Dorian Gray Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Let me preface this by saying, I realise it might be lame to sign up to a forum just to ask a question but I'm not really sure who else to talk to. Basically, I have to work with a girl I used to date. When I first met her I fell in love with her almost straight away. She had a boyfriend at the time with whom she broke up. We then dated for a while and had what I can only describe as quite an intimate relationship, laying awake late at night sharing our secrets with one another. Having just come out of a relationship she said at the time she didnt want another boyfriend and I being the typical male was more than obstenate to the fact. We had been 'dating' for a month or two when she went away for a week and when she returned things seemed different somehow. She had obviously been talking to her ex. Unsure what was said but after the invariable pleading on my part she broke contact with me in favour of her ex. This went pear shaped, I know this from overhearing her conversation on the subject with a friend, though, whether overhearing is the right word when she decides to sit next to you and talk loudly about it on a work night out is a different question. It is awkward at work between the two of us. I want so bady to reach out to her but am scared of being crushed again. We barely talk and for two people who were close this really hurts. Often, she will say little things that pique at me. I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive or not. Sometimes, I could just scream but hold it down. It is eating me up inside everytime I think it will be okay, I see her at work and am reminded just how beautiful she is. I just don't know what to do or what to say. Everything I do - this includes when I do nothing - hasnt improved the situation. I hate that is ruins a job we both love, I don't want to be the reason she is unhappy in her job. Sometimes, I could just quit my job but with not only mine but the world's current economic situation this isn't possible. Forgive me for what must seem like a long diatribe! Ps: I realised after posting I forgot the 'A' in quandary, damn it! Edited February 10, 2013 by Dorian Gray
Author Dorian Gray Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 So, in the end I decided to text her. It went a little something like this. "Hey (insert name). I'd like it if we talked as I'm not really happy with things at the moment. What do you think? (my name)" Now I can't help but think it wasn't a good idea, though, something needs to change before I go insane.
Author Dorian Gray Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 She text me back with just the words "Leave me alone.", now obviously I'm not going to text back. I do worry I may have just made things even worse. Could anyone proffer any advice or suggestions? My attempts at defusal are clearly falling way short.
cdt76 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Well, short and sweet of it is that she is nuts. She has no idea what she wants. No idea how to keep it once she gets it and no backbone to be honest. I would never ever date a person at work. My work and personal life are two completely seperate entities. As I have lived through this at a certain level, the only advice I can give you that will help you over the short term is to fake it. You have to learn to act while at work. The 8 hours that you are there, you are the happiest, most fun guy in the office. You are the most competent and detail oriented. When you walk out that door, you can let the emotions flow through you. Sorry to say but she isn't worth your time and energy. She left a guy to be with you and then went back to him. She will get what she deserves and in the end, you will fake it long enough at work that it will become second nature and eventually first nature. BUt it will take time and it is hard has hell! But I've done it. It works. Just my bit of advice.
Author Dorian Gray Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 I do, well atleast I try to and I hope suceed most of the time. It's been a few months now. I wanted her to know that her digs made me unhappy at work; that perhaps if we just spoke for 5 minutes, we could clear the air and get on with work! Thank god I only work with her half the week.
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