becks77 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Ok, so I know there's no normal time frame to get over someone but just curious to hear everyone's stories... I was with my ex for nearly 2 years, first time I've experienced heartbreak and have been NC for over 2 months - we broke up in September but carried on seeing each other till November - I feel like I should be over him - my friend just told me :"I thought you were over him already" and that made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I don't think about him all day like I did when we first broke up but I do think about him when I'm on my own or not busy - and I still find myself crying sometimes - I think it's harder for me to move on because I blame myself for our RL ending (no cheating or anything) and I feel like if I'd done things differently then we'd still be together. How long is it taking you..?
Amelie1980 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 6 weeks since BU 4 weeks NC and I'm still a wreck. I blame myself too for a lot of it.
lovelifexx Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 1 year together, 3 months since BU. I still think of him every minute, but I have to see him at Uni a few times a week. We dont talk.
Author becks77 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 yeah, I hate not having control about when and how often I think about him - must be tough if you have to see him though!
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 My BU was end of September last time i saw her and slept with her was Oct 3. NC ever since. So at 4 months NC i can finally say I'm feeling a lot better. I'm not recovered 100 percent but the last week or so seems really different. It just sorta snuck up on me. I hope that in a few more month ill be over this completely. And i don't expect that these coming months will be nearly as hard. So everything is looking up! Cav 1
LostGirl11 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 My dad caught me crying yesterday and said 'Come on now, it's been two months, you should be over it' Yeah, thanks for that. I'm not even close to being over him.
Keenly Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 We broke up in october, we were together for 2 years. I'm over her already, but I am not over not having a companion / lover. 1
smokey bear Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 9 Years together, took me 10 months to start dating someone else, it got easier from 5 months, i still think of him weekly and think i always will, we were together too long and grew up together. I dont judge being over him on how much i think of him etc, i judge it on my acceptance of how we are now and how life is better now etc. It still hurts if i hear his life is ****ty but i no longer blame myself for it. The best thing i learned in life is that only you can make you happy.
coltsfan1 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Relationship for 4 years give or take, 18 months to be come indifferent. But I still think about the ex, but its mostly memories now. Companionship is what I miss.
Author becks77 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 My dad caught me crying yesterday and said 'Come on now, it's been two months, you should be over it' Yeah, thanks for that. I'm not even close to being over him. We broke up in october, we were together for 2 years. I'm over her already, but I am not over not having a companion / lover. My BU was end of September last time i saw her and slept with her was Oct 3. NC ever since. So at 4 months NC i can finally say I'm feeling a lot better. I'm not recovered 100 percent but the last week or so seems really different. It just sorta snuck up on me. I hope that in a few more month ill be over this completely. And i don't expect that these coming months will be nearly as hard. So everything is looking up! Cav Lostgirl - it's hard because you feel like you have to put on a brave face - how long were you 2 together? Keenly - I get what you're saying - sometimes it's not the actual person you need to mourn but the end of a RL - having someone to share things with... Cav - I'm so glad you're on the way up - how come this week's been different? I'm fine when I'm busy - it's just the nights sometimes that are hard - and when I'm a bit drunk
Author becks77 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 9 Years together, took me 10 months to start dating someone else, it got easier from 5 months, i still think of him weekly and think i always will, we were together too long and grew up together. I dont judge being over him on how much i think of him etc, i judge it on my acceptance of how we are now and how life is better now etc. It still hurts if i hear his life is ****ty but i no longer blame myself for it. The best thing i learned in life is that only you can make you happy. I'm 8 weeks post-BU after a 14-month relationship, and I'm still very much riding the rollercoaster: Some days I'm fine; other days are really hard. And it does feel very much like a rollercoaster; I'm just trying to ride it out, and deal with whatever it throws at me, and take it as part of the process. Like a PP, I'm running into him once or twice a week, which maybe isn't helping but it is what it is. Relationship for 4 years give or take, 18 months to be come indifferent. But I still think about the ex, but its mostly memories now. Companionship is what I miss. Smokey - did you break up with him? I ended a 12 year RL and it took about the same amount of time - but that's because he cheated on me and it was easier in a way to think that I could do better and move on Gravity - how did your RL end? do you find it easier if you think of all the bad stuff about your RL? Coltsfan - I miss him but sometimes I do wonder if it's just the idea of him - I can't wait for the day when I'm indifferent!
