Drseussgrrl Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 That was one of his points. I personally was not aware it was such a big deal. My parents left me with my grandmother overnight when I was a baby. To each their own I guess. Well leaving a baby with the grandmother is one thing. But a tiny newborn overnight for date night?! Nuh-uh. I'm starting to understand where your bf is coming from regarding your friend's "lifestyle" choices. Most girlfriends of mine who are new moms can't stand being away from their newborns for more than a couple of hours. But if you gotta do it, just do it at your place. And don't punish your bf for not wanting to. Just say ok, fair enough. See you tomorrow.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Try something like this, "Hey, I just want to apologize for the other night. It was wrong for me to volunteer to watch the baby without asking you first. I can see how you would feel pressured and disrespected and that wasn't my intent at all. Sometimes I just get excited and forget not everyone loves this boy as much as I do. I want you to know I'm OK with that and plan to watch him alone at my place. The next day, do you mind if I treat you to an "I'm sorry" dinner the night after?" My guess is if you come at him sincerely and respectfully, he will melt like butter. And who knows? Once that pressure is gone, he may just warm right up to that baby! Oh I know EXACTLY what to say to him. He is a sucker for blow jobs. Totally kidding! [kinda serious though]
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Well leaving a baby with the grandmother is one thing. But a tiny newborn overnight for date night?! Nuh-uh. I'm starting to understand where your bf is coming from regarding your friend's "lifestyle" choices. Most girlfriends of mine who are new moms can't stand being away from their newborns for more than a couple of hours. But if you gotta do it, just do it at your place. And don't punish your bf for not wanting to. Just say ok, fair enough. See you tomorrow. Reading online, I have seen that MANY mothers leave their babies around 6 weeks with a relative. I know that I am not blood, but I am more close to my BF and her baby than anyone else who is blood relative is.
tman666 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hahaha, as a guy, I would be royally pissed if my fiancee volunteered us for overnight babysitting of a 6 week old at OUR place without consulting me first. And for the record, yes, I do want kids someday. This kind of sh*t requires a certain level of mental preparation for guys. It's a damn good thing there's 9 months between conception and the baby arriving. You basically showed up and said "Surprise! We're going to take care of an infant baby!" I'm not sure how you expected that he wouldn't get bent out of shape. Worrying about who is right in this argument is completely pointless since you started the whole thing off by kicking him right in the evolution.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Reading online, I have seen that MANY mothers leave their babies around 6 weeks with a relative. I know that I am not blood, but I am more close to my BF and her baby than anyone else who is blood relative is. I know many women who leave their babies with relatives overnight too, but not for date night so you can let your hair down and get wastey.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Hahaha, as a guy, I would be royally pissed if my fiancee volunteered us for overnight babysitting of a 6 week old at OUR place without consulting me first. And for the record, yes, I do want kids someday. This kind of sh*t requires a certain level of mental preparation for guys. It's a damn good thing there's 9 months between conception and the baby arriving. You basically showed up and said "Surprise! We're going to take care of an infant baby!" I'm not sure how you expected that he wouldn't get bent out of shape. Worrying about who is right in this argument is completely pointless since you started the whole thing off by kicking him right in the evolution. Point totally taken. I didn't surprise him though, I honestly asked how he felt about it. I did not just say "Oh by the way honey, we are going to have a baby in the house overnight next week!" God no. I have more tact that THAT. I definitely asked how he felt about it, and when he put up the wall I made it clear I was doing it no matter what, so he doesn't HAVE to do anything. 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I know many women who leave their babies with relatives overnight too, but not for date night so you can let your hair down and get wastey. Yeah. And I totally get that, again, I don't agree with her lifestyle, I don't strive to be a mom like her, but I don't pass judgement. I in no way made excuses for her, he knows I don't agree with her lifestyle either... but I won't say no to babysitting him for her. You bring up a good point though, he was pretty upset by the reasoning behind us watching him. He specifically said "So why are we watching him overnight? So they can go get trashed?" I didn't confirm nor deny that would be their plan, I honestly don't know. I just WANT to watch him all night and so I didn't ask. I am sure once her and I discuss the specifics I will, but in that moment I didn't ask.
veggirl Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Why are you all freaking out? She even told him she would watch the baby at her own place if he didnt want to help. I see no problem with what you did.
