calgary Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 in my car in a parking lot talking. she cried a lot, she gave me the nicest hugs I've had, she was squeezing my hand like crazy.. it was like she wanted to get back together all night.. she promised me she hadn't done anything with another guy at all. she said she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else. she told me she just keeps going out and partying to keep busy and that she's just feeling really alone in the world lately.. before she got out the car she said she loved me and missed me.... but she just needs to sort herself out before she can be in a relationship hahaha. she said it wasn't me and she didn't want me to think it was me.. but she hoped I understood and she didn't want to lead me on.. asked me to text her to let her know I got home safely.. you know the story... next week she'll be in a relationship and i'll be wondering what's happening... or maybe i'm wrong ? do girls actually do this ? do they actually just not want anybody at all and just want alone time for a long while? I think it's lies. I think they want me for the emotional baggage / best friend whilst they go out making out with other guys all night. but that's just my thinking ? i'm guessing that's what she's politely saying to me but I could be wrong, it could be genuine. she is genuinely going through a ridiculously rough time. I do feel bad that I abandoned her when she really needed me but she never shared her troubles with me she just became distant. she does want me in her life.. if she's still holding my hand and hugging me and wanting to go off for the day / dinner / wanting to see me then what the hell is that ? because it's more than friends but less than a relationship ? let me know your thoughts!
its a lifestyle Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 she promised me she hadn't done anything with another guy at all. she said she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else. 1
candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 what do you want, first and foremost? I don't know your history, but ask yourself the following questions: A.YOUR FEELINGS - are you sure you like her or is she only "the one that got away"? B. HER - she seems to be messy, in a bad place, a poor communicator. But she seems involved - Are you ready and willing to start a relationship with a girl who is not in a good place? It can be a lot easier with women who have their act clear, trust me. C. YOUR SHARE: . are you ready to work hard to make this relationship work? Can you be there for her? Can you be consistently offering support and helpful? Mind you, you won't start with "let's see how it goes". There are feelings, she misses you, you miss here, this will be a full blown relationship D. YOUR INTENT - if your answer to all the questions above is yes, then you should go after her. Sweep her off her feet. Help her out. Reach out for her. Make her open up, talk. It takes a lot of patience and time, but it is do able. It's risky - if you are not sure about your answer to any of the questions above, that do yourself and her a favor and stay away. You'll be doing her a favor because she needs to sort herself out and you, because this type of people can be... difficult to be around, bit heavy. Mind you, I am the sort of person who never gives up and thinks love is about commitment through thick and thin. This may be a BAD IDEA, so think about what it is that you feel and what it is that you want. How you want your future to be / look like.
316 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 9 out of 10 times when people use the "it's not you it's me" line it's usually an excuse to make you pity them and let you down easy. Use common sense OP. This girl is "well" enough to go out partying but she isn't "well" enough to be in a committed relationship with you. If she TRULY wanted to be with you she would stick with you through thick and thin. That's what love really is. Don't allow her to use you as an emotional crutch anymore. Let her sort her own problems out on her own. 5
cavalier99 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) At the end of the day all of that is just a big mind f*ck for you and to make her feel better. She doesn't want back together. She is using you and you let her. Unfortunately the way this works is she feels better and you feel worse. She is sucking you dry to fill herself up. Think vampire movie and you are the victim. Cav After that great conversation with you i bet she is feeling at peace and pretty good and will be all the more able to go hook up with some other guy now that she has more closure. Sorry to be harsh but it is what it is. Edited February 12, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Addison312 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Games! She is straight up lying to your face, throwing herself a pity party, then going out and meeting new guys. You're being used big time.
Coping Vortex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 in my car in a parking lot talking. she cried a lot, she gave me the nicest hugs I've had, she was squeezing my hand like crazy.. it was like she wanted to get back together all night.. she promised me she hadn't done anything with another guy at all. she said she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else. she told me she just keeps going out and partying to keep busy and that she's just feeling really alone in the world lately.. before she got out the car she said she loved me and missed me.... but she just needs to sort herself out before she can be in a relationship hahaha. she said it wasn't me and she didn't want me to think it was me.. but she hoped I understood and she didn't want to lead me on.. asked me to text her to let her know I got home safely.. you know the story... next week she'll be in a relationship and i'll be wondering what's happening... or maybe i'm wrong ? do girls actually do this ? do they actually just not want anybody at all and just want alone time for a long while? I think it's lies. I think they want me for the emotional baggage / best friend whilst they go out making out with other guys all night. but that's just my thinking ? i'm guessing that's what she's politely saying to me but I could be wrong, it could be genuine. she is genuinely going through a ridiculously rough time. I do feel bad that I abandoned her when she really needed me but she never shared her troubles with me she just became distant. she does want me in her life.. if she's still holding my hand and hugging me and wanting to go off for the day / dinner / wanting to see me then what the hell is that ? because it's more than friends but less than a relationship ? let me know your thoughts! Wow your story is like deja vu for me. I had the exact conversation with my ex. She wants to be alone blah blah. All the while she was already seeing a new guy. She still loved me she misses me etc.The next day she said she didn't want a relationship with me. 3 weeks later we had the same exact conversation in a car again. Once women leave the car the story changes. Not sure why they can't just be honest or of if they are why can't they stand behind what they tell us.
