destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hi, I have posted before. I am 5 months BU and over a month now of NC. I am feeling better but still have meltdowns everyday. It has affected many areas of my life including work and friendships. I often have thoughts about the relationship and some things that my ex had told me that I cant process. I feel that if I had some clarity on these things it would help in the healing process. Please tell me what you think the following means: During BU this is what my ex said: I still love you - (I dont get why you would break up with someone if you still love them?!) I don't know how to fix things - ( If 2 people are in love, how can you not find a way to fix things?)I will always miss you - (if you miss me and always will, why did you dump me??)I am here for you always anything you need- (bitch please!)I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -(i have no idea what to say to this, is this true?)Months before the break up we went to a psychic, the psychic was telling me that "When I love someone, I love hard" *true*, when she heard this she stepped away and acted like she didn't hear it/want to hear it. I thought that was strange. (the psychic also said that we would break up when she walked away) I know there is more confusing statements, I just can't think right now.
TopCat22 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 None of those things mean anything. They are merely words, probably lies. You answer them yourself. If she loved you so much why break up? Because she no longer loved you. Women don't like teling men things that are difficult to hear, so they try and say something comforting. She wanted out but didn't want to hurt you and in her mind, this was a way of doing it. Sadly it's far crueler. Don't listen to what is said, judge by what it done. You don't need to talk to her to find the answers. She is not with you. That's the answer. If she wanted to be with you she would.
lovelifexx Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I still love you - (She probably had strong feelings for you when she broke up, but not enough to be together with you obviously. Also, when let someone go, we automatically think about what we are losing and we get nostalgic) I don't know how to fix things - ( It's because her feelings weren't strong enough to see that there was a way to fix things. When my ex was so in love and infactuated with me, our age difference was not a problem at all, but when the infactuation phase was over, he started to see all the obstacles) I will always miss you - (people can miss you but still not want to be with you. I can't but I read a lot here how others have felt like that. Also, she was saying how she will feel in the future. You can't listen to that. Our feelings change. Nobody can be sure how they will feel about something in the future.) I am here for you always anything you need- (She believed that at the time, but as time goes on she cares less and less about you. My ex said the same thing, and he doesnt even say hi to me when I run into him.) I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -(I have no idea why she said this. Maybe she was hoping that might happen. ) Months before the break up we went to a psychic, the psychic was telling me that "When I love someone, I love hard" *true*, when she heard this she stepped away and acted like she didn't hear it/want to hear it. I thought that was strange. (Who cares what a total stranger says) The thing is, she probably meant what she said when she said that. She was emotional and sentimental when you broke up and a little scared of letting go. She probably believed this because she still had strong feelings for you, but not strong enough to stay with you. Then as time went on she started to feel better (much quicker than you) and those feelings disappeared a lot or completely, so that she doesn't love you at all anymore and she actually doesn't really miss you. She may have been surprised herself. My ex was super emotional when he broke up with me. He said all the same things. I believe he really thought that he "would always love me" etc. But, as for us, time heals all wounds. We are the same way. Read what all the heartbroken people here write: "I feel like I will never meet anyone like him/her again." I will never love someone as much as her". "I feel like my life is over." And what happens? Almost every single person here will fall in love again. And will come to a point when they don't miss their ex anymore. The dumpers are the same. The difference is that they feel like that for a few days or weeks. Whereas we feel like that for months or even years.
