candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 soooo... I was wondering about the semantics: when is a person single? - is a person still considered single if they see several other people (dating more than one guy) - is a person single if they see / date one guy? - how about that grey zone when you are seeing a guy, are exclusive, but not in a relationship? That's the tricky one... still single? My mom told me that unless you have a ring on your finger and a date set up on you calendar for your marriage, you're still single. opinions?
serial muse Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 soooo... I was wondering about the semantics: when is a person single? - is a person still considered single if they see several other people (dating more than one guy) - is a person single if they see / date one guy? - how about that grey zone when you are seeing a guy, are exclusive, but not in a relationship? That's the tricky one... still single? My mom told me that unless you have a ring on your finger and a date set up on you calendar for your marriage, you're still single. opinions? I think that if you have a mutual understanding of exclusivity with someone, then you aren't single, ring or not. I don't see how you can see someone exclusively but say you're "not in a relationship". 4
Author candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 i totally get your point, but if you think about it... it's possible. it's that period after having sex, when you're trying to get to know the other person. Sometimes you like what you see, other times, you're just not sure.. so it can either go straight into a relationship or end. that's how I explain it, anyway!
Woggle Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You are single when you are not in a relationship with a person. 6
Radu Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 soooo... I was wondering about the semantics: when is a person single? - is a person still considered single if they see several other people (dating more than one guy) - is a person single if they see / date one guy? - how about that grey zone when you are seeing a guy, are exclusive, but not in a relationship? That's the tricky one... still single? My mom told me that unless you have a ring on your finger and a date set up on you calendar for your marriage, you're still single. opinions? From a legal pov, your mom is right. From a moral pov, i think that women [and men] like your mom are poison ... i would love to know her marriage/relationship history. 2
Author candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 hum... I don't really know what to say... my parents are of the same nationality as yours, I believe, you know what I mean, their biggest fear is that their daughter shall remain a spinster, forever and ever. I cannot tell you how much she is against living together, for instance. Not because it's "wrong", but because she feels it's a woman's compromise. "if you are a single woman, you should live like a single woman". Looking on the grander scheme of things... cannot say she's not right!
sweetkiwi Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Technically anyone unmarried is considered single. How I live my life though is even if I am considering being exclusive with a guy I don't consider myself single.
Radu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) They're romanians ? There are some ppl who think like her, there are others who do not think like her ? Did they live a long time in small communities ? Generally those ppl are more traditional. The reason why i called ppl like her poison is because this kind of opinion in young women/men generally is used to excuse cheating behaviour. So when i hear this kind of logic, for me it's a major red flag. PS: I hope the number 13 does not represent your RL age. Edited February 12, 2013 by Radu
Author candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 You may rest assure, my parents are still together & if there's anything that my mother hates more than liars & drunkyards is cheaters. She'd never encourage anyone to cheat, never in a million years. But... She is especially keen on me keeping my eyes wide open - in her view, I have a very misplaced sense of loyalty. And 13 is my lucky number, it's when cycles either start or end for me
Author candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 You are single when you are not in a relationship with a person. You can't define someone by something that it is not , too easy. How about married people who are separated / legally separated? No relationship there, but surely none of them is single.
Author candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 How I live my life though is even if I am considering being exclusive with a guy I don't consider myself single. So funny you should say that. I was in relationships for a long long time and it sort of became my second nature. I didn't realize when it happened, but this is what scared the sh*t out of me when I became single again. How it feels like to be on your own, do your stuff & not think for 2 (or as a couple). Anyway, 2 years later, I got very used to the "single" way of being and of feeling. I am pretty much at the point you're describing (although I'm not considering being exclusive, I am). Been there a couple of times during the last 2 years, but never this close... I feel like floating in between, it's funny. I've traveled a bit lately and he traveled a bit and in the short time when we were both home, we were together, so maybe that's why I feel the "relationship" thing breathing down my neck. But I've certainly not crossed that bridge yet ! Cannot wait to start next week, to see my friends by myself & get a bit more control of my life & my time, as I used to .
