ceres12 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 So am not pregnant not planning on been any time soon, but my MIL and Husband have been extremely pushy about naming a child after my husbands name which is also my father in laws name as well as his father's name (my husband's grandfather's name) While many are okay and agree to this i am angered because if i would name anybody it would be after my own fathers name which i happen to love way more. And honestly i dont agree naming anybody after anybody, I feel pressured yet the hubby and I are not anywhere near ready or looking for a child but if it in deed turns out we do and it is a boy then they say it has to be that name no ifs and butts and am pissed because my MIL is influencing this ALOT! And check this out, my mother in law also wants that if i have a daughter to be named after her IS SHE F**** NuTS! or what? What do you all think about this, am just venting out......My MIL is quite dominant and manipulative kind btw, not easy she likes to manipulate others by using the "im a victim" scenario, so yea...is rough! My Father in law could care less about anything lol he is great!!! anyways any advice on how to handle in laws and the whole naming thing??? NO i do not want my husband's name not even as a middle name nothing, i dont want to be forced in naming my unborn child something i dont agree with. It should be a dual agreement i believe. anyways, any thoughts...this topic has got me so heated!!!!
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Obviously. It's the second time you've posted about it.... You need to grow a spine, look her in the eye, and tell her: "My H. and I will be very happy to name the child what we want to name them. I'm sure you called my H. by the name you wanted to call him. So I guess that gives us the same right." And don't get drawn into the drama: Damn Retard After More Attention. 1
CarboniteCammy Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 From my personal experience, grandparents lose their minds over their first grandchild. My mother in law actually *cried* when she found out we were having a boy, because she wanted a girl so badly. I just kind of shrug her off, anymore. She also cried at Christmas and said we ruined it because we wanted to have the baby's first Christmas at *our* house so that we could start *our* own traditions. The best advice I can give is also the advice I give to my real life friends: just let it go. When it comes time to you all actually having the baby, then you can deal with her in a calm manner then. There is absolutely no point in fighting over something that hasn't even happened. Just my take on it. You could change your mind, she could change her mind, your husband could change his mind... My little boy is a Junior because my husband really really wanted his first baby named after him. It's kind of funny, because not only do they both have red hair and brown eyes, but they have very similar personalities and my little one is only seven months old ;-) I get to name the next one, and I've already got my names picked out, boy or girl. So, maybe you all could compromise?
Jabba Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 As a compromise, may I suggest you name your child after MY grandfather: Lucius Constable Bucephalus Maximus Rodriguez III. (Everyone always called him "Trey.") 3
pink_sugar Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I agree, I am not into the naming anyone after anybody thing too. My husband wanted to name a son after his late father, but similar to your case, I already have a brother and an uncle with that same name! Totally coincidental, but my husband understands my reasoning, so we agreed to have that name as a middle name. Maybe you could do the same. Say it's up to you and your husband to make that decision, but that you will consider that name as a middle name (up to you of course). 2
MuscleCarFan Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I agree with my wife, pink_sugar, you should probably use his name as a middle name and you both choose a name that you both like for a first name.
