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Posted

Oh god, where do I begin.

 

Me and my ex and been together for two years. We were best friends. The past 6 months were not good. He is a workaholic. I accepted that but I always felt that even when he did make time for me, he was somewhere else. I felt that he was miserable with me. He is a very quiet and private person, so to get anything out of him as far as feelings was difficult and required precise timing. We only saw eachother a couple days a week. Even though I loved him, I was miserable. I finally snapped one weekend. He asked if he could have the weekend to himself to do the things he "liked to do". That entailed him going to the bar for two nights, getting drunk, and hitting on girls. I lost it. I broke up with him. Fast forward one month. We had NC for two weeks, I then suggested we talk. He put me off. Two days later, he starts texting. I told him I would rather talk on the phone or meet in person. He told me the end of the week was good. (it was a monday). Never called. I had been crying myself to sleep every night because I missed him so much. Week 3 i went out and got very drunk. I called him 10 times like a crazy person. He was so rude and kept hanging up on me. This past friday, marking a month, I text him that I loved him and that I wanted to work things out. I told him if he didn't want to, to please let me know. No response until yesterday. It said " I love you too but I don't see how anything can change. I willl think about it some more". I drank a whole bottle of wine and showed up at his house. I was tired of being hurt, I just wanted a straitforward answer. He threatened to call the cops on me. I was just standing there ringing the doorbell. I am so humiliated. How does someone recover from such a disastrous breakup? We were so good together and so happy for quite some time. I feel stupid and hurt. Why couldn't he have just told me to move one? I didn't deserve to be treated this way. The pain is excrutiating :( I guess what I'm wondering is why he kept stringing me along? It doesn't make any sense.

Posted

First off. STOP DRINKING!!!! Re-read your post and give me ONE example where your drinking ended in a positive result.

 

I think that you've lost him (sorry to be blunt). It's time to start looking out for yourself. You can't force someone to be with you. It's time to start NC and sticking with it. Time to start making positive changes in your life. Get a new hairstyle, one that people will notice and like. You need to buy a new wardrobe. Get something conservitive; yet sexy.

 

Go back to school, a strong education will help you financially down the road and it will keep your mind on your school work rather than what HE'S doing.

 

Start going to the gym. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push some weight. Work off the stress and frustration that you're having. AND you're working towards that lean and sexy bod. Read na9's thread. He started to go to the gym and he feels great after each and every workout for the most part. So, sign up for a spin class, or zumba. This will get you interacting with different people.

 

Get a new hobby. Join a cycling club or a running club, take diving lessons or join a community theather. Get out your door and engage people.

 

And finally, TRAVEL!! Go see the world! Go explore! You'll soon find out that your Ex wasn't your entire world and that the real world is just right outside your door. Go see it.

 

Look, I know you're hurting right now. I get it. But, I've been where you're at. It takes doing these positive changes to help you heal and move on. Trust me. Is NC going to suck? YEP! Very much so! But, you just take it day by day. One day at a time. Start to love yourself again. Time to move on, if he doesn't want to be a part of the new you that's going to come with these positive changes. THAT'S HIS LOSS!!!!

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Posted

Your right, putting down the bottle is the first thing I need to do. I have been working out, running the beach, reading etc etc etc. I was doing really good until he started texting me about getting back together. I suggested we talk, but he flaked. It set me back with horrible consequences. I lost it, I cracked and made a FOOL out of myself. Sure we had our differences, but I truly loved him. He probably thinks I have a head full of cats now. I know only time will heal my pain, but what makes it even harder is that he lives down the street from me. (its a small community) I would love to move away, far away and never look back but I can't. I don't have the financial means to and I just renewed my lease. Now you understanded why I drink, lol. I know that I lost him. I don't even want to be with someone who toys with my feelings, but I guess what I am struggling with is why? Why did he keep reaching out, then only to ignore me. Revenge? I don't get it.

Posted

Well, then you get YOUR revenge. And the best revenge you can get is to lead a DAMN good life. And you can start by making those positive changes.

 

NC is a great tool used for healing and moving on. But, if you incorporate positive changes and NC it makes the healing process move a hell of a lot faster.

 

Ignore his breadcrumbs. He likes to think that he has some sort of power over you. Like, he's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. And if he pulls on the leash and the dog is missing; that's when he goes looking for the dog in the form of breadcrumbs. (Don't take that the wrong way. By no means am I calling you a dog, I'm just giving you an example when breadcrumbs may be used and why.)

 

Your revenge will work, especially in a smaller community. HE's going to hear that you're going sooo well. Dressed nice, rock hard sexy bod and traveling the world. It's going to be nice when he comes sniffing around and you have the power and the strenght to tell him to get lost.

