Jump to content

Babysitting


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I have no idea where to put this so mods, feel free to move it. Sorry it is a bit long, but bear with me. :o

 

 

The boyfriend and I got into a tiff last night.

My best friend also just so happens to be a new mom. Her situation isn't the best and I can't say that I agree with her lifestyle, but I am a supportive friend and love my nephew to death.

 

Yesterday she brought up him and I babysitting for her and her boyfriend in a few weeks. She asked if I would want to watch him overnight so they could have a date night. She would drop him off and pick him up early. Me, loving the idea of watching a baby [he is 6 weeks old] gladly offered and said I would discuss it with M. I want to clarify that she asked, and I happily agreed, she in no way would have manipulated me into doing it.

 

So I got home and brought it up with M. He has nephews of his own [all grown up now] and I mentioned how my BF [he has met her, hasn't met my nephew though] asked if we could babysit and how I offered to. I was excited , because 1. I am a woman and love babies, and 2. Was giddy at the idea of seeing how he is around a baby. He however was very wary of the idea and did NOT react how I thought he would.

 

For one, he took it as an opportunity to attack my bf and her lifestyle. He is an alcoholic, 2 years sober and we live a fairly low key and sober life. We don't smoke, drink [i do on rare occasions with family] or do drugs. It annoyed me that he did that, he tends to be very judgmental of those who do drink and considers most of the people that do alcoholics. I told him that we are best friends regardless and as I don't condone her life choices I don't judge her for it because it ultimately has no affect on OUR life.

 

He then of course went on to say how it is odd that a mother would be willing to leave her child overnight at such a young age, and when I argued that point he involved his mother, who of course said it is odd to leave him overnight, and that a few hours is more reasonable. That annoyed me even more, because even though I wouldn't I could understand my bf wanting to [they live in a rented room, so no real privacy] to which the argument of being good parents came up. I of course did not get into that at all, for I agree but still wanted to babysit my nephew for the night.

 

I then told him that he wasn't reacting the way I had expected and if it was such a big deal I would watch him overnight at my place, and he could just go the night without me. He then played the "we don't need practice watching a newborn anyways, we won't be having kids for a longggggg time." and by then I was over the conversation, he said he would think about it, and we left it at that.

 

I of course, was butt hurt, not only at his judgement made towards my bf, but also because he was SO against helping me babysit for one night. He knows I love my nephew to death I visit him weekly and he is the first baby I have ever been around.

 

Is it really too much for me to ask this of him? I see his point but I also wish that he would keep it on HIM rather than saying he doesn't want to do it because of them. If he just isn't comfortable with a baby around fine, say that, I would still be upset but then at least I would be more understanding.

Ugh. I hate it when we don't see eye to eye, mostly because we generally do and it puts us both in grumpy moods.

 

Thanks in advance for reading, I just had to vent it out.

Posted

I wouldn't worry too much about his reaction and the reason is that the mother is wrong if she thinks leaving a 6 week old baby with friends overnight is the right thing to do, something is amiss..

 

Drugs/Alcohol.. whatever, I wouldn't babysit overnight, a few hrs.. sure.. but overnight.. no freaking way would I do it....

 

Your Boyfriends reaction is a bit judgmental.. but shouldn't it be ? this isn't a 16 month old baby but one that was just born a mere few weeks ago.

 

You say nephew.. so this is your sister ?

Is she suffering from postpartum depression by chance ?

Does she have her Mother near her ?

  • Like 2
Posted

I'm going to side with your boyfriend. You have your own place so there's no real need to involve him in something, he wasn't asked about. In wanting to play house, for someone who's not quite ready to get married and settle down to the extent of having kids, this would be a substantial red flag.

Posted

Another one siding with your BF, it all seems just a bit skeevy to me.

 

To be honest, I haven't followed your threads much. How long have you been seeing your bf for?

 

I can't imagine being asked to spend time with my SO and babysit a kid after only a short relationship. That would really, really creep me out. It sends a lot of messages and can be overwhelming. It almost feels like you're setting up for a future RIGHT now by "trying it out" with this other child. Think of the pressure, man. It just goons me out thinking about it!

 

I venture to say that I am not the only man that would think this way.