cavalier99 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Cav - I'm so glad you're on the way up - how come this week's been different? I'm fine when I'm busy - it's just the nights sometimes that are hard - and when I'm a bit drunk Hmmm. Well that's the funny thing. I cant quite tell you why its different ..it just is. Even a few weeks ago i still had some really bad days where i was a mess. Its like I just got over some sorta hump or threshold. I didn't realize I had walked past it or that i crossed sore sorts imaginary recovery line. Like i said, feeling better just sorta snuck up on me. I just realized that I wasn't that miserable anymore. Weird. Anyway i don't want to celebrate prematurely. I can still get upset if i think about things too much. I just think I've turned the corner. You will too. Just stay NC. That's it. 1
Author becks77 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Hmmm. Well that's the funny thing. I cant quite tell you why its different ..it just is. Even a few weeks ago i still had some really bad days where i was a mess. Its like I just got over some sorta hump or threshold. I didn't realize I had walked past it or that i crossed sore sorts imaginary recovery line. Like i said, feeling better just sorta snuck up on me. I just realized that I wasn't that miserable anymore. Weird. Anyway i don't want to celebrate prematurely. I can still get upset if i think about things too much. I just think I've turned the corner. You will too. Just stay NC. That's it. Yeah I hate it when I think 'hey I'm fine I haven't thought about him all day..' which of course then leads into thinking about him. I guess you can only take one day at a time - I'm all about the NC - even though I wonder sometimes...maybe he'd realise he was wrong to end it if I contacted him - stupid the way our minds work sometimes!!
LeliiMarie612 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 My first one was almost 6 months ago, and I'm still not fully over him. I suppose it's just because he was my first and because I have to see him every day. I have accepted though that it wasn't meant to be and try to move on but I'm still kind of stuck in it. It was only 5 months though, and I was in a relationship a couple of months after the BU but I'm already over it. 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I heard 3 months of complete NC. (this is what Im working towards)Also, in my experience....as soon as you meet someone else!One of my friends got over her ex in a couple of weeks by sleeping with many people and smoking a lot of weed. I haven't tried this route but I assume it could work for some people.
Soxfaninfl Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I was married for 11 years, but we separated after 9 year of marriage. We were together for 11 years. We've been apart now for over 3 years. She was not in love with me any more and started a realtionship with a older man. Our divorce was final in September of 2011. I've dated 4 women since and I had two realtionships that lasted 3 months. I've tried to find new love and move on, but I've been unsuccessful. I still miss my wife. She's the only women that I've ever been in love with. I know deep down in my heart that I still love her, so I guess I'm not over her. I wish I could get over. We have a 9 year old son together, and I see her at work from time to time.