Fondue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Why are you all freaking out? She even told him she would watch the baby at her own place if he didnt want to help. I see no problem with what you did. I appreciate her offering this. But she said it herself, she feels pretty sad about the fact that he wasn't excited about spending that night with her and that baby. He probably feels like a douchenozzle for not wanting to spend time with her, making her upset, which makes HIM upset, so now he has to either A) just deal with it and spend the night with her/child, or B) feel like a dick and avoid her that night. It's like a lose-lose situation. I think putting him in that spot was kind of uncool. But what do I know? 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I appreciate her offering this. But she said it herself, she feels pretty sad about the fact that he wasn't excited about spending that night with her and that baby. He probably feels like a douchenozzle for not wanting to spend time with her, making her upset, which makes HIM upset, so now he has to either A) just deal with it and spend the night with her/child, or B) feel like a dick and avoid her that night. It's like a lose-lose situation. I think putting him in that spot was kind of uncool. But what do I know? No, I completely agree with you. It was pretty harsh of me, he did try to compromise. I can say that he more than likely feels EXACTLY the way you said. We will discuss it more, if anything the worse that will happen is he will end up coming over to my place for a while. I really think the big thing will be he will hate having me away for a night. It is not something he likes the idea of and he may cave just so he can have me home.
Fondue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 No, I completely agree with you. It was pretty harsh of me, he did try to compromise. I can say that he more than likely feels EXACTLY the way you said. We will discuss it more, if anything the worse that will happen is he will end up coming over to my place for a while. I really think the big thing will be he will hate having me away for a night. It is not something he likes the idea of and he may cave just so he can have me home. Isn't that kind of part of the problem, too? He's going to "cave." You're saying that he'll just succumb to your needs. That probably will make him feel shameful, too. I can only imagine a sad, sad dog, with his tail between his legs walking to his/her master, after they've done something "bad." I dunno, man. This whole situation reeks. HOpefully all goes well though!
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Isn't that kind of part of the problem, too? He's going to "cave." You're saying that he'll just succumb to your needs. That probably will make him feel shameful, too. I can only imagine a sad, sad dog, with his tail between his legs walking to his/her master, after they've done something "bad." I dunno, man. This whole situation reeks. HOpefully all goes well though! I don't think it is shameful if he agrees because he would rather me be home with a baby than not home at all! I think its sweet. I don't see it succumbing to my needs more like agreeing for his own well being. Haha!
Els Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I don't think it's the disagreement that's the issue here so much as the way you guys handled it. Seems like you expected that he would say yes (why would you even assume that?!), then got very let down and reacted pretty poorly when he said no. Which he was totally within his rights to do (I would too if I'd been him, and I'm a woman). However, the manner in which he said no could have been greatly improved - there wasn't really a purpose in getting into an argument about your friend. He could have just said, "No".
Els Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) I don't think it is shameful if he agrees because he would rather me be home with a baby than not home at all! I think its sweet. I don't see it succumbing to my needs more like agreeing for his own well being. Haha! This is one of the very rare occasions on which I'm going to agree with Fondue, it actually would be shameful. Because you literally twisted his arm into it. You agreed on BOTH of your behalves to babysit the newborn because you love it and thought that it would be good to assess how he was with children, without consulting him first. You didn't even consider the thought that he might disagree with the way you view it. You then got very upset when you found out that he wasn't on board with your own perspective, and if your quote on what you said to him was verbatim, you sounded pretty passive-aggressive in that instance. Now, he's forced to choose between cancelling weekend plans with you entirely, or spending them with a newborn that he did not sign up to babysit. And he's going to be pushed by guilt into choosing the latter, because even now you seem to believe that that's the 'right' thing for him to do. And all this not even for an emergency (I'd like to think that any decent guy would be okay with that if it was an emergency), but because your friend wants to go out and drink when she has a newborn on her hands. Overnight. Edit: Fixed the weekend bit. Edited February 12, 2013 by Elswyth 3
FitChick Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Wouldn't it be funny if he stayed with the baby in the house, it cried all night and was a general pain in the arse, as most kids are, and he said, "I had no idea a baby was so annoying. I'm never having kids." The joke would be on her. More people should babysit to see what it's really like. 1
Fondue Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 This is one of the very rare occasions on which I'm going to agree with Fondue Hey hey hey heyyyyyyyyyyyyy. What does that supposed to mean!? 1
