How to tell if someone is interested/approach them?

[Submisfit]

So I'm a male college student, and met a girl last semester who basically personifies everything I look for in a partner. Super smart, sarcastic sense of humor, nice, down to earth, fun to be around; at this point, I'm incredibly interested. We have lab together now, and we get on quite well. I know she's single, and I know that in terms of relationship dynamics, we're very compatible. Sounds great right?

I really have NO idea if she feels the same way about me, or if she's just friendly. She makes a lot of ambiguously flirty statements (e.g. when I talked about getting my haircut over the weekend her saying that I'd better not get it short, because it's way too pretty to just chop off,) and I really don't want to approach her and make her uncomfortable if she's not interested as well. It should be easy to figure out, I know, but here's the thing; I'm 22, and dated the same girl from age 14 to about a month before I turned 20. I took a year off of dating after that to learn to identify more by myself than by my partner, and the two girls I've dated since have both approached me. Effectively, I haven't been the one doing any sort of pursuing since I was 14 years old. I have no idea how to tell if she has platonic or romantic feelings, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to approach her. Does anyone have some sort of advice here? I know this sounds a bit ridiculous, but it is what it is unfortunately.

[Submisfit]

I guess I should say too that I want to approach her if I'm going to sooner than later. I'd hate to find out that she was interested and I just waited too long, but I don't even know what to look for to know if a girl is attracted to me anymore. The two girls that have approached me that I dated since my long relationship were completely out of left field.

[Submisfit]

Ask her to hang out. Then try to kiss her. See what happens.

 

You never know. She might be talking to her friends right now and saying "Damn, why doesn't Submisfit just ask me out already?"

Maybe. What I was hoping to do was just ask her after lab if she wanted to get dinner or something this weekend, but I'm not really sure how to get her alone to talk to, or even if that's how asking someone out works in the 18-25 range. I'm definitely attracted to her for her personality, but just doing a lean in and kiss seems kinda like a bad idea to me given how much more attractive she is physically. I don't want to come across as some creep. Even if we don't end up dating, I like talking to her and would want her as a friend.

[somedude81]

Ask her out, but be cool about it.

 

If you have her number, just text her and be like "I'm getting food later. Wanna come?" Don't make a big deal out of it.

 

When you're out, you HAVE to kiss her. Literally, whenever you feel like you want to, just do it. Don't worry about looking like a creep.

Does anybody else have any thoughts on this?

[sid3]

Does anybody else have any thoughts on this?

 

Yeah I think its bad advice on many levels.

[wahine]

I would personally never use the word "pretty" to describe a guy I wasn't attracted to, especially when speaking to him... I say go for it. You can't go wrong with a simple "I'm gonna head over to 'so and so restaurant' to get some food. You wanna come with?" as class is ending.

 

If she says no, but gives you a sound reason, then ask her if she wants to raincheck. Hopefully she says yes, and next class casually mention that you're going to the same restaurant and see if she asks to join. If she doesn't ask, she's not interested.

 

If she says yes, see how the conversation goes. More importantly than what she's saying, pay attention to her body language. If she plays with her hair a lot, bites her lip, leans forward and looks intently in your eyes while she's speaking to you, etc., she's most likely interested. Then you can ask her out on an actual date. Then make it absolutely clear that it's a date. Then on said date, kiss the crap out of her.

 

Hope this helps! Good luck

[sid3]

 

If she says yes, see how the conversation goes. More importantly than what she's saying, pay attention to her body language. If she plays with her hair a lot, bites her lip, leans forward and looks intently in your eyes while she's speaking to you, etc., she's most likely interested. Then you can ask her out on an actual date. Then make it absolutely clear that it's a date. Then on said date, kiss the crap out of her.

 

Hope this helps! Good luck

 

That's better advice.

[sid3]

 

When you're out, you HAVE to kiss her. Literally, whenever you feel like you want to, just do it. Don't worry about looking like a creep.

 

Yeah that's great advice. That's all there is to know. Thanks for sharing your brilliance with us. How's my grammar? Tool

[wahine]

Wrong.

 

So laying some ground work and making sure she actually wants to go on a date with him before springing a kiss on her is worse advice than not doing so? Please, tell us more.

[Submisfit]

I would personally never use the word "pretty" to describe a guy I wasn't attracted to, especially when speaking to him... I say go for it. You can't go wrong with a simple "I'm gonna head over to 'so and so restaurant' to get some food. You wanna come with?" as class is ending.

