Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 This is all SO true and it honestly hit me reading that list... You are 100 percent right. I had a moment of WOW. I texted him today (I'm evil) and told him that I was talking about him in my office yesterday and as it turned out ... One of my co-workers is friends with his secretary! (total bs) I said "what a small world, eh?". I said "she promised to get me all the office dirt on you. HA HA". He texted back "that is a small world... Have a good meeting". I will let him simmer on that... And then just end it.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I was really shell shocked. I didn't say anything. What do I do? In for a penny, in for a pound. You have serious reservations about this guy and very rightfully so. Yet, you aren't sure whether he's cheating. I'd find yourself an opportunity to view more of his messages ASAP. It's not wrong IMO since he's given you "probable cause" for a search. It's not like you can ask him and he would tell you. Either you'll offend an innocent man or get lies from a guilty one. Just find out for sure on your own. - upon reading further posts, EWW. A cheater with herpes, yeah that's gross.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 If I confronted... It would just be a lot of excuses I'm sure... What would you say?
AF_Wife_Rach Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I wouldn't say anything but it's over. Don't drag it out more than it needs to be. You are a convenience for this man and he has total disregard for your needs, feelings, mental and physical health. He wants What he wants and on his terms. You are looking into this way too much. Just say it's over, which in my opinion, should have happened after he failed to inform you about his herpes. Trust me I've been there in this situation (herpes aside) and he just honestly doesn't care. You are better off without him and most importantly, your kids will be better off not being around his disrespect. Rachel 1
CautionaryTale Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I wouldn't say anything but it's over. Don't drag it out more than it needs to be. You are a convenience for this man and he has total disregard for your needs, feelings, mental and physical health. He wants What he wants and on his terms. You are looking into this way too much. Just say it's over, which in my opinion, should have happened after he failed to inform you about his herpes. Trust me I've been there in this situation (herpes aside) and he just honestly doesn't care. You are better off without him and most importantly, your kids will be better off not being around his disrespect. Rachel This ^^^^^ x1,000
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 He texted and asked me if we could meet tonigh. I said no I can't. He said because you can't get a sitter? I responded "no". And he just texted "???" I'm not going to respond. 1
sid3 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Good! He'll eventually call you, and I think you should answer and just tell him you arent feeling it anymore, and dont see a future between you two, and you have different values, and that you are moving on and wish him the best. Well that's what I'd say. He'll either say "Fine" and hang up, acting like he doesnt care. Or he'll try to manipulate you by acting hurt and upset as if YOU'VE done something wrong. Dont let him manipulate you! I'm certain you will not be happy with this man long term. I'm thinking any phone call could be handled in less than twenty seconds, which is twenty more than this puke deserves. 1
Treasa Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 It feels like you're trying to create more drama or get more attention from him. Just call him and tell him it's over and that he shouldn't contact you. Then hang up and block him. 1
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 He is a mess... And telling me that he's fallen hard for me and that he won't let me out of his life and he will fight for me. I haven't told him I saw the phone...
clia Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I would like nothing more than to see you cut off all contact with this guy right now, and to never speak to him again. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 He is a mess... And telling me that he's fallen hard for me and that he won't let me out of his life and he will fight for me. I haven't told him I saw the phone... Perfect time to file for a restraining order! 1
AF_Wife_Rach Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 He's telling you all that bs to bait you. When he's got you back where he wants you , he will continue with his behavior. He is exhibiting control issues here (only texting, can only hang out on his time, you pay for everything, ect ). In all honestly, you don't know this man as Well as you thought. He purposely didn't tell you about the herpes and THAT should have been your big flashing red sign. Who knows What else this man is conveniently hiding from you. Him making the vagina comment to his secretary should be the least of your worries now. 1
veggirl Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why are you dragging this out? you've said like 4 times, "I will do XYZ and then end it" and then you never do. You have no intentions on actually ending it, do you? Who CARES if he gives you excuses?! You don't have to accept them. You don't even have to give him a reason for ending it. You just TEXT, since he loves it so much, "I am not interested in this relationship anymore. Please don't contact me again, it's over." or if you wanna give him the reason "I feel uncomfortable with how you let me engage sexually with you without disclosing that you have herpes. I'm also uncomfortable with messages you have sent women for photos and messages you have sent your secretary. It's over, please do not contact me again." 5
sid3 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Why are you dragging this out? you've said like 4 times, "I will do XYZ and then end it" and then you never do. You have no intentions on actually ending it, do you? Who CARES if he gives you excuses?! You don't have to accept them. You don't even have to give him a reason for ending it. You just TEXT, since he loves it so much, "I am not interested in this relationship anymore. Please don't contact me again, it's over." or if you wanna give him the reason "I feel uncomfortable with how you let me engage sexually with you without disclosing that you have herpes. I'm also uncomfortable with messages you have sent women for photos and messages you have sent your secretary. It's over, please do not contact me again." Enough said.....
