Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) Some people probably know my story so I will keep it brief. I met a girl on a dating website at the beginning of December, were both very attracted to each other and things have been fantastic physically and emotionally. Every time we've met (9 times) it's been great. The last 5 times I've slept around hers. We live an hour apart. Anyway I made a thread recently about her not making as much effort as me. I wanted her to come round my house as their was an opportunity with my parents gone for a few days. She ended up saying she would come round, but not stay the night because of work, so I said I would just stay the night round hers instead. No big deals here. Anyway to my problem, she's only living nearby temporarily until she's done her work placement and then back to uni for a few years, which is about 3 hours away. I spoke about how it bothers me that it's about to end when she leaves. She responded that we shouldn't get too attached. The problem is I'm getting too attached. We're so intimate in bed, we hold each other for hours, we don't sleep because she loves feeling next to me and is too excited to fall asleep. We text each other ALL THE TIME and we speak about such personal things, it's not surprising I'm attatched. It hurts that she can say this to me. Maybe I was just there to bring excitement into her life while she was quite lonely by herself in this big new city. Maybe me putting in more effort isn't all in my head because she knows this isn't going anywhere long term. Maybe I'm just a quick lay once a week. Maybe I never meant much to her at all. A lot of maybes, yes. But why bother with valentines day? Why bother with the expensive horse riding I have planned after that? Some may say "hey man, she wants to **** you, what's the problem? Enjoy it while it lasts" maybe I should do that, but it still hurts. Knowing this is going to lead to heartache is not a nice feeling and questioning whether I meant as much to her as I thought. Edited February 11, 2013 by Dangraystyle
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 The problem is I'm getting too attached. Yup. That IS your problem....
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yup. That IS your problem.... You have no idea how intimate we are in bed and how we text each other all the time and talk about so much personal stuff, all the signals are there telling me that she feels as attached as me!
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 She's talking to me during her lunch break and I'm trying to be "unattached" but it's hard. I don't like being unresponsive to her. A part of me wants to do this to let her know what she would be missing.
GSB81 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You poor boy. You are about to be taught a painful lesson by this girl. She sees you as just a fling. Yes you're intimate in bed, yes you text all day, but that doesn't mean she puts the same importance on those things as you do. Personally, I'd cancel the Valentines Day activities and go with maybe a modest dinner and a cheap card. 1
animalover Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You poor boy. You are about to be taught a painful lesson by this girl. She sees you as just a fling. Yes you're intimate in bed, yes you text all day, but that doesn't mean she puts the same importance on those things as you do. Personally, I'd cancel the Valentines Day activities and go with maybe a modest dinner and a cheap card. I am sorry but I totally agree with this post... I don't think you both are in the same level of the game...
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) You poor boy. You are about to be taught a painful lesson by this girl. She sees you as just a fling. Yes you're intimate in bed, yes you text all day, but that doesn't mean she puts the same importance on those things as you do. Personally, I'd cancel the Valentines Day activities and go with maybe a modest dinner and a cheap card. It's hurts to hear but OK. How do I play this from here? Maybe I don't do valentines at all? Obviously I still want sex though, so it might jeprodize that. She's told me many times how much she thinks im good in bed.... But now I wonder, maybe she just says it to keep me around long enough until she has to go back. She seems so damn nice that its horrible thinking these thoughts. Should I be unresponsive in texts? Edited February 11, 2013 by Dangraystyle
curlygirl40 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 She could possibly be getting attached as well. Chances are good that those feelings you feel coming from her are absolutely genuine. But IMO here's the problem and it's a simple one. She knows she's going away and knows she shouldn't be getting attached also. BUT she's MUCH better at living in the moment. She's enjoying it for what it is and not worrying about what it's not. And this allows her to just enjoy the time you have together. You're too worried about when this is all going to be taken away from you to enjoy the NOW. Try to enjoy the now. You've met a great girl, you get along well, you have great sex, you're having a good time together. Enjoy that and stop worrying about when it will be taken away from you. It's going to hurt no matter what. If you end it now, it will hurt. If she ends it when she goes to uni, it's going to hurt. Nothing in life is for sure. If you can't enjoy the time you're spending with her now without worrying about the future, then maybe it's time to end it and find someone else. However even if you find someone else, even if that 'someone else' is not going away to Uni anytime soon, there is no guarantee that person will still be with you in a month, in two months. So try to end things with her or try to get better at calming your mind and living in the moment and not worrying about the future. Enjoy it for what it is and be grateful for the experience, and stop worrying about what it's not. OR end things so you don't get hurt even more later. Your choice. 1
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 She could possibly be getting attached as well. Chances are good that those feelings you feel coming from her are absolutely genuine. But IMO here's the problem and it's a simple one. She knows she's going away and knows she shouldn't be getting attached also. BUT she's MUCH better at living in the moment. She's enjoying it for what it is and not worrying about what it's not. And this allows her to just enjoy the time you have together. You're too worried about when this is all going to be taken away from you to enjoy the NOW. Try to enjoy the now. You've met a great girl, you get along well, you have great sex, you're having a good time together. Enjoy that and stop worrying about when it will be taken away from you. It's going to hurt no matter what. If you end it now, it will hurt. If she ends it when she goes to uni, it's going to hurt. Nothing in life is for sure. If you can't enjoy the time you're spending with her now without worrying about the future, then maybe it's time to end it and find someone else. However even if you find someone else, even if that 'someone else' is not going away to Uni anytime soon, there is no guarantee that person will still be with you in a month, in two months. So try to end things with her or try to get better at calming your mind and living in the moment and not worrying about the future. Enjoy it for what it is and be grateful for the experience, and stop worrying about what it's not. OR end things so you don't get hurt even more later. Your choice. Thanks. My gut is telling me that this girl is genuine and that everything between us is genuine. Something I should add. A month ago she brought up her moving away for good. I told her that we shouldn't worry about it and just hold on to what we have while we have it. Ughhh I've just overreacted haven't I! 1
curlygirl40 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 It's hard to not overreact when your feelings are involved. I have been there myself. I think you're too attached to do something like break it off when you enjoy the time you spend together so much. I think if you try to end it, you will be drawn back in because what you're enjoying with her is 'too good' for now. So just try to enjoy the time you spend with her and not think about the future until the future. You never really know what the future brings. There's a line in a country song that says something like 'I could have missed the pain, but I would have missed out on the dance'. Enjoy the dance
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Thanks. My gut is telling me that this girl is genuine and that everything between us is genuine. Something I should add. A month ago she brought up her moving away for good. I told her that we shouldn't worry about it and just hold on to what we have while we have it. Ughhh I've just overreacted haven't I! The things in life most worth having require risk. If you fall in love with her and she moves off... So what? Isn't that a risk worth taking? Lay on the romance... lay it on thick. Not because you are trying to play some game... but because you feel it! This is one of those times in life when you need to be brave! Don't make choices because you are afraid of getting hurt. 4
curlygirl40 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 The things in life most worth having require risk. If you fall in love with her and she moves off... So what? Isn't that a risk worth taking? Lay on the romance... lay it on thick. Not because you are trying to play some game... but because you feel it! This is one of those times in life when you need to be brave! Don't make choices because you are afraid of getting hurt. Absofrickenlutely. Perfectly said.