 

If she says no, but gives you a sound reason, then ask her if she wants to raincheck. Hopefully she says yes, and next class casually mention that you're going to the same restaurant and see if she asks to join. If she doesn't ask, she's not interested.

 

If she says yes, see how the conversation goes. More importantly than what she's saying, pay attention to her body language. If she plays with her hair a lot, bites her lip, leans forward and looks intently in your eyes while she's speaking to you, etc., she's most likely interested. Then you can ask her out on an actual date. Then make it absolutely clear that it's a date. Then on said date, kiss the crap out of her.

 

Hope this helps! Good luck

I was thinking that when I see her thurs (yeah, valentines, I know about terrible timing, but the only other class we have together is an 8 am, and neither of us are particularly awake for that one,) I'd ask if she wanted to grab dinner sometime over the weekend at a decent thai place that's just off campus. Class lets out at 3, and people leave whenever they finish their lab work, so we don't always exit at the same time. Not entirely sure yet how I'll talk to her when she doesn't have friends around. Maybe make sure I finish first and wait for her outside, if that doesn't seem too creepy. Dining halls aren't open at 3, so I can't casually drop a "hey, I'm headed over to X, would you care to join me?" type thing.

As for body language, it's a little complicated (or maybe it isn't and I'm just out of practice.) We were partnered together for a 2 person presentation over our January term, and we ended up spending like 4 hours getting to know each other, and about an hour on the project itself. On one hand she definitely seemed interested in at least knowing more about me, and smiled a lot, played with her hair etc, but on the other, she doesn't really make any sort of physical contact, or sneak sidelong glances when she thinks I'm not looking (unless she's good at it. I know she's caught me once or twice though.) Also, I'm the one to initiate conversation like 90% of the time, and she might be a little uncomfortable with the fact that my dad is blatantly racist (I'm white, she's Mexican going to school here from Mexico.)

@Maverick Honestly, your advice sounds a little aggressive for me. Maybe that works for some guys, but I don't think it's really my style. I would definitely kiss her at the end of the date if it seemed like she was receptive, but going for it regardless sounds a bit too pushy for me.

[Submisfit]

Also, as for the "pretty" thing, I guess I'm a little worried that that might mean "gay male friend" status. She knows I've dated girls, but in the past I've definitely been perceived as gay because of a few silly stereotypes. Apparently things like taking care of your skin, caring about clothing and wearing what fits well, or enjoying cooking are entirely off limits if you're hetero .

[KathyM]

Don't wait for signs of interest. Some women who would be interested if asked do not openly show signs. Just ask her out. And if she does go out with you, a tender kiss on the lips at the end of the date if the date went well would be good. Don't go slobbering all over her on the first date, if you want to make a good impression.

[RebelWithoutACause]

She probably already knows you fancy her. The question is does she like you back or is she just enjoying your attention? The only way to find out is to ask her out on a date. And when I say a date I mean a DATE. Don't ask her to the school cafeteria or something casual like that. Make it a proper date, this way she doesn't missenterpret it for a friendly "hang out". Even if she says "no" you'll have a definite answer and you'll be able to move on from her. Anyways' good luck to you, I know it can be scary.

[Submisfit]

She probably already knows you fancy her. The question is does she like you back or is she just enjoying your attention? The only way to find out is to ask her out on a date. And when I say a date I mean a DATE. Don't ask her to the school cafeteria or something casual like that. Make it a proper date, this way she doesn't missenterpret it for a friendly "hang out". Even if she says "no" you'll have a definite answer and you'll be able to move on from her. Anyways' good luck to you, I know it can be scary.

Yeah, that was why I'd pick a place off campus over the cafeteria. I know I'm over thinking this; I'm really fine once I get INTO the relationship, but it's just a little awkward given that I've spent probably 7 of the last 9 years involved with someone or other, and haven't actually done the approaching since I was 14.

[RebelWithoutACause]

The Thai restaurant sounds like a nice idea. Next time you see her, and if the vibe is right, say to her: "Hey, I know this really nice Thai place. Do you wanna grab dinner there on so and so date?". If she says she's busy don't take it immediately as a rejection, she could be legitimately busy. Just say: "No problem, let me know if you wanna do it another time". Then leave her alone. Don't extend anymore invites to her until and if she gets back to you.

