nineways09 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hi everyone, I basically need opinions on what I should do with this girl that I really care about and love. I remember going out with her three years ago and this girl never had a problem with thinking of others and was really a honest girl and I love her for that. The problem with how we broke up is that she was being lustful for another and besides that I had insecurities to begin with, was afraid and questioned everything she did. We broke up those three years. She has lived through hell these past years, getting cheated on, being treated bad, not being respected, and sexually abused. The problem with this now is that she still thinks about these worthless pieces of **** that did this to her. Recently I found out that she gets emotionally attached to people, she confessed to me that she doesn't want to be that way. I felt in my own way that I knew this all along, that she had feelings for others. I came back to her life after three years because at the time she believed she hated me because of being manipulated by her ex who at the time she was in love with. With having her family destroyed by her father leaving and starting to marry other women. It's a really hard thing to handle, but her family issues, I leave them out of my life, because I should actually be thinking about how to console her and tell her to not be afraid. She also stated before that the break up with the ex that manipulated her was much worse than what her father did to her family. She's learned to deal with it in a way. But it is still stressful for me, because I see her and she looks away and I often realize that she is thinking about something or someone. So the point is she is emotionally attached to people, and I want to make sure that I'm here and I will be committed to the relationship but I wanna be able to deal with the whole situation of her thinking of her ex's. Any ideas on what should I do to resolve or make our lives a bit easier for each other? Leaving her is out of the question, I'm committed.
todreaminblue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Hi everyone, I basically need opinions on what I should do with this girl that I really care about and love. I remember going out with her three years ago and this girl never had a problem with thinking of others and was really a honest girl and I love her for that. The problem with how we broke up is that she was being lustful for another and besides that I had insecurities to begin with, was afraid and questioned everything she did. We broke up those three years. She has lived through hell these past years, getting cheated on, being treated bad, not being respected, and sexually abused. The problem with this now is that she still thinks about these worthless pieces of **** that did this to her. Recently I found out that she gets emotionally attached to people, she confessed to me that she doesn't want to be that way. I felt in my own way that I knew this all along, that she had feelings for others. I came back to her life after three years because at the time she believed she hated me because of being manipulated by her ex who at the time she was in love with. With having her family destroyed by her father leaving and starting to marry other women. It's a really hard thing to handle, but her family issues, I leave them out of my life, because I should actually be thinking about how to console her and tell her to not be afraid. She also stated before that the break up with the ex that manipulated her was much worse than what her father did to her family. She's learned to deal with it in a way. But it is still stressful for me, because I see her and she looks away and I often realize that she is thinking about something or someone. So the point is she is emotionally attached to people, and I want to make sure that I'm here and I will be committed to the relationship but I wanna be able to deal with the whole situation of her thinking of her ex's. Any ideas on what should I do to resolve or make our lives a bit easier for each other? Leaving her is out of the question, I'm committed. Its hard when you emotionally attach to people, i am an adopter i adopt people so i relate......i was actually reclusive for quite a while i needed that......i am scared fo new relationships and forming them its hard when you have been hurt to discern what is good or could be potentially hurtful, it tends to melt into each other....i have had extensive therapy.....in extreme cases fo what has happened to me i have flashbacks i know how to deal with them , i just can tbe touched during them, simple as that..... as far as crappy relationships goes, havent had a new one to see how i feel in different situations yet, i do know this, i have mad coping skills, survivors often do because we have had to cope so we know how to deal with issues as they arise, the more issues , the more we know we can face,with a loving supporting partner these skills dont need to come into play, but knowing they are there is support as well,survivors dont balk at having to swim hard, we know how to swim..... be there for her, understand that sometimes people who have been through trauma get sad, blue or seem to drift off,dont be scared to seek couples therapy it can do wonders for things left unsaid, every relationship is unique, every person is not perfect most adults come with baggage, its the destination you have to worry about.......sometimes people look at what someone has been through and see baggage and the ship wreck, i see the strong swimmer who is a bit battered, who survived the wreck...not only that i see peopel who know they can cope with what life throws at them, not easily but survivors dont fear as much what they already know.......your post about being committed, made me smile, all the luck and love and happiness your heart's desires, for the both of you....good luck....deb
Author nineways09 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Thank you, I'll be a more loving partner, but what's difficult is that when she drifts off, she doesn't realize that I'm there or at least how I see it, she doesn't see that love and care I give her. When she's normal, she sees it and she knows I give her total commitment and give her 100% of support. It is true that she is a survivor, but it's saddening that she even has to be one, when in reality she deserves a lot more better. She says that she grew feelings for me and that made me really happy. When we first started the relationship once more, I've felt like she was hiding something and she was all along, knowing the truth makes it a better way to deal with it because maybe she might have to deal with it even though years pass by. I don't want to give her another reason to be sad, at least I want to be the reason she doesn't have to think about those other people. I tell her that the past is the past and shouldn't be come up with. It would be better off if you avoided those people, maybe there could be some improvement. I give her my suggestions because that's how I used to deal with them. Even with her decision I will still go on with her, and I told her that we could deal with it together, your not alone and that you don't have to hide it anymore because I'm not just any person. I'm your partner.
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