Quest Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 this is the guy you had an affair with you left your husband for who has herpes and didnt inform you, before you had sex..... and he then forgot your birthday and we come to now you went away for a weekend with him and he was on the phone to another chick talking about vaginas. What was the question again.Now i remember should you dump him,? Why would you dump him sounds perfectly charming ....a true prince among men........maybe since you are a god believing christian women you need to have a serious prayer session.....seek and ye shall find...you already know what you should do if you are legit......deb Was in two minds but erring on the side of you should just dump him and move on .... and then read this. DEFINITELY dump him and don't even bother to confront. But not sure why you are with such a charmer in the first place. Lots of red flags about his honesty and decency before you intercepted these texts. Run for the hills, I'd say.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 What makes it worse is that I am the one who has been paying lately for our dates etc because he's flat broke. He's trying to launch a new business ... But until that happens ... He's broke. I see that he will eventually be successful again but it will take time. So now... I've been his cheerleader.. Physical partner.. (despite herpes) .. Financial supporter when it comes to entertainment and now I discover he's texting his secretary and asking what she thinks of his hair (he stopped dying it) and then tells her he can "see her vagina" ... I do think there's a possibility ... That it was joking around...but still....
Ruby Slippers Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 This guy has loser and creep written all over him in yellow highlighter. 2
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Men don't text about "vaginas" when they're flirting. High chances he's banging her too 2
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 You really need to start being honest with yourself. Been exclusively dating a guy for 5 months. You have not been "exclusively dating" for five months when you just came to this site six weeks ago trying to get out of this affair. I can see you trying to re-invent the storyline to appease your guilt in the affair and are learning the truth about this guy. Just two weeks ago you were writing how your husband was trying to make things better. Are you saying that you weren't having sex with your husband over the past five months? You are coming out of the affair fog and seeing firsthand that the Grass is NOT Greener. Sorry this is so hard for you. Dump the guy and learn to be on your own.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I have not been intimate with my husband during this time and I ended up leaving the marriage. But yes this was the catalyst. And now I'm trying to figure out just how to end it. I really want to tell him I know what he's up to... But I will look pretty bad for going through his phone.
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I have to commend you for "leaving your marriage" in less than two weeks. Good to have all that nastiness behind you and your affairs, no pun intended, settled. So that you have all the time in the world to ponder this new man and your life ahead. Keep rationalizing his behavior and believing there is hope. Good luck.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I can't rationalize this anymore. Seeing someone's vagina is not a text I can rationalize... It's time for me to get my head on straight. I've got to get a grip on my bad behavior.
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 But I will look pretty bad for going through his phone. In the grand scheme of things of how you have acted, how he has acted, how all this has come down, and the ending of your marriage, isn't "looking bad for going through his phone" about the least of your issues right now? 2
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 For sure... But I do want to handle the ending of this mess.. The best way possible. I have to move forward in a positive way and this is just my first step. I just think he might tell me it was an inside office joke or something.. And I would begin to rationalize his excuse. But is it EVER okay to joke about a woman's vagina ... ? Especially when it's your secretary?
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I have to move forward in a positive way and this is just my first step. Then stick to your guns with this belief: It is NEVER okay to joke about someone's vagina and he has crossed a path you are uncomfortable with - and no about of rationalization will make it better. I just think he might tell me it was an inside office joke or something.. And I would begin to rationalize his excuse. But is it EVER okay to joke about a woman's vagina ... ? Especially when it's your secretary? Don't rationalize his excuses. It will suck you back into the affair fog. You are coming out of that now and seeing him for what he really is - and he potentially gave you herpes. Is this someone you want to build a life with?
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 He's a good dad... Responsible and was a very successful businessman. He seems quite smart. So I thought he was a great guy... However I literally almost dropped the phone when I read that text. He doesn't talk about vaginas with me... Not could I ever imagine him talking that way. Which makes me think it was a joke... But still... How does that word get texted to your secretary?
sid3 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 That word should never be sent to one's secretary!
Sunfire73 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I would not even overanalyze how to end this affair/relationship. I will just tell him I'm gone, bye!