[somedude81]

The Thai restaurant sounds like a nice idea. Next time you see her, and if the vibe is right, say to her: "Hey, I know this really nice Thai place. Do you wanna grab dinner there on so and so date?". If she says she's busy don't take it immediately as a rejection, she could be legitimately busy. Just say: "No problem, let me know if you wanna do it another time". Then leave her alone. Don't extend anymore invites to her until and if she gets back to you.

Is that enough for her to know it's a date?

 

And is having dinner with her the best thing he could do? Meaning it's better than every other option for a first date?

[RebelWithoutACause]

Is that enough for her to know it's a date?

 

And is having dinner with her the best thing he could do? Meaning it's better than every other option for a first date?

 

A girl getting invited to a dinner by a guy is considered a date. Besides this girl already knows he has it bad for her. Girls can always tell. We are very observant.

[wahine]

I was thinking that when I see her thurs (yeah, valentines, I know about terrible timing, but the only other class we have together is an 8 am, and neither of us are particularly awake for that one,) I'd ask if she wanted to grab dinner sometime over the weekend at a decent thai place that's just off campus. Class lets out at 3, and people leave whenever they finish their lab work, so we don't always exit at the same time. Not entirely sure yet how I'll talk to her when she doesn't have friends around. Maybe make sure I finish first and wait for her outside, if that doesn't seem too creepy. Dining halls aren't open at 3, so I can't casually drop a "hey, I'm headed over to X, would you care to join me?" type thing.

As for body language, it's a little complicated (or maybe it isn't and I'm just out of practice.) We were partnered together for a 2 person presentation over our January term, and we ended up spending like 4 hours getting to know each other, and about an hour on the project itself. On one hand she definitely seemed interested in at least knowing more about me, and smiled a lot, played with her hair etc, but on the other, she doesn't really make any sort of physical contact, or sneak sidelong glances when she thinks I'm not looking (unless she's good at it. I know she's caught me once or twice though.) Also, I'm the one to initiate conversation like 90% of the time, and she might be a little uncomfortable with the fact that my dad is blatantly racist (I'm white, she's Mexican going to school here from Mexico.)

@Maverick Honestly, your advice sounds a little aggressive for me. Maybe that works for some guys, but I don't think it's really my style. I would definitely kiss her at the end of the date if it seemed like she was receptive, but going for it regardless sounds a bit too pushy for me.

 

Well, it all sounded like you were good to go until the part about you initiating the conversation 90% of the time. That might not be a good sign, unless she's absurdly shy. Does she smile when you do so, and look up right away, or does she kind of act like you interrupted her concentration on something else?

 

Because I'm relatively shy as far as girls go, but when I'm attracted to a guy, I wouldn't care if I was in the middle of disarming a bomb, I'd look up and smile if he asked me something. And I'd also initiate conversation more than 10% of the time...

 

Also, the part about your dad being blatantly racist is probably a big red flag on her part, and rightfully so. It's 2013 for crying out loud.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a20/SunShinesfussfuss/tumblr_md7ip9vx3Z1rfy2fao1_500-1_zps14ea8bc8.jpg

 

Lastly, are you serious about the food thing? There's NOWHERE that you could be conveniently going to to get something to eat on your campus at 3? I mean not even a quick coffee at a Dunkin Donuts or a Starbucks? If so, I'm really glad I don't attend your school

[wahine]

Also, as for the "pretty" thing, I guess I'm a little worried that that might mean "gay male friend" status. She knows I've dated girls, but in the past I've definitely been perceived as gay because of a few silly stereotypes. Apparently things like taking care of your skin, caring about clothing and wearing what fits well, or enjoying cooking are entirely off limits if you're hetero .

 

I wouldn't worry about any of that. Really.

[Submisfit]

@Wahline

She smiles a lot when we talk, but I'm not sure if that's interest, or just how she is. If I pass her on campus and she's looking down at her phone or whatever, she'll look up and smile at me, for whatever that's worth. While she doesn't really initiate, if I'm talking to someone else (esp. another girl ) she's quick to jump into the conversation as well. She doesn't seem annoyed when I talk to her, but once again, she could just be super friendly. As for the dad thing, there's not much I can do about it. She knows I don't really talk to him, but ultimately, you can't choose your family.

