Prettyinblack Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 I am so confused. My b/f and I have been together for 2 1/2 years although we've known eachother for 18 years. I really love him. In April, we were talking about selling our houses and buying one together........he has never been married and I was married 18 years ago, so it's a huge deal. Well, then we started to argue about stupid things, and although we are still together, things feel strange. He says he's depressed about work, but I don't feel important to him as we aren't spending a whole lot of time together and he doesn't wnat to talk about much to do with the relationship when we are together. I am starting to feel used and I don't like it.......he always stays over when he's here but I am feeling like sex is great, but there ain't much else happening. I don't know what to do. ANy suggestions?
chicasha Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 well, u said he was depressed about work, but you dont' feel important to him. Just try to put urself in his shoes. What if you were the one that was really depressed about work.....and he said that he didn't feel he was important to you? Wouldn't that make u feel helpless and frustrated...? He might not be trying to use you....u probably just feel that way, b/c right now all this emotions are invested in dealing w/ his problems at work. I think u should try to be there for him....and let him know gently that you are concerned about him, and ask him what is bothering him about work. Tell him you want to support him in any way possible, and that no matter what happens at work, u still love him. One thing to understand.....is that men value their jobs a lot....when something goes wrong at work, they feel as if they've failed in life. While....that might not be true..that's the way they will percieve it. Ur job is to make sure he knows that no matter what, he is still ur hero, and you will help him get thru this time at work. Try that out. He might open up to u more if he feels secure that he has not failed b/c of his job. Don't feel used......u cant assume that right now. If u get him to open up by being supportive, u might find that he's not using u, he just didn't know how to turn to u for help. hope this helps....good luck....
overseas2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 I hate to say it but being nice and gentle does not work with them. And if you are sensing that it isn't the work issue but that its your relationship then chances are you are probably right. I would not be nice about this nor would I be gentle. What I would do is confront the issue head on in a pragmatic way. I would have a very open discussion about it in which I would share the fact that I am unhappy in the current status of the relationship. See what he says!!! And then make my decisions based upon what he says... Good luck
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