tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hi...this is my first post. I met a guy online about a month ago, we texted for a while, then one night we really hit it off, and were texting until about 4:30 AM. We decided to meet a few days after that. I was thinking we were just meeting for dinner, but we ended up bowling, going to a bar, and going back to my place to watch a movie after that. There was a little making out and cuddling as well. The date lasted 8 hours, and he went home. We went on a 2nd date about a week later, and had dinner, went to a bar, and then went back to his place. (We live about 90 minutes away from each other.) This time, we were watching TV, cuddling, and ended up getting naked and almost having sex....but, we decided to slow it down a little. Now, we are meeting for a third date, on Valentine's Day. We decided it would make sense to meet at a hotel that's in a town inbetween where we both live, because we decided it would be a good time to just have a low-key evening, and get to know one another better, and we also have roommates, so we didn't want to be interrupted or anything like that. I really like him a lot...but, I'm getting worried about what this date really means. Are we supposed to have sex? I know there's no clear cut answer...but based on what I've said, should I expect to just lay in bed cuddle eat room service and watch TV, or should I expect more? And should I buy him gifts? *Sigh*.....Sorry, lots of questions. Any info would be great. Thanks a lot!!
John123 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yes, you are expected to have sex with him...you almost did last time and agreeing to getting a hotel means you are sleeping together, and having sex. If you do not want to have sex, let him know now or else he will resent you. If you really like him and feel like he's a good guy (which by your last encounter seems to be the case) then go ahead and have a good time!
2sure Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Sex isn't something you get because you expect it. That being said, sure he is expecting it. Tell him right now you have sme misgivings about the whole hotel thing. Tell him you love the idea of having one on ne time with him...but are feeling a bit f pressure. He might be disappointed, but he will understand. Besides, he will still have hope. Don't get him a gift. Give him a Valentine.
Author tealwindex Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Thanks for the feedback, folks....I don't think I want to cancel the hotel...partly because it was my idea. I asked when he wanted to meet again, and he said that thursday would work for him, and i said "ooh good choice, that's valentine's day!" and he said "ooh it will be the first time for me to have a valentine" then a few days later i was trying to brainstorm ideas, and suggested that we either just hang out at one of our homes, watch a movie, and order pizza, or if one of our roommates would be there we could do the same thing at a hotel....I didn't make it sound sexy or anything, just a place for us to be alone. But, if it does lead to sex, I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not.....I've done things with guys before, but never actually had sex. I want to, and I like him, I'm just worrying about it being too soon, but at the same time I don't want to give him the vibe that I'm not interested....because I'm very interested. I suspect the best thing for me to do is to just go with the flow, and what feels right at the moment, and not plan too much ahead. As for the gift, he told me he really likes Donnie Darko, and he's in a band, so I was thinking of getting him a Donnie Darko vinyl album. Is that too much for a 3rd date? I feel like I should get him something....it is Valentine's Day after all. And he doesn't really seem like the Valentines/Flowers/Chocolates kind of guy.
MsSmurf Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If you're not sure you want to have sex with him you sure are giving him a lot of reasons to expect it. You've both been naked together and nearly had sex before. You're having this date in a hotel room because you both want a low key evening that wouldn't be interrupted by roommates. If you want to have sex with him, fine go for it, be safe, and have fun. If you don't want to have sex with him don't have your date in a hotel.
2sure Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Oh, I would totally go to the hotel. But I would also give him a heads up that "we" should have no expectations. As to the gift...it's Valentines Day and you are not yet lovers...I think the holiday is sweet...but cheesy. I actually buy vintage valentines all year at antique shops for The day . But alas, not everyone can be is ridiculous as me. I'm sure he would love the vinyl album but ...how about a bottle of red wine and chocolate truffles to share. A nod to the day, romantic, but not quite a gift. And just in case....red lipstick.
TaraJ201 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 A hotel is a horribly bad idea, no offense. It sounds like you haven't known this guy long, so even if you 'really hit if off' you need to be careful. What kind of impression do you think he is going to have of you, when you suggested a hotel after only going on three dates?! Of course he would expect sex, and you'd be stupid not to think otherwise, its misleading. I would advise you cancel the hotel to avoid coming off as cheap and easy, and just go out for a nice lunch or dinner together - keep it simple, its just your third date! And you haven't even had sex before (how old are you?), so you don't want to be sleeping with a guy you barely know on your third date... will be a big regret! Present wise, I wouldn't bother, because I doubt he counts you two as being 'together' yet, maybe a friendly card would be nice though. Have fun, be safe hun.
Fondue Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Don't get a hotel if you're not going to have sex. You're sending a ton of of mixed messages if that's how you go about business. On top of that, you already "almost" had it. So if you're making all these opportunities available and sending signals that you're good to go, yet don't, that's crazy blue balls. That's akin to a man who's talking about having kids one day, asking about marriage ideas, going to "look around" for rings, setting up romantic situations but never popping the question. Either be prepared for the sex, or be firm and let him know NOW that it will NOT happen this date and cancel the hotel.
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