Homealone61 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I've been married 27 years,with my wife for 32 years. We've been through the same arguments since day 1. Money,sex or growing apart. About 2 months ago the money one started again. She has looked after the money our whole relationship. We both work, her 35 hr a week me about 65 hr a week. I spent money from the sale of a bike on another bike for my daughter. This started a series of events that ended with her taking off her ring and moving out. She cut up her credit card,got her own and started her own bank account.she told me that from now on I was responsible for the banking and all the bills would be split. She has been so angry for months blowing up at the smallest issues. Her father died suddenly last summer and I don't think she has really dealt with it. I have also noticed her cycle has been vary erratic for about a year. She won't see a doctor to get her hormone levels checked and just keeps saying how unhappy she is and saying she needs time to figure this out. I don't know how to do this, I am heart broken and miss her so much. She says she doesn't want to hurt me but she needs to like herself before she can work on us. My emotions are all over the place from anger to the fear that my actions have driven her to this.
Yasuandio Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You are very perceptive about the homonal balance angle. But the change in the financial arrangement smacks of her being up to something. And the bike was just an excuse for the sudden "left turn." I'd have a good look at the on-line cell phone records - and order all the text data from your carrier sent to your work address from the last year or so. Check all the other accounts. And keep your mouth shut. 3
Holyoak Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 This started a series of events that ended with her taking off her ring and moving out. She has been so angry for months blowing up at the smallest issues. Her father died suddenly last summer and I don't think she has really dealt with it. just keeps saying how unhappy she is and saying she needs time to figure this out. Perhaps you know these are classic conditions, situations, and symptoms that spell affair. I wish I could say otherwise, but I would be lying. For me, my STBXWW ANGER was the biggest red flag that I experienced about her affair. I could hardly breathe right without her bitching, and blowing up in rage... Guess seconds away from POS really take their toll. Unfortunately, I have read of MANY affairs starting after the loss of a parent or other very close family member. Seems these predator types want to "soothe" people in distress, and are the lowest form of cheater scum. She could be feigning rage, setting you up to argue, then the "That's it, I'm outa here"... All an act to hook-up, gaslight the **** out of you. Not to be mean, but if she is having an affair, DO NOT believe a single word she says, and half of what she does. Verify EVERYTHING! Lastly: "My emotions are all over the place from anger to the fear that my actions have driven her to this." Be easy on yourself, and do not show her this side. My gut says she is cheating, and if so, her actions are 150% on her. I don't care if you called her the "C" word every 5 seconds, cheating is ALWAYS WRONG! Believe me, if she is cheating, there will be no end to the blame shifting, and you would have thought by what she talks about the marriage that she was living in a Siberian Gulag, eating a cup of gruel a day. Good luck, and hope you get to the bottom of this, and I HOPE I'm wrong. 2
worldgonewrong Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yasuandio & Holyoak are spot-on. And from what I've read in COUNTLESS threads on Loveshack, "She needs a break" usually translates to, in the end, "She needs to look at another penis". Sorry to be so blunt. I was in denial, too. 1
imtooconfused Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I am not gonna say that the others on this thread are wrong, especially not Yasuandio because they have a lot more experience than I do and the chances are more likely they are right. But it's not necessarily another guy. The hormonal changes and the death of her father are similar things that I experienced. It's entirely possible that she is dealing with a lot of emotional issues and is not finding the level of support that she "thinks" she needs. This is not to say that you did anything wrong, it's more a situation where her needs have changed, so that even she doesn't understand what are her new needs and that she has no idea what will fill those needs. Her statement... She says she doesn't want to hurt me but she needs to like herself before she can work on us. point to this kind of clearly. But the fact that she takes such a selfish way to deal with her issues does not bode well for the future. She will probably never reach a point where she "likes" herself and will search and search for a greener pasture, never finding one. The fact that she puts her needs ahead of yours means that all reasons that you miss her are history, not to return. 1
Author Homealone61 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I lost both parents in the last 7 years,she was the rock that steadied me. One of my regrets is that I wasn't there for her. I let personal feelings toward her father guide the support I showed her. I have to shoulder blame for where we are and keep hope that we can reconcile.
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