GSB81 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 It's hurts to hear but OK. How do I play this from here? Maybe I don't do valentines at all? Obviously I still want sex though, so it might jeprodize that. She's told me many times how much she thinks im good in bed.... But now I wonder, maybe she just says it to keep me around long enough until she has to go back. She seems so damn nice that its horrible thinking these thoughts. Should I be unresponsive in texts? No, don't start ignoring her and dont do nothing for vday, just keep in mind what shes telling you.
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 She literally just told me she just wants me for sex and I'm pretty damn sure she's not joking. I think I might throw up. It appears everything has been meaningless.
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 We were talking about hornyness. And this is how the conversation went: Me: So you're actually more horny than me then. I have control of the sex enforcing from now on. Her: Lol as if your ever going to say no to me Me: "Sorry honey I'm a bit tired tonight". If I could see your face in the pitch black, im sure it would be a picture. Her: Thats not very nice i would just tell you to go home. You never go to sleep any way Me: So you only want me for sex? Hmm? Her: Yeah you new this before Her: Are you complaining I haven't responded in about half hour. I feel f**king sick
Fallen Petals Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 She literally just told me she just wants me for sex and I'm pretty damn sure she's not joking. I think I might throw up. It appears everything has been meaningless. Sometimes it's the lies we tell ourselves that we try to convince others are true the most. Everyone here is talking about your fears and what you should or shouldn't let them do to you - keep in mind she likely has some of her own.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 The things in life most worth having require risk. If you fall in love with her and she moves off... So what? Isn't that a risk worth taking? Lay on the romance... lay it on thick. Not because you are trying to play some game... but because you feel it! This is one of those times in life when you need to be brave! Don't make choices because you are afraid of getting hurt. I disagree. She has made it clear she is not interested in a long term relationship. You laying it on thick is going to make her feel overwhelmed and she may even break it up sooner. You laying it on thick will make her feel pity, and sadness for you since she doesn't feel the same way. Total attraction killer. The best thing you can do is reduce your emotional attachment to FWB status and simply enjoy the ride while it lasts. You want to look independent, and happy by yourself. If she becomes interested in more she will let you know. This will be hard for you. I've been there... sucks
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) You only see your side of things and your fears, not hers. Rest assured that she has her own too. She has panic attacks, fits of anxiety, etc. You have a poker face about your freaking out when you interact with her. She is doing the same. For all you know, she's with her friends or on another forum right now picking apart some innocent remark you made and using it to justify her fears and insecurities. You will do what you wish, however, remember this. We only get one life. Make it a memorable and enjoyable one. Learn to savor the journey. Learn to take risks in life. You might stumble on occasion, but you'll be richly rewarded. Some people let the good china sit in the cupboard, collecting dust from disuse because they might break a piece and would rather save it for a special occasion that never seems to come. Other people enjoy everything they have and seek to turn even the average day into something special. So what if it means possibly ruining the "good" silverware and risking a broken plate! Which person are you? The one who cowers at home because going outside risks getting hit by a motor vehicle, struck by lightning, having your toes stepped on, illness, etc? Or the person who goes about living despite risk to life and limb? IIRC, this is your first real Valentine's Day. Your decision whether to make it a memorable one that you always look back on fondly...or not. Your choice to make your first real relationship as enjoyable as you can...or not. The relationship will not last forever. Your decision whether to make the experience worthwhile to you. Edited February 11, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yup. That IS your problem.... You have no idea how intimate we are in bed and how we text each other all the time and talk about so much personal stuff, all the signals are there telling me that she feels as attached as me! You poor boy. You are about to be taught a painful lesson by this girl. She sees you as just a fling. Thanks. My gut is telling me that this girl is genuine and that everything between us is genuine. She literally just told me she just wants me for sex and I'm pretty damn sure she's not joking. I think I might throw up. It appears everything has been meaningless. So it appears I was correct. It IS your problem. I'm sorry you had to find out that way. But if I were you. I'd cut the agony off at the knees and avoid seeing her at all, from now on.
Author Dangraystyle Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Its all good guys. She basically told me things like it makes her want to cry when she thinks about leaving to go back home. Its all good.
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yeah.... Good. Nothing like a little 'blowing hot 'n' cold'.....
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