wmrjw82 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Ive been dating this girl for the last month but things couldn't have happened at a worse time for me financially. I got laid off after working for my company for 3 years and she knows this. Yet everytime we go out its always me paying for everything. Meals, bars, movies, food, etc. It's all me. It's not like she refuses to pay but she doesn't take initiative and so after a few minutes with the bill there, I just feel bad and pay for it. I want to buy her things and take care of her but this is killing my wallet. I just have this fear that she will think less of me if I don't buy these things. I'm trying hard to find a job, unemployment hasn't kicked in yet so i'm strapped. And the worse part is Valentine's is coming up and i'm going to be dead ass broke after this. She lives an hour and a half away and I drive a truck so the roundtrip just in gas is oging to cost me $80... I guess my question is how do I get across to her that I'd like it to be more 50/50 in terms of paying for things? Also, how do I get over this feeling like she'll think i'm a bum if I dont cough up the green. I don't think she would dump me or anything but she doesn't make as much money as I used to and she always talks about how she'd love to be a stay at home mom and "be taken care of"...
Treasa Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Dump her and find a woman who isn't just a taker. I have a job, my boyfriend doesn't at the moment (although he's getting close), and I try to tell him not to pay for things, although occasionally he'll sneak something by me. 4
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 She is be insensitive. You shouldn't feel bad at all about asking her to help out a bit. If she truly is worth it, she will understan your situation and be willing and wanting to help more when it comes to your dates. As for valentines day, ji highly recommend asking her if you guys can celebrate on a different day. Still do something sweet (simple flowers or cute card). 2
CautionaryTale Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If she's someone worth having in your life, she will not think less of you. Period. That shouldn't even be a thought in your head. I tend to agree with Treasa, if I was dating a guy (new or not) and I was aware of the fact that he was out of work I would insist on going dutch, or back and forth at least. There's no way I would allow someone without an income to continuously pay my way. Actually, I don't allow that anyway. If you want to continue things I would start suggesting more free outings stating that you need to keep some money aside for rent, food, bills, gas to see her, so on and so forth. If she agrees, great, if she offers to pay, wonderful, if she reacts in a negative fashion? Have a great life and don't let the door hit ya on the way out. S*it happens, people get laid off, money sometimes is tight, that's life. No one worthy of your time, energy and emotions would think less of you for that. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If you feel like you have to "afford" to keep a woman around then you're with the wrong woman. Women are always using that good ole marilyn quote "If you don't accept me at my worse, then you don't deserve me at my best" Well...::pow:: right back at ya beatch! But seriously, if she hasn't offered to pay and just seems to be using you as a credit card, then she's the type with entitlement and expectations of that kind of treatment. I know some women want to be treated well and taken care of but if they aren't willing to sacrifice or meet you half way then don't give them your time of day...I've known plenty of women that take guys like you for long rides as they enjoy the pampering and treatment then drop you like a rock when they get bored....so don't do it, make sure a woman is there to invest in you as well, it shouldn't be one-sided. Tell her you're a bit strapped for cash and wouldn't mind pitching in or doing something low-key, if she doesn't just want to spend time with you and doesn't want to do her part at least, then she's using you man, it's not worth your time, have some respect for yourself. When you get yourself back on your feet and making money again, get a nice down to earth girl that appreciates things and is a hard worker and independent, then you won't have to be the replacement daddy bank. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Piggy-backing on previous posts... let her know. If she really wants to be with you, she'd understand. If not, she was being selfish and insensitive and certainly not worth the effort. 2
clia Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Ive been dating this girl for the last month but things couldn't have happened at a worse time for me financially. I got laid off after working for my company for 3 years and she knows this. Yet everytime we go out its always me paying for everything. Meals, bars, movies, food, etc. It's all me. How many times have you taken her out? If its more than three times, she should definitely be picking up the bill half the time by now. I can't believe women who just expect a guy to constantly pick up the tab, especially when they are seeing each other and going out frequently. It's not like she refuses to pay but she doesn't take initiative and so after a few minutes with the bill there, I just feel bad and pay for it. Just ignore the bill next time. Act like you don't even see it. Sit there until she picks it up. I'm not kidding! You are going to have to talk to her about it, and just explain to her that since you lost your job you are having some financial issues, so things cannot continue how they have been. You will have to start planning on cheaper dates -- i.e. cooking dinner at home, coffee dates, walks, and other free/cheap stuff. If she can't accept that, then you haven't lost anything worth having.