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 Well it's over. I told him that I accidentally grabbed his blackberry thinking it was mine (they are the same) and saw the texts. He said it was a "joke and completely innocent" and he can't believe I didn't have the decency to bring it up to him first... That I clearly have NO idea how to be in a relationship if I'm overreacting over this. Again he said its clearly a joke. This was all via text btw.... Fitting, right? I'm really sad but I know I had to do this.
veggirl Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Its for the best CJ. He is a loser. Please stay strong and dont respond to any further attempts at contact!!
Bristolius Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Spend time with your kids and enjoy being a mom for a while. That might give you something nice to do and think about while you go through this. 1
ja123 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 Well it's over. I told him that I accidentally grabbed his blackberry thinking it was mine (they are the same) and saw the texts. He said it was a "joke and completely innocent" and he can't believe I didn't have the decency to bring it up to him first... That I clearly have NO idea how to be in a relationship if I'm overreacting over this. Again he said its clearly a joke. This was all via text btw.... Fitting, right? I'm really sad but I know I had to do this. I'm glad it's over, OP. Though until enough time has passed, I don't believe it. I know this is hard for you and that you're scared to be alone, etc. I'm concerned that you'll take him back ... that you'll let him weasel his way back. I hope that you don't, and that you stay well away from him and go no contact. Keep posting here: mistakes and all. I think you got some good advice, here, and that people are rooting for you. Someone mentioned it's "infuriating" to witness what you've been putting up with from this man. Just keep posting. We'll help you wake up. We'll help get through the tough spots. This man is a master manipulator and a narcissist. I hope that you do not see him ever again. I hope that you go completely "no contact". Don't give him explanations, or any type of justification as to why you made your decision, or anything at all. He'll just twist your words ... just like he did when he said you made him feel like a leper for having herpes. I would suggest this book: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You: Susan Forward: 9780060928971: Amazon.com: Books It's by Susan Forward and it's called, "Emotional Blackmail." It's about getting out of the FOG: when people use fear, guilt, and obligation to manipulate you. Keep strong, OP. You can do this!!!
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 He is texting me telling me that he is falling in love with me and that I'm blowing it all out of proportion. Anything that he said was "joking and innocent". Ugh!!!
Treasa Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 The term for what he is doing is called "gaslighting."
pbjbear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 He is texting me telling me that he is falling in love with me and that I'm blowing it all out of proportion. Anything that he said was "joking and innocent". Ugh!!! Lol, do you really believe that? Look at what guys do (actions) over what they say (words)
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 I'm trying to stay no contact. Thank God for this board!!! Help me understand how it's okay to joke about his secretary's vagina. Ever?!!! It's not. 1
pbjbear Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 I'm trying to stay no contact. Thank God for this board!!! Help me understand how it's okay to joke about his secretary's vagina. Ever?!!! It's not. Its ok, come here and post instead of talking to him. He is a disrespectful ass, Ive dated and talked circles around a few guys who did stuff like this. You deserve better!!!! Use your energy elsewhere and next time get involved with someone who seems to have better character/personality.
ja123 Posted February 14, 2013 Posted February 14, 2013 You can do it, OP. Don't communicate with him.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Posted February 14, 2013 So.., he texted me the exact text chain and it WAS her saying she could see his vaguna... As a joke because he was asking about his hair (like a girl). He did cop to complimenting her figure because "she always Calls herself fat". I told him complimenting his secretary's figure is just not okay. He says it's strictly innocent and she's engaged... He's just being a friend. He loves ME. Okay... So am I the idiot?
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