More on "settling"

[irc333]

I saw a thread about "settling" on here, and I've got a few female friends that attend Meetup events or just have a social circle of friends, tons of guys ask them out, but they aren't interested.

 

Recently a friend of mine told me she kind of stopped attending events, taking a break rather, or stopped staying in touch with her MALE friends because all they want to do is "get with her" (Date her, pretty much), and she's looking for more women friends these days.

 

I asked her why hasn't she even considered dating any of them, and she simply isn't attracted.

 

I found it odd, because I've seen her kind of hit it off with guys in the group, most of the guys were into her, than the other way around...and she's always having to tell them to back off, or explain to them "I'm not into you that way".

 

I suggested to her, to just screw it, give a guy a shot, but she won't and I told her that she's kind of being shallow, because she's basing her attraction mostly on looks.

 

So, do you think she should at least consider dating these men that ask her out in her group of friends? In her case, she's in her late 40's and she's not getting any younger...so would this be "settling"?

 

I've heard about how some people have friends that alwayas has this ONE person who is the only single person left in the group, and they're always telling her she's "too picky" or shallow.

 

Know anyone like this?

[animalover]

I saw a thread about "settling" on here, and I've got a few female friends that attend Meetup events or just have a social circle of friends, tons of guys ask them out, but they aren't interested.

 

Recently a friend of mine told me she kind of stopped attending events, taking a break rather, or stopped staying in touch with her MALE friends because all they want to do is "get with her" (Date her, pretty much), and she's looking for more women friends these days.

 

I asked her why hasn't she even considered dating any of them, and she simply isn't attracted.

 

I found it odd, because I've seen her kind of hit it off with guys in the group, most of the guys were into her, than the other way around...and she's always having to tell them to back off, or explain to them "I'm not into you that way".

 

I suggested to her, to just screw it, give a guy a shot, but she won't and I told her that she's kind of being shallow, because she's basing her attraction mostly on looks.

 

So, do you think she should at least consider dating these men that ask her out in her group of friends? In her case, she's in her late 40's and she's not getting any younger...so would this be "settling"?

 

I've heard about how some people have friends that alwayas has this ONE person who is the only single person left in the group, and they're always telling her she's "too picky" or shallow.

 

Know anyone like this?

 

dude... what I think is that you should let your girl friend choose the guys she want to date based on her own criteria... who do you think you are to tell her who should she be dating???

[Ninjainpajamas]

I'm a strong advocate against males as "friends"....I just don't buy into it. Let's just be realistic, they're acquaintances that in separate circumstances could be romantic interest in an instant...maybe not for you (as many women like to claim so it shouldn't matter) but in a way you are stringing them along because they do or would like to have the balls to actually date you. In the interim you just become an emotionally outlet or this pseudo girlfriend of hers that just happens to be male...it's ridiculous the more that I break it down and think about it honestly.

 

Sure there are some circumstances where that bridge isn't being crossed or hasn't come close to it, but chances are extremely high if not guaranteed that one of those people are interested in the other, which is why the friendship has lasted so long in the first place. I've known so many of these guys as well, and the women are just clueless and naive to it, luckily in this situation or maybe not luckily but obviously these men at least shown their true colors.

 

She should...just disconnect from all these men knowing they want to date her...however who we should talk to and soak up the attention from? so she's being selfish in desiring their time and attention and they're hoping she'll change her mind if the opportunity rises to make a move.

 

I don't think she's being shallow, she just knows what she wants and is looking for...I'm sure by now not dating anyone if she really felt a connection with one of these guys she'd have given it a good ole try, most women will rather than face the hallow halls of singledom..however she is standing by her belief (and probably some other less noble qualities or experiences) to not date these men as a way out.

 

I think she's doing the right thing...I don't think you should call her shallow just because she isn't showing interest, she shouldn't have to or feel forced to make a romantic connection....there's plenty of people out there doing that already...she can cut away from the mold and stick to what she knows she is looking for...who are you to tell her she's being shallow and not giving these guys a chance? she's friends with them, isn't that their chance? isn't that why they befriended her in the first place? of course it is...chance used up and unsuccessful, back to the drawing board.