Addison312 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Those are all just things people say to the dumpee to try to lessen the sting. They mean nothing so don't waste your time dwelling. What you should hear is: I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Because she doesn't. 1
flitzanu Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hi, I have posted before. I am 5 months BU and over a month now of NC. I am feeling better but still have meltdowns everyday. It has affected many areas of my life including work and friendships. I often have thoughts about the relationship and some things that my ex had told me that I cant process. I feel that if I had some clarity on these things it would help in the healing process. Please tell me what you think the following means: During BU this is what my ex said: I still love you - (I dont get why you would break up with someone if you still love them?!) I don't know how to fix things - ( If 2 people are in love, how can you not find a way to fix things?)I will always miss you - (if you miss me and always will, why did you dump me??)I am here for you always anything you need- (bitch please!)I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -(i have no idea what to say to this, is this true?)Months before the break up we went to a psychic, the psychic was telling me that "When I love someone, I love hard" *true*, when she heard this she stepped away and acted like she didn't hear it/want to hear it. I thought that was strange. (the psychic also said that we would break up when she walked away) I know there is more confusing statements, I just can't think right now. these are the exact things that every single ex says when they are dumping someone. she doesn't want to feel guilty and is trying to let you down easy. none of what happened or was said in the past has any relevance on "right now". 1
KatZee Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Lol this is hilarious. My ex dropped bullet points 1-5 on me as well. It was a joke. You love me? I'm so great? I'm your best friend? So why are you dumping me? Also told me that if I ever needed to call him for advice or to vent or anything he'd be there for me. I was like *bitch please! You haven't been here for me when we're together, why are you going to start now?! Also said that he didn't know how to be in a relationship and fix things. This is the only thing I believe is true. He's like King Midas on Opposite Day. Everything he touches turns to s.hit. He ruined his last relationship, he ruined it with me. He's just an idiot. I wouldn't dwell on these things that were said. It's BS. It's them working through their own crap and their own guilt. But at the end of the day, they don't want you. 3
Waz Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You always should look for the facts, no words at all. These words could mean anything, from a gentle let down, to something that even your ex doesn't know. These words for me, are like the words you say while in a bad argument in the relationship. You said things but after time passes or even almost immediately, you realize you didn't mean it. It's pointless to analyze them. I have done it too, but it took me nowhere. See the facts, combine them and accept the truth as it is, as hard or not it is.
becks77 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hi, I have posted before. I am 5 months BU and over a month now of NC. I am feeling better but still have meltdowns everyday. It has affected many areas of my life including work and friendships. I often have thoughts about the relationship and some things that my ex had told me that I cant process. I feel that if I had some clarity on these things it would help in the healing process. Please tell me what you think the following means: During BU this is what my ex said: I still love you - (I dont get why you would break up with someone if you still love them?!)I don't know how to fix things - ( If 2 people are in love, how can you not find a way to fix things?)I will always miss you - (if you miss me and always will, why did you dump me??)I am here for you always anything you need- (bitch please!)I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -(i have no idea what to say to this, is this true?)Months before the break up we went to a psychic, the psychic was telling me that "When I love someone, I love hard" *true*, when she heard this she stepped away and acted like she didn't hear it/want to hear it. I thought that was strange. (the psychic also said that we would break up when she walked away) I know there is more confusing statements, I just can't think right now. My ex said the same things - it messes with your head and gives you false hope but like the PPs have said, if they meant it then you wouldn't be breaking up. I think they do have feelings and will miss us to some extent but not enough to make them want to try again - I still care for my first love who I broke up with because he cheated on me - I gave him a second chance but I ended up resenting him and ended it eventually - but when I said I'd miss him and still cared for him, I meant it - I just wasn't IN love with him anymore or willing to give it another go.
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 topcat- yep, they end up being all lies and its so hard not to believe. loveliff- yes, you put this in simple terms and it is definitely helping me put the final piece of the puzzle together so I can move on to the acceptance phase. It is pretty heartbreaking. I think, when they say things like this, they have already digested the fact that they don't want to be with you and this is just residual of that. Ironically, this is confirmation that it is OVER. So when she said this to me, she was over it already and I was still in the shock phase. addison and flitzanu and katzee- damn I thought my relationship was special, and those words meant that there is still something left to hang on too....I thought I was more special than others on these boards because my ex said those things that there maybe a chance my ex would come back??? lol...but I guess I am not different and situation is typical...oh well. waz- the truth is so hard to accept. But I think knowing how things work is helpful in moving forward. becks77- yes but in your case, he did something to you that compromised your trust. I did not do anything to this person...there was fighting, arguing and accusations. Anyway, I think the real reason she fought with me was bc she fell out of love with me/the infatuation was over and she wanted to break it off.