  • Author
Posted
I wouldn't worry too much about his reaction and the reason is that the mother is wrong if she thinks leaving a 6 week old baby with friends overnight is the right thing to do, something is amiss..

 

Drugs/Alcohol.. whatever, I wouldn't babysit overnight, a few hrs.. sure.. but overnight.. no freaking way would I do it....

 

Your Boyfriends reaction is a bit judgmental.. but shouldn't it be ? this isn't a 16 month old baby but one that was just born a mere few weeks ago.

 

You say nephew.. so this is your sister ?

Is she suffering from postpartum depression by chance ?

Does she have her Mother near her ?

 

WE have been best friends since 4th grade, so even though I am his auntie I am not a blood relative. She isn't suffering from PPD, as I said, she just wants a date night for valentines, only they are planning it for a week or so after.

She has family but they are not very involved, so her having relatives watch him is out of the question.

I guess for me, I am so happy for babysit that the age never really seemed to be a problem. It is a fairly simple things, he eats sleeps poops and cries. Not much to it.

 

He has already expressed his dislike of their lifestyle choice, as I tend to be quite the opposite of her. I have a job, and bigger goals that just being a mother [it isn't a bad thing, just not MY thing] and it is something he loves about me.

 

I guess I was just expecting otherwise since he offered to watch him for us on her birthday while we all went out to dinner.

 

I'm going to side with your boyfriend. You have your own place so there's no real need to involve him in something, he wasn't asked about. In wanting to play house, for someone who's not quite ready to get married and settle down to the extent of having kids, this would be a substantial red flag.

 

There is no need, but we have a very open relationship and I haven't spent a night at my place in months.

 

I don't agree with the wanting to play house a red flag. We are very much so on the same page when it comes to kids. That is a non issue here. I love the idea and am grateful to have a baby in my life that I can hand back to the parents. :laugh: That being said, just because I liked the idea doesn't mean I am gung-ho "lets make a baby!". He knows that.

  • Author
Posted
Another one siding with your BF, it all seems just a bit skeevy to me.

 

To be honest, I haven't followed your threads much. How long have you been seeing your bf for?

 

I can't imagine being asked to spend time with my SO and babysit a kid after only a short relationship. That would really, really creep me out. It sends a lot of messages and can be overwhelming. It almost feels like you're setting up for a future RIGHT now by "trying it out" with this other child. Think of the pressure, man. It just goons me out thinking about it!

 

I venture to say that I am not the only man that would think this way.

 

Totally understand that, but again we are a very open couple and we talk about things like that often. Our relationship is a bit of a unique one I guess. Met, and have been together non stop since our first date... coming up on 4 months now. We are fairly settled people, go to school and work full time. We were planning on making the move official in april but recently he asked if I would move in officially sooner so in the middle of march his place will be officially ours.

 

As I said I would totally understand the pressure thing, but I am not as naive to just volunteer us if I did not think he would be ok with it. He had brought up babysitting before which is why again... I was excited.

 

I guess it just sort of threw me off. After the talk I made it very clear that I was going to babysit, and he could either be a part of that or not. I told him I would love for him to help, and that this would not be a regular thing, but that if push came to shove I would just keep him at my place. He then said "I could come over for an hour so" and I shot that down saying he either does it with me completely or not at all.

Posted
There is no need, but we have a very open relationship and I haven't spent a night at my place in months.

 

I don't agree with the wanting to play house a red flag. We are very much so on the same page when it comes to kids. That is a non issue here. I love the idea and am grateful to have a baby in my life that I can hand back to the parents. :laugh: That being said, just because I liked the idea doesn't mean I am gung-ho "lets make a baby!". He knows that.

Are you sure he knows that? Also, if he doesn't like your friend, why would he want to babysit her six week old baby overnight?

 

I honestly can't understand your perspective. Your b/f is his own person, allowed to have his own opinions and desires. Never forget that. Give him some respect, not because he's a man but because you do love and respect him. There are some boundaries that people in respectful relationships don't cross.

Posted
He then said "I could come over for an hour so" and I shot that down saying he either does it with me completely or not at all.

Why is it your way or the highway? You can't find a middle ground? I think his idea is reasonable.