A n t h o n y Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Wow your story is like deja vu for me. I had the exact conversation with my ex. She wants to be alone blah blah. All the while she was already seeing a new guy. She still loved me she misses me etc.The next day she said she didn't want a relationship with me. 3 weeks later we had the same exact conversation in a car again. Once women leave the car the story changes. Not sure why they can't just be honest or of if they are why can't they stand behind what they tell us. Truer words have never been written. That literally just brought back memories .... bad memories. 1
Coping Vortex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 LOL yea both of my almost reconciliations were in a car. we also had sex while talking and she cheated on her new guy with me. Made no difference. Maybe all my future dates will be in a car. Too bad they have to leave the car at some point. That is where it all goes wrong. LOL! 4
A n t h o n y Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 LOL yea both of my almost reconciliations were in a car. we also had sex while talking and she cheated on her new guy with me. Made no difference. Maybe all my future dates will be in a car. Too bad they have to leave the car at some point. That is where it all goes wrong. LOL! Last talk I had with my EX was in my car. She bawled her eyes out for 20 minutes gave me the whole I can't lose you but I cant get over my Ex blah blah. Ended up with her leaving and promising me she wouldn't talk / see this doucher anymore and literally 5 minutes after she leaves she's at his house. Oh the irony. 1
Coping Vortex Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Last talk I had with my EX was in my car. She bawled her eyes out for 20 minutes gave me the whole I can't lose you but I cant get over my Ex blah blah. Ended up with her leaving and promising me she wouldn't talk / see this doucher anymore and literally 5 minutes after she leaves she's at his house. Oh the irony. See what I mean? Can't let them leave the car LOL!!!! Once they do its over. Funny how typical this is LOL!! 1
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Calgary, For some reason I thought you were in NC mode but obviously I was wrong. Anyway, do yourself a favor and avoid these conversations going forward. You could have these circular discussions all the way to infinity and beyond. All they are doing is preventing you from moving on. Sounds like you're the one taking all the hits here while she goes out and parties the nite away. As you say, there's a chance that she's being genuine but there's an even bigger chance that you're going to get 'burnt' further if you don't get outta dodge now. If you wanna take that risk then go for it but know that you're exposed. The smart move would be to: Go NC! Your Call.
lovecutsrightthruu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yep. I agree with Cav too. Mind you....nearly everyone is saying the same thing here......
dumPI Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I had that conversation during the BU talk: "She wasnt ready for a relationship, she had too many things going in her life, she wasn't happy" -> SHE HAD ALREADY SOMEONE ELSE LINED UP I had also a similar conversation with her a year after the BU (7 months NC + 4 LC): "She sometimes went to have a beer with a guy and was thinking of me, I was the best in her life and no one could compare to me but she wasn't ready for a relationship, she wasn't happy with her life". In her last email (4 months ago; to which I never replied) she wrote "I love you but I can't step forward in our relationship. Don't talk to me, skype me, message me, write to me, etc for a while. Don't know how much time I will need. Sincerely I love you! -> SHE HAD ALREADY A NEW ONE LINED UP (the beer guy) Sorry to say but don't believe a single word. Actions show better what is going on. And she is fine without you
Author calgary Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 it's comforting to know so many people have felt the way I do right now. it's just sad that the people we love so much can be so cruel to us. i'll never understand it at all. I text her when I got home to say I was home safe.. no reply.. nothing at all today. it's funny how we've all been through the same thing! you all know exactly how it ends. because it happens all over the world every day. 1
cavalier99 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I wonder how many of us will pull the same crap when we are there dumpers without even realizing the damage it causes. There must be some deep seeded psychological need to reconnect one last time to let the dumpee know how much they meant to us before they go along their merry way. Lol . I mean the dumpee did decide to see us so how bad could it hurt! Lol Well i guess after all of this we will learn proper dumper etiquette. Edited February 12, 2013 by cavalier99
Author calgary Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 she keeps texting asking how I'm doing and stuff...