flitzanu Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 per thinking your relationship was special and unique... we all want to think that. sad truth is, they never are, at least not once they are over. the special times you had DID in fact happen and DID mean something, but they do not ANYMORE. that's what you need to stop getting hung up on...and why these words no longer matter. 1
4play20 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 sorry to hear about that man. I just broke up with my ex girlfriend and i literally used all of those lines while she was begging me not to break up with her. Truthfully, it is just to lessen the sting. Normally in a break up, the person who is doing the breaking up has been upset for a long time and just been trying to figure out how to break up with the other. Which means that they actually care about the feelings of the other. But after a long while of these feelings, the person becomes numb and has to end it. That is why they say all those things, because they truly do care for your feelings, simply just do not love you the same as they did in the beginning. it may not be you at all, you might be a great person.. just not for that girl. And you got the rug pulled out from under you so you were not expecting the pain and it does suck. But you seem intelligent. move on. I promise you that there will be girls in the future that are well worth it. Just remember this feeling, because next time you just want to sleep with a girl, remember that things like this are a possibility in the end.
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 sorry to hear about that man. I just broke up with my ex girlfriend and i literally used all of those lines while she was begging me not to break up with her. Truthfully, it is just to lessen the sting. Normally in a break up, the person who is doing the breaking up has been upset for a long time and just been trying to figure out how to break up with the other. Which means that they actually care about the feelings of the other. But after a long while of these feelings, the person becomes numb and has to end it. That is why they say all those things, because they truly do care for your feelings, simply just do not love you the same as they did in the beginning. it may not be you at all, you might be a great person.. just not for that girl. And you got the rug pulled out from under you so you were not expecting the pain and it does suck. But you seem intelligent. move on. I promise you that there will be girls in the future that are well worth it. Just remember this feeling, because next time you just want to sleep with a girl, remember that things like this are a possibility in the end. did you use this one too? I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -( I dont get this one..do you think this would of panned out?
Nuna Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 sorry to hear about that man. I just broke up with my ex girlfriend and i literally used all of those lines while she was begging me not to break up with her. Truthfully, it is just to lessen the sting. Normally in a break up, the person who is doing the breaking up has been upset for a long time and just been trying to figure out how to break up with the other. Which means that they actually care about the feelings of the other. But after a long while of these feelings, the person becomes numb and has to end it. That is why they say all those things, because they truly do care for your feelings, simply just do not love you the same as they did in the beginning. it may not be you at all, you might be a great person.. just not for that girl. And you got the rug pulled out from under you so you were not expecting the pain and it does suck. But you seem intelligent. move on. I promise you that there will be girls in the future that are well worth it. Just remember this feeling, because next time you just want to sleep with a girl, remember that things like this are a possibility in the end. What about from "I love you" and plans for the future while on holidays, they break up with you, then stay depressed for a month and then say to you "I don't love you enough to stay" to "I don't love you anymore"-we've been together 2 years and had problems, but I never thought his love didn't have an expiry date! Is that just being brutally honest? 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 per thinking your relationship was special and unique... we all want to think that. sad truth is, they never are, at least not once they are over. the special times you had DID in fact happen and DID mean something, but they do not ANYMORE. that's what you need to stop getting hung up on...and why these words no longer matter. Can you explain this one tho? I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -( If I had done something about this, would it of worked out? I keep thinking about this and maybe have regrets.
Nuna Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Can you explain this one tho? I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -( If I had done something about this, would it of worked out? I keep thinking about this and maybe have regrets. I think it takes time to be friends with someone you just broke up. it's a little unrealistic! And you might end up hurt...I think you should read the NC rule, it might help you a bit. sorry you feel like this, I know the feeling! 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I think it takes time to be friends with someone you just broke up. it's a little unrealistic! And you might end up hurt...I think you should read the NC rule, it might help you a bit. sorry you feel like this, I know the feeling! yes but she said if we were friends we can start over the relationship...do you think it would of worked and I made a mistake??