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 There's no explanation ... That justifies that .. Right? Even a joke. He's 47. And the girl is about 24.
todreaminblue Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 this is the guy you had an affair with you left your husband for who has herpes and didnt inform you, before you had sex..... and he then forgot your birthday and we come to now you went away for a weekend with him and he was on the phone to another chick talking about vaginas......end quote add to this you are now paying for all the dates, as he is setting up his business please dont write another thread in two weeks time saying he hit you.......when you confronted him.....and you don't know if you should stay or not....the guy is whacked..... i would understand if this was your husband and you were trying to work things out to stay with him because you had years and years of happiness to remember....even then....it would be a hard slog with professional therapy....this guy just isnt worth it....what were the reasons behind you finally deciding to leave your husband? were they as prolific as the guy you have been dating for five months... look i struggled to give my partner an ultimatum over the years we were to together i forgave a lot i had three girls and two other children to consider.I believe in family together forever, it got to a point where i had to say its either me or her......he chose her, and i went it alone with five kids......support of family and good friends of course......what would you tell your children in future years.......if they came to you with a similar situation......what would you want for them.......would you tell him or her to stay ....not telling about an std should have been a deal breaker, he manipulated you by saying that you made him feel like a leper........after he told you...... you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness crownjewel, and you are going to take your kids down with you,you are going to show them how to be treated by the treatment this guy is going to give you....its never going to get any better only worse, you are in the honeymoon phase and the guy is already on the look out......leave him..... find a guy who loves you for you,make sure he accepts your kids, you know what this guy is doing is wrong or you are simply trolling.i really hope you arent sittign there with a big grin on yoru face, it took me a long time to write this , i would hope it was for the right reason....and i pray to god, it makes you see reality.....think of your kids not his......you dont mention them and that concerns me..you say he is a good dad....are you being a good mother?....deb 1
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I am grateful for your post. I really am. I don't mention MY kids because I just feel so ashamed right now... I am a good Mom -- but how can one really say that ...when they've done the things I've done. I am not living the life of a stellar mom right now. I think this man is trying to keep me on the hook -- and I am just having a really hard time severing ties because when we are together... we are fantastic together. However - I am not being treated properly. You are right. And I do see there are issues on his part, too. The thing is...so much of US worked.. I just feel like there is some kind of explanation for that kind of text. It doesn't seem like something he would ever do... which makes it pretty scary. He has never joked with me like that...and he is a very professional person -- or so it would appear. He just called my cell and I did everything I could to hold back -- and let him leave a voicemail. I just wish I could understand...
CarrieT Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 we are fantastic together. The thing is...so much of US worked.. With all due respect, this is "affair fog" speak. In the cold light of day, you are still responsible to YOU and your kids. Not to the "us" and the "we" that exists in the bubble you created which is obviously about ready to pop with actions like inappropriate texting.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yes this is obviously coming to a boiling point .. I just wish I could call him and go off on him....he's being extremely nice and interested today. We had such a great weekend (in my dime) so I'm certain that he's uncertain why I'm pulling back so much and my guess is he's going to ask me why I am. What do I say?
Treasa Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yes this is obviously coming to a boiling point .. I just wish I could call him and go off on him....he's being extremely nice and interested today. We had such a great weekend (in my dime) so I'm certain that he's uncertain why I'm pulling back so much and my guess is he's going to ask me why I am. What do I say? Oh, he's being "extremely nice and interested today"? Lucky you. He probably senses something is wrong, and most people chase after something they feel they might be losing. Don't confuse that for love. This guy sounds like such a loser. I still don't know why you're overanalyzing the vagina thing. Even if it's just a joke, how classless and tacky and stupid. That's grounds for sexual harassment if she were to play it as such. I wouldn't even respond to him or contact him back. 2
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 If she needs the va jay jay word in print, as her breaking point, or deal breaker, she has it. No need to even consider the rest of the mess!
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Is it POSSIBLE that the girl sent that text to HIM?* Because he asked a question about his hair?* Maybe she was trying to call him out for acting like a girl?** * But the responding text was "I'm sure you see a lot of them.." * "Ha Ha..."* * I just can't believe that word would even come out of his mouth...or TEXT!
sid3 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Is it POSSIBLE that the girl sent that text to HIM?* Because he asked a question about his hair?* Maybe she was trying to call him out for acting like a girl?** * But the responding text was "I'm sure you see a lot of them.." * "Ha Ha..."* * I just can't believe that word would even come out of his mouth...or TEXT! Yeah keep making excuses for him.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I know... I'm an idiot. I just can't believe it...
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Posted February 12, 2013 I tried completely ignoring his texts tonight but I think he got worried that something happened to me and he began calling. I just texted in return and said I was tired... And heading to sleep. I told him that I was exhausted and we could catch up later. He is going to want an answer tomorrow regarding why I'm dumping him. Should I just tell him... It's trust issues and leave it vague or should I admit to knowing about his psycho secretary stuff?
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