PhoenixRysing Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 OK guys and gals, I need some ingenious ideas as I am having a bit of trouble being creative about digging up the goods on a guy I have a bit of a crush on. As noted in my prior posts, I have always had to be the aggressor in my past dalliances, and it appears this time will be no different (still waiting for the day when those scores of men start falling at my feet). I have known the gentleman in question through work for quite some time (several years). We have worked on some of the same efforts in various times throughout our history at this company and recently more closely on a project that is pulling our two worlds together more tightly than in the past. We have always gotten along splendidly, though virtually. My company is so vast and spread out geographically that we do most work via instant message, conference calls, webex, etc. In fact, it was not until a face to face session with the broader group that I even realized this gentleman was local. Oddly, though we live and work only 20 minutes apart and on many of the same efforts, last week was the first time we had met in person. So as it turns out, my attraction to his mind is now equaled by my attraction to him physically. Though I will say, since it was his mind that intrigued me first, I may be a bit biased about his appearance. Regardless, I am interested...very interested. So a few things to keep the derailing to a minimum - my company does not discourage dating amongst coworkers. In fact we have a high percentage of married couples, most of whom met at work. Given the sheer size of the company and the number of folks locally who work there, it is almost impossible to not date someone from the company. We work in vastly different departments but will work together more closely this year. Again - not worried about the work implications at all. Now, onto my question. I need some creative ideas for uncovering his personal status and determining if the interest is mutual. He does not wear a ring, but with men that does not always mean anything. We have never talked about anything beyond work and so I know very little about him except that I think he's brilliant with the work we do. We may or may not have time to work together in person in the next few weeks if I leave it to chance otherwise I would just try to steer the conversation to more personal topics in person. Given the number of years we went without meeting, it is entirely possible for it to remain virtual unless I engineer the outcome a bit. We have no real mutual friends and the ones we share are work buddies and it would be a bit strange for me to ask them about him. He does not appear to have a Facebook page (this was my first thought in terms of trying to establish his relationship status). So ideas?
Robman9911 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) Ask him about Valentines day.. Not necessarily about a date. Just sorta make a comment about the holiday, and if in general he likes the holiday, or if its a mandane way for retailers to get money out of us. Might mention your single, and sorta try and poke around till you find out his status. Edited February 10, 2013 by Robman9911 spelling
Robman9911 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 On another note.. When I want to see if a girl is single I say something like. "where does your husband work?" Just starting off the conversation in that direction, of course hoping she says she is single. 2
Author PhoenixRysing Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 On another note.. When I want to see if a girl is single I say something like. "where does your husband work?" Just starting off the conversation in that direction, of course hoping she says she is single. OK - love this one! Great idea!
mortensorchid Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I would procede with caution on this one, being that this is an office romance (or potential one). Even if there are tons of employees scattered all over, you still have to see each other everyday somehow, someway, and you will not be able to hide too much about yourself. Get there in the morning in a foul mood before your coffee, he's there. Get angry at another coworker or something, he's there as well to witness your tantrum. And you'll be there to witness his bad behaviors as well. What if things don't work out? Are you going to change jobs because of him? Just some things to think about. But as to your question of how to check into if he is single or not, ask around as if it was the 7th grade with others if he has a gf or not. If they do not know, ask him about Valentine's Day plan if he has one. That would be a perfect opportunity to see if he has something planned or not for that weekend.
FitChick Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 When I want to see if a girl is single I say something like. "where does your husband work?" Just starting off the conversation in that direction, of course hoping she says she is single. That is a good strategy, considering so many others in the company seem to date/marry coworkers. You could comment that you've never heard of that happening in other places you've worked. Does he think it's a good idea or bad idea? The Valentine's Day idea is good as well. You could mention that since you don't have a boyfriend you are planning to wait until the day after to buy the candy on sale. That will give him an opening if he is interested. 1
Author PhoenixRysing Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I would procede with caution on this one, being that this is an office romance (or potential one). Even if there are tons of employees scattered all over, you still have to see each other everyday somehow, someway, and you will not be able to hide too much about yourself. Get there in the morning in a foul mood before your coffee, he's there. Get angry at another coworker or something, he's there as well to witness your tantrum. And you'll be there to witness his bad behaviors as well. What if things don't work out? Are you going to change jobs because of him? Just some things to think about. But as to your question of how to check into if he is single or not, ask around as if it was the 7th grade with others if he has a gf or not. If they do not know, ask him about Valentine's Day plan if he has one. That would be a perfect opportunity to see if he has something planned or not for that weekend. On the office stuff, again we are mostly virtual. As I mentioned we have managed to go for years having never met in person until last week. Our company is so large that if we did manage to get together and then did not work out, it really would not have a huge impact (350K plus employees). We don't work in the same building (in fact I work from home so I don't "see" anyone I work with every day). Honestly, given what I do for a living and the number of hours I spend doing it and the associated social aspects, if I don't date someone I meet through work, I likely will not date at all. I'm not sure I could engineer the V-day discussion as we may not run into each other that day. However, it is possible that I can IM him on something work-related on Thursday, and then "let him get back to work so he can get out for whatever he has planned" - fishing a bit that way. Too transparent? It's odd, I have no issues having personal conversations of this kind with men I am not interested in, but now I feel like anything I say to him will be obvious - largely because I'm interested. Ha!!!
Author PhoenixRysing Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 That is a good strategy, considering so many others in the company seem to date/marry coworkers. You could comment that you've never heard of that happening in other places you've worked. Does he think it's a good idea or bad idea? The Valentine's Day idea is good as well. You could mention that since you don't have a boyfriend you are planning to wait until the day after to buy the candy on sale. That will give him an opening if he is interested. Love the bolded and it is very much in line with my personality. Great idea. Of course, my experience has been that I still have to make a more obvious move if he is in fact single. Men I like never take the bait sadly...
Author PhoenixRysing Posted February 16, 2013 Author Posted February 16, 2013 As it turns out, I was able to engineer a work related reason to spend some time with the gentleman in question yesterday. He is definitely not married - which is the good news. Further good news is that there did appear to be some chemistry and definitely some flirting going on. Now for the hard part...figuring out a way to spend more time with him 1:1 (yesterday was a group event). This is the tricky part as I know that we both have the work issue on our minds. It is easy to take a stab at asking someone out if you aren't worried about the ongoing work relationship, or if you know for a fact that both parties are interested, but neither is the case here. He did say he would be interested in hanging out again today (a continuation of the fun that the group had yesterday) and I said I was in as well...here's hoping for a bit of break and that he takes the ball and runs with it. The one minor glitch that I am trying not to stress about is the point in the evening where a non-coworker blond bombshell joined us. She knew one of the other gents in our party. She did not have to leave when I did so I left my crush with a gorgeous woman and a few drinks in him. She and I are pretty much polar opposites in every way and my insecurities are screaming at me at the moment. That notwithstanding, I will likely ask him out casually (one of those you could take it either way scenarios "is it or isn't it a date") to get that much needed 1:1 perspective, if he doesn't run with the group idea today. So there you have it LS - a woman going after the man she wants, albeit in a somewhat roundabout fashion... Novelty? Wish me luck.
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