Nuna Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 yes but she said if we were friends we can start over the relationship...do you think it would of worked and I made a mistake?? No I don't believe you made any mistake. You need to protect your heart first, not be the nice guy and wait for the relationship to start over. Maybe a break would start a relationship over in a much better way, so that both sides see how they feel and what they want. Why should you be friends if it's not only friendship you're looking for? What if she just wants to remain friends for ever, you can't just wait to have another heart break. Unless if you really want to be friends too and you don't want to have her as your girlfriend-which is not your case right? Hanging on is hurtful, life is there to feel joy, not to hang on. My opinion is leave friendship now aside, look out your self, enjoy life and heal if you hurt. hope you won't hurt more. Try the NC rule for a bit. It does clear things up.
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 No I don't believe you made any mistake. You need to protect your heart first, not be the nice guy and wait for the relationship to start over. Maybe a break would start a relationship over in a much better way, so that both sides see how they feel and what they want. Why should you be friends if it's not only friendship you're looking for? What if she just wants to remain friends for ever, you can't just wait to have another heart break. Unless if you really want to be friends too and you don't want to have her as your girlfriend-which is not your case right? Hanging on is hurtful, life is there to feel joy, not to hang on. My opinion is leave friendship now aside, look out your self, enjoy life and heal if you hurt. hope you won't hurt more. Try the NC rule for a bit. It does clear things up. No, but the problem is is that we have been broken up for 5 months and 1month NC. SHe asked for us to be friends so we can start over the relationship during our months of LC and I told her no. I am wondering if I had, if it would of all worked out.
flitzanu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Can you explain this one tho? I want to be friends so that maybe we can let go of the animosity and start over -( If I had done something about this, would it of worked out? I keep thinking about this and maybe have regrets. false hope. she dumped you, therefore she doesn't want to date you. she's totally fine with being friends with you. don't you have friends that you don't want to date?
cdt76 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 No, but the problem is is that we have been broken up for 5 months and 1month NC. SHe asked for us to be friends so we can start over the relationship during our months of LC and I told her no. I am wondering if I had, if it would of all worked out. DUDE! She only wants to be "FRIENDS" to ease her own guilt and pain! It will do nothing to help you. And I'm sorry, but there is no way a relationship can start over. No way. Too much history and past and feelings. The friendship crap is just that. CRAP. You want her in your life to be your lover and partner and best friend. She wants someone to cry on when she gets a big giant rosy turd from some other guy and needs feel loved and wanted. That's when you are FRIENDS. When SHE needs something. None of my friends are my friends because they NEED me to make them feel better about themselves! DON'T do it. If she wants to start the relationship over, date! Talk on the phone. Write each other cute emails about what you like about the other. Set up an exercise to write 15 things you like about the other person and 15 things you Don't like. Talk about the future, and see each other everyday....That is what starting a relationship is like! 2
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 For HER. That way she doesn't feel horrible and she gets to keep you in her life. Or to put it another way, to keep the comfort of the relationship whilst looking elsewhere. Bad luck b.itch, sh.it doesn't happen like that. You break it, you live without it. I wish I hadn't clung onto friendship for so long. I'd have been over that loser 18 months ago! Ps king Midas on opposite day? Lolololololol. 2
KatZee Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 addison and flitzanu and katzee- damn I thought my relationship was special, and those words meant that there is still something left to hang on too....I thought I was more special than others on these boards because my ex said those things that there maybe a chance my ex would come back??? lol...but I guess I am not different and situation is typical...oh well. Lol... nope. Not special, or unique at all. You just managed to date the same types of guys we have. The coward kind, who can't be honest as to why they're really ending it.
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