Zoey333 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 My partner and I have been together for over 10years. She is 70 and I am 54. I have my own business and she is retired. I sold my belongings and rented my house to move 1200 miles away to be with her. I have been open to her about my finances and she has access to all my accounts. I have never thought it was necessary to know about her financial matters until now. I have done several renovations to he home we live in over the years. I understand the house will be inherited by her nephew and he will be executor of her estate. He is 45, works part time selling insurance, and his wife does not work. They have two small children. He recently inherited money from another aunt who passed and he squandered that within a year. He visits her when I am either at work or out of town. I saw a text 2 days ago, to him on my GF's cell that said she was rearranging paperwork in her safety deposit box and that the paperwork in in the safe at home...His reply was ...I understand. (She has since deleted the text). I have not felt it necessary to know what is in the safe, back accounts or in her will. Suddenly I feel like I can't trust her because she does not discuss her financial matters with me. If anything happens to her, I don't know what will happen. Oh, and also I discovered that her I C E . On her cell..(In case of emergency) to contact him and not me. Wow. I feel I am second to him...I guess that is because I have always thought your spouse is your priority. If she can discuss this with him...why doesn't she talk with me about such things? Should financial matters such as these be open to both people in a relationship? And should I continue to believe in or commit myself in this ten year relationship? Totally unsure...
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 ...why doesn't she talk with me about such things? Should financial matters such as these be open to both people in a relationship? And should I continue to believe in or commit myself in this ten year relationship? Totally unsure... You are understandably hurt. Why don't you start by having a general discussion with her about finances. I wouldn't mention that you went through her texts on her cell phone. Of course, you realize that snooping through her phone is wrong! Are you married? Just living together? Certainly if you were married I would expect both spouses to be forthcoming and completely open with each other. If you aren't, even though you live together, different people will feel differently about how much to share. Financial matters can be incredibly touchy. It's one of the more common reasons that couples break up. Again, rather than making assumptions and jumping to faulty conclusions , start by having a hopefully productive discussion with her. Good luck!
stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 What I find concerning here, in terms of the practical side of things, is that if anything happened to her, this house that you have both lived in for so long and that you’ve done renovations to over the years, will go to your partner’s nephew. You won’t have anywhere to live and that work and time you’ve spent and done on it will be…gone? I know this would be the least of your worries if something did happen to her, but it still concerns me that your partner seems to not be concerned herself about what you would be left with in the event that she did pass. Why does her nephew get all the control? What about you? And yeah, some people just never talk about financial matters with their partners, or they keep everything totally separate. Others feel that if you live together, you should share everything, including bank accounts and money matters. It’s down to personal preference I guess. Given your concerns, I really think you should talk to her about it. I’m not sure if you should mention the text you saw…it depends how you saw it. If you were sneaking peaks at her phone, she may not like that. But otherwise, it sounds as if you are never in her business with regard to money stuff, so she shouldn’t have a problem sharing any of that with you. Maybe it’s simply down to the fact you never asked, so she never felt the need to discuss it before now.
Recommended Posts