 

Keeping an infant overnight isn't a small thing, as he'll probably interrupt your sleep throughout the night. I love kids and babies, so it wouldn't be a problem for me - but I can see why some people wouldn't be crazy about the idea.

  • Like 2
Posted

I am so confused. Is this baby's mother your sister? Your sister-in-law? If not, how the heck is the baby your 'nephew?' And does 'bf' stand for 'best friend' or 'boyfriend?'

 

Honestly, if would be a lot more cleaner and clearer of a post if you left all the cutesy stuff and nicknames out so we could get a better bead on 'who is who.'

 

If your boyfriend doesn't want to babysit your 6 week old 'nephew/friend baby/whatever,' I don't blame him. It's not his kid and he doesn't like her, so he probably has no desire to do her any favors. As long as he's respectful of them in person and doesn't try to ruin your friendship, he is entitled to his feeling about her as long as he keeps it to himself. But I don't see how he can do that if you're effectively shoving some kid down his throat.

 

Now. Is the baby really your nephew? If so, yeah, he should be more amicable to developing a relationship with this kid as he might become family someday. But if the kid just belong to your 'bf/best friend,' then your expectations are waaaaaaayyyyy to high.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
Are you sure he knows that? Also, if he doesn't like your friend, why would he want to babysit her six week old baby overnight?

 

I honestly can't understand your perspective. Your b/f is his own person, allowed to have his own opinions and desires. Never forget that. Give him some respect, not because he's a man but because you do love and respect him. There are some boundaries that people in respectful relationships don't cross.

 

YES. He definitely knows that. We both are full time students and have MANY other plans. ****, marriage isn't even something that will be happening anytime soon.

 

I guess the reason why I would think he would be ok is because he knows how much she and him mean to me. I have made it very clear that they mean the world to me and even if he doesn't agree to babysit now, he knows that they will be in my life and babysitting will happen eventually. I am not going to MAKE him do anything, I do love him and if he REALLY is that not ok with it, I will just babysit him alone. I just assumed he would be happy to do it with me. We had talked in passing of babysitting for her before. A part of me thinks he is freaked out by the fact that he is so little, but I guess since I spend time with him I know it really isn't that big of a deal.

Posted

It sounds a little bit like you "volunteered him" to help out with the job. I don't blame him for balking.

 

My sister used to volunteer my poor brother-in-law to help the elderly neighbors around their house, drive a friend to the airport, pick up groceries for a relative, etc. He put up with it for a while but eventually told her that he had enough to do without being put on the hook for other people's business LOL.

  • Like 1
Posted
YES. He definitely knows that. We both are full time students and have MANY other plans. ****, marriage isn't even something that will be happening anytime soon.

 

I guess the reason why I would think he would be ok is because he knows how much she and him mean to me. I have made it very clear that they mean the world to me and even if he doesn't agree to babysit now, he knows that they will be in my life and babysitting will happen eventually. I am not going to MAKE him do anything, I do love him and if he REALLY is that not ok with it, I will just babysit him alone. I just assumed he would be happy to do it with me. We had talked in passing of babysitting for her before. A part of me thinks he is freaked out by the fact that he is so little, but I guess since I spend time with him I know it really isn't that big of a deal.

 

 

Well, you expected wrong. Now that you know how he REALLY feels about that, you need to respect that and not make similar demands/requests in the future. Problem solved.

  • Author
Posted
I am so confused. Is this baby's mother your sister? Your sister-in-law? If not, how the heck is the baby your 'nephew?' And does 'bf' stand for 'best friend' or 'boyfriend?'

 

Honestly, if would be a lot more cleaner and clearer of a post if you left all the cutesy stuff and nicknames out so we could get a better bead on 'who is who.'

 

If your boyfriend doesn't want to babysit your 6 week old 'nephew/friend baby/whatever,' I don't blame him. It's not his kid and he doesn't like her, so he probably has no desire to do her any favors. As long as he's respectful of them in person and doesn't try to ruin your friendship, he is entitled to his feeling about her as long as he keeps it to himself. But I don't see how he can do that if you're effectively shoving some kid down his throat.

 

Now. Is the baby really your nephew? If so, yeah, he should be more amicable to developing a relationship with this kid as he might become family someday. But if the kid just belong to your 'bf/best friend,' then your expectations are waaaaaaayyyyy to high.