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 How many times have you taken her out? If its more than three times, she should definitely be picking up the bill half the time by now. I can't believe women who just expect a guy to constantly pick up the tab, especially when they are seeing each other and going out frequently. Just ignore the bill next time. Act like you don't even see it. Sit there until she picks it up. I'm not kidding! You are going to have to talk to her about it, and just explain to her that since you lost your job you are having some financial issues, so things cannot continue how they have been. You will have to start planning on cheaper dates -- i.e. cooking dinner at home, coffee dates, walks, and other free/cheap stuff. If she can't accept that, then you haven't lost anything worth having. Ehhh...I cant believe the number of men that exist nowadays that expect a woman to just have sex after a certain number of dates. This is the drawback of some women. I pay for myself on dates unless the guy throws a hissyfit, because that way when they get mad I dont put out right away I can tell them at least they didnt waste any $. 2
crude Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I want to buy her things and take care of her she always talks about how she'd love to be a stay at home mom and "be taken care of"... Obviously that's the problem right there. You want to buy her things and take care of her, and she wants you to buy her things and take care of her. There's no one in the relationship who cares about you and wants to do anything for you. Not even you! 1
Author wmrjw82 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Well I talked to her last night and explained that while I like to pay for things, I'm strapped right now until I get a new job. She understood and as for Valentine's she asked if I would rather have her come to see me on Saturday instead of Thursday to save me the gas $$$... I thought that was really nice of her. I didn't mean to come across as she's like this money hungry person, she just doesnt take initiative on bills and then I feel bad. She knows my situations more clearly now though so we'll see how things go. I'm not just going to come out and say look you need to pay for half of the stuff we do. It should just be expected right? Alot of the time I find myself taking initiative with the bill, but I need to stop that. I will take that suggestion by leaving the bill on the table. Again, I guess we'll see what happens. 3
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well I talked to her last night and explained that while I like to pay for things, I'm strapped right now until I get a new job. She understood and as for Valentine's she asked if I would rather have her come to see me on Saturday instead of Thursday to save me the gas $$$... I thought that was really nice of her. I didn't mean to come across as she's like this money hungry person, she just doesnt take initiative on bills and then I feel bad. She knows my situations more clearly now though so we'll see how things go. I'm not just going to come out and say look you need to pay for half of the stuff we do. It should just be expected right? Alot of the time I find myself taking initiative with the bill, but I need to stop that. I will take that suggestion by leaving the bill on the table. Again, I guess we'll see what happens. It is not expected unless you say it. Some women are in relationships where a guy pays all the time, some arent. Just depends. Make it clear to her you want her to pay 50/50 Maaaaan men have it good today...no longer having to pay all the time AND women are supposed to dish out sex early!
Treasa Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well I talked to her last night and explained that while I like to pay for things, I'm strapped right now until I get a new job. She understood and as for Valentine's she asked if I would rather have her come to see me on Saturday instead of Thursday to save me the gas $$$... I thought that was really nice of her. I didn't mean to come across as she's like this money hungry person, she just doesnt take initiative on bills and then I feel bad. She knows my situations more clearly now though so we'll see how things go. I'm not just going to come out and say look you need to pay for half of the stuff we do. It should just be expected right? Alot of the time I find myself taking initiative with the bill, but I need to stop that. I will take that suggestion by leaving the bill on the table. Again, I guess we'll see what happens. Now that you know she's more understanding, why don't you guys just openly talk about it? Maybe not go out so much, which can be awkward, but maybe make meals for each other.
