Dooberry88 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I met my boyfriend 6 months ago. We're the same age and things are great. I have just accidentally found out that he has cancer and is having an op in 2 weeks and then starting chemo. He hasn't actually told me though. He left his iPad at mine yesterday and when I text him it was coming through on there so I went to turn it off. Once I'd done the slide to unlock thing Facebook was up on his inbox and a message was there to his godsons mum saying 'the boys were asking lots of questions about my operation and what would happen to my hair'. He had the tests for bowel cancer which I knew about and was supposed to get the results 2 weeks ago but said the date apparently changed to last Wednesday. Last Wednesday he told me he had got the all clear and the lump on his bowel was nothing but this doesn't look like it's the case. I don't really know what to do as he's going to think I'm snooping which wasn't the case but now I'm quite hurt that he hasn't told me. Do I explain what I saw and give him the opportunity to tell me or do I leave it and hope he tells me? I would really appreciate any advice as I am really worried about him, hurt that he hasn't told me and lied to me and wondering why he doesn't want to tell me. Thanks, Emma
ptp Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I met my boyfriend 6 months ago. We're the same age and things are great. I have just accidentally found out that he has cancer and is having an op in 2 weeks and then starting chemo. He hasn't actually told me though. He left his iPad at mine yesterday and when I text him it was coming through on there so I went to turn it off. Once I'd done the slide to unlock thing Facebook was up on his inbox and a message was there to his godsons mum saying 'the boys were asking lots of questions about my operation and what would happen to my hair'. He had the tests for bowel cancer which I knew about and was supposed to get the results 2 weeks ago but said the date apparently changed to last Wednesday. Last Wednesday he told me he had got the all clear and the lump on his bowel was nothing but this doesn't look like it's the case. I don't really know what to do as he's going to think I'm snooping which wasn't the case but now I'm quite hurt that he hasn't told me. Do I explain what I saw and give him the opportunity to tell me or do I leave it and hope he tells me? I would really appreciate any advice as I am really worried about him, hurt that he hasn't told me and lied to me and wondering why he doesn't want to tell me. Thanks, Emma Hi Emma, I don't think you should be upset with your BF before talking to him. He may have a good reason for not telling you. Sometimes, we want to shield the ones we care about from bad news. Maybe he is afraid you will leave him? Who knows. As for advice? This is an extremely tough situation and it is tough for you both. Just keep the lines of communication open and don't jump to conclusions. You might want to seek out help from a professional as well since this is such a serious situation. 1
candie13 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 when you tell it to other people, it becomes real. Until then, you think or you try to handle it by yourself. In a way, he was buying himself 2 more weeks of a normal relationship. Understandable. Def seek guidance and see a specialist to help you go through this!
Radu Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 I wouldn't blame him too much tbh if the relationship is otherwise fine. Like candie13, he was probably buying some normal relationship time. Also, take into account that when guys generally face a big problem, they tend to not want to talk about it, or share or whatever ... they prefer to be alone, isolate themselves. And quite frankly, i wouldn't blame you too much, certainly not snooping. You know him best, so just talk to him if you think can.
Emilia Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 but now I'm quite hurt that he hasn't told me. Do I explain what I saw and give him the opportunity to tell me or do I leave it and hope he tells me? I would really appreciate any advice as I am really worried about him, hurt that he hasn't told me and lied to me and wondering why he doesn't want to tell me. Thanks, Emma My advice would be not to be so self-absorbed. Listen to yourself! You feel hurt and yet he is the one who could die? I would struggle if I had to tell people I had cancer, it must be as hard as going through the treatment itself. Can't believe your main concern is yourself. 1
Sav Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 The relationship is still fresh, he might be afraid of scaring away you with this piece of news. It's totally understandable. Be patient with him and don't be hurt. It just shows how much he cares if he's willing to protect you from such information
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