clockworkmouse Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 hey guys, i recently broke up with my girlfriend and was hoping you all could help me figure out what is going on and what went wrong. I recently moved to a new city and dont have many friends that i can talk about this stuff with. So I met my ex-girlfriend about 2 years ago. At first I wasn't sexually atracted to her, but I thought that she was a realy cool person. Our personalities matched perfectly and had a lot of fun together. pretty quickly we were sleeping together and being with each other almost everyday. You see, we were always friends first...lovers second. And i think that is ultimatly what led to us breaking up. It took us a long time to establish that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and it took me even longer to actually tell her "I love you". this was my first serious relationship and to tell you the truth i was a little scared to say those words. anyway, after a year of being together, I made a life changing decision that i dont need to go into right now. I moved to Florida for school and made plans for a occupation that would take me all over the United States. We decided to stay together and try to make a long distance relationship work. Things were working out good for the first 5 months. We would talk on the phone every other day, whenever i had a break in school I would fly home to see her. about 2 weeks after i last saw her on 4 of july break, she stopped calling me. She wouldnt answer her phone when i called, and had coworkers lie to me when i tried reaching her a work. This absolutly tore me up on the inside. I couldn't figure out why she was doing this to me. When i finaly got threw to her, she told me that the LDR was not working out. It was going to be another 4 to 5 months before i would see her again, and she told me that the relationship was putting to much stress on her. At first the whole thing was real negative and bitter, she felt that i had been taking the whole relationship for granted . I felt like she was being immature for cutting all communication off. we decided to take a couple of days to think about things and then talk to each other again. the second time around whent a lot better. You see she is a complicated girl and she had been going to threw a lot of changes (me moving away, her best friends moving away, drugs/alcohol problems.) and she just needed a break from the relationship. i was understanding when she said that the only way she could deal with it was to just stop talking to me for a while. We both agreed that we were best friends and always wanted to be a part of each others lives, but we were just too young and inexperienced to try and keep a LDR working. We decided to stay friends, keep in contact, date other people....and maybee some day we could be together again. I was OK with that, but it was realy tough. It so cliche, but its true. you realy dont know what you had untill you loose it. She was my best friend, the most amazing person i have ever met, and someone that i want to be a part of my life even if i cant call her my girlfriend. we talked on the phone a few times after that, she told me that if i ever needed to talk to some one i could always call her. it was rough for me, but the fact that we could stay friends and keep in contact helped me feel less lonely. then about a week after we broke up, she stopped answering her phone again and wouldn't return my calls. I finaly got threw to her and she sounded kind of messed up on something. I asked her why it was so hard to get a hold of her and why she was doing this. She told me that she understood and that i deserved a answer, she just had to think about it for a little bit. She said that she would call me in the morning and we would talk about it. she never called me back. that was the last time i spoke with her. since then i have written her a letter, and left one voicemail. In the letter i basicly told her all the things i should have been telling her when we were together. you see our breaking up was kind of a wake up call for me. she realy is the most amazing, wonderfull and beutifull person i have ever met. I was just too hung up on my own problems and insecurities to realy open myself up to her. The ending of the letter was basicly me saying that I had a lot of growing up to do, and she had a lot of thinking to do...whenever you are ready to talk about stuff you can give me a call. That was about 2 weeks ago. I know she has a new boyfriend now, and i am ok with that. I just dont want things to end like this. so if you have gotten this far....thank you for reading, i just dont have many people to talk about this stuff with. what should i do? every day i think about her, and want to call her. but then i tell myself "no she will call when she is ready to talk to you". but then i think "you idiot she obviously DOES'T want to talk to you, she's never going to call and you are going to fade from her memory like lastnights dreams."' So dear friends, what should i do? This is not some last ditch effort to salvage a long gone romantic relationship. This is me trying to keep my best friend, this is me trying to understand what is going on. should i call her? should i wait it out? I am going home for thanksgiving and badly want to meet with her...what should i do? thanks for reading sad, lonely and confused.
overseas2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 The only two things I can say is that... she doesn't want to talk to you so you should not try to force her. That will only drive you out of her life even further. If you stop talking to her and start focusing on other things, soon enough she will fade from your life too. Jeez I wish it could be easier but its not.
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