Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hey, I'm really here hoping for some support from some understanding & honest people. I'll try to write this from an outsiders point of view but any opinions would b great. I started dating a colleague 10 months ago.. Having known him for 2 years beforehand I was fully aware he never really committed to any of the women he dated as he never spoke of them & was incredibly secretive. Although occasionally he would let slip he had 2 or 3 women. I just thought he was a bit of a muppet & wasn't interested in him sexually. Without trying to sound arrogant, I'm attractive & poular with my bosses & colleagues so dating hm was a shock to all of them. My boss found out at our Christmas party (he asked me outright ) ofcourse i couldnt lie as we had been dating 9 months.. He stormed off in a very bad mood & contemplated one or both if us handing our notice in. That was resolved & we both still work together. Around the same time I had an email from his ex girlfriends best friend telling me that he was still dating Sarah (hs ex) - I was really hurt & tried contacting Sarah who returned my calls. I simply wanted to hear from her if she had been sleeping with him still. However, just as she was on the phone my boyfriend actually called her on her land line ( he knew I was speaking with her ) and she never called back. My boyfriend explained he hadn't ended it with her properly & had told her he was just busy at work & that's why she was acting so upset... He assured me he wouldn't hurt me & had changed... I'll give him his due, he has Been with me every night since ( which is 6 weeks now ) & is really trying to prove he has changed.. So 6 weeks on.. I was using his phone for work yesterday & an email popped up from someone called Joe... Reading The sad* thing is that when I saw the email today I thought you had sent me something nice.*How stupid eh!.* You know there is a packet of love hearts in the cupboard that you bought ages ago.* I leave them there because it's the nicest thing you ever bought me.* Reminds me that you can be thoughtful and kind. * This week I really thought you would come good and be around because you said you would.* I never learn.* * You will no doubt be out with your friends tonight and not around this weekend again so I will pretend again that it is work. I have lied to people because otherwise it is me who looks like an idiot.** I am for always hoping for the good to come but I am going to do what you do now and forget everything by drinking.* * If you could let me know some time what is going on that would be good of you. Maybe I just stopped holding my breath and hoping. * Have a drink or two on me, I intend to. * Cheers* xx ".......... Now, in my confusion I replied from my email asking if she was still dating him??? Her reply was yes... For 2 years!!! So... I asked when she had last seen him ( I've been with him every evening remember ) & she said a date in particular where he had came too me late... She had got his car fixed, he had picked it up from her.... I asked if they had sex & she sad yes!!! Now, I'm so confused.. Paul says she is a bitter ex and nothing happened that day.. He didn't even see her.. And her emails point as though she is trying to win him back... I'm so confused... Shall I pack his things for him when he arrives tonight or believe him?????
ltjg45 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Sounds like a bunch of problems. After all, he is clearly still has connections with his ex-GF, she knows it, and you saw the evidence. Also, he has shown to be a liar. That doesn't sit well with anyone who has respect for themselves. I would pack things up and put an end to this. 1
rys Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 yup, pack his things for him please. or better yet, sleep over at a friend's house. *hugs*
Author Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 I meant things not thongs... Oh dear!!!!
loverestored Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Hunny, He is not going to change. He has lying issues and commitment issues. People can and do change but I do not feel like he is going to change anytime soon. As hard as it might be, I would advice you to leave it. Pack his things and throw him OUT. You can do better. You sound like a wonderful person. Move on. You deserve better. -Love Restored 1
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Damn. It's the 'thongs' that drew me to your thread in the first place.... I flew through the thread to see where they came in..... Look - you got it from the horse's mouth. he's dating someone else, they had sex. blieve vher. She has no reason to lie, whereas he.... Hmmmmm.... what do you think? He's a player. A flaky. cake-eating player. Pack his 'thongs', absolutely, and hurl them out of the window at him. Or leave them on the porch, light on, with a big note stuck to the door. "Spoke to Sarah. I believe her. Your stuff is all in the black bag. Get lost, Creep." And do NOT answer the door. 5
CautionaryTale Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 I agree with TaraMaiden (Right down to my interest in this "thong" misunderstanding ) The guy is a class A d-bag and it really doesn't sound like she's lying to you. You have caught him, and early too, you're lucky in a way... I'd be careful how you handle kicking his butt to the curb as right now you have to work together but, definitely kick his butt to the curb. 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 (edited) I actually went back and checked out your history--as I usually do before I give my take. It frustrates me when women make horrible decisions and then play victim when things go bad, when the signs were there right from the beginning. Sounds to me that you got what you deserved Arabellad. I mean, how else were you possibly expecting things to turn out? Edited February 10, 2013 by Imajerk17 2
GSB81 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Wait... So there are no thongs!? Anyway, he's playing you. Here is my question... You've known this guy for years. You know how he is with women. Why did you give him a shot and why are you surprised now? Ever heard the story about the old lady who found an injured snake and nursed it back to health? They became best friends and one day after many years together it bit her. As she lay dying she asked the snake why it bit her after she'd taken care of it. It responded "Lady, you knew I was a snake when you picked me up."