Radu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Out of curiosity, how much were you making at your old job and how much is she making at her present job ? If you don't know how much she is making, just say what her job description is.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well I talked to her last night and explained that while I like to pay for things, I'm strapped right now until I get a new job. She understood and as for Valentine's she asked if I would rather have her come to see me on Saturday instead of Thursday to save me the gas $$$... I thought that was really nice of her. I didn't mean to come across as she's like this money hungry person, she just doesnt take initiative on bills and then I feel bad. She knows my situations more clearly now though so we'll see how things go. I'm not just going to come out and say look you need to pay for half of the stuff we do. It should just be expected right? Alot of the time I find myself taking initiative with the bill, but I need to stop that. I will take that suggestion by leaving the bill on the table. Again, I guess we'll see what happens. You haven't to give her a chance before you pass judgment. Maybe she didn't quite understand the predicament you were in, maybe it didn't really register when you told her...maybe she's just focused on dating you. You'll find out, but you've got to communicate and say how you really feel...tell her straight out your fears and how you feel about her already and how the situation has been difficult for you...if she really likes you she's going to listen and try to be more understanding, you just might need to tell her exactly what it is what you need...this is very early though in the stages of dating, just kind of see how it unfolds, you don't even know if there is a future yet.
crude Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Ehhh...I cant believe the number of men that exist nowadays that expect a woman to just have sex after a certain number of dates. A woman can just say no to guys like that, not because she doesn't like sex, but simply because they're jerks and were only in it for one thing from the beginning, just like a man can say no to a woman who believes that the one with the shrivelled little thing between his legs has to pay all the bills while the tuna goddess is exempt from doing her share.
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 A woman can just say no to guys like that, not because she doesn't like sex, but simply because they're jerks and were only in it for one thing from the beginning, just like a man can say no to a woman who believes that the one with the shrivelled little thing between his legs has to pay all the bills while the tuna goddess is exempt from doing her share. Sounds good in theory but nowadays fewer men are willing to wait a month to have sex. If you dont put out earlier they write you off because they can get it somewhere else.
KatZee Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yuck. The fact that she sits there and stares at the bill while KNOWING you were just laid off is disgusting. Deal breaker--- and I'm a woman! The fact that she expects to be wined and dined, and taken out, and spoiled like some queen while you're struggling says a lot about her character. Or lack there of. 1
Geiss Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well believe it or not this used to be the norm before feminism turned everything upside down and well in this case this part of it actually benefits men. Now we don't have to pay for everything. But if you don't have the money then stop going out and spend more time doing free stuff. At least she offered to come to your place. But yeah that sucks the gas bill is expensive in itself. Just getting back and forth. Even McDonalds is expensive. Well where I am it is.
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well believe it or not this used to be the norm before feminism turned everything upside down and well in this case this part of it actually benefits men. Now we don't have to pay for everything. But if you don't have the money then stop going out and spend more time doing free stuff. At least she offered to come to your place. But yeah that sucks the gas bill is expensive in itself. Just getting back and forth. Even McDonalds is expensive. Well where I am it is. Feminism hasnt helped women all that much...only thing is now we are less dependent on men so we can leave when you dont treat us right. I feel overall its made men more selfish. Now they dont have to pay, can act like pigs and say "oh all guys do this, Im a guy" and be generally disrespectful. Women are the more evolved sex. We've overcome our evolutionary tendencies far more than men have (beauty standards today are redonkulous, alongside with more and more average men expecting society to give him a really hot girl and for a girl to put out rather quickly)
Geiss Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Feminism hasnt helped women all that much...only thing is now we are less dependent on men so we can leave when you dont treat us right. I feel overall its made men more selfish. Now they dont have to pay, can act like pigs and say "oh all guys do this, Im a guy" and be generally disrespectful. Women are the more evolved sex. We've overcome our evolutionary tendencies far more than men have (beauty standards today are redonkulous, alongside with more and more average men expecting society to give him a really hot girl and for a girl to put out rather quickly) Well you know, it's always the mans fault. Yes I know women are better than us. Men are pieces of ****. Even if feminism backfires it's still men's fault. Let's try not to hijack the thread here though.
