I think I have a professional here...

[V'sGrl]

I'm new to posting on these boards, but as I've perused others' comments and replies, I see that there may be some good advice for me here.

 

I am the OW (I am single), who got involved with my MM about a year ago. For me, it was a distraction--something to keep myself occupied while I was figuring out what path my career was going to take. I still am not sure what motivated him...stop rolling your eyes people...because he told me flat out that if I just wanted a physical relationship with nothing else, he was not interested.

 

I live in the same town, about 12 miles away from them. She is a six figure executive, he is a stay at home dad.

 

This is about all I know for certain. I thought I knew, I thought since I have been the distant one, the one controlling when/where/how he sees me at all times (I own my house)--and he's always been the one pursuing me relentlessly---that the thousands of hours of phone and in person conversations were actually the truth.

 

He supposedly fell in love with me several months into the A. Honestly, I did not and still do not feel that way. I got into this for company when I wanted it, and I enjoy the fact that I can give him back to her when it suits me. I told him that. I told him I did not want him to leave her and I did not want to be caught in this A--there are many reasons, the biggest of which is that I can get into legal trouble.

 

What always seemed strange to me was his attitude towards me in public. We would go places in his vehicle (remember, we all live a very short distance from each other), be seen in public, eat out at restaurants, and even started knowing people in a hobby we both share. He would call me each and every morning and spend long Saturdays (sometimes Sundays too) at my house if I allowed it.

 

He claimed that they have a "roomie" relationship, have had that for years. They've been married for 14 years and have a 5 year old daughter. He says he left her about 8 years into the relationship, stayed away for some time and then she "lured" him back with sex--they had agreed on getting married that they would not have children--and the month he returns, she announces she's pregnant.

 

That's the backstory.

 

I was getting pretty bored with this right around the six month mark last summer. How terrible she is, how disengaged (and I can believe that, from his public behavior and how much time he wanted to spend with me.), how he wanted something more for his life (he has been unemployed for going on 6 years now).

 

A couple of his friends came in from out of town for a long weekend about this time. He all of a sudden went NC--and then when I did see him, he was distant and very standoffish. Not his usual gushing puppy dog thing. He claimed he was "worried" about his mother having some very minor surgery.

 

That was when I started realizing that I'm being played. I was honest about my motivation for being in the A--he was the one who was so in love, so constantly in pain without me--that he racked up thousands of hours of cellphone calls on the bill that SHE PAYS each month (and sees).

 

I decided to begin the extrication process. He didn't make it easy--constantly showing up at my house without warning. Being in places that he knew I would be historically. Calling me and emailing me many times each day.

 

I had warned him about this behavior a multitude of times--ever hear of a keylogger? ever think she's following you? Once, he called me at 10 p.m. and said "She's in Boston, the kid's asleep...want to come over and have a glass of wine on the deck?" That actually happened. I went over there and we sat until 4 a.m. on his deck, drinking wine and talking. And no. If I had sex with him there, I would admit it. We didn't.

 

This sounds like an exit affair or at the very least, he is telling the truth about the "roomie" situation, right??

 

Well, I was tired of the whole fence post up his butt thing--he hates her, he feels trapped by her, she's controlling, a bad mother, yaddayaddayadda---so I started giving him a little advice about what he should and should not be doing.

 

First, I told him that we needed to end the A. Immediately. It was obvious to me that he liked his sweet situation where she paid all his bills, paid for his expensive hobby (and if you think golf is expensive, try gun collecting/shooting)---and he had all the time in the world to screw around on her.

 

He did tell me about a neighbor girl some years ago that he was "helping out"--her H was abusive and ended up in prison, so my MM was helping her with watching her kids while she was going to school. Of course, he forgot to tell his W about it and she did find out--going ballistic "for no reason". After I had questioned him over many months here and there nonchalantly---it came out that this girl "somehow" had "developed feelings" for him, and he just couldn't understand how that happened, or why his W would have a problem with a secret female friend who had a "crush" on him.

