mesmerized Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Good analogy but if it were true there would have to be some sort of huge, statistical evidence that the 'lower leagues' of women are massively stuck being single as that would be the logical outcome of this system. Is it really the case? I would just assume that on such a massive scale things are equal in the absence of evidence to proof the contrary. Plus if the guy is rich, then is it really dating down? I thought rich men were in high demand. The 'leagues' (excuse me, I don't really believe in them myself) aren't merely limited by appearance. Especially not for men. I think I'm way too analytical for this kind of thing. First, let us get this straight, we are talking about looks here not anything else. And it is the case that a lot of women are stuck being single, specially in the minority population of states which is well documented. Now this could be about much more than their looks not being the most desired but Im sure it is still a relevant factor.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 My W perceived me as a flight risk. Girls liked me, and even though I had no interest in anybody but my W, she was convinced I would leave her. The new guy? She can walk all over him and he's just going to worship her. Because she is way out of his league, and she knows it. When I date a really good-looking guy, I do feel the pull to step up my game. It can be exhausting, but I do noticeably improve myself in the external ways (fashion, body, social life, etc.). When I'm the better-looking one, he's the one stepping up his game, and I get to relax. But then, the challenge is not to take this good guy for granted, and that means improving yourself in the internal ways (compassion, gratitude, humility).
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 When I date a really good-looking guy, I do feel the pull to step up my game. It can be exhausting, but I do noticeably improve myself in the external ways (fashion, body, social life, etc.). When I'm the better-looking one, he's the one stepping up his game, and I get to relax. But then, the challenge is not to take this good guy for granted, and that means improving yourself in the internal ways (compassion, gratitude, humility). I value those traits more than being hot and fashionable so thats why I dont think Id ever date a guy more attractive than me...
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Men are more commitment resistant and they often need a more attractive woman than themselves to inspire them to commit. Maybe it's just the guys you have been dating, because I know a lot of good looking guys who aren't commitment resistant. TRUTH. I roll my eyes when men here try to say this fact isnt true...you dont need a scientific study to get this, its human nature. Men are very shallow in terms of looks IRL, I think they are equal, but if you believe the official OKC blog, women are super harsh on men about looks. Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends take a look at the graph labeled "female messaging & male attractiveness".
mesmerized Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Maybe it's just the guys you have been dating, because I know a lot of good looking guys who aren't commitment resistant. IRL, I think they are equal, but if you believe the official OKC blog, women are super harsh on men about looks. Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends take a look at the graph labeled "female messaging & male attractiveness". Actually that page proves our point very well. Women message average or even below looking men far more than the hot ones. Whereas the hotter a woman the more messages she gets. Also the least attractive men receive more messages than the least attractive women! Yes you heard it right lol
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Maybe it's just the guys you have been dating, because I know a lot of good looking guys who aren't commitment resistant. IRL, I think they are equal, but if you believe the official OKC blog, women are super harsh on men about looks. Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends take a look at the graph labeled "female messaging & male attractiveness". I dont take seriously anything from OLD. I look at scientific studies. Studies that use large samples, RANDOMIZED samples that arent biased. Even if women are harsher on looks, it doesnt matter because women are much more likely to date down in terms of looks. I live in NYC so I know a few women who arent like this and act like men, needing a really hot guy at their level or above, but most women dont do this. A much larger % of women are willing to date down in looks than the % of men who do this. There are alot of men today who wont even date in their own league lookswise (and guess where I met these type of men...online dating!)
Drseussgrrl Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I have honestly never seen a message board so obsessed with looks. I mean really people.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Actually that page proves our point very well. Women message average or even below looking men far more than the hot ones. Whereas the hotter a woman the more messages she gets. Also the least attractive men receive more messages than the least attractive women! Yes you heard it right lol look how the women on OKC rate men when it comes to looks alone. women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. I don't care if your a man or a woman, that's pretty freaking skewed. You have to keep in mind that attraction is a lot more complex than just the physical, but come on.
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 look how the women on OKC rate men when it comes to looks alone. I don't care if your a man or a woman, that's pretty freaking skewed. You have to keep in mind that attraction is a lot more complex than just the physical, but come on. Its a good thing then that women dont care as much about looks. Guys are lucky...the things that guys can do to attract women can always be worked on. Us women are valued for our LOOKS, and once you get past your prime even if you take care of yourself, you wont be valued as much and theres not a damn thing you can do about it!
