Motivation: Insert answer here

[Luckydad]

I used to come here all the time. Back then, my marriage was agonizingly frustrating. This was a great place where I could air my dirty laundry and glean sage advice from a number of much wiser individuals than I . Eventually I became separated. Then divorced. Now, 4.5 years later, I’m back here.

 

3 years ago I made a choice to abstain from women/socializing/sex. All of it.

 

It was easy to justify. More time to spend with my kids, none of my money going to someone else, no drama, no one to report to as to my whereabouts, no one to piss off, annoy, or disappoint. Perfect!

 

Although it was initially “unnatural” for me to simply turn off the desire, I was able to constantly remind myself of why I made this choice. One year later, I patted myself on the back, had a look in the mirror, and said to myself, “Self, how have I let myself go to this?”

 

Once I made the decision to go “Monk”, I subconsciously began putting on weight. My workouts went from 3-4 times a week to weekly, to never. The 5-6 small, healthy meals a day habit that I made part of my lifestyle for 10 years (increases metabolic rate) went down to one or two unhealthy meals a day. I had changed my body for the worse, so that I would be self-conscious, and lack any confidence to try and meet women.

 

I know that I need to lose some weight for health reasons, but herein lies my issue: How do I get back into fitness when not motivated by sex?

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love sex and want it as much as the next guy. I’m just not willing to do the deed anymore because of the inherent negative consequences. While I realize this is not the case for a lot of people, it is for me.

 

How do I keep myself motivated? 12 years ago, when I got into fitness, I lost a boat-load of weight and kept it off for the better part of a decade. My motivation however was sex. Either more sex from my spouse (which never happened anyhow!) when I was married, or more sex from various lady friends when I was single (which did happen, more often than I ever imagined..). There is really nothing even remotely as powerful of a driver than sex to push me to remain disciplined about exercise/nutrition, but I’m committed to life-long abstinence.

 

I’ve had fits and starts when trying to get back onto the fitness track, but can simply not sustain my motivation….Can anyone offer up some ideas, insight?

[tman666]

Well, if your username suggests anything about yourself in real life, I'd say do it for your kids. Being a parent doesn't stop after they turn 18. At 27, I'm enjoying the hell out of being able to hang out with my dad and go do things like fishing, hunting, cross country skiing, backpacking, hiking, etc. Joining him on those excursions has been one of the most valuable times for us to connect. Physical abilities aside, don't you want to be around as long as possible to be present in your kids' lives?

 

Even if you're not a father, why not just pursue it to be a better you and make the most out of what you've got?

 

As harsh as it sounds, if you're unhappy with where you're at, but you're unwilling to change your own behavior and do the work it takes to improve your situation, then you're basically admitting that you are fine with how things currently are. And hey, if that's the case, far be it from anyone else to judge you.

 

My advice is to start small. Ask yourself what you can do TODAY to improve your fitness/nutrition, and then DO IT. If you hold yourself accountable for a small task every day, you'll soon have a good habit on your hands.

 

My other piece of advice is to believe in yourself. You can reach your goals if you properly apply yourself to them. You'll fall and stumble like everyone else, but if you are relentless about refusing to quit, you can achieve great things.

[Luckydad]

Those are some great suggestions Tman!

 

One thing I failed to mention is self-sabotage has also been a factor. Like I said, I've had a week here and a week there where I was able to start a routine and stick to it..however once the feelings of self-confidence started returning, I found myself suddenly second-guessing my "Monk" lifestyle choice. Fear of dropping one discipline led to dropping another.

 

I do have 2 amazing teenagers that I currently spend time with hiking, x'c skiing, fishing, and camping (Your dad sounds awesome!) and would like to keep doing many years from now.

 

Perhaps my issue has more to do with self-confidence, and how to both embrace it and control it...?

[tman666]

I guess I'm not understanding how having self-confidence is a bad thing. Are you sure that you still need your "monk" lifestyle? To me, that sounds like a good *temporary* strategy to clear your head and re-evaluate your goals, but preventing yourself from living your life, especially when it's knocking on your front door, seems counter intuitive.

 

Obviously, none of us here know you personally or what you've gone through, but I think finding self confidence is a good thing. I personally think that it's wise to re-evaluate lifestyle choices from time to time. Just because the monk lifestyle helped you in the past doesn't mean that it's necessarily the right choice now.

[nerd]

I'm much more fit now than I was a year ago. I'd say that it feels good to have energy - I can quickly climb several flights of stairs, and even though I get winded eventually, I recover in much less time than I used to. If I need to get to a bus stop that's a half mile away I can do it in 5 minutes without even breathing hard. I can help a friend move without being totally spent at the end of the day. Etc, etc...

[fortyninethousand322]

Are you into sports? Join an adult league or maybe an adult open gym night or something.

 

When I got really into basketball I realized how important it was to be in shape and have muscle and all of that. Since then I've developed a real liking for weight lifting. Some habits are gateways into others.

 

Also, maybe set goals for yourself like being able to lift X weight, or running a marathon, or being able to run a mile under X minutes. They're trivial in the grand scheme of things, but the sense of accomplishment and working towards it can be really rewarding.

 

Good luck!