Posted

he doesn't know what he wants. He wants you but wants to be single too. Cannot have both, and I think this is where he got stuck. Or maybe he simply has a hard time saying no to people. OR he was getting off because of the attention.

 

Don't beat yourself up, I think you were more of a man that he will ever be, because you did call and you did go to see him.

 

Mark my words, if he wanted to see you or talk to you, he would have done the same. It hurts even more because you feel that you've lost of your face in front of him. You did not. You were in love, people do stupid things when in love. Plus, he really pushed your buttons, some people just snap.

 

Don't beat yourself up. He was not a nice person, nice men don't string girls alone. A bit of a jerk, to say he's asking the police on you...

 

Live and learn to recognize his type.

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Posted

I thought the same thing. He doesn't know what he wants. Yanking my chain, pushing my buttons. You all have been extremely helpful. Love hurts though. My revenge is that I am way better looking than him and I hope one day down the road he runs into me and my awesome new man and just dies inside. Just like he has done to me. HA!

Posted

It's not a contest. Stay well, focus on yourself and don't let anyone put any pressure on yourself to "find an awesome new man". You have to be well with yourself and learn to read people better.

 

Even if he did act like a jerk, you should not have done all the hard work for him. Work on fixing yourself and being happy and you'll see, he'll just disappear from your head. You don't need to prove him you are beautiful. You are beautiful already :) !

Posted
Oh god, where do I begin.

 

Me and my ex and been together for two years. We were best friends. The past 6 months were not good. He is a workaholic. I accepted that but I always felt that even when he did make time for me, he was somewhere else. I felt that he was miserable with me. He is a very quiet and private person, so to get anything out of him as far as feelings was difficult and required precise timing. We only saw eachother a couple days a week. Even though I loved him, I was miserable. I finally snapped one weekend. He asked if he could have the weekend to himself to do the things he "liked to do". That entailed him going to the bar for two nights, getting drunk, and hitting on girls. I lost it. I broke up with him. Fast forward one month. We had NC for two weeks, I then suggested we talk. He put me off. Two days later, he starts texting. I told him I would rather talk on the phone or meet in person. He told me the end of the week was good. (it was a monday). Never called. I had been crying myself to sleep every night because I missed him so much. Week 3 i went out and got very drunk. I called him 10 times like a crazy person. He was so rude and kept hanging up on me. This past friday, marking a month, I text him that I loved him and that I wanted to work things out. I told him if he didn't want to, to please let me know. No response until yesterday. It said " I love you too but I don't see how anything can change. I willl think about it some more". I drank a whole bottle of wine and showed up at his house. I was tired of being hurt, I just wanted a straitforward answer. He threatened to call the cops on me. I was just standing there ringing the doorbell. I am so humiliated. How does someone recover from such a disastrous breakup? We were so good together and so happy for quite some time. I feel stupid and hurt. Why couldn't he have just told me to move one? I didn't deserve to be treated this way. The pain is excrutiating :( I guess what I'm wondering is why he kept stringing me along? It doesn't make any sense.

 

Meh, whatever, we all do this in different versions. nothing to be ashamed about. Forgive yourself. Go completely NC and save whatever is left of your dignity. If you see him act like he is not there.

 

Threatening to call the cops on your ex gf because she wants to speak with you? sounds like he is the drama queen.

 

If it makes you feel better, I initiated contact for a whole 5 months with my ex constantly and she blew me off every single time, asked her to get back with me 4 times and she rejected me every single time.

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Posted

It probably wouldn't have been that embaressing had there not been a party going on next door and everyone saw me crying and knocking. They just kept staring at me like I was pathetic. But I picked myself up today and will move forward. I think I need to fall in love with me again. When I look in the mirror, I don't like who I see. I'm sure that's a huge turnoff for men. You find yourself asking "Where did I make a wrong turn? I think I'm lost".

Posted

he was the bastard for not opening the door! OMG, speaking of problem avoidance... if it makes you feel better, if I see a girl crying and knocking on a guy's door, I'd think the guy is a douche bag, not that the girl is pathetic. All decent human being will think the same thing...

  • Like 3
Posted
It probably wouldn't have been that embaressing had there not been a party going on next door and everyone saw me crying and knocking. They just kept staring at me like I was pathetic. But I picked myself up today and will move forward. I think I need to fall in love with me again. When I look in the mirror, I don't like who I see. I'm sure that's a huge turnoff for men. You find yourself asking "Where did I make a wrong turn? I think I'm lost".

 

There was a party next door and he still did not open the door???

He is a total Ahole, really speaks to this guys character.

  • Like 1
Posted

When he didn't open the door, you should have joined the party!!! ;)

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