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I hope I don't regret this


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Posted
I included his name in the fliers. His pic was right alongside hers, they worked together, all their coworkers got to enjoy. I called ALL his family & sent copies of pictures of their sex activities explaining why I would be divorcing him and NOT giving my son their surname.

 

I gave him the boot. He begged and cried, I had to physically throw his crap out the door. He still calls every few months whining: "I'm stuck with this bitch cause I can't afford my own place, I pay you too much child support." He cheats on her and treats her like crap, just as he did to me.

 

The dishonest selfish pigs deserve each other.

 

Why assume I was any less harsh to him as I was to her? Only nut cases in major denial blame the AP and not their spouse.

 

I didn't assume it was less harsh on him. I was just curious

Posted
I have no problem with speaking the truth - it's something I do routinely. But to me, going to expose someone else's private business (an A they participated in) seems unnecessary and dangerous, like releasing a caged tiger and hoping it bites only the victim you'd prefer it to bite.

 

I don't think the BS cares at that point. And, whether the APs realize it or not, it was also the BS's private life too. Hell, it was there marriage, so if the want to lob a grenade back into enemy camp, I think few will hold it against them.

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Posted
I made fliers detailing how the OW was banging my husband (and other prople's husbands) while I was pregnant and how she is a serial hunter of married men, also detailed her drug use and bizarre sexual fetishes I found pictures of. Included a photo of her smoking a joint.

 

Passed the stacks out at her work, apartment, and church (with the permission and aid of other women she did this to).

 

I don't care what anyone has to say about what I did to her. Screw a pregnant woman's husband, help to destroy the happiness of children: thats a danger to society. I had an obligation to other women and kids to let them know what kind of trash was lurking around their families in the church pew, so they can safeguard themselves.

 

I had the right to defend myself, my daughter and my unborn son from further harm. A few incidents of utter social embarrassment cooled her jets...

 

See? A PERFECT EXAMPLE of what the BS will do when discovering the affair.

Posted
I included his name in the fliers. His pic was right alongside hers, they worked together, all their coworkers got to enjoy. I called ALL his family & sent copies of pictures of their sex activities explaining why I would be divorcing him and NOT giving my son their surname.

 

I gave him the boot. He begged and cried, I had to physically throw his crap out the door. He still calls every few months whining: "I'm stuck with this bitch cause I can't afford my own place, I pay you too much child support." He cheats on her and treats her like crap, just as he did to me.

 

The dishonest selfish pigs deserve each other.

 

Why assume I was any less harsh to him as I was to her? Only nut cases in major denial blame the AP and not their spouse.

 

AS, I think your response was normal and par for the course.

 

I do not understand why many a FAP is horrified at how crazy-making betrayal is to the unsuspecting BS.

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Posted

Just something I was thinking about, regarding BS having different reactions and blame ratios for WS and OW...

 

I have two sisters. They are both nutjobs to some degree, just like me or all of us. I get more angry at them than anyone because ...they are my sisters. They have said and done things to me, I just cant believe. But I love them, we move on. I just learn to navigate as I go. It hurts because its so close to home, I get over it for the same reason.

 

Now let someone else repeat - say, something a sister said to me.

Bring It. I will shut you down, you will apologize and trust me, you will mean it. So - its different. I think you all know what I mean.

 

Its the same thinking, to me. My XH siffered severe consequences of his betrayal - I divorced him. And I had enough life experience behind me not to blame OW. But I raged at her ( and there were several) violation of my private life.

 

Its a different kind of thing and its valid.

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Posted

Has a BS ever outed the OW/OM with the info they had and then found out the info they had was a lie, or not the entire truth Abouf the A? Not outing to your WS family but say you outed the OW to her family, and have examples of how she manipulated him into the A big then she came back to you with info and proof that he actually pursued. I know an A is an A.

 

I'll use myself as an example. I know xMM lied his as* off to his BW. I know she bought into his lies from her conversations with my BSO. Had she outted me on cheatersville (which I didn't even know existed) with a pic of me and my name along with his name, it is what it is. If she'd put details of it being my fault, as in her eyes I was the one who went after him until he just had to give in, or how I paid for everything as i followed him to major cities and would let myself in his hotel rooms to seduce him because he would never spend their money on me, I'd probably have to post and prove her wrong with past texts and emails and receipts in my name with his credit card info.

