Betrayed&Stayed Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Valentine's Day is upon us. What are your thoughts? Historically I have not been a fan of Valentine's Day. I think that it stems from my elementary school days when the kids were pressured to give every classmate a card. As an adult, I feel that it is a way for greeting card companies to make a ton of $$. During my marriage my wife and would celebrate V-day most of the time. I rarely went overboard. It was usually grilled filet and wine at home. Since D-day 5 years ago I told my wife that I had zero interest in acknowledging V-day. She respected my wishes and we have not celebrated since 2008. However, this year she asked me to partake in V-day. I gave it some thought and we talked more about it. I'm still not a fan, but I agreed to celebrate V-day as gift to her. I'm at a place where it is not the trigger that has been. Are you celebrating V-day? Why or why not? Did the affair change how you view V-day? Edited February 10, 2013 by Betrayed&Stayed
eleanorrigby Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Valentines is our 22 anniversary. lol If I could go back in time I'd have picked a different day to get married but at the time it seemed so romantic. We usually just go to dinner and a movie. I'm making an effort not to set myself up for disappointment. That's happened quite a bit. I was really pissed at our 20th anniversary. I got my expectations up really high and ugh.. Not doing that anymore.
Journee Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 At the moment I am frustrated beyond measure. WS's birthday is today and despite my better judgment I went ahead and planned something for today. After him acting a little distant yesterday I was actually looking forward to having some alone time to celebrate. Well, he hasn't left our room today. I feel resentful. Maybe I shouldn't. After all, it is his birthday but I didn't have to plan anything. I didn't have to give a wazoo about this day or Valentine's day. I was going to pull out all the stops for our evening after dinner. Believe or not I need the intimacy as much as the next person. Instead, I'm watching Ice Age with my toddler. WS's gift and our evening on hold...possibly canceled. I had thought Christmas after DDay may have had some significance also but no dice. I honestly just give. You win universe! My punishment is loving a man unconditionally that has taken my nature for granted for years. It may be selfish that I feel like this but eff it! I feel like a fool again. Eff Valentine's day.
Harradin Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Valentine's Day is pathetic. An excuse to waste money on your SO because its "Valentine's Day," not to show that you love them, as you can show your love to someone in 364/365 other days in the year. I've never had a girlfriend around this period weirdly enough, even if I did I'd refuse point blank to do anything for it, the most I'd be persuaded to do is give her a card.
Act Two Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I LOVE Valentine's Day. I have no reason to celebrate it romantically as I am recently separated, BUT I've always made a big deal of the holiday for my kids as my daughter's birthday is that day. She will be 9 and I do it up big for her! I choose to celebrate it as a day of love for those I love, including gifts, decorations, dinner out, etc. I am actually looking forward to the day as I am chaperoning a field trip to a play with my students and later will go to my daughter's class for a party. I also don't care if it is a Hallmark holiday!
screwedovertwenty Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Our first married valentines day, I told H that I wanted chocolate, not flowers. I got a snickers. Our third married valentines day, he was arrested for a dui on the way to pick the three week old and eighteen month old up from his moms, while I was at work. Our fourth married valentines day, he was in jail for his dui's. Valentines day has always sucked for me. I expected nothing this year. Husband told me the other day that he thought we might do something for valentines day on Wednesday because he works all day Thursday. I told him that was fine. The next day I realized that I might have to do an over night petsitting job that night. He then asked me, "so you don't want to do anything???" I explained to him that I couldn't help it if I had a job. I told him that I didn't want to do anything if he didn't want to do anything. I asked him what he wanted to do, and he didn't know. I told him that if he wants me to do something then he has to plan something and ask me. Tonight he called me and I told him that the petsitting was postponed until next week. He then told me that he thought it would be nice to go to "our home town" about an hour and a half away. I can't even believe he thought of that! I think this could actually be the best V day ever! Is that even possible two and a half months after dday??????? 2
waterwoman Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Totally pointless for anyone over the age of 18 or in a committed relationship. Great fun if you are 16 and have a crush on a lad in the 6th form but otherwise what the hell is it for? Isn't it about declaring love anonymously? When you are with someone there are so many more personally significant days to celebrate your love - wedding anniversaries, anniversaries of the day you met for example. H always does something so I feel obliged to. But I'd not bother given the choice (Bah humbug! )
jnel921 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 My H may get me a card and some nice flowers. He usually does. I usually write a letter reflecting my feelings. I don't want to write anything this year. I haven't told him I loved him since D-Day. I do send him poems of hope... But love just isn't happening yet. I can reflect on our new relationship and what we are trying to build. I don't know what to expect this year. He will be working that evening and I estimate about 30 minutes we will have together that day. I am good with that.
