crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Been exclusively dating a guy for 5 months. We went away this weekend and I was in the shower. His phone text went off and I noticed it was from a woman. I snooped. Turns out it was a girl he has mentioned before at his work. I scrolled back and saw that he was asking her if his hair style looked good... Or if it made him look older. Than it was joking and flirting and it ended with him saying "I can see your vagina from here j/k ha ha ha". And she says "you must see a lot of them". He told me that his work friends know he has a girlfriend etc. I was really shell shocked. I didn't say anything. What do I do? The weekend was amazing but I can't get past that.., Dump? Confront? Ignore!
sid3 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Been exclusively dating a guy for 5 months. We went away this weekend and I was in the shower. His phone text went off and I noticed it was from a woman. I snooped. Turns out it was a girl he has mentioned before at his work. I scrolled back and saw that he was asking her if his hair style looked good... Or if it made him look older. Than it was joking and flirting and it ended with him saying "I can see your vagina from here j/k ha ha ha". And she says "you must see a lot of them". He told me that his work friends know he has a girlfriend etc. I was really shell shocked. I didn't say anything. What do I do? The weekend was amazing but I can't get past that.., Dump? Confront? Ignore! I'd say dump. 3
ScienceGal Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) My all time favorite issue: personal boundaries. When were these messages sent? While you were seeing him? Would you have a similarly flirty message exchange with another man? Maybe he's a dog, but in giving him the benefit of the doubt.. take a breath. A deep breath. I bet you felt sick to your stomach reading that (been there). I am not advocating for lying, but you need to think about this. Perhaps strike up a conversation with him about flirting and what is ok/not ok. I wouldn't confess to snooping just yet. What are his boundaries and what are yours? What is "ok" in your eyes? Edited February 11, 2013 by ScienceGal 2
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Been exclusively dating a guy for 5 months. We went away this weekend and I was in the shower. His phone text went off and I noticed it was from a woman. I snooped. Turns out it was a girl he has mentioned before at his work. I scrolled back and saw that he was asking her if his hair style looked good... Or if it made him look older. Than it was joking and flirting and it ended with him saying "I can see your vagina from here j/k ha ha ha". And she says "you must see a lot of them". He told me that his work friends know he has a girlfriend etc. I was really shell shocked. I didn't say anything. What do I do? The weekend was amazing but I can't get past that.., Dump? Confront? Ignore! Meh... It sounds like low level flirting, nothing super serious. So, this really goes down to how you feel about flirting within a relationship. Do you flirt? I think most people do. I don't think you can really call him out on it... because then you have to cop to being a Psycho Snooper. Personally... I would dump.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Well he doesn't flirt or talk to me that way and we have a very good physical relationship. But he doesn't act that way ... He seems like a good guy/dad. So this truly shocked me. "vagina" is not a word that is normally thrown around w coworkers... And I do not think that's okay. The "rumor" was his wife filed divorce because he was cheating. But he denied denied.
kaylan Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Snooping isnt good...because normally you end up reacting like this. Its better to just be upfront with someone and ask about certain things....and if the situation doent feel right..bail.
Leigh 87 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 What does your intuition tell you? I ask because.. well, my boyfriend did a stupid thing once that looked terrible. But, you know.... Rather than leaving him I gave him the benifit of the doubt. My intuition is never wrong, and I went against better judgment because of it.
Sabian Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I don't think the vagina comment is a deal breaker. I have friends that are women and could easily see saying something like that and it doesn't mean a thing. Just a joke. ...however I am being really hypocritical haha. If I saw a text on my girlfriend's phone from a guy and they were talking about penis in any way, I'd probably be upset. Hopefully you're more mature than I am and will wait to get more information before reacting. It could just be a harmless joke. 1
Joaquin Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 A comment like that would cross a relationship boundary for me. I'd guess that they've probably had sex at some stage as thats the only way a guy could get away with that sort of texting with a coworker. Either that or they are hot for each other and he's testing the waters by ramping up the intimate texting. Options are 1..... Ask him about his coworkers and the friendships he has, have a chat about boundaries, but monitor things closely for a while, do not not not say you saw the text or you'll be ****ed... This is the benefit of the doubt option, but doesn't involve you sticking your head in the sand.. 2.... Move on.
