PepperPotts Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 How do you deal with local strain on an LDR? I thought we had this figured out when my SO was studying for professional exams and then when I was having the semester from hell... But he has a new job that is an hour away, and he can't afford to move to the new town yet. He's working ten hour days. It's adding up to five hours of sleep on a good night, and the exhaustion and frustration is causing him to be distant and snappy. Our communication is about half of what it was before because of the more demanding work schedule-- maybe two texts a day and a very short phone call at night. I know almost nothing about his job, and absolutely nothing about his new coworkers or work environment. All I know is he's miserable. I feel so much more far away than I did before. I understand what's going on, so I'm trying to remain patient and not take it personally. But I'm concerned that its only a matter of time until he snaps a little too much and I finally react. It's just bad timing. A friend died suddenly two weekends ago, and so now is a time when I need more emotional support than usual, and he doesn't even have the normal amount to give.I know it's making me less useful as well, and I'm over-fretting about his safety and health. I'm sorry... And I don't mean to sound critical of him at all. Again, I completely get what's going on, and I know he still cares. And I know everybody has trouble with this... I just know I can't tell him how I'm feeling right now (he doesn't need the extra stress) and I needed to say it to someone. Any ideas on how to be supportive, stay patient, and support myself? We are so close to being back in the same state again-- I don't want to screw this up now.
LittleTiger Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 If I were in this situation, and I have been on several occasions over the past few years, I would tell him how you feel. You don't have to burden him with your emotions and you can make it very clear that you don't consider him at fault. I always approach these situations as a 'team' problem and so does my guy. It goes along the lines of - here is the situation we are in. What can I do do make things easier, what can you do, and is there anything we can both do. Working through stuff together is what relationships are all about. Just remember that none of us can be everything to our partner at all times. Sometimes, when things get tough on both sides, it is very difficult to provide the support we might hope for under easier circumstances. It is just a phase in your lives and it will pass. To get through it, find other people you can lean on if you need to - good friends or close family - and make sure you let him know that, although you're finding it tough, you are coping just fine. He will appreciate being given the space and will probably love you more for it. 1
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