 

I saw that train coming a mile off--which is why I never allowed any feelings to develop on my end.

 

When I tried in earnest to get rid of him, and I mean I tried everything--NC, being mean, cutting off sex--you name it--he just would find a way back in--just friends, of course. I just miss talking to you. I just need advice on school (I am changing careers and he wants to get back into life as an adult supposedly).

 

I had told him--she dies? she leaves you? she gets disabled? you are screwed. No more sweet deal. No more money. You need to get on your feet and get something for YOURSELF before anything like that ever happens. And with his attitude towards me publicly? It was a matter of time before someone said something or someone saw something and he was out on his keister.

 

I finally gave it one last shot, to get rid of him. I quit the class we were taking together, put as much distance between us, made sure he was otherwise occupied with all kinds of schoolwork that I told him he needed to do, plus his taking care of his daughter--and then W is home after that---so no time to spend with me.

 

Something happened then--two of my friends and two family members got together and decided that they had had enough of this guy trampling through my life (they'd seen me quit school before and be derailed by a relationship where i was promised everything and got screwed over royally).

 

They made up a fictitious person on facebook...friends, likes...everything (it was quite impressive). Then they got ahold of W's facebook friends list---and emailed several of them with information on the A. No names, just vague references that they knew MM was having an A with someone that they knew.

 

I guess W didn't respond. So one of them decided to "friend" one of the W's friends (turns out to be MMs step brother. different last names). They actually conversed--my girlfriend told this guy pretty much everything that she knew--everything. Times we would meet up, things we'd done together, stuff we were doing now, things about MMs daughter---and I guess this email exchange went on for a bit.

 

Next thing I know (I had no knowledge of what they'd done)--I am being summoned by MM to a completely open and public place. He shows me a printoff of the fake facebook woman's opening email to the brother.

 

I read it--horrified--and I threw it back at him. I wanted to get the hell out of there. What was he thinking meeting up with me like that the morning after this whole thing exploded??

 

He asked if it was me (I honestly wish I'd have thought it up) and then he proceeded to tell me that it was "time for me to go"--meaning---he wanted me to sell my house and move out of the area!

 

I said I would find out who did it, and put a stop to it--I had and have no intention of pursuing a LTR with this man if he leaves his marriage and I said so.

 

We talked for a bit and agreed NC. He didn't shed a tear--he even made some jokes. I was bawling my eyes out--I was (and still am) terrified that W is going to come after me legally and take everything I've worked my whole life to get.

 

This was Christmas. I started new term at school in January--and there he was in the parking lot, waiting for me to show up (he knows my program and it's easy to look up the schedule online).

 

We started talking again. He got a "burner" phone and wanted me to call him so we could start things back up.

 

I told him we could be friends, that I would help him with his school pathway--but nothing else. He said he's fine with it.

 

I've asked him several times about what happened. He said that he told her that I was just a friend and even though there were thousands of hours of cellphone conversations---he thinks she believes him when he said we "had lots to talk about".

 

I know he threw me under the bus, just not the whole way. I'm not stupid. I know he probably told her that I am the same as that old "don't know how she could POSSIBLY have a crush on me!" routine. Maybe even told her I've moved away (he hinted at that)--no longer any threat. He knows that if she came after me, I would toss a grenade into his life that he'd never recover from--letters, emails, pictures, voicemails--even my friends that know him and have seen how he is with me.

 

Well, this just has not ended---my friends don't like him and have continued to feed her information via the brother on facebook. I can't stop them--they've told me they will stop when I cut him out of my life completely.

 

This past weekend, W was told that I would be willing to talk to her if she agrees not to come after me legally. W rang my phone on Saturday, sat for 30 seconds, listening to me say "hello? hello?" and then she hung up.

 

WTF.

 

She's not a pretty woman. Very smart, but socially---not a friendly or likable person. She's narcissistic--always right, always in control (she's an accountant).