FitChick Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 She sounds like she was dumped but is such a doormat that she got his car fixed in an attempt to win him back. He sounds like the type who always has someone on the back burner in case the other one doesn't work out.
Author Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Now I just Recievedthis from her.... Hi, We did split up months ago and haven't slept with each other for a long time. *I had reasons for not admitting it but not because I am a phsyco, call it looking after myself. *I would appreciate if I didnt have to hear anymore of what has happened, still have a bit of pride left and don't need to be hurt. Ive packed his things..... ???????? Arch, should I get out anyway????
Author Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 So just received this.... Hi, We did split up months ago and haven't slept with each other for a long time. *I had reasons for not admitting it but not because I am a phsyco, call it looking after myself. *I would appreciate if I didnt have to hear anymore of what has happened, still have a bit of pride left and don't need to be hurt. Have packed his things.. And just in response to checking out my history, I actually have attachment issues... Clearly...
Author Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 Hi, We did split up months ago and haven't slept with each other for a long time. *I had reasons for not admitting it but not because I am a phsyco, call it looking after myself. *I would appreciate if I didnt have to hear anymore of what has happened, still have a bit of pride left and don't need to be hurt.
Author Arabellad25 Posted February 10, 2013 Author Posted February 10, 2013 That's what just revived from her..... Ugh I've packed his things... Still, what should I do???????????? Argh
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Oh my lord, you really need to keep asking???? Woman, please - get a grip! Or do you love the drama?
KraftDinner Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 That letter sounds like he told her what to write. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 Yes; normally, in situations such as this one, women are far more forthcoming and expressive. In any case, it changes nothing. Dump. Kick to the kerb, ignore deny block. Can't make it any clearer than that...... 1
loverestored Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 So just received this.... Hi, We did split up months ago and haven't slept with each other for a long time. *I had reasons for not admitting it but not because I am a phsyco, call it looking after myself. *I would appreciate if I didnt have to hear anymore of what has happened, still have a bit of pride left and don't need to be hurt. Have packed his things.. And just in response to checking out my history, I actually have attachment issues... Clearly... Good. End this chapter in your life and onto the next one, girl!
ascendotum Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 She sounds like she was dumped but is such a doormat that she got his car fixed in an attempt to win him back. He sounds like the type who always has someone on the back burner in case the other one doesn't work out. He's doing alright for a muppet. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Now, I'm so confused.. Paul says she is a bitter ex and nothing happened that day.. He didn't even see her.. And her emails point as though she is trying to win him back... I'm so confused... Shall I pack his things for him when he arrives tonight or believe him????? Whether you believe him or not is irrelevant, to be perfectly honest. Do you really want that much drama in your life?
Archgirl Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Don't do anything so nice a pack them for him! Set them on fire out the front of his place! Well maybe not, but at least put them in the trash!
TaraMaiden Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 Don't do anything so nice a pack them for him! Set them on fire out the front of his place! (probably being synthetic nylon crap, the thongs will just melt into colourful blobs....) Shame the title changed. That at least added gravitas to his character. 1
Archgirl Posted February 11, 2013 Posted February 11, 2013 (probably being synthetic nylon crap, the thongs will just melt into colourful blobs....) Shame the title changed. That at least added gravitas to his character. Ok so plan b.) if in fact there are THONGS amongst his THINGS, DO NOT burn them! I would recommend hanging them from light posts, preferably in his street. And possibly doing a small victory jig at having got away!
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