stevie_23 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I was with my ex for almost 2 years. He left me abruptly in early December last year. I am working towards being happier on my own. I have had to extricate myself from the routine of being with him and feeling his constant love for me. It’s been ridiculously hard, and I’m not all there yet. I’ve been on anti-depressants / anti-anxiety medication for a month and it’s helped quite a lot…to keep my mind calmer and less prone to repetitive and unhelpful thoughts about him or the situation or having conversations with him in my mind because I can’t talk directly to him (we’ve been NC since shortly after he left me). It also eases the pain of the sadness too. I think it's harder for me to move on because I blame myself for our RL ending (no cheating or anything) and I feel like if I'd done things differently then we'd still be together. In terms of this, if it was anything you did or didn’t do, you would likely still be together. A relationship doesn’t end because of something ONE person did or didn’t do. If you want to be in that relationship, you work on those sorts of things, even if it’s really difficult. You are assigning responsibility to yourself for the end of your relationship because in a way it’s easier than accepting that sometimes these things just don’t work out and there’s nothing you could have done. Also, you don’t know how he is thinking so all you DO know is how YOU are thinking and so you blame yourself for the breakdown of the relationship. Try not to do this if you can…
Svet74 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Took me a year and a half to completely get over him. 2 years later. we are friends now. dont know how long that will last but i really just want to be a friend for him
ReadMyThread Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 My dad caught me crying yesterday and said 'Come on now, it's been two months, you should be over it' Yeah, thanks for that. I'm not even close to being over him. I felt so sorry for you when I read this. Don't listen to your dad. He doesn't know what you felt for him and what he did. My mom would say the same thing, "yo still think about that girl!?" she would say. I just sopped talking to her because that's all she would say lol. Then I realized that everyone is going to end-up saying that if you keep bringing it up so I don't anymore. It would be nice to haw someone to talk to about it but that's what's this website is for. God I love you guys. 1
Waz Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 There isn't average time of getting over someone, it depends on the person. For example, me About 5 months have passed, i think, since my "relationship" was "broken". I don't count the time anyway. I feel calmer over time, happy too, and yes, i think of her everyday but not for too long, and as time passes, i can lessen the emotional part. I don't have anymore (i hope) often ups and downs (i think the last was about 2-3 weeks ago). Sure thing that helps, is that i haven't seen her since the "break up". And i cut off all ways of contact immediately. (Only broke NC to wish her a typical Happy birthday). Well, i figured out something, but i don't know if it's correct. After some time passed, i thought that many of these ups and downs i had, might were made by me non-intentionally. I mean, maybe without realizing, i was trying somehow to getting use to the emotions of "the lost love" thing. I think i was doing all these, because there wasn't closure and any actual reason by her who initiated the "break-up". I had only her words which were somehow contradictory to what happened. So, once i realized that, i rationalized it with all the facts and only the facts (no the said words at all), made a result, a scenario whatever you want to call it, that does have sense to me and finally i found peace plus i noticed that i made most of the things right I don't care if the reasons for the "break up" i invented are actually wrong, maybe she doesn't actually know them either or she didn't give a sh*t to explain to me the truth, why should i? I can believe what i ever want, and this thing i thought of, is the closest one to the reality, among all the others hypothetical reasons i have created. And i think that's a critical reason why i don't have ups and downs anymore It's kind of paranoid, if you think that this girl and i, had "something" for only 7-8 months, it's a bit weird to be so attached. So, you might consider the above although i haven't read your story, but that worked for me. Maybe you are getting used of "not moving on" and it could turn to a routine, very bad thing. You can figure out when this happens, you can feel it.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 My BU was at the beginning of October and for the most part i'm fine. Still have my bad days but those are far and few in between. More importantly, the bad days are NO where near as bad as it was at the beginning. I imagine a few more months and ill be done with this if I am not already. In the past it took me awhile to get over relationships. My first love took me almost 6 months just to function (1.5 years to be completely over her) and we were together for 4 years....but then again that was HS. This last one isnt taking as long as I thought it would be so I'm thanking my lucky stars.