kaylan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Dump her and find a woman who isn't just a taker. I have a job, my boyfriend doesn't at the moment (although he's getting close), and I try to tell him not to pay for things, although occasionally he'll sneak something by me. She is be insensitive. You shouldn't feel bad at all about asking her to help out a bit. If she truly is worth it, she will understan your situation and be willing and wanting to help more when it comes to your dates. As for valentines day, ji highly recommend asking her if you guys can celebrate on a different day. Still do something sweet (simple flowers or cute card). Listen to these two women OP. I understand some women like the traditional role where the guy courts them...but a relationship is still supposed to be a CARING PARTNERSHIP. And this woman isnt showing she cares about you as a person if shes not being understanding of your situation. Just be honest with her, and if she has an issue with it, youll know the kind of woman she is...and youll know you can definitely find better.
Imajerk17 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Let me tell you a story. About 9 years ago when I was going through a very tough period financially, I had a 3rd date scheduled with a girl. Thing was, I had no money. I literally had to go under my sofa cushions for change. I didn't want to tell this new girl that, so I called her and asked if we could reschedule (I made up some sort of vague excuse because I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was broke). She asks me if I was blowing her off. I gave in and told her my situation after all. Well, she drove to see ME and took ME out for dinner. And yes, she got lucky for that. Did I mention that this girl was a single mom too? Anyway, this girl is sort of a gold standard for me. I mean, now I have money, but I didn't then, and I want a woman who will stick by me through tough times. Anyway OP, my point is that if this woman is a keeper in any sense of the word, she will do her share to finance at least her share of the relationship for the time being as long as you are doing all you can to get yourself back on your feet. 1
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Let me tell you a story. About 9 years ago when I was going through a very tough period financially, I had a 3rd date scheduled with a girl. Thing was, I had no money. I literally had to go under my sofa cushions for change. I didn't want to tell this new girl that, so I called her and asked if we could reschedule (I made up some sort of vague excuse because I was too embarrassed to tell her that I was broke). She asks me if I was blowing her off. I gave in and told her my situation after all. Well, she drove to see ME and took ME out for dinner. And yes, she got lucky for that. Did I mention that this girl was a single mom too? Anyway, this girl is sort of a gold standard for me. I mean, now I have money, but I didn't then, and I want a woman who will stick by me through tough times. Anyway OP, my point is that if this woman is a keeper in any sense of the word, she will do her share to finance at least her share of the relationship for the time being as long as you are doing all you can to get yourself back on your feet. LOLOLOLOL Of course youd like that! Its every guys dream...a girl who gives a guy money and sex. Feminism has really benefited men more than women sometimes. Hey I get sex without really committing PLUS I dont have to pay anymore! Guys have it so good nowadays Edited February 12, 2013 by pbjbear
kaylan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Feminism hasnt helped women all that much...only thing is now we are less dependent on men so we can leave when you dont treat us right. I feel overall its made men more selfish. Now they dont have to pay, can act like pigs and say "oh all guys do this, Im a guy" and be generally disrespectful. Women are the more evolved sex. We've overcome our evolutionary tendencies far more than men have (beauty standards today are redonkulous, alongside with more and more average men expecting society to give him a really hot girl and for a girl to put out rather quickly) Aint too evolved not to be bitter are you?
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Now they dont have to pay, can act like pigs and say "oh all guys do this, Im a guy" and be generally disrespectful. Women have got to stop giving some guys a free pass for this behavior. These guys would have to change if no one let them get away with it.
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