The way our campus dining works is that the main dining hall is open 10-2 and 5-8, or 5-7 on weekends. The only place that'd be open at 3 is a little thing in our library that only sells like, fuze drinks and granola bars.

@RebelWithoutACause

Hopefully you're right about her knowing I'm interested; at least that'd mean if I approach her and she doesn't feel the same, it's likely we can stay friends. As for other dating options, there aren't really any good movies in theaters right now, the weather isn't great for outdoor type dates like the zoo (a place she doesn't like anyway,) and if I were a girl, I think I'd be uncomfortable if a guy asked me to his room alone to watch a movie or whatever for the first real date type situation.

[todreaminblue]

Wrong.

 

Let me guess: you're a single male?

 

OP, go for it either way. Only b*tches wait for signs of interest.

 

 

only bitches would make a comment like that

[wahine]

@Wahline

She smiles a lot when we talk, but I'm not sure if that's interest, or just how she is. If I pass her on campus and she's looking down at her phone or whatever, she'll look up and smile at me, for whatever that's worth. While she doesn't really initiate, if I'm talking to someone else (esp. another girl ) she's quick to jump into the conversation as well. She doesn't seem annoyed when I talk to her, but once again, she could just be super friendly. As for the dad thing, there's not much I can do about it. She knows I don't really talk to him, but ultimately, you can't choose your family.

 

Now that sounds better. That sucks about the non-food thing though. I guess you'll just have to substitute getting food for some other thing that you two can do together right after class. I wouldn't ask her out flat-out for a date unless she agrees to go somewhere casual with you after class first.

 

Maybe study for your next practical or do your next lab writeup or some other form of homework together somewhere on campus where she knows you two will be alone, and will hopefully guess your intentions before you've even officially asked her out. My campus has a bunch of seating available under willow trees and by a pond; pretty nice, semi-private areas that could set the mood a little bit. Almost as good as grabbing pizza together. Almost.

 

Anyway, if you've got no food and no nature, maybe you can rent out a study room together in your school's library (your school better have one of those). Now I feel invested. This chick better say yes lol.

[Submisfit]

Now that sounds better. That sucks about the non-food thing though. I guess you'll just have to substitute getting food for some other thing that you two can do together right after class. I wouldn't ask her out flat-out for a date unless she agrees to go somewhere casual with you after class first.

 

Maybe study for your next practical or do your next lab writeup or some other form of homework together somewhere on campus where she knows you two will be alone, and will hopefully guess your intentions before you've even officially asked her out. My campus has a bunch of seating available under willow trees and by a pond; pretty nice, semi-private areas that could set the mood a little bit. Almost as good as grabbing pizza together. Almost.

 

Anyway, if you've got no food and no nature, maybe you can rent out a study room together in your school's library (your school better have one of those). Now I feel invested. This chick better say yes lol.

It's Ohio, so really, anything outdoors is kinda out for now. Our library doesn't have private study areas; we've met up there before, but it's always in a fairly public area because really, the closest thing to privacy they have are study carrels. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I was taking french, and she asked me if I wanted her help studying it sometime, but being the oblivious idiot that I am I replied that I was already pulling A's without studying. Not really sure what I'd do that's more casual than just dinner.

[Submisfit]

Now that sounds better. That sucks about the non-food thing though. I guess you'll just have to substitute getting food for some other thing that you two can do together right after class. I wouldn't ask her out flat-out for a date unless she agrees to go somewhere casual with you after class first.

 

Maybe study for your next practical or do your next lab writeup or some other form of homework together somewhere on campus where she knows you two will be alone, and will hopefully guess your intentions before you've even officially asked her out. My campus has a bunch of seating available under willow trees and by a pond; pretty nice, semi-private areas that could set the mood a little bit. Almost as good as grabbing pizza together. Almost.

 

Anyway, if you've got no food and no nature, maybe you can rent out a study room together in your school's library (your school better have one of those). Now I feel invested. This chick better say yes lol.

Oh, and thanks for the help, I really appreciate it .

 

EDIT: also, regardless, she works in a bio lab on campus and heads over there right after our lab class, so it's not like she'd be free then anyway.

Edited February 12, 2013 by Submisfit

[wahine]

Ha, I always forget how cold the rest of the country is this time of year. I've only ever lived in FL and HI . I guess you should shoot for the dinner then and hope for the best. Fingers crossed.