally, he ended up saying he had just ordered something online for me and I should be expecting it in the mail. Of course, implicit in all this is that he's still with the one he left me for, and there were no really overt moves for reconciliation, I think he's just glad to have me back as a friend and thinks we can revert to THAT old status quo now (although, really, our no contact was something HE initially requested, and we agreed the ball was in HIS court for re-establishing contact). But you know what? I suddenly feel indifferent. It's like...if a grandparent came back to life years later, I guess. You'd be like, "Hey. It's nice to see you. I love you and all, and this is even sort of an amazing occurrence. But...it's also sort of unnatural. We mourned you, we miss you I guess, but now there's really no place for you in this world anymore, we've learned to live and act without you, were comfortable with you just as a memory..." It's the weirdest feeling. I'm not telling the new guy about this occurrence, that's for sure! I'm not going to initiate anything else until I get the gift in the mail (I'll text and just say that I've got it). I'll respond in a stand-offish way to anything he initiates. But now it almost feels like...what was I crying and angsting over? "Forever" is clearly NOT forever, and his "resolve" to have us not speak is clearly NOT a very strong resolve. So now I feel like I know that he'll always be there if I want him to be (at least as a friend, but that could always segue into something more in the future if he were single and ever mature enough) and so right now I almost feel annoyed that he's sort of "lurking" in my life again now and wanting attention. My friends all said, and I agree: don't make him a priority. I (the dumpee) can be the one giving "breadcrumbs" now to just sort of keep him appeased and in the background, and if he ever wants to man up and make more of a gesture, he can, and I'd consider it because we sort of are soul-mates in terms of the very particular compatibility of our values and interests (and we did fall right back into that instant clicking/chemistry in our conversation today)...but as for me, I'm going forward with my life, with the new guy, and sorta hope I don't hear too much from the ex who I sorta feel like I can "take or leave" now. It was amazing! And all because I broke NC. Just goes to show no advice is universally applicable. Edited February 12, 2013 by UmbrellaBoy 2
Recommended Posts