ryandxtreme Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Hello Friends ... It's been 2 years post my breakup..Things have gone a lot easier for me.. It does for everyone I guess at some point..To all the people out here who see no light ahead I can only assure you just the cliched "Only time heals" ...Trust me nothing else does.. Recently my ex contacted me(She was the dumper) ..She probably follows my FB status(we are not FB friends though)..I went back to my hometown at December end..and suddenly she texted me ..Random stuff .."How are u?Why haven't u been in touch?I tried calling u up but your phone isn't reachable etc"..She wanted to meet up as well,though that didn't happen..Since then she has been texting me 3-4 times in a week..I keep my replies short,sweet and decent..Though she didn't bring the relationship topic but she says life has gotten difficult for her and boring as well.Her relationships with friends and family has deteriorated.Once she even messaged me 2 links from her blog ...One was a poem in which she had written about how she wants her pain to be taken away..I felt it was on us..The other was a short extract which she wrote for some blogging competition..It was basically our love story(the name of the girl Rheta and the guy Neil)...Even our first kiss was there..After reading it I messaged her in FB that probably Rheta's eyes were not open during the kiss,they were closed..She replied with a Rheta is "not exactly" Sara(I called her Sara)..I thought this was a bit lame 3-4 days back she suddenly texted at 2 AM at night " It's been so long since we broke-up..Still I think of u sometimes..That's why I call u ..Stay well,have fun ..Good night"..I know we are broken up but obviously a message like this at 2AM shakes u up and gives that parting feeling once again..I called her up and we talked for 10-15 minutes or so...She was normal(or maybe acting)..I didn't feel she was missing me as such..I told her to stay well as well and that was that.. Suddenly last night she called me up at 00:30 AM.I was on a call with a friend.I put it on hold and she said "Can you please call me if u are not too busy ? I don't have enough balance" .To be honest I didn't want to hear any new things from her that would put me in a state of trance for a day or two but still I felt maybe she might have something important to talk about.When I called she said she was drunk(when we were together she never drank),she was coming back from a workplace party..She wanted someone to talk to and hence called me ..She said she was feeling like calling me during the party as well but she wanted to call after getting back home..I asked if calling up anyone would have been acceptable for her,she replied she wanted to call up a good friend..I said "We are not friends,we never will be..We were too close to be just friends"..She was like "as of now we are friends...I have accepted u as friends now..I don't have anything to give u"...I said "I haven't,it was your choice that we broke up and it's my choice that we can't be friends " She asked "so what do u want? " ..I dodged it,I didn't want her to think that I wanted her back still...Then I asked her 2-3 times if she was feeling alright..She said she is...I noticed during the times we have talked recently that she is going down the hills and at a good speed..That was not how I wanted her to be ever,with or without me...I told her that I always had high expectations from her,in-terms of her career and the person she becomes ..and I still do..and that she can be a lot better than how she is living right now...She thanked me..I told her not to send me a "sorry for disturbing u last night text when she woke up",she laughed and said okay.. I really think we can never be friends,I know she misses me,maybe a part of her wants to come back but she has too big ego-issues to tell that..I don't know if I handled the situation all right last night...What do u people think???I am really eager to know if what I said regarding we can't be friends was the right thing to say...Maybe she needed me but I don't want to screw my life again..It was really hard to come this far though I still want her to come back and convince me.. Anyways if u people want to take a look at how we broke up here's the link...I would not want any of you to follow anything I did post break-up though.. Mostly I made lots of mistakes .. 1)http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/317168-dumper-ex-gf-contacts-after-10-months-no-contact 2)http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/349722-s-been-almost-2-years-old-emotions-die-hard-u-just-find-way-live Please feel free to give your opinions Edited February 10, 2013 by ryandxtreme 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 She said it: She was like "as of now we are friends...I have accepted u as friends now..I don't have anything to give u" She doesn't want you back in a romantic way, she just wants to use you as a crutch as she is going through some bad times.... I have no idea if NC should apply after 2 years, but since you said that you would still want her back, that means you still have feelings for her and she said she has nothing to give you. Why would you want to continue interaction if she has nothing to give you?
destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 read some of your previous posts...do you still have the new gf? If you do, WTH are you doing here??? This girl cheated on you 2x...no way will a relationship work between the 2 of you even if you happen to get together again.....omg, get this pest out of your life! 1
CptSaveAho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 She's not ready yet. She's learning the consequences of her actions. Good call on the friends line. Just let it go, if you can handle it you can go NIC (Not Initiate Contact)... let her do it first She won't be ready for a while, let her keep suffering, she needs to. Don't help her at all
coltsfan1 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 As rare as this is I agree 110% with the Captain! You played the call and friends comment correctly. She is alone and HER bad decisions have let her where she is. This is her baggage to carry, don't be her crying shoulder or wiping boy. If you are strong enough go with NIC and see how that goes. If the conversations go in a direction you are not OK with then cut it off. But its your call, I personally think my ex is capable of being a wonderful person. However I don't want her near me!