 

I apologize, bf is best friend, we have been close best friends since we were 10. We are not blood but might as well be. Since birth he has been my "nephew" her family calls me his auntie and everything... So yes and no. He is my nephew by all terms, but not by blood.

 

 

and I am not SHOVING the kid down his throat. I brought it up, he stated his opinion and said he would think about it. I dropped it after that, how exactly am I shoving it down his throat? It isn't like we had a 3 hour FIGHT over it.

Posted
YES. He definitely knows that. We both are full time students and have MANY other plans. ****, marriage isn't even something that will be happening anytime soon.

 

I guess the reason why I would think he would be ok is because he knows how much she and him mean to me. I have made it very clear that they mean the world to me and even if he doesn't agree to babysit now, he knows that they will be in my life and babysitting will happen eventually. I am not going to MAKE him do anything, I do love him and if he REALLY is that not ok with it, I will just babysit him alone. I just assumed he would be happy to do it with me. We had talked in passing of babysitting for her before. A part of me thinks he is freaked out by the fact that he is so little, but I guess since I spend time with him I know it really isn't that big of a deal.

You owe him an apology for expecting too much and getting angry and hurt at him. While I understand your disappointment that he wouldn't want to "make you happy", it's really okay for him to have a differing opinion.

 

The above said, if he's forever harping about how terrible your best friend is, then you also need to assert yourself and tell him that you don't want to hear anymore.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
Well, you expected wrong. Now that you know how he REALLY feels about that, you need to respect that and not make similar demands/requests in the future. Problem solved.

 

As I said, he is being confusing. He had already offered ONCE to watch the baby alone for a few hours one night, and we have talked about babysitting before.

 

 

I don't know. It is what it is I guess!

Posted
I apologize, bf is best friend, we have been close best friends since we were 10. We are not blood but might as well be. Since birth he has been my "nephew" her family calls me his auntie and everything... So yes and no. He is my nephew by all terms, but not by blood.

 

 

and I am not SHOVING the kid down his throat. I brought it up, he stated his opinion and said he would think about it. I dropped it after that, how exactly am I shoving it down his throat? It isn't like we had a 3 hour FIGHT over it.

 

Well, by going on and on about how much she and the baby mean to you...a lot men might take that as you using guilt to 'make' them deal with them. Offering to babysit overnight without consulting him first....hey, I LOVE babies but if my fiance volunteered me to do a job for a person I didn't like without asking me first, I would feel angry and disrespectful. Giving him the ultimatum "you either babysit the whole night or not at all' junk is unfair and you basically spit in his face when he tried to comprimise with you.

 

Can you not see it from his point of view at all? Personally, I think you owe him an apology.

 

Unless they are going to be BLOOD family, then he really doesn't have to interact with them EVER if he doesn't want too. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as he is respectful of your relationship and doesn't try to come between you and your friends.

  • Author
Posted
You owe him an apology for expecting too much and getting angry and hurt at him. While I understand your disappointment that he wouldn't want to "make you happy", it's really okay for him to have a differing opinion.

 

The above said, if he's forever harping about how terrible your best friend is, then you also need to assert yourself and tell him that you don't want to hear anymore.

 

I definitely will. Odd enough, I have a feeling he will agree to do it.

Mostly because he was sounding more inclined after I assured him it was a one time thing. He then said "She better be aware that IF WE DO this for her, it will be a once every 3 months sort of things, not a once a month thing.

 

 

That was good enough for me, I just got so caught up when talking to her about it that I was a bit more hurt and flustered when he declined.

  • Like 1
Posted
I definitely will. Odd enough, I have a feeling he will agree to do it.

Mostly because he was sounding more inclined after I assured him it was a one time thing. He then said "She better be aware that IF WE DO this for her, it will be a once every 3 months sort of things, not a once a month thing.

 

 

That was good enough for me, I just got so caught up when talking to her about it that I was a bit more hurt and flustered when he declined.

Good. In flexing towards him through apology, he just might flex further towards you.

 

But yes, do tell your friend his perspective on once in awhile, rather than once a month. That's another good boundary to assert.