 

She likely has her problems and issues no doubt, but forcing her to see the potential in these relationships by "giving it a shot" without even understanding her as a woman, what she wants and is looking for and why these men don't meet the mark...or maybe just chemistry and emotionally...why do you feel you have the right to tell her what to do without thoroughly understanding her? how do you know what she needs?

 

But I have a feeling you probably think you do and this is actually more about you than it is about her because you can relate to the position of where these men are with her...outside her romantic influence.

[animalover]

I'm a strong advocate against males as "friends"....I just don't buy into it. Let's just be realistic, they're acquaintances that in separate circumstances could be romantic interest in an instant...maybe not for you (as many women like to claim so it shouldn't matter) but in a way you are stringing them along because they do or would like to have the balls to actually date you. In the interim you just become an emotionally outlet or this pseudo girlfriend of hers that just happens to be male...it's ridiculous the more that I break it down and think about it honestly.

 

Sure there are some circumstances where that bridge isn't being crossed or hasn't come close to it, but chances are extremely high if not guaranteed that one of those people are interested in the other, which is why the friendship has lasted so long in the first place. I've known so many of these guys as well, and the women are just clueless and naive to it, luckily in this situation or maybe not luckily but obviously these men at least shown their true colors.

 

She should...just disconnect from all these men knowing they want to date her...however who we should talk to and soak up the attention from? so she's being selfish in desiring their time and attention and they're hoping she'll change her mind if the opportunity rises to make a move.

 

I don't think she's being shallow, she just knows what she wants and is looking for...I'm sure by now not dating anyone if she really felt a connection with one of these guys she'd have given it a good ole try, most women will rather than face the hallow halls of singledom..however she is standing by her belief (and probably some other less noble qualities or experiences) to not date these men as a way out.

 

I think she's doing the right thing...I don't think you should call her shallow just because she isn't showing interest, she shouldn't have to or feel forced to make a romantic connection....there's plenty of people out there doing that already...she can cut away from the mold and stick to what she knows she is looking for...who are you to tell her she's being shallow and not giving these guys a chance? she's friends with them, isn't that their chance? isn't that why they befriended her in the first place? of course it is...chance used up and unsuccessful, back to the drawing board.

 

She likely has her problems and issues no doubt, but forcing her to see the potential in these relationships by "giving it a shot" without even understanding her as a woman, what she wants and is looking for and why these men don't meet the mark...or maybe just chemistry and emotionally...why do you feel you have the right to tell her what to do without thoroughly understanding her? how do you know what she needs?

 

But I have a feeling you probably think you do and this is actually more about you than it is about her because you can relate to the position of where these men are with her...outside her romantic influence.

 

This is the truth!

[Treasa]

I saw a thread about "settling" on here, and I've got a few female friends that attend Meetup events or just have a social circle of friends, tons of guys ask them out, but they aren't interested.

 

Recently a friend of mine told me she kind of stopped attending events, taking a break rather, or stopped staying in touch with her MALE friends because all they want to do is "get with her" (Date her, pretty much), and she's looking for more women friends these days.

 

I asked her why hasn't she even considered dating any of them, and she simply isn't attracted.

 

I found it odd, because I've seen her kind of hit it off with guys in the group, most of the guys were into her, than the other way around...and she's always having to tell them to back off, or explain to them "I'm not into you that way".

 

I suggested to her, to just screw it, give a guy a shot, but she won't and I told her that she's kind of being shallow, because she's basing her attraction mostly on looks.

 

So, do you think she should at least consider dating these men that ask her out in her group of friends? In her case, she's in her late 40's and she's not getting any younger...so would this be "settling"?

 

I've heard about how some people have friends that alwayas has this ONE person who is the only single person left in the group, and they're always telling her she's "too picky" or shallow.

 

Know anyone like this?

 

She should date anyone she wants. I used to have almost all guy friends, just because of the hobbies I'm into and the ones I am definitely not. A good majority of them would flirt with me and try for more, but that wasn't my thing. I honestly wanted to be friends with them. I felt a lot of pressure to flirt back or else I'd lose the only friends I had. Thus, I started making more female friends, and now my life is much more balanced and I no longer feel that pressure. If I lose a guy friend, or all of them, ah well. I still have friends.

