Katriunrod Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 My boyfriend of 2 months just dumped me 4 days ago. Let me start off by saying that heis 21 and im 20 first relationship for me and first serious gf for him. We spent holidays together and he used to treat me like a princess took me on nice dates cooked for me respected me, and everything i can ask for. I didnt ask to get an i love you yet because i dont think it was enough time for him to fall in love because he had past relationships which didnt workout however i do love him. Last saturday we had a nice date and we were already planning for our valentines date he already had my gift and i had his. 4 days out of the blue moon he says that we should stop seeing each other because we have nothing i common and because he didnt fall in love with me note that he treated me like he did. He said that he doesn't want to hurt me more in the future and that he might end up cheating on me since he doesn't love me. The only thing that called my attention was that during the last 2 weeks he stopped texting me frequently and didnt seem he wanted to hang out with me but when we did he treated me like he always did. What could have happen? He says its not my fault and that i was the best gf he ever had? On the same hand, one of our common friends told me he is sad so i dont get this? Helppp
Fondue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 He probably spent the last couple of weeks "trying" to find a way to "love" you, but couldn't find it. So he decided it was best to end things because it simply wouldn't have happened. I think at 2months, many people are in their "honeymoon" period, so that should be the best. He wasn't feeling it, so he saved you the heartache and did it now instead of later when you're more attached. I think that seems logical. He said he treated you very kindly, how did you return that treatment? Did you treat HIM in a way that made him feel "special?" 2
Author Katriunrod Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Yes i did fondue with the same love and care i gave back to him. He said it was unfair i cared so much about him but he didnt about me which I dont believe because he cared if i was sick and he cared to make me happy. Maybe you are right too but why not given the relation a bit more time
Author Katriunrod Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Yes i did "i made him happy but not in love"
Janesays Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I think he already cheated on you and you just got dumped out of guilt. I hope I'm wrong, but this situation reeks of something fishy going on. 1
Author Katriunrod Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Ugh i also have thought this just to get over him but i did nothing for him to cheat on me and relationship seemed stable. Maybe if he told me straight that he cheated on me i wouldn't feel so sad and instead feel anger
TouchedByViolet Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I wouldn't go assuming things like cheating unless you have hard evidence. Most likely he just didn't fall in love with you over the course of your relationship.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Someone else is in the picture and he didn't want to actually cheat on you to pursue it. The other girl could have pressured him saying something like "well you have a GF, call me when you're single" kind of deal that some women do. So he came up with a list of reasons and excuses of why you are not compatible and shouldn't be together anymore to get some of the guilt off of him and make himself feel ok about it...this happens all the time with men, it's nothing new. He just tried to turn it into something you weren't doing right, it's simple to see through. Chances are this has nothing to do with you...he may been upset he wasn't able to swoon you like another girl in his past, that bruised his ego being unable to catch you so easily. Ultimately I think he was playing games and just trying to win you over and was disappointed when he didn't succeed. And his emotions....just weren't there even though he went through the motions of acting like a good BF. Then this happens right before Valentines Day on top of it? c'mon people, get a clue, it's no coincidence. Nothing just comes out of the blue, it just doesn't work that way, there's always a reason, it's been building up or something just recently happened that caused him to react so drastically. 2
Author Katriunrod Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Was also thinking about your point ninja. He actually change a bit when he told me he saw this one girl he used to like nut she didnt like him which after all she hit on him that day and he "gave her the cold shoulder" well thats what he told me but after that he went back again to being himself
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Was also thinking about your point ninja. He actually change a bit when he told me he saw this one girl he used to like nut she didnt like him which after all she hit on him that day and he "gave her the cold shoulder" well thats what he told me but after that he went back again to being himself You guys are really young, and at this stage guys typically go back and forth a lot. They don't really know what they want, and they don't really have the confidence or skills to make it happen. They're still at this time deciding what they want to do versus what they should do. You're going to be all mixed with emotions and I can pretty much guarantee you he's going to come back at you after he gets tired of being lonely and feels depressed. But realize at this point you're just an option...this second chance to "make it work" really isn't going to result in anything...if anything it's the starting point for a lot of potential drama and heart break on your end...the good news is 10 years from now you're realize how young, irrelevant and immature this all is, the bad news is right now this really affects you emotionally and your self-esteem, but don't let it weigh you down. It's completely normal to feel that way, just stay positive and don't revolve your life around any man...take the road less traveled by women and do your best to focus on yourself and make your life happy...I know that may sound impossible, I know right now boys seem like the key to fulfilling that void and being loved, but it's really not and as you get older you're going to realize more and more you're wishing upon a star and placing your faith in miracles...relationships are not fantasies, they are what they are, you have to open your eyes and see what's going on now...not what could "potentially" happen and also be more aware of the things that aren't going right instead of ignoring them. I know you feel blind-sided right now but obviously there was signs, he's already talking about another girl he likes to you...his gf...and he's telling you how she gave him the cold shoulder..and how he doesn't want to cheat on you...he's basically spelled it out for you, but you might ass well try teaching your dog basic math, they're just going to turn their head side ways and look at you with a blank stare...that's essentially what you are doing right now...you've got the ball smacking you in the face but you're like "what's going on, am I being hit?" I know it's hard at your age because you so easily believe in love and think it's simple as a feeling, but realize there's a lot more to it than that. Don't let that emotion and feeling make you do things that you know in your gut and instinct it isn't right...your gut and instinct will always tell you when something isn't right or is fishy, you've got to learn to listen to it and react to it...don't just sweep it under the rug. Trust yourself and learn to take good advice even if it still leaves a big question mark, in time it will become clear...because in the end a lot of guys like this are going to come in and out of your life if you just don't know when to walk away...and then you're going to blame them for being heartbroken and how things never work out your way, you've got to be smart about it....you've got a brain, use it. If you give this guy a chance, something will happen again...and you'll end up hurt all over again because he will leave you....I know you're still in a state of shock but give it time...don't be impulsive and just react, that's the foolish side of you panicking because of fear and because you don't have control...if you react when you feel that way, you're going to make a lot of baaaaad decisions. Give yourself space, think and reflect on things, get through your emotions and use good judgment, because sometimes you've got to save yourself from yourself.
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