 

What is she thinking? Either kick him out or reconcile. Pick one. He claims he's always slept in another room (since their daughter was born)--and that she's completely happy with the situation "as is".

 

Why would she give a rat's behind who I am or what he does with me, if she just wants trophy dude--protection and to point at and say "see, i can get a handsome guy". Again, she's not even remotely attractive. He is very tall, handsome and extremely charming.

 

What should I do at this point? She clearly knows who I am, where I live---and pretty much every detail that can be given without VIDEO from the facebook ambush.

 

He doesn't seem phased by it--in fact, he is pressing for the situation to resume--meeting at my house for trysts, going out to eat before classes--he's even started meeting me at my car at school, grabbing my bookbag and carrying it around for me.

 

Why not leave and get it overwith? I realize she's paying for everything financially---but doesn't this woman have any pride at all?? She obviously cared enough to respond to my friends' facebook person--she wants "timelines" and "details"---but she hasn't done anything with that information.

 

He claims that he "has it all under control" at home. What does that mean? I can't move out of state--I have to finish school, another 2 years. I am stuck at this point, where I am physically. How am I going to get out of this now that she has all of this information?

[sunshine6]

I'm new to posting on these boards, but as I've perused others' comments and replies, I see that there may be some good advice for me here.

 

I am the OW (I am single), who got involved with my MM about a year ago. For me, it was a distraction--something to keep myself occupied while I was figuring out what path my career was going to take. I still am not sure what motivated him...stop rolling your eyes people...because he told me flat out that if I just wanted a physical relationship with nothing else, he was not interested.

 

I live in the same town, about 12 miles away from them. She is a six figure executive, he is a stay at home dad.

 

 

TLDR - but the bolded part says it all to me.

[anna121]

Um. Tell him you wish no further contact. Then make it happen. That includes no friendship. Like, duh.

 

Quit worrying about his life, his wife, his marriage.

 

And I'd cut out friends like that, too. Can you say "boundaries"? They sound creepy and obsessive.

[Pierre]

I'm new to posting on these boards, but as I've perused others' comments and replies, I see that there may be some good advice for me here.

 

 

If what you post is true the cheating MM is a loser and POS, lower than whale $**** in the bottom of the ocean. A true narcissist, a man with no pride that is happy to be a kept man. A man that throws away the money of his wife on expensive hobbies and other women.

 

The 64K question is: Why did you get involved with this POS?

 

You need counseling to see why your self esteem is so low.

[spice4life]

Very odd and wierd that people would take it upon themselves to interfer in your life that way. Time to put a stop to it pronto. Yikes!

[Mount]

I NEVER understand why some people enjoys DRAMA, can't they not know drama only cause destructive result for themselves.

 

And that MM is totally a parasite, going after sugar mommy and mentally weak women. He knows what he is after, basically he can reply on his such "talent" whole life and no worry about money earning and still have good life.

 

Lucky MM~~ so far he has been doing well, accomplished all his missions. Free meal, roof, hobbies, 0 bill to pay, car from wife, and free sex from OWs. The MM is doing really "great". Job well done.

[2sure]

wow, his wife can cause you to lose everything you have worked all of your life for? And you would risk it for an unemployed babysitter. Go figure.

[Spark1111]

It's the wife's fault. it must be.

 

Not a single question for you? how could that be?

 

What was she suppose to ask? are you the stalker-school help mate crushing on my stay at home H?

 

she believes him. he explained you away. And maybe she is just toooo busy to give life or death credence to anonymous sources on the Internet.

 

call her up. Someone be an adult and send her some proof.

[ComingInHot]

V's girl;

It's times like these. You find out what kind of friends you're hang 'n with.

 

If all you said is true ten your friends know what's at stake for you and are taking steps to put you under. I'd be more afraid of your friends than some schlub of a MM and his Wife.

 

Oh, and stop hang in w/MM regardless of pretext.

[Lillyfree]

V's girl;

 

schlub of a MM

 

 

 

this one made me do that completely un-ladylike snort/laugh.