Author ryandxtreme Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) @destroyed4sho : Dude the new girl and me,we broke up 4-5 months back..Basically her family had lots of ethnic issues and though her siblings absolutely adored me but her parents were extremely hard on our relationship...She was being treated very badly at home and to top that I was also a bit hung up on my ex-gf..She knew that all through(I told her everything) but we had a heart to heart discussion one night where she said she could never be as special to me as my ex was...She talked about all the issues she had as well.. I couldn't lie at her face,we parted in happy terms(yes we did,we had a chocolate ice-cream and went for a long drive,beat that..Gosh!! life is so easy on everyone when the feelings are less )..She was a wonderful human being-a gem,I would always hold her in the highest regard..but maybe that's how life is maybe...we continue to be friends,it hasn't been difficult since the relationship was not very intense.. Edited February 11, 2013 by ryandxtreme
Author ryandxtreme Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 (edited) @CptSaveAho and @coltsfan1 : First of all thank u guys..Your replies make me feel that I handled it right..After 2 years I don't want to end up doing stupid things..That's what makes us comeback to Loveshack again and again..People drive some sense into u when u f*** it up and they are there to say that u are doing good mate..During a mental crisis like break-up this really is such a big deal and for that I will be eternally grateful to Loveshack and the members..I just can't help but wonder how such wonderful people can get dumped ... Coming back, yes,basically that's what I have been doing..I let her initiate contact and try and keep it light..But I am glad that I did let her know about my stance that we won't be friends anytime in the near future..we talked yesterday after she was drunk and today morning I sent her a simple text "are u alright?"..She sent "Yes..don't worry,I'm alright..are u in office?" U know bro something felt right yesterday...She broke up with me and probably she had GIGS..She wanted to have all the fun she couldn't have because we were having this 5 year relationship,she cursed me so much because of that,the 5 year relationship seemed to be just a joke for her at that stage..and now all the "awesome" friends she had during our breakup are all gone from her life in some way or the other, atleast that's what she said..She keeps making new friends though she says...Yesterday that same person calls me up and says she missed being the "old little Sara that I was earlier...I wanted to talk to u after getting drunk..Earlier whenever I was on the verge of doing something that was wrong u would stop me,now I have no-one,maybe that's why I keep doing all the wrong things".. No matter how much I want her to be happy I feel somewhere I won last night...my love for her won... She probably knows how unconditional and honest my love for her was,she can never ignore how much I tried to make her feel special every day...how much support I used to give her..During examinations I would do her assignments and would leave mine incomplete...I can keep my hand to my heart and say I did 100% ... Maybe just maybe the good guys are not always the losers at life Edited February 11, 2013 by ryandxtreme
CptSaveAho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 @CptSaveAho and @coltsfan1 : First of all thank u guys..Your replies make me feel that I handled it right..After 2 years I don't want to end up doing stupid things..That's what makes us comeback to Loveshack again and again..People drive some sense into u when u f*** it up and they are there to say that u are doing good mate..During a mental crisis like break-up this really is such a big deal and for that I will be eternally grateful to Loveshack and the members..I just can't help but wonder how such wonderful people can get dumped ... Coming back, yes,basically that's what I have been doing..I let her initiate contact and try and keep it light..But I am glad that I did let her know about my stance that we won't be friends anytime in the near future..we talked yesterday after she was drunk and today morning I sent her a simple text "are u alright?"..She sent "Yes..don't worry,I'm alright..are u in office?" U know bro something felt right yesterday...She broke up with me and probably she had GIGS..She wanted to have all the fun she couldn't have because we were having this 5 year relationship,she cursed me so much because of that,the 5 year relationship seemed to be just a joke for her at that stage..and now all the "awesome" friends she had during our breakup are all gone from her life in some way or the other, atleast that's what she said..She keeps making new friends though she says...Yesterday that same person calls me up and says she missed being the "old little Sara that I was earlier...I wanted to talk to u after getting drunk..Earlier whenever I was on the verge of doing something that was wrong u would stop me,now I have no-one,maybe that's why I keep doing all the wrong things".. No matter how much I want her to be happy I feel somewhere I won last night...my love for her won... She probably knows how unconditional and honest my love for her was,she can never ignore how much I tried to make her feel special every day...how much support I used to give her..During examinations I would do her assignments and would leave mine incomplete...I can keep my hand to my heart and say I did 100% ... Maybe just maybe the good guys are not always the losers at life There's nothing good about this. You enabled her to be a loser. Why should she have to grow up and learn how to do anything on her own. Did your parents do your homework for you? You did everything for her and nothing for yourself. This isnt a "good guy" this is an naive fool. You still haven't learned the consequences of your actions. You are in essence an enabler. Contrary to your point of view and many others here on LS... love isn't a battlefield. There are no winners
Author ryandxtreme Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Bro, I wasn't talking about being a winner in that sense...I was talking about the justice many of us seek when u are treated unfairly at the end of a relationship... She had childhood issues with parents...So I always wanted to be there when she was down,and she would feel down quite often...and I don't regret that really..Maybe looking back I could have done a few things a little differently but I was 15-16 at the start of our relation,so making sense out of things and putting them into perspective was more difficult at that stage ..
Author ryandxtreme Posted February 17, 2013 Author Posted February 17, 2013 Sorry..I was feeling like calling her up today ,so thought of venting it here.. It's been a week since I told her than we can't be friends (please read the first post of this thread) ... I know it was the right thing to do but she hasn't contacted since then... I sometimes wish she would call,specially during the nights when sleeping becomes difficult..But I wouldn't accept anything other than a full-fledged effort from her side to reconcile.. I would never say it to her ever...She had insulted me and mistreated me enough to say silent...Does she miss me ? If she does why doesn't she say it?If she doesn't why was she constantly trying to contact me the last couple of months?? I know I shouldn't be thinking of these questions but can somebody help me rationalise ?
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