kaylan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 It was beyond that. There are boundaries with those kind of things...they were all reminscing heavily about being single and about how much it sucks to be tied down Then your girlfriends need to find better men. Being single has its perks, but I enjoy having someone to care about, who also cares about me. Oh wells. If I felt the way those dudes did, I wouldnt be in a relationship. Thats just shady and I wouldnt put it past them not to screw up.
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Unfortunately, most people tend to take a good thing for granted when they've got it. It seems that most relationships require some degree of challenge and conflict to keep both people on their toes. This is depressing.
ascendotum Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Well it could be explained. A lot of the good looking men never commit, good looking women still want commitment so they'd have to date down. Very unattractive women are the bottom of barrel that don't get anything. Very unattractive women at the bottom who don't get anything + according to a number of women on here, a swag of really handsome men at the top who are wandering around with no women willing to touch to them because they are above their league. When it comes to long term relationships women often do forgo looks for other attributes, but I not say its a major across the board phenomenon. I also find the way the word dating is used these days it encompasses a lot of situations..LTR, STR, fling, FWB, f-bddy, sleeping with people you meet online at the end of date 1. When it comes to everything but the LTR, its very easy for girls to 'date' above with guys who would have no intention of sticking around. Also looks are not just the face like a lot of women I find focus on in such discussions. A 6'3 guy is still well sort after even if he has some acne scars, for instance. A woman who dates a guy that looks like Jason Statham is not dropping down just because he is partially bald. Often too I find when I woman has a bf/fiance that is not as attractive as what she has been with in the past he is usually economically above her league (so to speak). As others have pointed out 'leagues' involve more than just looks.
AD1980 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I think women here way overstate how looks dont matter much to women and how they date men less attractive themselves..most couples i see are pretty evenly matched in looks 1
ThaWholigan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 This is depressing. If you learn to enjoy a bit of challenge, intrigue and conflict (which is inevitable with humans), then it's not so depressing in the grand scheme of things . 1
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Alright, let's do this! OMG, I just saw your photos and I need to move to DC pronto. :love:
e40 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If you learn to enjoy a bit of challenge, intrigue and conflict (which is inevitable with humans), then it's not so depressing in the grand scheme of things . I'm not interested in challenge and drama. If that drives women away, then so be it.
tbf Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm sorry but who decides what league your in. Does this league divide into three categories, looks, personality and income. Why is it, that women seem to settle. And this is where all the men say this is not true. But when it comes to looks i often have never seen a girl jump out of her league. Is it possible? I sound vain. How you as a woman every dated someone better looking then you?I don't think in terms of who's better looking. Men are either attractive or not. 2
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 A guy is only as faithful and committed as his options. That doesnt reflect too well on men does it? No, but it's not true. A man is capable of choosing to be honest and honorable or to be a douche, just the same as we are. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I have been thinking about why this whole notion of "leagues" is so ludicrous to me, and I think I have it figured out. When I was a young single person, I was part of a HUGE social / art / music / party scene in a big city. There were a whole bunch of us. Kids came from all over the place to be a part of what was going on at that time. I believe that we ALL felt that ALL of us were in the same league. The ugly, the average and the hot looking. We weren't divided up. Certainly many people were passed up by someone they liked because of their looks - or because the person of interest simply was not attracted - but NOT because they were in a different "league." Even when I was in high school, the so-called leagues were really defined by social styles rather than good looks. The jock / cheerleader types dated among themselves. They were a league. There were the artsy / theatre / music types league, and the brainiacs, etc. When did all of this putting people on scales become the norm, anyway. I reject it! 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Well, maybe I'm too much of a dreamer. But that's just who I am. I can't pretend to be anything else. I know I'm very unhappy if a guy is behaving as if he's settling for me - especially if I feel that I'm lucky to be with him. How sad and blah! And I would never subject a man to that, either. If I'm not feeling it for a guy, no matter what he brings to the table and how well he could take care of me, I just can't do it. I don't expect that fire to last forever. But I strongly believe you NEED that as a foundation to build on, if you expect to last for a lifetime. I also have studied and experimented with different methods of rekindling it. I have been with a man who was fired up over me for years. The only reason we split up is because his family was kinda crazy and very interfering, and I couldn't deal with them. I wasn't above him looks-wise. We were on the same level there. (And we both thought the other was cuter - but when you look at pictures, you can see we were a perfect match physically.) I was exactly his "type", and we had just about everything in common. The only thing we ever fought about was his family. So I know it's possible. I also know that it's not hard for me to light up men and people. If I can do it again in the next few years, I should be able to manifest my dream life. I came from nothing and am now running a successful, profitable business that I run on my terms, with total freedom (to post on LS all day ). I know how to make things happen. So I'm pretty confident in my ability to bring my crazy dreams to life. And even if I fail, I think I inspire a lot of people along the way because I don't stop going for it. OMG Ruby, that's exactly how I feel! I have been told that I am too much of a dreamer too. I was once with a guy like you describe. We were very compatible but he just didn't feel those strong sparks. He wanted to be with me and claimed that he a very rational and grounded man and he doesn't feel sparks like that. He told me he loved me and he was very committed. Yet, the nagging feeling of his lack of spark was eating away at me. I want a man that will be totally head over heels, crazy about me! I know that I am capable of feeling that too. I ended up being torn up for a long time. He would also step up when he feared losing me and acted emotional and fired up. But the rest of the time....it wasn't really there. In the end, I couldn't stay any longer. When it comes to love, I am very idealistic. A man can be a great catch, great looking etc, but if he is not in love with me with all his heart, I just can't be with him. 1
Archgirl Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I'm sorry but who decides what league your in. Does this league divide into three categories, looks, personality and income. Why is it, that women seem to settle. And this is where all the men say this is not true. But when it comes to looks i often have never seen a girl jump out of her league. Is it possible? I sound vain. How you as a woman every dated someone better looking then you? I still don't get it How do I work out what league i'm in? How do I work out what league they're in?