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 This is one of the very rare occasions on which I'm going to agree with Fondue, it actually would be shameful. Because you literally twisted his arm into it. You agreed on BOTH of your behalves to babysit the newborn because you love it and thought that it would be good to assess how he was with children, without consulting him first. You didn't even consider the thought that he might disagree with the way you view it. You then got very upset when you found out that he wasn't on board with your own perspective, and if your quote on what you said to him was verbatim, you sounded pretty passive-aggressive in that instance. Now, he's forced to choose between cancelling weekend plans with you entirely, or spending them with a newborn that he did not sign up to babysit. And he's going to be pushed by guilt into choosing the latter, because even now you seem to believe that that's the 'right' thing for him to do. And all this not even for an emergency (I'd like to think that any decent guy would be okay with that if it was an emergency), but because your friend wants to go out and drink when she has a newborn on her hands. Overnight. Edit: Fixed the weekend bit. I'm pretty sure I stated multiple times that I was wrong to say the part about choosing to him, as well as clarified that I would leave that as an option. (for him to visit while I babysat) I would never force him to do anything. Believe it or not, we have an extremely healthy relationships and even this disagreeable didn't amount to much. He said he would think about it and sounded more open to the idea after I said that it would be made clear it was a one time thing. I don't see how you are drawing the conclusion that I am twisting his arm to do this. I merely made a joke about how he would probably end up doing it anyways. Which he probably will but even if he still said no I would respectfully watch the baby at my place. He hates it whenever I am not able to sleep at home with him, which is why since we have been together we haven't spent more than 3 nights apart. I know I handled certain parts wrong, but I assume that I am manipulating him into anything is false. I love him and would love for him to help but I can completely understand him not feeling comfortable with it.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Wouldn't it be funny if he stayed with the baby in the house, it cried all night and was a general pain in the arse, as most kids are, and he said, "I had no idea a baby was so annoying. I'm never having kids." The joke would be on her. More people should babysit to see what it's really like. I don't know how the joke would be on me... We both know baby's suck. Lol I don't know where I ever stated I wanted One anytime soon. That is the point, we get to have him for one night and then he goes home. He's been around babies before, he has 4 nephew of his own. We both want kids eventually, just not anytime soon.
Els Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I'm pretty sure I stated multiple times that I was wrong to say the part about choosing to him, as well as clarified that I would leave that as an option. (for him to visit while I babysat) I would never force him to do anything. Believe it or not, we have an extremely healthy relationships and even this disagreeable didn't amount to much. He said he would think about it and sounded more open to the idea after I said that it would be made clear it was a one time thing. I don't see how you are drawing the conclusion that I am twisting his arm to do this. I merely made a joke about how he would probably end up doing it anyways. Which he probably will but even if he still said no I would respectfully watch the baby at my place. He hates it whenever I am not able to sleep at home with him, which is why since we have been together we haven't spent more than 3 nights apart. I know I handled certain parts wrong, but I assume that I am manipulating him into anything is false. I love him and would love for him to help but I can completely understand him not feeling comfortable with it. I've not said anything about the health or quality of your R in general - I definitely think it's possible to have a healthy R while working through issues like this. Because we all have issues. All I'm saying is that YOUR issues are by a long shot the cause of this particular disagreement, not his. I think if you make it clear to him that you're sorry for not consulting him first, sorry for reacting poorly to his refusal, and that you really are fine with him choosing not to see you during your babysitting stint, you two should be fine.
Emilia Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I don't know how the joke would be on me... We both know baby's suck. Lol I don't know where I ever stated I wanted One anytime soon. That is the point, we get to have him for one night and then he goes home. He's been around babies before, he has 4 nephew of his own. We both want kids eventually, just not anytime soon. I think he assumes this will lead towards your wanting a kid soon. His reaction is pretty much on par with someone who is suddenly thinking his girlfriend is getting clucky and will want to get real serious soon.
MidwestUSA Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I would have not imposed this on my boyfriend, not without consulting him first. Men just don't get excited about the prospect of poopy diapers. And overnight, at six weeks old? I just would not have assumed he would be willing. By all means, go do it if it makes you feel happy and motherly, and it helps your friend out. But don't assume it implies anything about his desire (or lack of) for kids of his own. He's right, that's a long way off.
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