Posted
Has a BS ever outed the OW/OM with the info they had and then found out the info they had was a lie, or not the entire truth Abouf the A? Not outing to your WS family but say you outed the OW to her family, and have examples of how she manipulated him into the A big then she came back to you with info and proof that he actually pursued. I know an A is an A.

 

I'll use myself as an example. I know xMM lied his as* off to his BW. I know she bought into his lies from her conversations with my BSO. Had she outted me on cheatersville (which I didn't even know existed) with a pic of me and my name along with his name, it is what it is. If she'd put details of it being my fault, as in her eyes I was the one who went after him until he just had to give in, or how I paid for everything as i followed him to major cities and would let myself in his hotel rooms to seduce him because he would never spend their money on me, I'd probably have to post and prove her wrong with past texts and emails and receipts in my name with his credit card info.

 

but don't you get it WM?

 

You may not have been the pursuer, but any relationship between 2 people conducted in secret, LIKE AN AFFAIR, IT WILL always be your word against his....unless you have irrefutable proof you supply to the BS.

 

bottom line for the BS is did you sleep with my H, my W?

 

Then you too cheated knowing he or she was married to another.

 

the details can come later once the smoke clears and everyone calms down a bit.....IF YOU can even get the OW or OM to even return a phone call which based on my reading here and personal experience, is damn NEAR impossible.

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Posted
but don't you get it WM?

 

You may not have been the pursuer, but any relationship between 2 people conducted in secret, LIKE AN AFFAIR, IT WILL always be your word against his....unless you have irrefutable proof you supply to the BS.

 

bottom line for the BS is did you sleep with my H, my W?

 

Then you too cheated knowing he or she was married to another.

 

the details can come later once the smoke clears and everyone calms down a bit.....IF YOU can even get the OW or OM to even return a phone call which based on my reading here and personal experience, is damn NEAR impossible.

 

Im not denying the A part. I just meant if it was ever outed because you believed you knew everything but you actually didn't.

Posted

Yes, my X had one OW who bothered me quite a lot because I knew her slightly. I had already told her to cease contact with us and then some time before our divorce she was contacting him again. He threw her under the bus, lied and basically called her a stalker. Long and short of it, she lost her job because of it directly.

 

I suspect my XH encouraged the contact.

 

I still dont care.

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Posted
Im not denying the A part. I just meant if it was ever outed because you believed you knew everything but you actually didn't.

 

but see, this is the part that cannot be had both ways.

 

Either you refuse to contact the BS under the guise it's his marriage and it is up to him to fix it, OR all she has to go on is the truth of your affair as presented by him.

 

And we all know they NEVER lie to the wife at DDay.:rolleyes:

 

So either you jump in and present your side, your proof of your truth, OR all she will know is what he tells her.

 

The BS gets victimized once again by two cowards; one who refuses to talk to her, and one who refuses to tell her the truth.

 

So she puts it on a web site. NOW you will tell her he's lying about us? but you were unwilling to present your side of it to her.

 

how COULD she know any differently?

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Posted
but see, this is the part that cannot be had both ways.

 

Either you refuse to contact the BS under the guise it's his marriage and it is up to him to fix it, OR all she has to go on is the truth of your affair as presented by him.

 

And we all know they NEVER lie to the wife at DDay.:rolleyes:

 

So either you jump in and present your side, your proof of your truth, OR all she will know is what he tells her.

 

The BS gets victimized once again by two cowards; one who refuses to talk to her, and one who refuses to tell her the truth.

 

So she puts it on a web site. NOW you will tell her he's lying about us? but you were unwilling to present your side of it to her.

 

how COULD she know any differently?

 

It was really just a general question. I sent some proof (yes i realize it all should've been sent at once). Then I did send an apology with all the proof I was going to send, contradicting everything he had said).

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Posted
It was really just a general question. I sent some proof (yes i realize it all should've been sent at once). Then I did send an apology with all the proof I was going to send, contradicting everything he had said).

 

I salute you!