Author Betrayed&Stayed Posted February 11, 2013 Author Posted February 11, 2013 Totally pointless for anyone over the age of 18 or in a committed relationship. Great fun if you are 16 and have a crush on a lad in the 6th form but otherwise what the hell is it for? Isn't it about declaring love anonymously? When I was in HS trying to relate to girls was awkward enough; dating or not dating. Throwing the pressures of V-day on top is excruciating for most guys. I see it peaking for couples in their twenties if they are courting someone and trying to impress.
Spark1111 Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I love it! I love everything about it. I do not confine it to romantic love for a bf, SO, or spouse. I open it up to the whole world of people I love. Red hearts, chocolates, champagne, cards, phone calls, heart-shaped meat loaf, heart-shaped golden vanilla cake with chocolate frosting, crayon hearts, candles, candies, flowers. 3
Keenly Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I hate it for three reasons. First, the girl I lost my virginity to a decade ago broke up with me on Valentine's say. Secondly... I'm usually alone on valentines day and rarely receive any gift from any girl. Lastly. The few times I have been in a relationship the gift.givong has been awfully one sided.... I bought two dozen roses... made a poster board... organized a scavenger hunt around the local area customised to her hobbies and interests just for her. All I got back was a card that said I love you. She did not seem excited or happy nor did she thank me. I hate this day, and never expect it to be positive.
BetrayedH Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Here's a link to a website that I always found helpful. I still get their weekly newsletter. This week contains an article on vday. There's also a teleseminar tonight. Those can also be interesting. Weekly Surviving Affairs Newsletter
Feelin Frisky Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 It sucks. Last years VD put me off. Someone will have to fix that for me. 1
Fallen Petals Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 I hadn't celebrated Vday in 20 years. This year xMM got me a gift, gave it to me early, then dumped me the next day. I think I can go another 20 without it. I'm an anniversary girl anyways.
Fallen Petals Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 It sucks. Last years VD put me off. Someone will have to fix that for me. Frisky - this is going in the LS quote thread tyvm - you made me LOL cause I literally thought - well when does a VD NOT put someone off, then realized oh wait, this is about Valentines day....thanks for the smile!
seren Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 As a Welsh person, I have two days to celebrate love, the first has been and gone, 25th January is Dydd Santes Dwynwen (Welsh for St Dwynwen's Day). We don't send cards, we have, in the past when we had no dosh at all, gone into a shop and said, if I was sending a card I would send this one. It became a little ritual for us and we still do this, we make cards, H has also made me love spoons in true Welsh tradition and I have quite a collection. We also have Happy Un Valentine's days, which are daft, but it is what we do. I love all the cheesy stuff, the hearts and flowers and gestures that remind us to take time out from the day to day to do all the romantic love stuff. But no shop bought flowers and cards, just something that takes time, thought and effort. As I look out of my bedroom window I can see the crocus and snowdrops spelling out I Love you seren, that H arranged in secret. It never fails to make me go ahh (not argh that's another ah altogether). Since the A we make more time for each other each day and while anything pretendingly romantic or just because it should happen romantic would make me sad in the early years of D Day, now I am just looking forward to our next Valentine's Day, H said tonight, what shall we do for Valentine's Day. He is working nightshift so we shall not be together on the night, but he has something planned for the day. I hope we celebrate for the next 27 years and that I still get to feel this loved up. Yes it's commercial, if you let it be so, but as a reminder of how lucky we are to still be in love, bring it on!! 1
2sure Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 If you don't care for Valentines Day...and I'm solo myself....send more Valentines. I have a pile of them. Antique ones, sickening sweet ones, dirty ones, the little ones you get in grade school. I hand them out, mail them out, and put them in mailboxes myself. It's kind of unlike me...but it's something I've been doing for awhile and I really enjoy it. Geez, I used to make them out of ribbons,lace, and velum. 5
Realist3 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 Never really cared for it. Just another manufactured day made up by commercial interests to take money out of your pocket. 2
2.50 a gallon Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 After the break up of my marriage, I was determined to never fall in love again. Women were good for a night of loving, after serving them breakfast in bed followed by another session of sex, I wanted them out of my apartment so I could do what ever I wanted. If they wanted to come back for a repeat performance, that was alright by me, as long as it wasn't the next night as I preferred to live alone. And besides who knows I might have another FWB who might be coming over. Fifteen years later, I meet this gal whom at first glance I realize has a face that I could kiss good morning to every day for the rest of my life. And the icing on the cake, she is taller than me and had these fantastic long legs that from the moment I met her I was determined to find out what they felt like wrapped around me. Someone that good looking was sure to have a boy friend, so I was determined