todreaminblue Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Been exclusively dating a guy for 5 months. We went away this weekend and I was in the shower. His phone text went off and I noticed it was from a woman. I snooped. Turns out it was a girl he has mentioned before at his work. I scrolled back and saw that he was asking her if his hair style looked good... Or if it made him look older. Than it was joking and flirting and it ended with him saying "I can see your vagina from here j/k ha ha ha". And she says "you must see a lot of them". He told me that his work friends know he has a girlfriend etc. I was really shell shocked. I didn't say anything. What do I do? The weekend was amazing but I can't get past that.., Dump? Confront? Ignore! this is the guy you had an affair with you left your husband for who has herpes and didnt inform you, before you had sex..... and he then forgot your birthday and we come to now you went away for a weekend with him and he was on the phone to another chick talking about vaginas. What was the question again.Now i remember should you dump him,? Why would you dump him sounds perfectly charming ....a true prince among men........maybe since you are a god believing christian women you need to have a serious prayer session.....seek and ye shall find...you already know what you should do if you are legit......deb 7
Joaquin Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 ^^^^Wow. A whole nother side to this. If this is the case. Dump. And raise your bar a little higher in the men picking department. 5
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 if a woman calls, it means she's pretty sure that she won't be disturbing the guy... meaning that "work colleague" has no idea he's seeing anyone for 4 months. the texting plus the word "vagina"... looks bad. I would give him hell, to see how he reacts. Why bail? Nope, I say you stay there and ask all those uncomfortable questions !
superb Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 this is the guy you had an affair with you left your husband for who has herpes and didnt inform you, before you had sex..... and he then forgot your birthday and we come to now you went away for a weekend with him and he was on the phone to another chick talking about vaginas. What was the question again.Now i remember should you dump him,? Why would you dump him sounds perfectly charming ....a true prince among men........maybe since you are a god believing christian women you need to have a serious prayer session.....seek and ye shall find...you already know what you should do if you are legit......deb ouch! Yea, if this is all true, get rid of him.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yes it is true that he told me he has herpes AFTER I gave him oral sex but before intercourse. He told me via text... And then THIS. I just don't know how I could monitor his behavior with her at all.
superb Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yes it is true that he told me he has herpes AFTER I gave him oral sex but before intercourse. He told me via text... And then THIS. I just don't know how I could monitor his behavior with her at all. Dump him. You shouldn't have to monitor anything. If you can't trust someone, you have nothing anyway. 3
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 why would you "monitor" his behavior? You're not the police, he's supposed to see you because he likes you! He is able to contain himself, if he chooses to! he just doesn't! listen, if you like to f*ck him, fine, continue! But stop lying to yourself about "romance" and "commitment", jesus, the lies women tell themselves! I don't even think he likes you and he doesn't respect you, for sure! Use and get used, that's where you are. you either deal with it, or not. Guess what, if you don't deal with it, you still get used! Now you know!
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I was just responding to the earlier post about someone telling me to monitor him... I just can't. Not around enough. Question though... Should I tell him I know?
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 YES! If he implied you're exclusive, I'd raise hell, Even if he didn't, I'd still ask and have an ugly fit! Other women's vagina should be none of his business. And if it is, you should be aware of it.
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Yes he has maintained that we are exclusive. Definitely told me that. And I'm sure after such a great weekend he would wonder wtf I was ending it for... He kept texting last night and I was not my typical self. I could tell he was worried... He was acting differently ...
Treasa Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Isn't this guy still technically married? And he has his kids a lot of the time and doesn't spend time with you when he has them? And he has herpes? And now he's talking to a coworker about her vagina and also flirting with her. ... I would have gotten rid of him before this. 1
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 So do I tell him I know.. About texts..I will probably look very bad for snooping. But I SO want to tell him off...And rub his nose in it.
CautionaryTale Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 So do I tell him I know.. About texts..I will probably look very bad for snooping. But I SO want to tell him off...And rub his nose in it. I'm sorry but, YOU will look bad? YOU? The only reason you look bad is for being with this jack @$$ to begin with. So go ahead, tell him and leave. Laugh while you walk away and for goodness sakes STAY away. 2
ChatroomHero Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Yes it is true that he told me he has herpes AFTER I gave him oral sex but before intercourse. He told me via text... And then THIS. I just don't know how I could monitor his behavior with her at all. Ummm wtf? If you don't dump someone for the things above, how many puppies would he have to kill in front of you before you did dump him? 3
MidwestUSA Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Isn't this guy still technically married? And he has his kids a lot of the time and doesn't spend time with you when he has them? And he has herpes? And now he's talking to a coworker about her vagina and also flirting with her. ... I would have gotten rid of him before this. Wait, isn't she still married? With children as well? And her husband is willing to work things out? And she's living a lie and feels awful? Christian, good mom, etc. but wants to rub someone's nose in *****. Or are we troll bait? 1
Author crownjewel1 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I ended up leaving my marriage... I was so enamored with this man. Obviously I was wrong...
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