pteromom Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 anyways any advice on how to handle in laws and the whole naming thing??? NO i do not want my husband's name not even as a middle name nothing, i dont want to be forced in naming my unborn child something i dont agree with. It should be a dual agreement i believe. anyways, any thoughts...this topic has got me so heated!!!! "Thank you for your opinion. I will definitely take it into consideration." Said calmly and non-emotionally. And just continue saying that every time she tells you what to do. Then, when you get pregnant, you and your husband can discuss the name thing in detail. You'll likely both feel differently about it when there is an actual baby to discuss instead of just the idea of one. She cannot manipulate you unless you allow yourself to be manipulated. She cannot exert power over you unless you give her power over you. Take your power back and focus on not allowing anything she says affect you emotionally. She can say anything she wants to and can have any opinion she wants to, and it doesn't mean you have to go along with it. 2
Nyla Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 So am not pregnant not planning on been any time soon, but my MIL and Husband have been extremely pushy about naming a child after my husbands name which is also my father in laws name as well as his father's name (my husband's grandfather's name) While many are okay and agree to this i am angered because if i would name anybody it would be after my own fathers name which i happen to love way more. And honestly i dont agree naming anybody after anybody, I feel pressured yet the hubby and I are not anywhere near ready or looking for a child but if it in deed turns out we do and it is a boy then they say it has to be that name no ifs and butts and am pissed because my MIL is influencing this ALOT! And check this out, my mother in law also wants that if i have a daughter to be named after her IS SHE F**** NuTS! or what? What do you all think about this, am just venting out......My MIL is quite dominant and manipulative kind btw, not easy she likes to manipulate others by using the "im a victim" scenario, so yea...is rough! My Father in law could care less about anything lol he is great!!! anyways any advice on how to handle in laws and the whole naming thing??? NO i do not want my husband's name not even as a middle name nothing, i dont want to be forced in naming my unborn child something i dont agree with. It should be a dual agreement i believe. anyways, any thoughts...this topic has got me so heated!!!! If you are not pregnant or planning to have a child soon, why are you even worrying about this issue? I don't get it. No need to worry about something that isn't even happening. Stand your ground with your MIL. You can name your baby what YOU want when the time comes. 1
xxoo Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I agree with Ptero, although my style would be "I'm over the name-thing, people. Let's move on!" and refuse to discuss it. When pregnant, discuss it ONLY with your H. If you have a problem with your H, then you have a problem with your H. You MIL really has nothing to do with it. If she brings it up, say, "H and I will pick the name together. Pass the bean dip, please?" 3
Author ceres12 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the feedback, i know it sounds a little crazy since we are not planning on having kids any time soon, but my MIL is a tough cookie and my fear of not standing up to her is because she comes in as a nice flower then slowly shows her pushyness which my husband doesn't see. And i do not want to be mean because then in front of my husband i am been unfair to her, so i avoid her and i play along because me and my husband are so awesome together and i really dont want our relationship fights to be about how i was with his mother and what not. but she is a difficult very difficult person. For instance when things get rough and she does not get it her way she complains that she is dying (she is as healthy as can be!) And my Husband including his sister all freak out and worry, i am a nurse so she can't (bullS***) me so it is hard to compete with her for understanding. I am just venting sorry for the repetitiveness, i just dont know how to handle this woman without seem mean. You are all brave to deal with your inlaws i dont get it my Mother is not like that at all with my brother and his wife. Oh and check this out we just finally got our house together about a month a go not even two months and she wants to stay over already like YESTERDAY! and we live a gazillion miles away from her in another country! My grandma is absolutely my best friend in the whole wide world and even she notices and she tells me that woman will be the fights of all your marriage, when we are back home my MIL won't even let us breath, like we would be in bed sleeping and she willknock on the door every 2 mins, and say i feel depressed and all dramatic to my husband and this bull** about am going to die i feel sick i feel this and then she would go to the hospital (all her tests and everything comes out negative) is all an act and am sick of it but my husband and his sister all still buy it! Except her husband my FIL he is over it. ughh... Thanks for the feedback everyone Edited February 12, 2013 by ceres12
Art_Critic Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You and your husband name the baby, simple..... My wife named our little bit and she picked my middle name for his middle name and picked his first name.. of course I would give her my opinion from time to time if she asked but in reality since his middle name is mine how could I lose. If any of my inlaws had try to name the baby other than throwing names out as suggestion I assure you that they would have been shut down, as yours should be to 2
Author ceres12 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 You and your husband name the baby, simple..... My wife named our little bit and she picked my middle name for his middle name and picked his first name.. of course I would give her my opinion from time to time if she asked but in reality since his middle name is mine how could I lose. If any of my inlaws had try to name the baby other than throwing names out as suggestion I assure you that they would have been shut down, as yours should be to If push comes to shove, this is most likely what will happen and it would just be the middle name but knowing my MIL, she would just call the child by the middle name instead of the first this woman does not play. she a tough cookie. But then thats were i come in and say, his name is so and so not the middle name. Thanks everyone! I guess thats what happens with marriage learning to stand up to your Inlaws!
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