 

I would have killed for that. I would have been able to make an informed choice with much less pain had I had someone to verify my intuitions.

 

You are NOT the norm. Be proud of yourself.

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Posted

I agree with Spark! Most BW's want to make their decision based on the whole truth but not very many ever get that choice.:(

 

My D will be forever grateful to her XH's two OW for talking to her, and providing all the evidence she needed to get a divorce based on adultery and fraud!:bunny: Because of them she has no doubts what so ever that she made the right choice about him and their marriage!

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Posted

Thank you all who defended my actions. I posted it. I took it down. I was pissed off and wanted revenge. I told my husband. He understood.

 

My husband cheated on me for an entire year with a woman half my age. When I figured it out, he lied to me and told me they were just friends. It took me four days to get the truth out of him that there was sex. I had to trick him to get him to tell me the truth. The next day, we met at a church parking lot on his break from work to talk about everything. He told me that he lost feelings for me and that he didn't think he could get those feelings back. He told me that he didn't want to try to work things out. He left me sitting in that church parking lot, devestated and shocked, so he could go back to work. I couldn't drive. I begged him to stay for a while, but he drove away, promising to text me when he got to work. I sat there, in shock, for over an hour, watching for him to come back. He never did. He didn't text me. He didn't call me. Eventually I got myself together and tried to drive home so I could cook dinner for the kids. I texted him and told him I was home. He called me later and told me that he changed his mind. I had already processed that the only man I ever loved didn't love me back. That was December 2nd.

 

He came home that night and begged me to give him a chance. It took me a few days but I decided to try. Things went okay for a while. There was no contact. On the 17th, I was in my counselors office when I got a phone call from her. She told me to stop googling her number because the person whose name the phone was in had a security clearance and they kept getting notified that the number had been searched. She texted my husband and told him that she was going to call me and he called me right away to let me know that she had contacted him. Two days later, she texted him again, while I was with him. She told him that they were still getting hits on the security clearance. He texted her back, telling her that he had been with me and I had not googled the number. The next day, I texted her, telling her that if she contacted either one of us again, that I was going to be forced to get the police involved. I forwarded the message to my husband and he composed his own message, telling her to stop bothering us and we wont bother her. That was December 20th. She did not respond to either of our texts.

 

The next day, I got a google voice account with phone number and texted him from that number pretending to be her. He came home that night and showed me the text and asked me if he could delete it. I deleted it for him.

 

Things were really bad over Christmas. After a day of angry texts to him while he was at work and when he went to his families on Christmas eve, he came home and told me that he didn't think this was going to work out. I was beyond mad. He couldn't handle my anger and wanted to run away. After a couple days he changed his mind again and was begging me for another chance. I agreed to go to marriage counseling on the 27th, but wasn't sure that I was willing to keep trying. We discussed everything in counseling and he continued to beg me for another chance. I would not give him an answer during counseling and told him I would think about it. I called him a couple of hours later and told him that I would give him one more chance. Seventeen minutes later, he called that fake number that I deleted from his phone. He left her a message. I freaked out on him and he told me that he was calling her to tell her that we were trying to fix our marriage and not to bother us. I didn't believe him.

 

The next day I signed up for AT&T family map so that I could track him. He didn't know he was being gps'd. I followed him around for a few days and he never went anywhere he did not tell me he was going. We went back to counseling. We discussed his phone call. The counselor believed him. I told them that I wanted to believe him but I didn't know how anymore. He waited seven days to call that number. He did not know that it wasn't her. He had not made any contact with her otherwise.

 

The day after counseling, he ended up driving to her house, picked her up and took her to a park. He was on his break from work. I called him when they got to the park. He lied and said he wasn't with her. He immediately turned around and took her home and then went where he was supposed to be going in the first place. When I talked to him later, he told me that he was going there to tell her that we were trying to work things out and to not bother us anymore. She had not bothered us since December 19th. it was now January 3rd.

 

When he came home that night, I had a box half packed with his stuff. He begged me again. I told him that I didn't know how I could ever trust him again. I let him stay but told him that I was making my plans.

 

He has been completely transparent since that day. He has answered every single question I have asked him. He has been asking me to come hang out with him on his breaks from work. He has paid attention to my emotions. He took me to "their spot by the river" when I asked him. He has really done everything right since that day, six weeks ago.

