mammasita Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 So I've hung out with this guy a couple times. Dinner one time and then a movie yesterday. He is fully aware that I'm not ready to be intimate or be in a relationship but keeps insisting that he would still like to hang out. So I'm going with it. Here's the problem, he's a really nice guy.....a little corny and sarcastic, which I like normally.....but I feel nothing. Like even if I was ready to be in a relationship I wouldn't really consider him. How do I break the pattern of going for unavailable men and appreciating the nice available, but not quite egdy guys that like me?
ScreamingTrees Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 So I've hung out with this guy a couple times. Dinner one time and then a movie yesterday. He is fully aware that I'm not ready to be intimate or be in a relationship but keeps insisting that he would still like to hang out. So I'm going with it. Here's the problem, he's a really nice guy.....a little corny and sarcastic, which I like normally.....but I feel nothing. Like even if I was ready to be in a relationship I wouldn't really consider him. How do I break the pattern of going for unavailable men and appreciating the nice available, but not quite egdy guys that like me? You can't. If he knew you didn't quite feel this way, and he had a pair of balls, he'd spit in your face. So don't try to "settle" for someone and feign genuine attraction when it isn't there, it's an insult to the other person, male or female. 5
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 So I've hung out with this guy a couple times. Dinner one time and then a movie yesterday. He is fully aware that I'm not ready to be intimate or be in a relationship but keeps insisting that he would still like to hang out. So I'm going with it. Here's the problem, he's a really nice guy.....a little corny and sarcastic, which I like normally.....but I feel nothing. Like even if I was ready to be in a relationship I wouldn't really consider him. How do I break the pattern of going for unavailable men and appreciating the nice available, but not quite egdy guys that like me? Bookmarked.
Author mammasita Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 You can't. If he knew you didn't quite feel this way, and he had a pair of balls, he'd spit in your face. So don't try to "settle" for someone and feign genuine attraction when it isn't there, it's an insult to the other person, male or female. You're right. I think he might feel like if he keeps trying, I'll eventually hook up with him. 1
Author mammasita Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Bookmarked. Im being a jerk, aren't I
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Im being a jerk, aren't I Nope. Just being a normal, everyday run of the mill woman. The vast majority of women think just like you. 1
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You're right. I think he might feel like if he keeps trying, I'll eventually hook up with him. Just do it already and see if it changes how you feel about him.
ScreamingTrees Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You're right. I think he might feel like if he keeps trying, I'll eventually hook up with him. It's your call, really. Maybe let the guy know that you do not feel he's your "type", and perhaps remain friends? Unless you believe that there's no way for him to prove his sincerity even if he sticks around.. Which could just mean that he's going to wait to make a move in the future. Who knows. You know the difference between right and wrong. Do what feels right for you. 1
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 oh, please, let's all make a "throwing stones into mamasita" party for not falling for the first nice guy who asks you out !! Girl, why would you be so special and so lucky so that you find your guy so easily, and all the rest of the women have to work so hard for it? It's just a nice guy, it was only a few dates, it means nothing. I can assure you that there will be a LOT of others that will come too. Some you will like, other will like you. Such is life. As long as you don't settle and as long as you're not looking for trouble on purpose, I think you'll be fine! Unfortunately, this specific guy just won't do it. Be nice to both him and yourself and next him ! Best of luck, candie P.S. and if you've decided, really decided to break that pattern, you shall ! you seem a smart girl, I don't see why you'd fall for the same type of wrong guy twice. My favorite quote this week is: "Let's make better mistakes tomorrow!"
Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Ask yourself while childhood hurt edgy guys speak to in you. Why is it that a man treating you well is repulsive or just not exciting. Then work on yourself to see why you keep repeating an unhealthy pattern. Let him go. Just break it off with him totally. Tell him you are into edgy unavailable men and need to work on yourself. Then go NC. It's best for both of you. He's free to move on to someone who will appreciate what he offers that much sooner. Meanwhile you can work on yourself. Get some therapy and explore why your have that pattern. If you are choosing only men who can't give you real intimacy then that's a problem. If you don't let him go. Consider keeping him as a friend with very occasional benefits. This will sound strange...but... what if he's really good at sex. Lots of people do this sort of thing. Just have a really casual relationship with no commitment. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 The simplest answer would be to realize that the problem is your choices not the men. The men are who they are. An unavailable man won't meet your needs. A nice available man will.
runner Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Im being a jerk, aren't I being true to yourself isn't being a jerk. on the other hand, denying how you really feel about him is in a way being a jerk to yourself. prescription: see other men; and don't lead this other guy on.
candie13 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 more like ... 35,000 perfect for a decent convertible ! who cares about a random date when the wind runs through your hair !
Author mammasita Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Turn ~35ish. Bwaaaaahaaaaaahaaaaaaa!!!!! Do I present myself as a young inexperienced/ ignorant woman? I admit I can be immature, but I'm a ripe old 37.
Author mammasita Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 The simplest answer would be to realize that the problem is your choices not the men. The men are who they are. An unavailable man won't meet your needs. A nice available man will. Definitely on board with my choices being the problem. Just trying to figure out how to correct that.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Hi mammasita! Didn't you just break up with the long-term boyfriend you were living with??? IIRC, you broke up because he wasn't willing to get married right now, correct? That's a lot to deal with emotionally. I suspect Mr. Perfect could walk by right now, and you wouldn't feel a spark. No one will feel right until you're emotionally ready. Maybe take a short break for yourself, deal with the feelings of having you last relationship fail, think about what you want, and then get back out there. Dating reflexively while your head is still spinning from a disappointing breakup is a recipe for the same-old, same-old. If you want to do better this go-around, do a little healing and self-reflection first. Your a smart cookie and an insightful poster. You know better!
Author mammasita Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Hi mammasita! Didn't you just break up with the long-term boyfriend you were living with??? IIRC, you broke up because he wasn't willing to get married right now, correct? That's a lot to deal with emotionally. I suspect Mr. Perfect could walk by right now, and you wouldn't feel a spark. No one will feel right until you're emotionally ready. Maybe take a short break for yourself, deal with the feelings of having you last relationship fail, think about what you want, and then get back out there. Dating reflexively while your head is still spinning from a disappointing breakup is a recipe for the same-old, same-old. If you want to do better this go-around, do a little healing and self-reflection first. Your a smart cookie and an insightful poster. You know better! Yep sure did. I do know better 1
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 new to the dating world, huh? boy, are you in for a ride ! It'll be fun, but hang on tight, just in case.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Definitely on board with my choices being the problem. Just trying to figure out how to correct that. Try doing what George Costanza is suggest. Whatever you think you should do do the opposite.
Author mammasita Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Try doing what George Costanza is suggest. Whatever you think you should do do the opposite. Great clip! I might try that out tomorrow.
candie13 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 please, not the "I'm Victoria, hi" tone to George, you'll completely wreck him !!!
todreaminblue Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I believe you can fall for someone you arent attracted to in the first place if you give it time, you do however need to be upfront..attraction can build...deb
ScreamingTrees Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Send him this, via email, it's the best way to break up with him because technically you're not a couple. YTMND - Breakup Letter, Dramatic reading
GSB81 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 For the sake of learning, and further discussion, will you please define "edgy guy?"
Author mammasita Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 For the sake of learning, and further discussion, will you please define "edgy guy?" Heh, I dont think I chose the right word. For me, though, edgy (in terms of my post) would probably be the exact men I need to stay away from. You know, unattainable, emotionally unavailable, challenging.
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