Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I mean I could probably afford a 60K car but I'm perfectly happy with my 30K car, does that mean I'm "settling" for a 30K car? If you love that 30K car, really enjoy it, and don't feel shortchanged because you're not driving the 60K car, great. But if you're driving the 30K model because "it will do" - well, that's not really the same driving vibe. I got the feeling from my ex that he really wanted a pricier model, but felt it would be easier to "maintain" me than the other model. And maybe I should have just been grateful for that. Believe me, I tried very hard. But it never felt like enough to me. I don't think I'll be happy unless - to continue this car analogy - the guy is stepping on my gas and really opening me up. I don't want to be anybody's "safe, practical car". I want to be the sexy machine he can't help but handle with true pleasure, like a race car driver. I just feel like why bother with anything else? We're not talking about my accountant here. We're talking about my lover and man. And this analogy is a little overblown. I don't want some risky bad boy. In many ways, I loved that my ex was nerdy, shy, responsible, and kind of a prude. That was all very reassuring because he was so reliable and did not seem at all inclined to stray. I just want and need a little passion that comes from the heart. if you're happy, you're happy. That's all that matters. You don't have to maximize everything to the absolute highest degree to live a good life You're right. I wasn't happy, though. I felt over the moon about this guy, but I didn't feel free to express that to him because it seemed one-sided, and that felt ****ty. 1
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Boys settle, not men. I'm sure you are speaking for yourself. Or you are underestimating the difficulty of the dating game.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sure you are speaking for yourself. Or you are underestimating the difficulty of the dating game. it has nothing to do with me or the difficulty of dating. It has to do with having the balls to not use someone else. Regardless of gender, That's what settling is. It's using someone you don't really fancy to fill a void in your life.
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 it has nothing to do with me or the difficulty of dating. It has to do with having the balls to not use someone else. Regardless of gender, That's what settling is. It's using someone you don't really fancy to fill a void in your life. I'm sure dying alone is not worth the trouble of sticking with your "high standards" opinion. I rather settle than face that harsh truth any day of the week. If I can't get what I want after hundreds of attempts, then I'm aiming too high. Saying otherwise makes me look like an idiot.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You have no dating or relationship experience, right? Get back to us after a few years of experience. Everybody is allowed to an opinion. Why does that matter?
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Boys settle, not men. Men settle, not boys. What is settling? Another meaning for settling is being realistic. An average boy may dream of marrying the hottest girl, but when he grows up he'll realize that he will be perfectly happy with the average girl.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If you love that 30K car, really enjoy it, and don't feel shortchanged because you're not driving the 60K car, great. But if you're driving the 30K model because "it will do" - well, that's not really the same driving vibe. I got the feeling from my ex that he really wanted a pricier model, but felt it would be easier to "maintain" me than the other model. And maybe I should have just been grateful for that. Believe me, I tried very hard. But it never felt like enough to me. I don't think I'll be happy unless - to continue this car analogy - the guy is stepping on my gas and really opening me up. I don't want to be anybody's "safe, practical car". I want to be the sexy machine he can't help but handle with true pleasure, like a race car driver. I just feel like why bother with anything else? We're not talking about my accountant here. We're talking about my lover and man. And this analogy is a little overblown. I don't want some risky bad boy. In many ways, I loved that my ex was nerdy, shy, responsible, and kind of a prude. That was all very reassuring because he was so reliable and did not seem at all inclined to stray. I just want and need a little passion that comes from the heart. You're right. I wasn't happy, though. I felt over the moon about this guy, but I didn't feel free to express that to him because it seemed one-sided, and that felt ****ty. Go for it, but please do not come crying in a decade if you don't get that perfect guy.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sure dying alone is not worth the trouble of sticking with your "high standards" opinion. I rather settle than face that harsh truth any day of the week. If I can't get what I want after hundreds of attempts, then I'm aiming too high. Saying otherwise makes me look like an idiot. Realizing your aiming to high is not settling. settling is knowing you can do better, but not holding out because you are afraid to be alone.
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Men settle, not boys. What is settling? Another meaning for settling is being realistic. An average boy may dream of marrying the hottest girl, but when he grows up he'll realize that he will be perfectly happy with the average girl. Settling is when you stay with someone who doesn't meet your needs or that you're not too into but you'd rather be with them than be alone. Just because you're not holding out for a hottie it doesn't mean your settling. Holding out for an average girl that is compatible with you/meets your needs is realistic.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Men settle, not boys. What is settling? Another meaning for settling is being realistic. An average boy may dream of marrying the hottest girl, but when he grows up he'll realize that he will be perfectly happy with the average girl. read my post above this one.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Realizing your aiming to high is not settling. settling is knowing you can do better, but not holding out because you are afraid to be alone. How do you know if you can do better?