 

How long am I supposed to be mad? I don't trust him. I am trying. I still spend my days watching where he is on family map. How long am I supposed to lash out at him???

Posted

SOT

 

It's absolutely normal to be hyper-vigilant so soon after discovering the affair, especially when you've been trickle-truthed and having caught your husband in a lie.

 

It's a way of protecting yourself, your instincts are on high alert. With time and your husband continuing to be transparent and truthful you will feel better.

 

You're riding that roller coaster of doubt, sadness, anger, despair, hope, and fear. It's an ugly ride, but just keep on taking care of yourself and continue with your counseling.

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Posted

I used to love roller coasters!

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Posted

wm,

 

I really don't think most BWs/BHs ever get all the small details.(and most are not even important in the big picture);)

 

The most important thing is our spouse cheated on us!! If we don't dig deep to find out if this is their chosen lifestyle, or just a one time bad decision, then our marriage is doomed.

 

I am one of the long ago BWs that did find out more info 20 years after d-day. My H confessed them all on his own because he couldn't stand having lies between us anymore.:love:

Posted
I posted the OW on cheaterville....I had to guess at what her name might be because she told husband that the name she gave him was fake. He didn't know her last name. After searching, I figured out three possible last names and posted all three with the first name she gave husband.

I hope you do regret this. Even assuming that your H gave you accurate info about the OW, which I doubt, you've still posted at least 2 names as cheaters that are clearly FALSE!

 

Also, how is the OW a "cheater"? Your H is the cheater in this scenario, not her.

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Posted
I posted it. I took it down.

 

 

It seems some posters seem to have missed that you took down the profile of the OW on cheateville very soon after you started this thread.

 

You regretted it immediately and showed that you're a good person who made a mistake and then showed by your actions that you regretted it and made things right.

 

If only more people who made mistakes or hurt others would act as quickly as you did in rethinking their actions and had some humility and fixed the wrongs they've done in such a speedy manner.

 

SOT don't let the negativity get you down.

  • Like 3
Posted (edited)

What if this girl finds out you did this and she decides to put your name and picture on Cheaterville? She could make up some crazy story and even if people didn't believe it, it would still be in the back of their minds. Every time someone goggled you, this would show up. You would have to pay the site or some sweeper company to get this removed and those fees are excessive.

 

I don't believe she did all the chasing either. This story is so commonplace with married men. I would go by what the tracker said. He picked her up and took her to the park. Not the other way around.

Edited by Gagirl
Posted
screwedover.......I'm so sorry for your pain and the grief you are going through.

 

I'm glad you took it off that site.........the thing that I expressed over and over that bothered me so much is the mistaken identity thing.

 

 

On another note, most of you know my story, (dating a man who lied about being separated. Anyway.........had she turned on me, the bs, and posted me on a site such as that, that would have pushed me over the edge. After I found that *(^( had lied about everything, I was sooo angry. I mean it took me over a year to get over the worst of it and some of the revengeful thoughts I had about doing stuff to him, well, just say they really ugly, but really.......had someone told me that my name was on that site, which I certainly didn't deserve, I would have made damn sure I took him down and yeah......I would have been pretty pissed off at her too. I might be sitting in jail now.

 

SOT I agree with LG on this. I don't say you did the wrong thing in posting her on the site but that with the other names as possibilities I think it was wrong. The other thing that I've seen mentioned as well is your H wasn't posted alongside her. If you had the both of them up there and completely positive it was her then I'd have said go for it if it makes you feel better. The one thing I would say is that if I were the OW and had seen myself posted there I'd have said fair enough and then I'd have made sure to have gotten my own back in some way. Whether exposing him further I don't know but I wouldn't have taken it quietly.

 

But you did right by making sure it was down because you couldn't fully identify her. I also am concerned that you seem to be placing all the blame on her rather than your H. That's your truth to decide though and I hope he's doing the right things in helping you find that truth.

Posted

SOT, why CAN'T you fully identify her?

 

Why has your H not told you the who, what, where, when and whys of it all?

 

Start there. Today. Right now.

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