coffeebean201 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 She's walking all over you. Which means she still likes you, at least somewhat. But she has some concerns which is why you both aren't in a relationship together. Sort of touch and go. Not sure how you should handle this. You know her better. Women are always ready for a relationship with a good guy. Question is figuring out what the hangup is between you and her. Maybe it is something you can fix. 1
Still Searching Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I wonder how many of us will pull the same crap when we are there dumpers without even realizing the damage it causes. There must be some deep seeded psychological need to reconnect one last time to let the dumpee know how much they meant to us before they go along their merry way. Lol . I mean the dumpee did decide to see us so how bad could it hurt! Lol Well i guess after all of this we will learn proper dumper etiquette. I'd like to think that in some of our cases, our partners have never been dumped. My ex was an attractive girl, and I don't think had ever been on the receiving end of a break-up. Until they've been there, they have no clue the pain and damage they cause to us on the other end. I'd like to think that being on the receiving end twice in my life now, at 26 years old, that if I'm ever in their position, I'll know how to handle things, and offer a simple and straightforward explanation. Something along the lines of "this is it, there's no need for us to communicate or see each other, as it'll just prevent us both from moving on." No breadcrumbs, either. Easier said than done, I suppose, as nobody likes to see someone they care (or cared) for being hurt, especially by our actions. Love can be such a mess...
TheWeeknd Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 This basically happened to me just a couple of days ago. She invited me over to talk and I was there to be her emotional tampon. It set me back basically to the same day of the breakup. After talking to her what she wants out of what is left of this relationship, she basically straight up told me she does not want to be with me but wants me there to support her emotionally when she is weak. After hearing this, it woke me up. I was being stringed along. I basically told her I am not going to be there for her anymore. I told her we might one day talk in the future a couple of years from now when we both are ready to but in now way I am going to be her friend now and support her emotionally while she goes out and parties with friends and builds a new relationship with another guy. Check out my thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/373631-all-feelings-i-have-felt-since-day-ended You can probably relate to it one way or another after you cut things off with her.
cavalier99 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 she keeps texting asking how I'm doing and stuff... Stay NC and block her. Or. Tell her i thought we were broken up so why are you texting me. We aren't friends we were partners... so it is best to not communicate anymore. Good bye. Then block her.
AlexfromBoston Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 in my car in a parking lot talking. she cried a lot, she gave me the nicest hugs I've had, she was squeezing my hand like crazy.. it was like she wanted to get back together all night.. she promised me she hadn't done anything with another guy at all. she said she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else. she told me she just keeps going out and partying to keep busy and that she's just feeling really alone in the world lately.. before she got out the car she said she loved me and missed me.... but she just needs to sort herself out before she can be in a relationship hahaha. she said it wasn't me and she didn't want me to think it was me.. but she hoped I understood and she didn't want to lead me on.. asked me to text her to let her know I got home safely.. you know the story... next week she'll be in a relationship and i'll be wondering what's happening... or maybe i'm wrong ? do girls actually do this ? do they actually just not want anybody at all and just want alone time for a long while? I think it's lies. I think they want me for the emotional baggage / best friend whilst they go out making out with other guys all night. but that's just my thinking ? i'm guessing that's what she's politely saying to me but I could be wrong, it could be genuine. she is genuinely going through a ridiculously rough time. I do feel bad that I abandoned her when she really needed me but she never shared her troubles with me she just became distant. she does want me in her life.. if she's still holding my hand and hugging me and wanting to go off for the day / dinner / wanting to see me then what the hell is that ? because it's more than friends but less than a relationship ? let me know your thoughts! Find comfort in knowing that in a few months, your ex will come crawling back, looking for a second chance with you. Really, implant this notion deep into your head because in many cases, this is exactly what happens. Now, you are very lucky my friend...you were just granted a brief hall pass to go out, have fun, hang with buddies and meet other women. Enjoy life and when your ex comes crawling back, you can play it by ear. Maybe you will have already met someone else, maybe not, but just keep the idea in your head that she's just taking a prolonged vacation. Don't view your situation as if you were dumped. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I wonder how many of us will pull the same crap when we are there dumpers without even realizing the damage it causes. There must be some deep seeded psychological need to reconnect one last time to let the dumpee know how much they meant to us before they go along their merry way. Lol . I mean the dumpee did decide to see us so how bad could it hurt! Lol Well i guess after all of this we will learn proper dumper etiquette. A good friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend of five years a couple months ago. Because of these sites, I was giving him all sorts of advice on how not to be a bad dumper -- "Don't call her up to talk, she'll think you want to get back together", "Don't be her friend until she's moved on", etc. He has no desire to get back with her while she obviously still wants him back and makes efforts at contacting him. But yeah, it was pretty funny, me sitting back and advising him on how to be a courteous dumper.
Recommended Posts