CarrieT Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Should I just tell him... It's trust issues and leave it vague or should I admit to knowing about his psycho secretary stuff? Of course you should tell him. You have come out of the affair fog and realized it is not what you wanted - that HE is not what you wanted. You don't have to go into the secretary stuff at all. Just that you came to your senses and there are too many issues for you to continue.
ChatroomHero Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Should I just tell him... It's trust issues and leave it vague or should I admit to knowing about his psycho secretary stuff? Tell him it is because he knowingly tried to infect you with herpes and has an infatuation with his co-worker's vagina. Whatever you say it probably doesn't matter, he'll tell you he used to be a doctor and his co-worker needed a vaginal check up and you'll believe him. When you ask to see his diploma you'll believe him when he says the medical school he went to is Mormon and doesn't believe in giving out actual degrees. You're like one of those people that would see him all of the sudden have a ton of money and then watch a video tape of him robbing a bank and yelling his full name and address while showing his driver's license to the camera, yet believing it was someone else and the money came from an estranged uncle he never met who died and left him a fortune. "Is it POSSIBLE that the girl sent that text to HIM?* Because he asked a question about his hair?* Maybe she was trying to call him out for acting like a girl?***...I just can't believe that word would even come out of his mouth...or TEXT!" Well could you believe Herpes came out of his mouth AFTER you had sex?
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I guess I am that pathetic... I just can't believe a dedicated father of 3 .. Who seems so genuinely appreciative of me and embarrassed of his current financial circumstances .. Would act so awful .. With a coworker.. On a company phone. As for the herpes... He told me after oral.. But before intercourse. As if oral didn't matter... Because he said it was nearly impossible to get it from oral. Was I shocked? Yes. I was completely stunned.
AlisaMarie Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I guess I am that pathetic... I just can't believe a dedicated father of 3 .. Who seems so genuinely appreciative of me and embarrassed of his current financial circumstances .. Would act so awful .. With a coworker.. On a company phone. As for the herpes... He told me after oral.. But before intercourse. As if oral didn't matter... Because he said it was nearly impossible to get it from oral. Was I shocked? Yes. I was completely stunned. I is very possible to get herpes from oral! My friend was a virgin and got it from a guy going down on her! I have been reading this thread, and nobody can tell you what to do, but you have obviously come here for sound advice. You are getting it! My advice would be to listen to the advice!
MidwestUSA Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 So he called it "nearly impossible". Meaning he knew it was possible (as it is, HSV1 and HSV2 can sometimes cross). I suppose that neither of you considers oral to be "real sex" either, since you refer to it as "just oral". Not sure what you are looking for, since after each new input from someone here, you come up with another way to defend him.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 No I'm listening and all of you are helping me grow a backbone! I need this objectivity. I'm not defending him... I realize I'm in denial and need help. 1
MidwestUSA Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 No I'm listening and all of you are helping me grow a backbone! I need this objectivity. I'm not defending him... I realize I'm in denial and need help. In that case, go out and find something else to do. Is your marriage "over", as in divorce final? Don't you have children as well? How did you get yourself so settled after the end of your marriage that you can afford the time you are devoting to this "good man" who is clueless about STDs? If he is the first you have dallied with outside of your marriage, and you think he's awesome (that is still lost on me), do you think there may be others out there as well that are worth meeting? Get a life, get a hobby, do something!!
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 No I'm listening and all of you are helping me grow a backbone! I need this objectivity. I'm not defending him... I realize I'm in denial and need help. We are just glad you are catching on to all of this before it got too far and you MARRIED him... Believe me, there are a ton of people who leave their marriages for these guys, only to find out a year later they are being cheated on as well. You keep saying he is a devoted father, but what broke up his marriage? Is he putting his kids first in his actions and attitudes? Well - for that matter - are you? (sorry, but you have to hear these things). Be the role model you want your children to grow up and admire. Teach them these life lessons early... 3
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Well.. Apparently it's the head trauma. This diseased man did not cheat.. On his wife. (well they are 3 years separated and almost finalized divorce). I do know that other women emailed him and sent pictures and his email response was that he was exclusive with me. But it appears he is starting up something with his secretary... Hence the vagina comment.
CautionaryTale Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yes, it definitely appears he is starting something up with his secretary. That's irrelevant anyway, who gives a hoot? Let her have him. He can be her issue. You're heading down such a painfully clear road, it's infuriating. Everything he has done... This is not a person of value to you in any way. You stand to lose so much more than just your self esteem, physical and mental health. You think that a man who cares so little about your welfare is going to care about your kids'? You want to expose them to a person like that? Let tem witness their mother allowing him to treat you this way? They might not see it right now, eventually they will. I've cut my father out of my life entirely for letting such a vile woman in his life. He defends her till the end, justifies her actions and used to become defensive if anyone said a bad word about her. She ruined him financially, managed to push away everyone close to him and aided in destroying his health. He let her walk all over my sister and I. You know what? I don't even blame her, I blame him for being such a spineless frigging coward. THAT could EASILY be your future. Stop this, he VERY OBVIOUSLY doesn't care that much about you. There are other people out there who would if you gave yourself half a chance. Go get some professional help. He is poison to you but, more than that, YOU are poison to you right now. 2
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 He was on a dating website for awhile since his wife filed for divorce 3 years ago. So I saw his email when I snooped. And he was telling a woman that he was no longer on the site and was in an exclusive relationship. That Is quite the contrary to his convo with his secretary asking about his hair... And then telling her he can see her vagina... And her responding .. "I bet you see a lot of them".