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Settling is when you stay with someone who doesn't meet your needs or that you're not too into but you'd rather be with them than be alone. Just because you're not holding out for a hottie it doesn't mean your settling. Holding out for an average girl that is compatible with you/meets your needs is realistic. We define the word settling differently.
ltjg45 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Settling is when you stay with someone who doesn't meet your needs or that you're not too into but you'd rather be with them than be alone. Just because you're not holding out for a hottie it doesn't mean your settling. Holding out for an average girl that is compatible with you/meets your needs is realistic. In which case, I can easily find 300-400 women in Jacksonville alone that can do that due to my low standards. That won't be a problem. I'm fine just making sure they are happy with nothing in return since it is not needed for me.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 How do you know if you can do better? Usually friends and family clue you in.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Usually friends and family clue you in. Maybe. Maybe not.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 it has nothing to do with me or the difficulty of dating. It has to do with having the balls to not use someone else. Regardless of gender, That's what settling is. It's using someone you don't really fancy to fill a void in your life. That's way off base. Settling is just being realistic.
suladas Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 If you love that 30K car, really enjoy it, and don't feel shortchanged because you're not driving the 60K car, great. But if you're driving the 30K model because "it will do" - well, that's not really the same driving vibe. I got the feeling from my ex that he really wanted a pricier model, but felt it would be easier to "maintain" me than the other model. And maybe I should have just been grateful for that. Believe me, I tried very hard. But it never felt like enough to me. I don't think I'll be happy unless - to continue this car analogy - the guy is stepping on my gas and really opening me up. I don't want to be anybody's "safe, practical car". I want to be the sexy machine he can't help but handle with true pleasure, like a race car driver. I just feel like why bother with anything else? We're not talking about my accountant here. We're talking about my lover and man. And this analogy is a little overblown. I don't want some risky bad boy. In many ways, I loved that my ex was nerdy, shy, responsible, and kind of a prude. That was all very reassuring because he was so reliable and did not seem at all inclined to stray. I just want and need a little passion that comes from the heart. You're right. I wasn't happy, though. I felt over the moon about this guy, but I didn't feel free to express that to him because it seemed one-sided, and that felt ****ty. I can understand that, you want someone who really enjoys being with you. But at the same time, it's a fine line to walk between settling and being too picky. Let me ask you this let's say you were 25 and had a good guy say a 9/10 to you not completely perfect but pretty close. Would you move on looking for better or go for it, maybe taking 10 years to find someone a better match, the same, or possibly never as good? It's really impossible to know which one it would be. I can't say for sure what I would do, but I really doubt i'd go searching for better. IMO i'd rather find someone 5, 10, or even 15 years sooner even if they were a tiny tiny bit less perfect of a match. The extra time together and meeting earlier in life would mean more to me. However i'm also old fashion in the way that I believe marriage is for life. You take the time to make sure it's the right choice, and short of something really major like cheating, you are together forever and work out any problems.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I can understand that, you want someone who really enjoys being with you. But at the same time, it's a fine line to walk between settling and being too picky. Let me ask you this let's say you were 25 and had a good guy say a 9/10 to you not completely perfect but pretty close. Would you move on looking for better or go for it What on Earth gives you the idea that being a so-called 9 / 10 has anything to do with being "better" or "worse" than another person???? Do you really only take looks into consideration when you are looking for a relationship? I mean, as long as they "enjoy being with you"? That is alarming.
suladas Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 What on Earth gives you the idea that being a so-called 9 / 10 has anything to do with being "better" or "worse" than another person???? Do you really only take looks into consideration when you are looking for a relationship? I mean, as long as they "enjoy being with you"? That is alarming. I didn't say the 9/10 means to looks, I meant a 9/10 as in whole package in how well you mesh together. It's pathetic how all women assume guys base everything on looks.....
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I didn't say the 9/10 means to looks, I meant a 9/10 as in whole package in how well you mesh together. It's pathetic how all women assume guys base everything on looks..... I don't assume all guys do that. I do assume that people who judge using a numerical scale are judging looks alone. If that's not what you are doing, you are an anomaly. Seriously.
suladas Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't assume all guys do that. I do assume that people who judge using a numerical scale are judging looks alone. If that's not what you are doing, you are an anomaly. Seriously. No not at all, as I said in a earlier post on this thread looks is only a small part of it. Yes looks can be a dealbreaker because you have to find a partner attractive but at the same time, a lot of guys have no interest in being with a incredibly hot women, and being attracted to someone is based off of a lot more then looks.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Let me ask you this let's say you were 25 and had a good guy say a 9/10 to you not completely perfect but pretty close. Would you move on looking for better or go for it, maybe taking 10 years to find someone a better match, the same, or possibly never as good? It's really impossible to know which one it would be. I can't say for sure what I would do, but I really doubt i'd go searching for better. IMO i'd rather find someone 5, 10, or even 15 years sooner even if they were a tiny tiny bit less perfect of a match. The extra time together and meeting earlier in life would mean more to me. I agree. I've always felt that the guy and our connection don't need to be perfect, but I want a good, solid 80% minimum in all areas - emotional, practical, sexual, conversational, etc. If you're 100% on practical but 20% on emotional, that's just not going to work.
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