2sure Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 People mistake me for being in a different league than I am. 1
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I don't think in terms of who's better looking. Men are either attractive or not. That's pretty vague, most people fall between the two. Then there's "universal" attractiveness and subjective attractiveness. I think it would be better for a man to be a universal 5 then a subjective 6. I fall into the subjective category. I was recently told by a girl at work that I look creepy and weird and was once called ugly too. The ugly one might not count though because I pissed off a stripper and that's when she called me ugly (long story). TBS I have also been called cute, hansome, beautiful, fine, and movie star sexy. Talk about range ha? I'm a read head, have a long face and a big head so I guess that's why I fall into the subjective category.
SJC2008 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I've never acted "entitled" to a hottie or even wasted my time trying to reign one in. I'm not delusional, I know where I stand on the attractiveness scale. I don't want a woman who's with me to think she's dating down, I want her to be attracted to me. Here's another shocker, I never dated a woman saying "I could do better" and waited for an upgrade. If I did, I'd have a lot more dating/sexual exp than I currently have.
e40 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 That's pretty vague, most people fall between the two. Then there's "universal" attractiveness and subjective attractiveness. I think it would be better for a man to be a universal 5 then a subjective 6. I fall into the subjective category. I was recently told by a girl at work that I look creepy and weird and was once called ugly too. The ugly one might not count though because I pissed off a stripper and that's when she called me ugly (long story). TBS I have also been called cute, hansome, beautiful, fine, and movie star sexy. Talk about range ha? I'm a read head, have a long face and a big head so I guess that's why I fall into the subjective category. The genders tend to see it differently.
tbf Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 That's pretty vague, most people fall between the two. Then there's "universal" attractiveness and subjective attractiveness. I think it would be better for a man to be a universal 5 then a subjective 6. I fall into the subjective category. I was recently told by a girl at work that I look creepy and weird and was once called ugly too. The ugly one might not count though because I pissed off a stripper and that's when she called me ugly (long story). TBS I have also been called cute, hansome, beautiful, fine, and movie star sexy. Talk about range ha? I'm a read head, have a long face and a big head so I guess that's why I fall into the subjective category.These numbers are really meaningless to me, where the closest to any scale would be unattractive, average, above average and beautiful/gorgeous. Now if I were to rate my husband using a number system, he'd be a ten, not just his looks but also the type of loving and caring, ethical man he is. And because he's peering over my shoulder as I'm typing.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 All we want is somebody who is attractive to us, who finds us attractive and who we are compatible with on a lifestyle basis. You have no dating or relationship experience, right? Get back to us after a few years of experience.
Keenly Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You have no dating or relationship experience, right? Get back to us after a few years of experience. But...... What he said is true. 1
jlola Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Its a good thing then that women dont care as much about looks. Guys are lucky...the things that guys can do to attract women can always be worked on. Us women are valued for our LOOKS, and once you get past your prime even if you take care of yourself, you wont be valued as much and theres not a damn thing you can do about it! Women do care about looks. But I think too many are willing to settle to have somebody. Then they finally get the guy and a few years later man is getting no sex from her. Why? Because she was never "physically attracted" to him in the first place. she just wanted somebody in her life andd feared not having kids and being alone. I have seen this happen over and over again. the man now becomes a provider for her while they live like brother and sister but the payoff is he gets to show off a pretty wife.
suladas Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 You have no dating or relationship experience, right? Get back to us after a few years of experience. Many of us feel the same way. A lot of women might find it hard to believe, but a lot of guys don't want the hottest women and guys do value other things. I'd much prefer a real women with more to offer then looks, and as long as I find her attractive she is plenty hot enough for me. My only dealbreakers as far as looks are they can't be obese, I don't mind a bit of extra weight just nothing crazy. And no, i've never been with a GF and seen someone and been like oh I want to trade up. Being attractive is a lot more then looks, when you see some random person who is "hot" it is FAR from being attractive in the way you see a partner.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Why does my lack of experience invalidate my views? especially when it's backed up by a lot of guys who will tell you that they feel exactly the same way? Fair enough. Even if men want that, I think a lot will settle for less, for various reasons. (A lot of women do, too, of course.)
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Fair enough. Even if men want that, I think a lot will settle for less, for various reasons. (A lot of women do, too, of course.) Boys settle, not men.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I mean I could probably afford a 60K car but I'm perfectly happy with my 30K car, does that mean I'm "settling" for a 30K car? In the same token, is a very good looking guy dating a regular cute girl "settling" as well because he's not going for a pornstar? settling is being with someone even though they don't really push your buttons, because you would rather be with anyone than alone. 1
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