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 Yes I must admit he told the woman he was dating someone but said ... It's only been 4 months so you never know... Why don't you send me a picture for future reference. She did. And he complimented her but said he was exclusive with me and couldn't meet but "maybe" he would be in touch if the relationship didn't work out.
sid3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Yes I must admit he told the woman he was dating someone but said ... It's only been 4 months so you never know... Why don't you send me a picture for future reference. She did. And he complimented her but said he was exclusive with me and couldn't meet but "maybe" he would be in touch if the relationship didn't work out. Do you worry about being alone or are you too sensitive to this guy's feelings? Personally I think he needs to be told, "its not me, its you"
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I think I'm scared ... Of hurting his feelings. Our conversations were always good and appeared genuine. So I feel like his texting mess is like an out of body experience. When the herpes thing came up I felt bad for him because he was so upset that I made him feel like a leper. So I tried to comfort him...And have done so ever since.
sid3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I think I'm scared ... Of hurting his feelings. Our conversations were always good and appeared genuine. So I feel like his texting mess is like an out of body experience. When the herpes thing came up I felt bad for him because he was so upset that I made him feel like a leper. So I tried to comfort him...And have done so ever since. Doesn't sound like he was scared of hurting your feelings, let alone even considering them. 1
CarrieT Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You comforted HIM about the herpes??? Man-o-man, you *are* in affair fog!
sid3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 You comforted HIM about the herpes??? Man-o-man, you *are* in affair fog! Sounds more like denial to me. I'd drop chick that did that to be like a bad habit. Then again, I'm not a big fan of licking the herpes.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I know this sounds crazy, but part of me just wants to text him today and say "can you see my vagin2 from here?" and then just never respond again. But that probably does nothing for me... Other then deteriorate my image. I guess I want him to know he's hurt me. Big time.
sid3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I know this sounds crazy, but part of me just wants to text him today and say "can you see my vagin2 from here?" and then just never respond again. But that probably does nothing for me... Other then deteriorate my image. I guess I want him to know he's hurt me. Big time. Actually, that will do for you whatever you want it to. You him to feel how much he's hurt you, but chances are no matter what you do or say, there's guarantee he will. Here's a tip, do what ever you want without worrying how he'll feel or think about it. Who's number one?
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 You are right... Who Is number one? I haven't put myself before him. I suppose I need to recognize that. And I need to stop rationalizing the dirty texts. I just felt relief when I saw he told another woman that we were exclusive. But he told her he wanted to see a photo.. "just in case" since the relationship was still early... If he saw long term for us .. He wouldn't have done that ...
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 I went off the grid tonight.. He had a birthday dinner for his daughter at his home., obviously i was not invited. So he kept texting. After 3 hrs I told him I was fine and had a night out..., so he texted back and said he was tired .. Heading to bed AGAIN at 9:30. I told him goodnight and I realized even w out the sexting .. I am lacking his presence in life. Texting for 2 days straight..Is not enough to sustain a relationship. Even when you push aside all the other issues.. That's not an ideal situation, right? He texted and asked me to dinner for valentines... Lovely right?
CautionaryTale Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 I went off the grid tonight.. He had a birthday dinner for his daughter at his home., obviously i was not invited. So he kept texting. After 3 hrs I told him I was fine and had a night out..., so he texted back and said he was tired .. Heading to bed AGAIN at 9:30. I told him goodnight and I realized even w out the sexting .. I am lacking his presence in life. Texting for 2 days straight..Is not enough to sustain a relationship. Even when you push aside all the other issues.. That's not an ideal situation, right? He texted and asked me to dinner for valentines... Lovely right? Yeah, he's a real doll... You told him no, right? No, this is not an ideal situation at all. I'd say that it's time to cut the cord. At this point you're not even getting what little "Good things" (and I say that with difficulty) you were. So why bother continuing with this? Are you just punishing yourself? I'm starting to wonder if this is self flagellation.
sid3 Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Yeah, he's a real doll... You told him no, right? I think we all know the answer to that. 2
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 Yes... I told him no I couldn't do dinner tonight.... Because of work. Today is the day I'm going to have to get honest/serious with him. And since everything in his life is done through texting... That's how it will have to be handled... To keep me strong. From the herpes .. (told via text) to the fact that we rarely get time together... And now he's broke and I have to pay for things... The vagina comment with his secretary really seems like just the icing on the cake... Today is the day.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Posted February 13, 2013 He said he had to tell me via text because he was so embarrassed by it. But regardless of that... He often goes a couple of days just texting ... If he has his kids he will play with them and then just text me as he is going to sleep... To me... I'm finally realizing.., that's not enough to sustain a relationship.
Recommended Posts