t-rids Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 6 years before we broke up in August. We met and University when I was 20 and she was 19. Once we graduated we decided to save up for a house together and lived at our parents for 2 years before buying a house where we moved in together in January 2012. We both have good jobs and were looking forward to a prosperous life together. We spent two months doing up the house together with help from our parents and worked very well together during the process of buying the house. I can safely say, we had a fantastic relationship together, with no blips other than the usual argument, and as far as I was aware everything was going fine, until in August, out of the blue she was really off with me one evening whilst we were out with my parents. I asked her what was wrong and she told me, now is not a good time and she'd speak to me about it in the morning. The next morning, she told me she'd been unhappy for a few months and that her feelings towards me had changed. She told me she felt we were more like best friends than in a relationship and that she didn't know if her feelings would come back. This hit me for six, and I tried everything I could over the next month, without begging but by stepping up, but she said nothing had changed. During this time I continued to ask her why she felt her feelings had changed and she came up with different reasons such as I was not doing enough around the house and taking responsibly and I was not coping with my job, and that she felt she had changed since getting her promotion. One thing I do know, is that a man from her work entered her life in January, the month we moved in. She always said he was a friend and that he was in a relationship. However, when she told me her feelings had changed, by immediate reaction was that it was because of this man, to which she reacted angrily and said it had nothing to do with him and was about me and us. I probed more about him and found out he had been single since the beginning of June. When I found this out I asked to look at her phone, however she had deleted all his messages and claimed she had done so because there were a few harmless flirty messages, but I'd take it the wrong way. Not only this, but during June, when I was going away for the weekend, she went to a party where this guy was and didn't get back until 6am and also went to a dinner party of his where she claimed there were many people but again didn't get back until around 5am. In hindsight it seems glaringly obvious something was going on, but because I had such implicit trust for her and was under the impression he was in a relationship, I did not expect a thing, particularly with us only just starting a new chapter of our life with a new house together. She has always maintained nothing has or had gone on with this person and that he had nothing at all to do with her feelings changing. Instead it was to do with the way I was coping with things and her reaction to that amongst an amalgamation of other things. But was wondering what your views were on this? The whole thing has hit me so hard it's unreal, only in May she was telling me how she loved me to the moon and back and that she wanted to marry me, then in August she said she was no longer attracted to me and her feelings had changed. I was planning a trip away to India to propose to her, which makes it all the harder. I am now 26, and really concerned about my future, lots of my friends are starting to get engaged, and it feels like I have gone all the way back and am starting from scratch again after a 6 year relationship. I live back with my parents and she has taken over the mortgage and agreed a settlement with me, I'd had have liked the house but did not have the financial backing her family has given her. It feels like she is continuing her life as normal and she feels impartial towards me which hurts so much. I have been to the doctors about how hard it has hit me and how hard I am finding it to cope, but I am determined to get out of this in a natural way by going to the gym, socialising etc. to get out of this depression rather than taking anti-depressants. I am however currently finding life torture and I am lucky I have such wonderful parents, as they are what is keeping me going at the moment. I was wondering, from your experience, your views on what were the real reasons for the break-up given the information have given and advise on how I can get over this and build a positive future for myself.
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 this must be shattering. i really feel for you. the thing is, however, hard it is - and it will be - concentrating on WHY isn't going to help you. it could be that she is telling the truth and she just changed. it could be that she has not been with anyone else and is panicking. it could be that she is boning the work dude 6 ways til friday. none of it matters. what matters is YOU and your feelings. 26 is nothing. believe me. you'll be beating new girls off with a stick when you are ready to do so. you'll be able to enjoy being single and finding yourself. the last thing you should be doing is panicking about your friends settling down. the first thing you should be doing is making sure that you are ok and doing what you need to do to look after yourself. one step at a time.
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