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Actually that page proves our point very well. Women message average or even below looking men far more than the hot ones. Whereas the hotter a woman the more messages she gets. Also the least attractive men receive more messages than the least attractive women! Yes you heard it right lol Exactly. It only shows that women rated 80% of men as "average". Yet they still went ahead and messaged them. Which shows that it doesn't bother them. They are more likely to message average guys than hot guys. For men, the size of woman's inbox is directly proportional to her hotness. It's very straightforward.
mesmerized Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 look how the women on OKC rate men when it comes to looks alone. I don't care if your a man or a woman, that's pretty freaking skewed. You have to keep in mind that attraction is a lot more complex than just the physical, but come on. Lol why does it matter if they still go for those men??
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I value those traits more than being hot and fashionable so thats why I dont think Id ever date a guy more attractive than me... I never thought about it too much until the past few years. Relationships have many layers. My last boyfriend was definitely cuter than me, but on our first date he said, "You're smarter than me." He went on to say that I'm the first girl he's dated who was smarter than him, and that obviously caught his attention. We're both nerdy brainiacs who are very turned on by smarts, and we always had deep conversation that pushed us both. We're both the kind of people who visit the library and speed-read books about philosophy and the like for fun. We had to remind ourselves to stop being so serious and philosophical in our conversations all the time. He also said I have a pure heart, and reminded him of all his humanitarian ideals from his younger days that he'd left behind in favor of maximizing his earnings. He said he wasn't happy with how materialistic he had become, and I saw that changing a little when we were together. Yeah, he was hot, but I never made a big deal of it. The first time I complimented his looks at all, he got uncomfortable and clearly wanted me to stop - so I never called attention to his good looks again. Women threw themselves at him all the time, and it made him very uncomfortable. He didn't enjoy being objectified like that. I sensed it was a relief for him to be with someone who would take him as the whole person, and not just a piece of meat.
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Even if women are harsher on looks, it doesnt matter because women are much more likely to date down in terms of looks. I live in NYC so I know a few women who arent like this and act like men, needing a really hot guy at their level or above, but most women dont do this. A much larger % of women are willing to date down in looks than the % of men who do this. There are alot of men today who wont even date in their own league lookswise (and guess where I met these type of men...online dating!) I will never understand this logic, as it seems self limiting. I have always dated women in my "league" or slightly above. In my opinion anyone who turns down someone equal to them is dumb, but i also don't advocate chasing the unattainable to the end of time either. In short I advocate finding someone who you are happy with. The grass is always greener crap is for insecure loosers. I would say a woman who intentionally dates down when she knows she can do better is a looser as well, as it based on an insecurity as well most of the time.
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I never thought about it too much until the past few years. Relationships have many layers. My last boyfriend was definitely cuter than me, but on our first date he said, "You're smarter than me." He went on to say that I'm the first girl he's dated who was smarter than him, and that obviously caught his attention. We're both nerdy brainiacs who are very turned on by smarts, and we always had deep conversation that pushed us both. We're both the kind of people who visit the library and speed-read books about philosophy and the like for fun. We had to remind ourselves to stop being so serious and philosophical in our conversations all the time. He also said I have a pure heart, and reminded him of all his humanitarian ideals from his younger days that he'd left behind in favor of maximizing his earnings. He said he wasn't happy with how materialistic he had become, and I saw that changing a little when we were together. Yeah, he was hot, but I never made a big deal of it. The first time I complimented his looks at all, he got uncomfortable and clearly wanted me to stop - so I never called attention to his good looks again. Women threw themselves at him all the time, and it made him very uncomfortable. He didn't enjoy being objectified like that. I sensed it was a relief for him to be with someone who would take him as the whole person, and not just a piece of meat. He sounds like a good catch. Most guys dont care if youre smart or not (Im in my mid 20's so guys around my age at least)...most guys place looks waaaaaaaay above being smart. I bet you are much cuter than you think you are. Girls tend to underestimate sometimes...