to wait for my chance. Two years later BF makes a mistake, gets into drugs and they breakup while he goes off to cleanup his life. My luck turns when out of group of a dozen or more suitors, she chose me to be the first guy she went out on a date with. Second date, first kiss, and I am head over heals in love. But she is like I used to be, had a bad marriage, and now a breakup with a guy who she was madly in love with, and expects to reunited with BF when he gets clean, and is sure that she can never love or trust anybody else again. She knows that I am in love with her, but warns me she likes the sex, but no longer has any romance left in her. But I was determined that now that I am in love again, I want to do something special on V-day for all the previous V-days that I had no one special. First V-day, dinner, flowers, card, and a big box of chocolates. And I got the you didn't need to bother. Second V-day we are still together, and I got the same message, and she kept denying that she is not the romantic type, but later I did figure out that this time she saved the card and the heart box after eating the chocolates. Third V-day, she surprised me with a card, chocolates, and this little stuffed dog that shakes its butt as it sings this sexy song about you really got me. That was the day the "I love you"s began and haven't stopped for the past 14 years. The beautiful long legged goddess had fallen in love with the frog. It turns out the romance side of her was just sleeping. She now looks forward to celebrating our love on the day of love. 5
Spark1111 Posted February 12, 2013 Posted February 12, 2013 After the break up of my marriage, I was determined to never fall in love again. Women were good for a night of loving, after serving them breakfast in bed followed by another session of sex, I wanted them out of my apartment so I could do what ever I wanted. If they wanted to come back for a repeat performance, that was alright by me, as long as it wasn't the next night as I preferred to live alone. And besides who knows I might have another FWB who might be coming over. Fifteen years later, I meet this gal whom at first glance I realize has a face that I could kiss good morning to every day for the rest of my life. And the icing on the cake, she is taller than me and had these fantastic long legs that from the moment I met her I was determined to find out what they felt like wrapped around me. Someone that good looking was sure to have a boy friend, so I was determined to wait for my chance. Two years later BF makes a mistake, gets into drugs and they breakup while he goes off to cleanup his life. My luck turns when out of group of a dozen or more suitors, she chose me to be the first guy she went out on a date with. Second date, first kiss, and I am head over heals in love. But she is like I used to be, had a bad marriage, and now a breakup with a guy who she was madly in love with, and expects to reunited with BF when he gets clean, and is sure that she can never love or trust anybody else again. She knows that I am in love with her, but warns me she likes the sex, but no longer has any romance left in her. But I was determined that now that I am in love again, I want to do something special on V-day for all the previous V-days that I had no one special. First V-day, dinner, flowers, card, and a big box of chocolates. And I got the you didn't need to bother. Second V-day we are still together, and I got the same message, and she kept denying that she is not the romantic type, but later I did figure out that this time she saved the card and the heart box after eating the chocolates. Third V-day, she surprised me with a card, chocolates, and this little stuffed dog that shakes its butt as it sings this sexy song about you really got me. That was the day the "I love you"s began and haven't stopped for the past 14 years. The beautiful long legged goddess had fallen in love with the frog. It turns out the romance side of her was just sleeping. She now looks forward to celebrating our love on the day of love. LOVE this story. every woman should memorize this. This is how a man falls in love and how he waits, pursues and is kind and considerate when he has truly found THE ONE. And how grateful and lucky he feels when she says yes. 3
beenburned Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 2.50, I love your story! My H has always gotten me sweet lovey-dovey cards that say how much he loves me, sometimes flowers, or candy on Valentines day. I have always saved them. After d-day when I was sad or depressed, I would get them out and re-read them all. One day it dawned on me that the cards I got while he was cheating were different than all the rest. Those cards were "funny, smart a**" type cards. Some of them said how he was the better half:rolleyes:, and some on them said" aren't I glad to have such a good looking charming H?"! I'm happy to say I have never ever gotten another card like those^^ in the 20+ years after that! And if I ever do, I'll be like white on rice trailing him to see what he is up to!!! 3
Lostinlife4now Posted February 13, 2013 Posted February 13, 2013 Totally INDIFFERENT regarding V-Day!
beenburned Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 update on my valentines day: H did get me a sweet lovey dovey card but he also did something he has never done in the history of our marriage. He took the day off from work to go with me to my two doctor's appts. Then afterwards we ate out at a cute french restaurant. He seems to get more thoughtful with age! 1
HappyAtLast Posted February 15, 2013 Posted February 15, 2013 Yes we do get more thoughtful with age, BB. I am so old I should be damned near perfect by now 1
beenburned Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Happyatlast, How old are you? Just so I can judge if I'm getting close to perfection!
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