PyroBunny Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hi All, I'm interested to know, from men and women that are dating/married a person that has kids from a previous relationship, did you sit down and properly, thoroughly discuss what the custody agreement entails, and all aspects regarding the kids and ex? Have you ever had fights about your partner's kids? The reason I'm asking is, my boyfriend has kids from previous relationships (I have no kids), I'm pretty much in the dark about the finer details of the agreements and I feel we are at the point in our relationship where we have to discuss these things, iron out any wrinkles and make sure we are both on the same page. (We both want to get married in the future). My mom married my dad and he had 2 kids from a previous marraige. And she told me that she and my dad had numerous fights about the kids and the way his ex behaved. And she told me to get this stuff cleared up before it ruins our relationship. but I'm clueless on how to approach my bf about it.
Titania22 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Well something to remember is that he only has control over what happens when he has the kids. He has no control over what his ex does, and what the kids do when they are not in his custody. So fighting over things his ex does is pretty pointless. I had a relationship with a man with 2kids, and I have 2 kids, and we both had custody, so all 4 kids were with us most of the time. Both our exes liked to cause trouble. In fact once the 2 of us got to go away together, because our exes had the kids, and when we got back 3 out of 4 children had suffered some kind of abuse. It was something we had no control of, and the kids were going to visit their other parents whether we went away or not, but we had to deal with the aftermath (and ultimately this was the beginning of the end). The point is stuff happens, and communicating with him and finding out how far his time commitment to his kids extends, is great (especially if he is a good guy and tells you the truth). Just recognize that unexpected things can happen, and being together mean rolling with the changes.
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