Scarlett5 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I really struggle when it comes to dating guys who don't take the lead. I'm very independent but when it comes to dating I like the guy to dominate me. After the initial barrier is broke, I love initiating sex and I'm very affectionate but it's just that first hurdle. I also wonder whether I'm giving off the right signals that tell him I want him to make the moves. As I know that without them, he's not a mind reader. Dating someone at the mo who I've actually had a bit of a thing with in the past...but 2 dates and no snog is making me think I might need to step up my game. Known him a long time and he's always expressed an interest, so there's no attraction issues or anything there. I think it must be my subconscious fear of rejection...even when I know I won't be rejected, that makes me put a little guard up. Stupid.
Joaquin Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 As a submissive girl needing a dominant male, the kind of guy you need will have to make the first move. Its not about your signals as such, its about the guys your going with. It can be a lottery in getting the right sexual chemistry.
crude Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 As a girl why would you event want to make the first move? Maybe if a woman just sits there and waits to get hit on, she has no control over who she chooses from. Players spot a woman they think they can "get", married men look for a little action they're not getting at home, men with nothing in common ask her out. On the other hand, there are shy men that she might like, men she finds attractive who could be burned out from the dating process and who will never ask a woman out. A woman might want to be proactive and go after what she thinks is a nice guy, rather than have no control over the process, and just sit and wait like a dope. 2
PhoenixRysing Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 As a woman who has always had to make the first move I will say that I understand your fears. Really, you know this gent better than we do, so you likely know which of you is going to have to do the leading. If you are the leader then you have to make the move. It can be scary for sure but the way I get past it is thinking about how much time I am worrying about it verses how much time it will take me to get over the rejection if it does occur. Eventually my own impatience tends to lead the day and I decide that I would rather find out "now" than spend any more time stressing over it - whether it is a first date, a first kiss, or a first roll in the hay. You may have more patience than I do, or you may decide you really want a stronger lead from a man - but if it's the latter then it may mean you need a different object of your affection. Are you ok with that? I tend to like highly intelligent quasi-introverts (the ones that can talk about their subject matter expertise till the cows come home but can't flirt with a gal to save their lives). But even the so-called alphas never come to me first. Such is life. I digress, based on the men I chose, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I will probably always have to take lead. Rejection only stings for a minute, being strung along by someone who isn't interested can go on indefinitely.
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