Lostinlife4now Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Definition of being single: Happy Happy Joy Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! imo. 1
Author candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Lol, I am afraid to ask! Married, I guess, right ?
Lostinlife4now Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Lol, I am afraid to ask! Married, I guess, right ? No candie....I AM SINGLE!!!!! lol.....................
Lostinlife4now Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Someone had to post this : Radu.....Thank You! that is exactly what I was thinking!!!!!! And it brought back alot of memories when my babies were babies!!!! Lost..
stevie_23 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I consider that someone is single if they do not acknowledge that they are in a committed relationship with either one or a few people. If someone is dating and it’s just casual, a few people here and there, no commitment, I’d say they’re still single. If they’re dating just one person but haven’t confirmed to themselves and the guy that they want to BE together properly, then they’re still single. If they’re actually WITH someone and are exclusive, then I’d consider them NOT single, but in the grey area pre-formal commitment talk. Ultimately though, it’s all down to what they feel about it themselves personally. Only they can know if they’re actually single or not. 1
Author candie13 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Radu.....Thank You! that is exactly what I was thinking!!!!!! And it brought back alot of memories when my babies were babies!!!! Lost.. I don't get it ...
Author candie13 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I consider that someone is single if they do not acknowledge that they are in a committed relationship with either one or a few people. If someone is dating and it’s just casual, a few people here and there, no commitment, I’d say they’re still single. If they’re dating just one person but haven’t confirmed to themselves and the guy that they want to BE together properly, then they’re still single. If they’re actually WITH someone and are exclusive, then I’d consider them NOT single, but in the grey area pre-formal commitment talk. Ultimately though, it’s all down to what they feel about it themselves personally. Only they can know if they’re actually single or not. hum... another good answer is: if you're asking, there's your answer! yup, I am single and apparently was single before as well !
serial muse Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 (edited) hum... another good answer is: if you're asking, there's your answer! yup, I am single and apparently was single before as well ! I guess the question is what one means emotionally by single. I was being quite literal: If you're in an exclusive relationship (even if not "committed", which I guess implies some sort of intent toward staying together in the future, even in the short-term) then you simply aren't single. In other words, your romantic life is currently focused on another person. But if by "single" you mean "not committed for the rest of your life", then that's a different matter. That just seems like a slippery slope to me - basically, it seems to imply that even if you seem to have an understanding with someone, you're still looking around rather than living in the moment and focusing on that relationship. If I was dating someone exclusively and he considered himself single in that way, I'd feel nervous, like he's ready to bolt at any moment. So I don't think that "not single" means that you have to stay together forever with whomever you're with - to me, it's just the difference between giving your all to exploring an existing relationship (which, admittedly, might not work out, but not for lack of trying) vs. keeping one eye out at all times for something else. Edited February 15, 2013 by serial muse
carhill Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 I was wondering about the semantics: when is a person single? Each person's definition is different, a reality which would be demonstrated painfully over the decades. Relative to that definition, I'm not nor will ever be single again. I've been married and am divorced. 'Divorced' would be how I would describe myself. Currently, I'm not romantically/sexually involved with someone, so am 'unattached'. My personal definition turns upon physical and emotional investment. If I'm invested in a particular person emotionally and physically, in the case of romantic relations, sexually, then I'm not 'unattached', rather 'attached', at that moment in time, to a particular person. My mom told me that unless you have a ring on your finger and a date set up on you calendar for your marriage, you're still single. This was a quite common sentiment in my generation and demographic, both prior to and during marriage, depending on the marital dynamics. IOW, if the particular person didn't 'feel' like they and their partner/spouse were together, they were 'single', whether that be for the moment or for a longer term. As it conflicted somewhat with my own style, I often 'missed' in relations simply by being 'too late'. Such are the lessons of life. In time, I learned that being 'late' can be a gift in itself.
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