aliceinthebox Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 It has taken me about 2 months to be at peace with myself. The first week or two I tried to do the friend thing upon his request (it didn't work out becuz he's a big baby or a jack ass) and eventually with that not working out I deleted his contact info and deactivated my Facebook. I complained to my friends about everything that was wrong with the relationship and him until my friends appeared to be tired of listening to me lol. Next two-three weeks I silently evaluated our relationship silently when I was by myself or working alone. This was helpful because I used a friend of his and an acquaintance of mine as a middle ground person in my imagination to talk our relationship through. Kind of like an imaginary therapist. Asking questions like do you think it would ever work out together if you got back together? Why do you think it ended? Why did you break it off? Etc.... You might think I was going insane but I was definitely feeling much better until... Week four I reactivated me Facebook and through the feed I discovered he was already in another relationship. At that point I was spiraling out of control where I was crying and felt real pain in my chest. I drank a lot that week and drowned out my own thoughts through music. It wasn't long until I discovered alcohol took away the pain, but exacerbated the problem and stopped drinking. I decided to use more positive outlets and distracted myself with the Post Secret community. I read and responded to posts of interest to me. I mainly spent my time in the 20+ area and enjoyed the postings title "What you want to say at this very moment", "If you could tell the other person one thing", and "Rants about rejection, etc." Later on I found this website and read hundreds of posts about break ups and was able to enjoy the stories and relate. I did a few things opposite of what was suggested and didn't try to stop thinking about him and I just let the thoughts come. I even started to smile thinking back on some things. As this went on I continued to post on post secret and even wrote a good bye letter. I accepted that we would never get back together. I'm not saying I was completely, but at this point I felt great the majority of the time, the only thing to address was the feeling of loss at night time. So, I ended up on OKCupid! to just to talk to people (no intent of actually meeting anyone in person) and ended up talking to person with no photos or description of himself. I was upfront in my profile that I had no intention of finding someone to date because they would end up being a rebound and that would be cruel. Anyway, I ended up talking to this anonymous person about what happened in our relationship from the first day we met. My story was probably four pages long and I couldn't feel better because it allowed me to remember things that I had forgotten (both good and bad). I'm not saying go onto a dating website with the hope of someone willing to listen to your story, but just the act of writing out your thoughts about the relationship clears a bit of air and is true closure I think... not the angry version of I am better than this... than him... etc. I can honestly say though, I m fine.
Author becks77 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 She's the only women that I've ever been in love with. I know deep down in my heart that I still love her, so I guess I'm not over her. I wish I could get over. We have a 9 year old son together, and I see her at work from time to time. You will meet someone - I think you just have to give yourself the power to forget her - until you do that you won't move on - I know it's easier said than done and I obviously can't quite do it yet - it's tough that you have to see her - makes it harder to move on x In terms of this, if it was anything you did or didn’t do, you would likely still be together. A relationship doesn’t end because of something ONE person did or didn’t do. If you want to be in that relationship, you work on those sorts of things, even if it’s really difficult. You are assigning responsibility to yourself for the end of your relationship because in a way it’s easier than accepting that sometimes these things just don’t work out and there’s nothing you could have done. Also, you don’t know how he is thinking so all you DO know is how YOU are thinking and so you blame yourself for the breakdown of the relationship. Try not to do this if you can… Thanks Stevie -- you give really good advice - I know I need to stop blaming myself - you seem like you're doing better - I'm glad There isn't average time of getting over someone, it depends on the person. So, you might consider the above although i haven't read your story, but that worked for me. Maybe you are getting used of "not moving on" and it could turn to a routine, very bad thing. You can figure out when this happens, you can feel it. I think I am a bit stuck in a habit of thinking about him - even if I'm having fun I'll sometimes stop and think 'oh I haven;t thought about him etc' I need to break the habit! My BU was at the beginning of October and for the most part i'm fine. Still have my bad days but those are far and few in between. More importantly, the bad days are NO where near as bad as it was at the beginning. I imagine a few more months and ill be done with this if I am not already. That's so good that you're getting there! - my bad days are getting fewer, although yesterday was a bad day - I posted on here alot - thank goodness for LS! It has taken me about 2 months to be at peace with myself. I did a few things opposite of what was suggested and didn't try to stop thinking about him and I just let the thoughts come. I even started to smile thinking back on some things. I'm not saying I was completely, but at this point I felt great the majority of the time, the only thing to address was the feeling of loss at night time. I can honestly say though, I m fine. I'm glad you're doing ok - I think that's good advice - I have let myself wallow in some of my old memories about my ex and sometimes that helps clear my head - I also think writing stuff down helps too
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