Unhappy relationship and bf won't do anything about it. I feel stuck :(

[Finalinaa]

Hallo, I'm new here because I feel stuck in my situation and dont know what to do. I met my bf 3 years ago, he was nice and sweet and "into me". 3 years later now we have lots of problems... I brought 2 kids Ito this relationship and we had another one 1.5 years ago. He is a good father to his daughter a bit stricter with my boys. The whole 3 years we were arguing about many things. First he "chatted" with his exes and didn't see anything wrong with it. Even slept on a coach with a friend of outs while I was gone to see my friends in another city. I know nothing happened between them but still. Every time we fight he just won't do anything about it... It always my fault. He knows how I feel and how hurt I am but he won't do anything to make me "happy". Sometimes a brings me flowers but that only last for a day and then we are back to the old. I find he doesn't care about I we are happy or not. I know he isn't cheating.. He just doesn't care about me or us or I don't know. He comes home and ******* every day about something and that turns me off right away. I'm in bad mood every day because I just can find that happiness. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave because I already had to leave my ex husband who cheated on me twice so i don't wanna do this to my kids and family again. My kids are only 8,6 and 1.5. I feel stuck. I tried to change things and be happy but I just can't anymore. I'm done fighting for our relationship and hat wish he would finally realize he needs to do something to save this. We just don't have a happy relationship anymore and I'm sure he sees that too but doesn't do anything to change it. He never puts a smile on my face, never makes me laugh. I know what the right answer is and I should just leave him but I feel like I can't. Anybody been in this situation or can give any advise? I don't know what to do anymore. I know he won't go to counseling because it's expensive and we live outside of the city so it's hard to make time to drive in an find somebody to watch the kids. I just don't wanna live my life miserable anymore and that's all what my days are about thinking about how unhappy I am. I'm in a ok mood all day till I see him and then as soon as I see that he doesn't care about my feelings or happiness and ******* I is just careless I get very sad and won't talk to him. U don't know how to get out of this anymore. I feel exhausted. Please give me some advise! Thanks for readig

[ceres12]

Have you tried sitting him down for a serious heart to heart talk? Everything you just said have you tried saying the same to him? Just because you have kids does not give an excuse to keep you miserable? If you are not happy don't you think the kids will notice? Kids have a way of sensing emotions too you know? If you are truly unhappy you should not stay in a relationship because of the "kids" I know it is hard but it wont be the first or last time there is a single mother with strong wills and happy!

 

You should definitely talk to him, tell him everything you just said here, tell him you feel upset, unhappy and you feel you are the one fighting for the relationship ALL the time. Tell him that if he does not care whether he is with you or not to just tell you so you can find your own happiness on your own. Otherwise what is the point of been in a relationship if your unhappy? relationships are supposed to be exciting fun, loving, sure there are arguments that is normal, but all the time is just unhealthy.

 

I feel in relationships things would be so much easier if the person who isn't happy or who does not want to be in a relationship anymore simply would say so instead of holding it in and eventually cheating on the other and make a hell a lot of more problems would be so much easier! Right? if people were actually more honest the world would be a little bit better? Eventually people move on.

 

It is a duo thing, either you care just like i do, or you don't and we both go our separate ways.

 

Just share your concerns, think about things throughly, and come to a conclusion, if lets say in a month or two things don't change then you either stay or walk away.

 

you have to do what makes you happy, you can't be "stuck" there is always a way to happiness. Relationship or no relationship.

 

best of luck

[Mr. Lucky]

He knows how I feel and how hurt I am but he won't do anything to make me "happy". Sometimes a brings me flowers but that only last for a day and then we are back to the old. I find he doesn't care about I we are happy or not.

Some red flags in your approach here . I don't know of anyone that fights or argues with the goal of making their partner "happy". You may be hurt, he may be also. But you come across as doing what you accuse him of - focusing on your happiness and feelings rather than the health of your relationship. Those are often two different things that require compromise on the both sides. The problem - and solution - doesn't seem to be entirely with him ....

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lillyfree]

so... let's see.

 

he's a good father, doesn't cheat, sometimes brings you flowers. so far, so good.

 

BUT, he doesn't make you happy. HE doesn't put a smile on your face. HE doesn't make you laugh.

he comes home and complains, and doesn't realise how unhappy that makes you.

 

let's try and see things from his perspective:

he sees you as his partner, a person he can confide in. so after a tough day he comes home and needs to discuss what's bothering him, and you get sulky and stop talking to him. you're fine all day and get miserable when he walks through the door. he comes home and is greeted with a frown. you're always in a bad mood. you're contemplating ending things. you don't communicate with him and seem passive-aggressive.

 

your whole post is about what he doesn't do and what you want.

did you think that he might not be getting what he wants in this relationship?

[Nyla]

Hallo, I'm new here because I feel stuck in my situation and dont know what to do. I met my bf 3 years ago, he was nice and sweet and "into me". 3 years later now we have lots of problems... I brought 2 kids Ito this relationship and we had another one 1.5 years ago. He is a good father to his daughter a bit stricter with my boys. The whole 3 years we were arguing about many things. First he "chatted" with his exes and didn't see anything wrong with it. Even slept on a coach with a friend of outs while I was gone to see my friends in another city. I know nothing happened between them but still. Every time we fight he just won't do anything about it... It always my fault. He knows how I feel and how hurt I am but he won't do anything to make me "happy". Sometimes a brings me flowers but that only last for a day and then we are back to the old. I find he doesn't care about I we are happy or not. I know he isn't cheating.. He just doesn't care about me or us or I don't know. He comes home and ******* every day about something and that turns me off right away. I'm in bad mood every day because I just can find that happiness. I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave because I already had to leave my ex husband who cheated on me twice so i don't wanna do this to my kids and family again. My kids are only 8,6 and 1.5. I feel stuck. I tried to change things and be happy but I just can't anymore. I'm done fighting for our relationship and hat wish he would finally realize he needs to do something to save this. We just don't have a happy relationship anymore and I'm sure he sees that too but doesn't do anything to change it. He never puts a smile on my face, never makes me laugh. I know what the right answer is and I should just leave him but I feel like I can't. Anybody been in this situation or can give any advise? I don't know what to do anymore. I know he won't go to counseling because it's expensive and we live outside of the city so it's hard to make time to drive in an find somebody to watch the kids. I just don't wanna live my life miserable anymore and that's all what my days are about thinking about how unhappy I am. I'm in a ok mood all day till I see him and then as soon as I see that he doesn't care about my feelings or happiness and ******* I is just careless I get very sad and won't talk to him. U don't know how to get out of this anymore. I feel exhausted. Please give me some advise! Thanks for readig

 

Just because someone brings you flowers, it doesn't mean they love and respect you. Your boyfriend is just doing that to smooth things over when he knows he's screwed up.

 

It is unacceptable for your boyfriend to be "chatting" to his exes if it makes you uncomfortable, especially since he knows your history of being a BS! When you say he "slept on a friend's couch" while you were away, do you mean that your mutual friend is female? Please clarify.

 

I suspect that you are unhappy because you know that you cannot trust your boyfriend. It seems like he doesn't respect your feelings at all and why should you be happy about that? I think it also makes you sad that you have built a life and family with this man, yet you have come to see that he cares very little for your feelings. How would he respond if you were doing the same things?