  • Author
Posted
Well, by going on and on about how much she and the baby mean to you...a lot men might take that as you using guilt to 'make' them deal with them. Offering to babysit overnight without consulting him first....hey, I LOVE babies but if my fiance volunteered me to do a job for a person I didn't like without asking me first, I would feel angry and disrespectful. Giving him the ultimatum "you either babysit the whole night or not at all' junk is unfair and you basically spit in his face when he tried to comprimise with you.

 

Can you not see it from his point of view at all? Personally, I think you owe him an apology.

 

Unless they are going to be BLOOD family, then he really doesn't have to interact with them EVER if he doesn't want too. And I don't think there is anything wrong with that as long as he is respectful of your relationship and doesn't try to come between you and your friends.

 

 

I don't go on and on. :laugh: Just in passing when I have visited him and her or when we go out... it just is clear. She is my best friend, my ONLY friend, and it is pretty clear.

 

I do agree that it was a bit much to say the whole "help completely or not at all." That was harsh and I was just being difficult. I know that.

 

 

I want to be clear that we didn't fight the whole night. We are pretty level headed and honestly after that discussion/argument, we were fine. Our banter while arguing tends to be pretty playful so it never is that bad. One of us always comes around spouting "im sorry's" and showering the other in kisses. We both did last night right after, so it really wasn't that bad. I just wanted to see if it was really that unreasonable for me to ask him to help.

 

 

I will definitely apologize again not today because I want to give him some time to actually think it over. But I want to say, I am not THAT crazy of a girlfriend and I will happily babysit solo if he insists in not participating.

Posted
I was excited , because 1. I am a woman and love babies, and 2. Was giddy at the idea of seeing how he is around a baby. He however was very wary of the idea and did NOT react how I thought he would.

 

I personally would have been happy to babysit the kid. I like kids.

 

However, it's a poor choice to babysit a 6 week old overnight. Especially with little to no experience doing so.

 

What would you tell your BF if the baby dies of SIDS during the night? How does the baby sleep on it's back or side? Do you have the equipment or training required to handle an emergency situation?

 

Also... did the mother drink, smoke, or do drugs during the pregnancy. Those can all create high risk situations.

Posted

Wait - who leaves a 6 week old baby overnight?! This isn't a puppy.

  • Author
Posted
I personally would have been happy to babysit the kid. I like kids.

 

However, it's a poor choice to babysit a 6 week old overnight. Especially with little to no experience doing so.

 

What would you tell your BF if the baby dies of SIDS during the night? How does the baby sleep on it's back or side? Do you have the equipment or training required to handle an emergency situation?

 

Also... did the mother drink, smoke, or do drugs during the pregnancy. Those can all create high risk situations.

 

 

No drinking smoking or drugs during the pregnancy. When discussing the babysitting she made it clear her and I would need to get together sometime before so she can give me a run down on everything.

 

He will be 14 weeks when we actually do babysit, and I completely understand the concerns it is definitely a responsibility, but if she trusts me and wants to go through with it I am more than willing.

  • Author
Posted
Wait - who leaves a 6 week old baby overnight?! This isn't a puppy.

 

That was one of his points. I personally was not aware it was such a big deal. My parents left me with my grandmother overnight when I was a baby.

 

To each their own I guess.

Posted
That was one of his points. I personally was not aware it was such a big deal. My parents left me with my grandmother overnight when I was a baby.

 

To each their own I guess.

That's family and an experienced mother. Different.
Posted

 

I will definitely apologize again not today because I want to give him some time to actually think it over. But I want to say, I am not THAT crazy of a girlfriend and I will happily babysit solo if he insists in not participating.

 

Try something like this, "Hey, I just want to apologize for the other night. It was wrong for me to volunteer to watch the baby without asking you first. I can see how you would feel pressured and disrespected and that wasn't my intent at all. Sometimes I just get excited and forget not everyone loves this boy as much as I do. I want you to know I'm OK with that and plan to watch him alone at my place. The next day, do you mind if I treat you to an "I'm sorry" dinner the night after?"

 

My guess is if you come at him sincerely and respectfully, he will melt like butter. And who knows? Once that pressure is gone, he may just warm right up to that baby!

×
×
  • Create New...