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Its a good thing then that women dont care as much about looks. Guys are lucky...the things that guys can do to attract women can always be worked on. Tell the next guy you date how you actually feel about his looks and see how that works out for you. We are just as insecure as you are about are looks, we just don't talk about it (well normal guys don't, not a lot of those on LS). 1
animalover Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 He sounds like a good catch. Most guys dont care if youre smart or not (Im in my mid 20's so guys around my age at least)...most guys place looks waaaaaaaay above being smart. I bet you are much cuter than you think you are. Girls tend to underestimate sometimes... smarter> looks every time for me! I would not date a really ugly woman but I would go for a very average girl over a pretty one if the first one is smart and classy and the second one not!
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Lol why does it matter if they still go for those men?? See my last post.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 He sounds like a good catch. Most guys dont care if youre smart or not (Im in my mid 20's so guys around my age at least)...most guys place looks waaaaaaaay above being smart. I bet you are much cuter than you think you are. Girls tend to underestimate sometimes... He was a great catch, and sometimes I wonder if letting him go was the right thing. But he was very inexperienced and emotionally immature. He has a lot of growing up to do. And thanks I know I can be very hard on myself - like most women.
ThaWholigan Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Tell the next guy you date how you actually feel about his looks and see how that works out for you. We are just as insecure as you are about are looks, we just don't talk about it (well normal guys don't, not a lot of those on LS). This is true. I thought I was ugly for years .
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Tell the next guy you date how you actually feel about his looks and see how that works out for you. We are just as insecure as you are about are looks, we just don't talk about it (well normal guys don't, not a lot of those on LS). Women dont care as much for looks as men do. Im not sure you are really understanding what Im saying... Scientific studies show marriages where the wife is hotter do better. BECAUSE men are shallow and care about looks so much, in a marriage where the husband is hotter he isnt satisfied and thinks "oh my wife isnt as hot as me (or isnt that hot in general) oohhhh if I could find a hotter girl" (most men WONT say this, but youd be surprised how many married men today want a hotter girl, they just cannot attain one!) Women dont do this. We dont sit around and go "oh if only my husband were hotter" we think "oh if only my husband was NICER/more thoughtful/had a better job/blah blah blah" With girls, its about the way we FEEl. With guys, its how we LOOK. Comprende?
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 This is true. I thought I was ugly for years . You aint ugly and being ugly isnt as big of a deal with men as long as you have other traits. If you are a woman anf you are ugly, no matter how successful, confident, smart and nice you are most men wont give you a decent chance
Ruby Slippers Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Scientific studies show marriages where the wife is hotter do better. BECAUSE men are shallow and care about looks so much... This is true, but it isn't fair to call those men shallow. You could also call women shallow for preferring to be admired rather than to admire - or for wanting a man who can provide for her and her offspring. This is all just human nature. No need to judge it. Men and women have their preferences for biological reasons. Men are more fired up when they are aspiring to satisfy their women. And women are more fired up when they feel admired, satisfied, secure. I've been with men who thought I was a bombshell and men who thought I was OK (and I looked basically the same). The men who thought I was a bombshell were on fire to please me, provide for me, totally win me over. Their attraction obviously motivated them tremendously. It's like they were lit up with this raging magic. They didn't generate that. It just happened. Can you blame a man for trying to find someone who lights him up like that? 3
Woggle Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I admit that men especially in your city can be like that but women are no better. There are quite a few NYC women who want to live the Sex and the City lifestyle. There are actually some that moved there for that purpose. Most people don't move to the big city to settle down. In these times if you are a relationship oriented person is it not easy whether you are a man or a woman. That's just the way it is these days. It's not the fault of one gender or the other. Edited February 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
Lonely Ronin Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You aint ugly and being ugly isnt as big of a deal with men as long as you have other traits. If you are a woman anf you are ugly, no matter how successful, confident, smart and nice you are most men wont give you a decent chance no, I think you are missing the point that we are making. As much as you want to be admired for being smart & nice, guys want to be wanted to be found attractive. 2
pbjbear Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 no, I think you are missing the point that we are making. As much as you want to be admired for being smart & nice, guys want to be wanted to be found attractive. Sure I can see that. Feeling attractive boosts your own confidence. Thats why you should exercise if you dont. Just exercising alone boosts confidence! I see dont see the point why guys fret over not looking really hot though, its not as big of a deal as women not being hot.
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