 

Also, age has nothing to do with things. I have friends in their 20s who are going through person after person and not finding what they're looking for.

[Revolver]

IMO settling is the root of most cheating.

[TaraMaiden]

IMO settling is the root of most cheating.

 

 

There may be some truth in that, indeed.....

[Eternal Sunshine]

IMO settling is the root of most cheating.

 

 

And high divorce rates.....

[xxoo]

What would she learn by dating them that she doesn't already know? She knows these guys, and she's not attracted. They need to be able to spark some romantic interest before she accepts a date.

[irc333]

IMO settling is the root of most cheating.

Could be a factor, but it's usually stemmed about how people tire or get bored of each other so easily, in such of a manner of a pair of shoes or car that needs replacing.

 

Relationships have become just as disposable.

 

Honestly, do you think that a woman, who wouldn't date a man less than 6 feet tall, who wakes up one morning, decides "Okay, I'll give shorter guys a try" will honestly think they have settled or wind up in a miserable relationship or marriage because of this decision?

 

I doubt it.

 

In fact, I have known people who have admitted that they were attracted to certain physical attributes, and they wound up marrying a man that's 5'8" instead. I heard someone admit, they've dated men no less than 6 feet tall, and "Funny, my hubby is 5'6", lol"

[TheZebra]

Yes, but in those examples I'm sure she did what most people do and became attracted to the whole package rather than just one item the person has to offer. If someone is NOT feeling attracted for whatever reason, then that will lead to an unfulfilled relationship since that person just won't be happy and will jump ship the second they find someone they're attracted to.

[irc333]

Yes, but in those examples I'm sure she did what most people do and became attracted to the whole package rather than just one item the person has to offer. If someone is NOT feeling attracted for whatever reason, then that will lead to an unfulfilled relationship since that person just won't be happy and will jump ship the second they find someone they're attracted to.

 

Well, it's kind of moot, because people do that now anyways.

[xxoo]

It's not moot. She's given these guys a chance by hanging out with them, and she isn't attracted.

 

Put another 5'8" guy in the mix, with a personality that makes her knees weak, and it would be a different story.

[irc333]

It's not moot. She's given these guys a chance by hanging out with them, and she isn't attracted.

 

Put another 5'8" guy in the mix, with a personality that makes her knees weak, and it would be a different story.

 

Exactly my point, sometimes these women don't consider the personality, just the height. They've "settled" on factoring more things about a man, like personality. And guess what she just "settled" (though the definition of settling is left up to interpretation)

[xxoo]

Exactly my point, sometimes these women don't consider the personality, just the height. They've "settled" on factoring more things about a man, like personality. And guess what she just "settled" (though the definition of settling is left up to interpretation)

 

When you can't keep your hands off someone and want to be around them all the time, you aren't settling.

 

You may be surprised that the person you feel that way about isn't what you were looking for physically, but there is NO reasoning with chemistry.

[Revolver]

Could be a factor, but it's usually stemmed about how people tire or get bored of each other so easily, in such of a manner of a pair of shoes or car that needs replacing.

 

Relationships have become just as disposable.

 

Honestly, do you think that a woman, who wouldn't date a man less than 6 feet tall, who wakes up one morning, decides "Okay, I'll give shorter guys a try" will honestly think they have settled or wind up in a miserable relationship or marriage because of this decision?

 

I doubt it.

 

In fact, I have known people who have admitted that they were attracted to certain physical attributes, and they wound up marrying a man that's 5'8" instead. I heard someone admit, they've dated men no less than 6 feet tall, and "Funny, my hubby is 5'6", lol"

 

IMO If your with the person you love and cant see yourself without, essentially the person of your dreams(and for everyone that's obviously different) you don't ever get bored.

 

But when you settle for whatever reason especially just to be in a relationship, your mind is always wandering because you were never REALLY into that person anyway. So when the first semi decent option comes around your quicker to take that person up on their offer and stray